Grateful

1.      I just had a long happy visit with my mother. She is sharp and funny and really on the ball today. Yay!

2.      I helped someone to feel a little better today.

3.      I was too tired to go to library for French work, which I love to do every Sunday. But am glad spent the extra time with my mom instead.

4.      And decided since couldn’t do both, would do the health food store instead of the library.

5.      I have homemade lentil veggie soup from yesterday.

6.      And I shared it with J too.

7.      Fresh organic collards and broccoli and kale, for a dish I’ll make later or tomorrow evening.

8.      Organic spelt bread

9.      Fresh oranges

10.   Bananas

11.   Apples

12.   Tomatoes

13.   A lemon

14.   Organic brazil nuts.

15.   Some Gardein

16.   Beans

17.   Lentils

18.   Artichoke hearts

19.   1 bottle spring water. I alternate with tap a lot.

20.   Organic soy milk

21.   Salad dressing with poppy seeds; I love it. It is not organic but oh well lol

22.   Even goji berries omg. To add a FEW to green drinks.

23.   THIS is wealth!

24.   And – I just got 2 tickets to The Lion King on Broadway!! If J. wants to come, great! I will love that! If not, I will bring someone else and still enjoy it!

25.   My birds are flying all over the house.

26.   I am VERY lucky regarding that too. They spend most of their free-from-cage time ON the cage (so poop gets to bottom of cage just like when they’re in it). They they fly for SECONDS at a time and back. So not poop all over the house! I had a bird years ago who pooped all over so every single day I had to clean everywhere he’d been!

27.   That I made the decision to skip French even though I love it. I took the action more needed for my health today: )

28.   That even though chesty and coughy and lonely yesterday, managed to fend off the depression!

29.   And feel so good today.

30.   That I am a good, decent person.

31.   That my mother is.

32.   That her main aide, M. is

33.   That my dear friend MA is

34.   And my dear friend M

35.   And so many people.

36.   And I’ll bet you!

37.   And I know EJ and JJ and Birdie are!

38.   And my dr

39.   That I do not have a dread disease (that I know of… : )

40.   I had salad for breakfast today! I WANTED it! Deep greens salad. Wow

41.   The more I eat well, the more I WANT to eat well.

42.   Had nice phone chat with MA today

43.   Her house if finally ready to sell

44.   People are coming through.

45.   Had little phone chat with mother just now too. Nice

46.   Met someone today who, with her mother, might be able to help me around here. (for pay)

47.   I am SO GRATEFUL to HAVE my life! SO grateful never hurt self. SO GRATEFUL FOR THAT DAY WHEN EJ CAME ON AND SAID, “you are not alone honey.”

So. Life...

I am appreciating that life is precious.
I am finally thrilled to be alive.
One month ago I was depressed, very - so I don't know that that is gone forever....
But I *get* something. On a deeper level!
I do NOT NOT NOT like living alone oh no no no I do not.
And a LOT is going on with my mother and her aides.... VERY difficult for me to handle, especially since there is bitch-sister who never even lifts the phone...
And food and weight
And worries
And exhaustion
And house
And money
... ... ...
And it doesn't matter.
And THAT'S the big point!

I am here, and I can see and hear and speak and walk. I have water and food. I have my two precious birds who love each other. I have shelter. I love love love my students. And they love me. It is a very special year. (Although every year I love them and they love me). I am doing new things, after all these years, and the things are working beautifully. The kids love them, AND they invigorate me.
When I have more greens I have so much more energy.  I even like salads and green drinks now.
I am learning French! I have spent a week in London! Alone! And loved it! I have a break most days. I can play classical piano! I can stay on tune singing! I can embroider! I can think! I can read! Spring weather is on its way here very soon! I have compassion! I am Reiki Level II! My *students* are leading the 2-minute meditation each morning now, as per their request! I have MA and M and St irl good friends. And EJ and JJ and Birdie still and always in my heart and prayers. I am doing the right things for my mother. I have humor. I sleep at night. I have a really nice book group.
Life is a gift and I am determined to keep enjoying something every day. And even the whole day.

I am very thankful, Dear God.

100 Gratitudes Today

1.     I am grateful that my coughing is getting better.

2.     I am grateful that my mother got her Medicaid card. She really needed it.

3.     I am grateful that I am good to my students.

4.     I am grateful for my French lessons.

5.     I am greateful that people irl seem to want to befriend me. A lot. All my life (More than I need in fact as I am an introvert and ned some down time).

6.     I am grateful that while Sat was a free total day off – first in a month, it got lonely but Sunday my coughing was improved enough that I was able to go to the library and do my French work

7.     I am grateful for the French work.

8.     I am grateful for Anthony, the lawyer

9.     I am grateful for my children (students) loving doing plays

10.  I am grateful for my Nutribullet.

11.  And drinking green drinks

12.  A’s friendship

13.  Coffee in the mornings

14.  The feeling yesterday, after so much stress and not a day off for a month, when I stepped out of the car at the library, and felt a sigh of relief – AND happy.

15.  I am grateful that I can breathe

16.  And walk

17.  And see

18.  And drive

19.  And learn French

20.  And read

21.  And chat with people at work

22.  And get along with my coworkers

23.  And my friendship with L

24.  I am very very grateful that J and I have grown and are THINKING about whether to spend more time together…

25.  And that he took me out for my birthday last Sat night

26.  And we had such a great time

27.  And he treated of course

28.  And was very gentlemanly

29.  And so funny

30.  That I am a nice person

31.  I am grateful for a little makeup.

32.  NOT tested on animals!

33.  With no animal products of course

34.  And skin cream too

35.  And that I use so little of it

36.  God is with me. (With us all)

37.  I am so grateful that the children have requested to start leading the breathing game!

38.  And one mother came in, during.

39.  Being led in meditation by the children, is an amazing and most beautiful thing!!

40.  I am grateful for Chopin

41.  I am grateful for Schubert

42.  I am grateful for shoes

43.  And public libraries

44.  And my piano

45.  For enough energy to do my work every day. Because the truth is, even when I feel that I don’t have it, I do make it through

46.  That my students are happy

47.  And know they are safe not just physically, but emotionally with me.

48.  I am grateful for positive fb posts

49.  And for the recent healp from my therapist

50.  I am grateful for everyone who is trying to save nature.

51.  For organic foods

52.  For water. access to plenty of fresh, clean water. What a blessing in this day and age

53.  I am grateful for singing with the students

54.  For the professional development we get

55.  For a piano in my classroom

56.  For my mother’s great care that she is getting

57.  For my little house

58.  Shelter

59.  Greens!

60.  I DO have the ability to lose weight

61.  My life can be happy today if I DECIDE it is! (not even will be, but IS)

62.  Fractal art

63.  The url jigsawplanet.com

64.  I am grateful that my tv is working after ll. Don’t have to replace it yet

65.  I am grateful for my job

66.  And that I have a salary

67.  And am able to help children

68.  I am grateful for my fingers

69.  Typing

70.  Embroidery – and I think I shall do some soon again

71.  Books

72.  Some ebooks too

73.  I am grateful for every bit of love

74.  For dogs being rescues – including those I’ve rescued

75.  For birdsong

76.  For trees

77.  For oxygen

78.  For M.A.

79.  And M.

80.  And St

81.  For deep clean breaths

82.  For mindfulness in all forms and aspects

83.  For lights

84.  For the sunshine

85.  For spring coming

86.  For coloring sheets for the kiddies

87.  For Vegetarian Times magazine

88.  For sleep

89.  For such interesting dreams

90.  For ducklings

91.  And signets

92.  And goslings

93.  For rivers

94.  And lakes

95.  And streams, brooks, and creeks

96.  For oceans

97.  For my shower

98.  And bathtub

99.  For my kitchen sink

100.                 For my flushing toilet

These may, some of them, seem trivial, but for each I am truly grateful.

i am here. i am alive. i will be back asap. very busy with mother. and a bit sick (chest cold)

And One More, Dear God

Thank you for the growth I've been thrown into making.
And J's growth too.
Thank you that he sent me birthday wishes
AND
wants to take me out next weekend.
Thank you.
Thank you, thank you.

I am so far from thoughts of hurting self. Since that depression in mid-Feb, something changed in me. I let You in, goodness of the universe in. And I realized - deeply internally - that I could not give up precious life, seeing the grass and tress and birds and sunshine, helping children, learning French, music, etc etc etc, because one man wouldn't want me. I REALIZED how CRAZY that had always been.
EJ, JJ, Birdie, therapist, A, M, St, MA, S, all have helped me grow to that. And my own hard work.
And You.
And now after THAT,
there is actually hope anyway.
Wow.
Thank you for my new life and attitude. And lack of desperation (though still desire) for being with J.
Thank you and praise you. Amen.

Dear God

Dear God,

(ACTS = adoration, contrition, thanksgiving, supplication)

I worship and adore only You. All goodness beyond my wildest dreams.
I am sorry especially for every minute I haven't appreciated my life and taken care of myself.
Thank you for this new chance with health and mental health. I will not overeat this week. One week I promise to You.
I ask you to bring me and J, after our growth now, back together. I will accept whichever. I value my life now. But I ask for that. We are both thinking about it. I ask you to bring health and happiness to everyone who reads this blog, all my fb friends, all my irl friends, and my family.
Thank you.
Amen.

Good Things List...

Good Things That Have Happened These Couple of days, no Matter How Small

1.      I watched the red carpet with my mother (and her aide m)

2.      That was my second visit that day!

3.      It was so much fu!

4.      I brought healthy snack and drink and M supplied healthy snack too

5.      I am working on a book. It is hard and it is fun.

6.      Today is my French lesson!

7.      I did a lot of hw again (for 3^rd of 3 weeks: )

8.      First 7 conferences went very well

9.      I slept a lot last night

10.   I had interesting (not good, but interesting) dreams

11.   I woke up

12.   I have fresh coffee this morning

13.   Fresh organic baby spinach with a few almonds for lunch yesterday

14.   We go on a little trip today which should be nice

15.   My friendship with L

16.   My birds’ swing. They REALLY use it!

17.   The first toy I bought them – expensive (eleven dollars) and it is sill their favorite

18.   Fresh greens

19.   Frsh fruits

20.   Water

21.   Nuts

22.   Seeds

23.   Beans

24.   Whole grains

25.   God

26.   Bean and veggie soups

27.   Singing

28.   Piano

29.   Piano in my classroom

30.   Blue

31.   Yellow

32.   Nature

33.   Reservation parks

34.   Walking trails

35.   Unconditional love

36.   My oak tree

37.   Hope

38.   Every moment of happiness

39.   Attitude – control over one’s own

40.   No water pouring out on my floor : )

41.   Birds in the sky

42.   How much my birds fly around in here : )

43.   My mother calling me back lat night again to say “I forgot to tell you – I love you VERY MUCH. Not the first time she’s done this : ) xo

44.   Prayer

45.   Good children’s authors

46.   The arts

47.   Storytellers

48.   That I am a good actress

49.   Poets

50.   Composers

More later – rushing – very busy day – conferences, teaching, class trip too, French lesson…