Affirmations

I am sexy I am lovable I am a prize I am a catch Anyone is lucky to be with me My life is wonderful God and the universe are taking perfect care of me.

My Answers to the Five + Feelings Work

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school Mrs. O’Shea, Sr. Mary Cammilous, Dr. Summo 2. Name 3 friends who have helped you during a difficult time. MA, M, O. And S and St! 3. Name 5 people who have taught you something worthwhile: O, MA, M, my father, my mother 4. Name a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special Ji, Jo, L, M, MA ***And JJ and Birdie and EJ! 5. And 5 people you enjoy spending time with L, MA, O, St, ML Nice! Feelings Work: I feel nervous. Not sure why. But leaving soon to take the long drive home and go to see sick scared mother in hospital. And that brings up a lot. And L will be at beach with 3 friends this afternoon. 2 are former girlfriends with whom he's been in bed! Ick: ( But mostly, I am fine. And very very very indescribably thankful for that! 5 good things about me: 1. I can type quickly 2. I played in a piano recital last week. 3. And I played well! 4. I am attracted to honest, kind, compassionate people 5. God has given me intelligence --

A Gift for YOU:) (but the pics didn't come out)

CHARLES SCHULTZ PHILOSOPHY TODAY IS THE OLDEST WE HAVE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST WE WILL EVER BE, SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.Enjoy The Charles Schulz Philosophy (This is marvellous!! Scroll thru slowly and read carefully to receive and enjoy full effect) The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the creator of the 'Peanuts' comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions.Just ponder on them. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll get the point. 1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world. 2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners. 3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant. 4 Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize. 5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress. 6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners. How did you do? The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies.. Awards tarnish.. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners. Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one: 1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school. 2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time. 3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile. 4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special. 5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with. Easier? The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials,the most money...or the most awards. They simply are the ones who care the most Pass this on to those people who have either made a difference in your life, or whom you keep close in your heart, like I did 'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia !' ''Be Yourself. Everyone Else Is Taken!"

My One Hundred Gratitudes Today

I am grateful for these and more: 1. Life 2. Health 3. Breath 4. My inhaler, which I used last night! 5. JJ! 6. Helping L have the most fabulous orgasm he’s ever had in his life! 7. *I * felt it! 8. And that he greeted me this am upon my wakening, with such warm, happy-to-see-me smiles, hugs and kisses. 9. This laptop. Oh my gosh. The keyboard is lighted. And the key action is so tight. And the screen. Crisp. Oh I just love doing things on this computer. 10. And the screen is so bright, that I don’t even have to keep it on highest brightness! 11. That L. shares things with me. His thoughts. His feelings. 12. That I awakened from that nightmare! Oy! 13. That I went, for my first time ever, to Stone Street. Wow. It felt like I was in Europe! 14. For Mrs. O’Shea 15. Sr. Mary Cammilous 16. Dr. Summo 17. MA 18. M 19. O 20. S 21. St 22. JA 23. Ji 24. Jo 25. Birdie 26. EJ 27. Right now. Me sitting on cushion on floor in L’s computer room doing this, while he does music at his computer. 28. The very tender side of L. 29. That I did my first eBay auction. 30. And got it! 31. And it is a very good, albeit cheap, present for L’s special day on July 29! 32. That I am knitting again (couldn’t because of thumb, hand, wrist issue) 33. And I am sneak-making a nice little scarf for L. 34. And enjoying doing so! 35. Composers 36. Conductors 37. Musicians 38. That L makes me coffee every time I’m here 39. And is very sweet about doing it just so… 40. That I went to his reunion last night 41. And I liked the people 42. And they liked me 43. White curtains 44. Warm walls 45. My health food store 46. This blog. Oh thank God for this blog 47. Wrapping paper. I don’t know if I’ll ever buy it again, because of poverty\ and environment issues etc., but I have enjoyed it! And will certainly at least use up what I have: ) 48. I don’t want to. I don’t want to have to. But I am grateful that I will go to visit my mother today 49. The ferry ride from Manhattan to Staten Island last night with L and 3 friends! 50. I stood at the tippy edge allowed on the way bottom in the back. And held on to the ropey thing and watched as we disconnected from the pier and pulled away. 51. And oh that skyline. Wow. I’ve always appreciated nature so much more, and still do and always will. But the night before, on the esplanade in Hoboken, and last night pulling away from that harbor, oh that skyline! Awesome! 52. For my “July 9 Saga” email with pictures that I made and sent to L. It was very clever and cute! And kept me happily busy while in the screaming ear pain. 53. And for my 100 grats I did later that week, still sick, WITH PICTURES! THAT kept me happily busy for hours and hours! 54. That it is summer! 55. That I am off from work! 56. That it seems like one day this week I will be finally going to the beach! And with L: ) 57. That I’m living a bit more seasonally now 58. That I bought a table and chairs and umbrella and stand and gravity chair for my yard! 59. And it was delivered and they put it together. 60. And I love it! 61. And it was on a ridiculous after 4th of July sale. 62. And I will have it for years and years. 63. Yay. All mine. I worked for it. I paid for it. I selected it. I got a bargain on it. I have it : ) That feels good. 64. The little bit of Laura Mercier makeup that I do use 65. Email 66. The Mexican food last night. 67. That one of the friends treated us! 68. My sponsor. God bless him. 69. My cute new clothes. Not many, and on a ridiculous sale also. Am grateful for them. 70. L. complimenting me last night. 71. That my WHOLE LIFE does NOT revolve around him. 72. That O “gets” that. She’d been worried it turns out. 73. For the new mall near me! It is my favorite mall EVER! Outdoors, which I prefer. Lots of nice stores and nice people and nice restaurants too. 74. That so many restaurants are veg-friendly 75. Women who stay vital and they inspire me. 76. That I am able, physically and emotionally and mentally, to function. I am so grateful for that. 77. Organic fruits and veggies. 78. And the scrub brush I have with which to clean them : ) 79. That L gets to go to the beach so much. I’m happy for him about that. 80. That he has made me still more discs 81. That I have been excited about practicing piano. 82. My new pieces, including the Schubert 83. The Chopin 84. And even the Mendelsohn, which is for later 85. Mindfulness 86. Meditation 87. That at my job, I am kind of a “rock star.” (Al teachers of little children are.) 88. MA and I and all of our special talks. 89. That J came over and fixed the little problem at the house the other day. That was so nice of him. 90. Dancing 91. That I saw a baseball game last night. It was fun to be there in person. 92. And on the water! 93. And in great seats. Because it’s a small, minor league stadium, so all seats are close : ) 94. Vegetables. 95. Water. 96. Claritin 97. My eye drops 98. That my opthamologist was more encouraging than the voice-of-doom optometrist at LensCrafters 99. My new glasses. I can see! 100. And new sunglasses are coming too!

Feelings Work

I feel: Tired Happy Grateful Confused Happy and grateful and fine and well, mostly! 5 Good Things about Me: 1. I'm become a sweet person 2. I'm become much more patient 3. L: "Lynn's enthusiasm lights up the world." 4. "She has such a deep appreciation for music." 5. "And for Le." 6. Back to me: I am a vegan 7. I am always trying to improve. 8. But I also have learned to just ENJOY. Yes. Yay.

Affirmations

I am good enough. I am alive. My life is worthwhile. I am worthwhile. I am good enough. I am alive. My life is worthwhile. I am worthwhile. I am good enough. I am alive. My life is worthwhile. I am worthwhile.

My One Hundred Gratitudes Today

I am grateful for these and more: 1. My new computer! MacPro laptop! I am on it right now and I *love * it! 2. The lighted keyboard 3. The crispness of it 4. The speed of it 5. The sleek silver design 6. The sort of hard carrying case I bought to go with it 7. I am so grateful for being on that esplanade with L at Hoboken, NJ last night. I had no idea! 8. I had always heard of Hoboken with a sort of sneer, the place where Frank Sinatra grew up… with derision like it’s a dump or something. NO! It is a yuppie place. Expensive. BEAUTIFUL! Oh my God the water. 9. And the way the esplanade is designed. 10. And the romance of being a stone’s throw from Manhattan. 11. Looking at the new freedom tower 12. And all of downtown. As if we could take a quick swim right over to it 13. And midtown 14. And even uptown. All while standing in one spot. Oh my God it was glorious. 15. We saw some Wall Street protestors with their sleeping gear. I am grateful I got to see them in person, not just on tv, because it added a human element. Whether I agree or not, it was real to me at least. 16. I am grateful that we did not order wine at that icky little bar, but instead at the lovely restaurant where we ate. 17. And that it was a marvelous Thai place 18. And the bottle of wine was so good 19. And that we did take a long (!) walk after dinner, as I believe L needed it because of the wine. 20. So that we were safe home. 21. I am grateful for the *lovely * dinner we had there! 22. That we got two things and shared. 23. One was bean sprouts with tofu, which sounded yucky to me but he wanted it and I’m so glad we got it. 24. And it was healthy too! 25. And the other, I picked and I’m glad *I * did. 26. And it was veggies and I forget but very spicy and yummy 27. And we both liked it best 28. I love the way this keyboard feels! So grateful! 29. I am grateful I am better. Was so sick. So sick. But am better now 30. And my sponsor was in the hospital for two weeks but is fine now, thank God! 31. And has SUCH a wonderful attitude! 32. I am grateful for the young man who helped me (us because L was such a help too) at the Apple store! 33. And the second man who was a help too 34. And even the third! 35. And that I probably WILL take the lessons 36. And that O does 37. And that starting the day after tomorrow, I’m back at the gym! Yay! For health. 38. I am sorry that my mother is in the hospital. Again. But grateful that they got her there in time, and for this moment, this day, she is okay. 39. And that I came out to L’s today. 40. And that I saw her yesterday and will tomorrow. I *think * this is healthy. 41. And I did run it by L and MA and J and the first two think it’s great and J thinks it’s ok anyway. 42. I am grateful that I got through last night. And that I was with L. You see, the first day I visited my mother in the hospital this go-around, was also what would have been my 21st anniversary with J. I had some sadness last night and maybe overnight and a little bit this morning. But I got through it. AND, being with L. helped. 43. And L’s touch. 44. And affection 45. And oh those kisses. Oh my God those kisses. 46. And his caresses. They make my life go up a level. 47. Velio Tormis’ Estonian music. I never knew of it before. And L introduced me to it this morning. Wow! So impactful! 48. I am grateful for my therapist’s devotion and dedication to me. 49. All the amazing (!) CDs he’s making me! I am devoping quite a collection of the best music. 50. BIGGY!!!!!! I PLAYED IN A PIANO RECITAL! After 40 years of putting off doing so! Omg I DID IT!!!!!!!!! 51. And – I didn’t panic. I was nervous, but more excited than nervous. For the first time. I mean, there were REASONS I stopped! I used to get a feeling in the pit of my stomach like I was being taken to the death chamber or something. During two times: 1. Eye doctor appointments. 2. Piano recitals. BUT I DIDN’’ GET IT THIS TIME! 52. Sometimes, especially lately, when J is so good to my mother and even to me, I miss him and even love him. And that’s unsettling. BUT I would not be this person if he hadn’t, against my will and with me kicking and screaming all the way, FORCED ME INTO THE SCARY PIT OF INDEPENDENCE, WHICH ALSO SPELLED FREEDOM! 53. I am so grateful to OA and all the people there and my sponsor 54. My husband left me. And my mother’s husband (my father) died. So you never know. And both were bad sad hard events. But we both lived. And the false sense of security I had in my marriage was not real anyway. False. In our case anyway. 55. I am grateful that I selected the Bach Prelude to play at the recital 56. And the Reinhold Impromptu 57. And that O let us each select whatever we wanted to. 58. And that when I FINALLY went for a lesson, she heard me play them and she said she had never heard me play like that (so well) before! 59. And then, I was sick, so we didn’t know if I could make the rehearsal. So she postponed it by one night. That was so good of her to do! 60. And I made it! 61. Oh, that night. It turned out like a salon. Adults in a beautiful, simple, elegant, sparse but tastefully decorated l.r, with a MAJOR, old Steinway grand piano. 62. Playing for each other. 63. And discussing music 64. And history. 65. Oh, what a night. 66. And then the recital. 67. M met me at the door with a bouquet of flowers. And she said, “I have to give these to you now, not after, because it’s not about HOW you play. It’s about how proud I am of you that you are here! 68. And I played the Bach. And although it wasn’t perfect, I knew I did well. 69. And I got back to my seat and while they were applauding she stood up and hugged me. 70. And then later in the program it came time for me to play the Reinhold. I messed up in the first measures! And had to begin again! And I made a few mistakes and got flustered! But I tried not to show it. And I got through it. I am grateful that I got through it. I mean, literally. Because I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t wind up crying and walking away from the piano or something. 71. And I literally could not hear how I did. At all. Between my very clogged ears, one still in pain, and the nervousness that has a physiological reaction, and the different piano, and playing in a hall, … some eccoustical and some biological physical, and some psychological… I virtually couldn’t hear except that some sound was coming out of the soundboard. I turned to O at the end (away from audience) and mouthed, I’m sorry, or something. She mouthed back, It was beautiful, or something. 72. And the people clapped and clapped. Wow. 73. Finally, I was sitting, after what *I * thought was the walk of shame back to my seat, and she came over and stood in front of me and said, You have to get up again. That’s what they’re saying. 74. So I quickly did. Thinking, “Wow. It was more obvious that I’d thought – they KNOW I was so scared and did poorly but at least I got through it. So they’re pity-clap-encouraging the pathetic one – me.” 75. And they did not do that for anyone else, make them get up again. And later, alone, O told me, “Listen. Before you get out of the car, I have to tell you something. You played the best today.” What?! Yes. . . . Wow. So it was not pity. Oh my goodness! 76. I am grateful for God in my life. And all of our lives. 77. And that L believes the day will come when there is no more war and it is just a sort of an anthropological, historical study of the past of the human race. Oh, I hope he’s right. 78. That night of the recital, we all went out for dinner. I’m grateful for that. 79. And for the Italian restaurant, which was so wonderful, and where I’d never been before. Because O had said to me after the recital, “I’m going to recommend a Japanese place.” And I said, “Italian?” “Japanese.” “Italian?” “Oh, you want Italian?” “I’m a foody. I’ve been dreaming of Italian food through the whole recital!” Okay then: we’ll go Italian.” And we did: ) 80. And I had a luscious, healthy, and of course as always vegan dinner. 81. And we had wonderful, wonderful (!) conversation. 82. And the woman next to me, a mother of one of the performers, in her 70’s, Korean, could tell that I didn’t think I played well. And she played me some of the videotape she’d taken! And I was good! 83. And she’s going to get a disc to each of us! (But some or all of my last piece isn’t on it, as she ran out of battery power or something.) But I’m so glad to have that. 84. And I’m grateful that O told me some of the comments made about me. And some I heard myself. Poise. Deliberate approach to the piano. Such feeling. Her husband, who used to be home when I’d have lesson: “I didn’t think she could play like that!” Etc. 85. I have overcome the 40 years of fear! 86. And am yet further impressed that fear is bullshit! As my sponsor always says. 87. I love when L touches me. And I love that he is safe and trustworthy and gentle and tender. And brilliant. And cute. And great in bed, despite the one shortcoming as he calls it. And funny. And has many friends and facets of life. And brings so much music into my world. - - I do have a little trouble with a sort of dehydrated, not-good-air-quality, TONS of clutter when I’m here. And sometimes it feels a little – dark (it is, physically dark). And I feel like we follow HIS everything more than mine. Which actually is not his doing, but my shyness, probably. So I once (today) even felt a little little bit bored or something. And we have to DO too much! I’m tired. BUT – there are those things to which I just referred, too. So I don’t know… 88. I am so grateful for Reiki. So grateful for the sweet gentle power of Reiki. 89. I am grateful for sex. 90. And that I have it in my life again now. 91. And orgasms. 92. And those kisses with L. Oh. 93. And that I’m less jealous than I used to be. 94. And that L is always in a good mood. 95. And it seems, so am I! : ) 96. And for this pretty music that’s playing right now as I’m at his house, downstairs, and he’s upstairs. Is it Shostokovich? 97. And that I got another large bouquet at the recital too! We all did: ) 98. I am grateful for telephones 99. And especially cell phones. 100. And especially my iPhone.

I'm Sorry! And I Love You!

My mother VERY sick. So much to do about her life, possible death, healthcare, finances. Out of my league. I was very sick (albeit not terminally). And out of commission for two weeks. Plus practicing piano during it. And a little depressed. House got messy... Then - new computer - no bookmark - and couldn't even find blog! I'm back!

Gratitudes - 100 Today

I am grateful: 1. I am alive 2. I am healthy. Sick this week, but big-healthy 3. L. on phone with me right now 4. Not gaining weight 5. Piano teacher says never heard me play like this (this well) before – at lesson earlier in week 6. And said so grateful to us all who are going to play, but especially to me, because she knows I’m doing it FOR HER 7. Orange juice this morning 8. Vitamins this morning 9. Aspirin this morning 10. That so many people are probably praying for Marianne and her family. Son missing off coast Hawaii. 11. Dishes in dishwasher 12. That I even HAVE dishes 13. That I even HAVE a dishwasher 14. L: Thankful for every day that we are among the living 15. Whole grains 16. Earth Balance 17. That Earth Balance does 18. L: HEALTHY chocolate 19. L: Beach 20. L: Nice little home 21. L: Tucked in 22. Tyler: had the 15 years he had 23. And influenced so many of us 24. And didn’t suffer 25. And MIGHT have miracle and still be alive (missing off coast of Hawaii; 15 years old) 26. Books 27. Hobbies 28. Toys 29. Hobby cabinet 30. That can knit 31. And crochet 32. And do crewel work 33. And needlepoint 34. And stamped cross-stitch 35. And colors 36. And threads 37. That every day am not sick like these days. So many days not sick. 38. That drowning might be very quick if it is what happened to Tyler 39. M. That she is my real sister. And may it be true. 40. Weboggle 41. Scrabble 42. History books – not fictionalized 43. Cell phone 44. Hands 45. Typing 46. Forks 47. Knives 48. Spoons 49. Dishwashing powder 50. Washing machine 51. Dryer 52. Clothes 53. Shoes 54. Hat 55. L when he has read little paragraphs to me 56. Spirituality 57. Texting. I never thought I would want to but I love it 58. Greenwich Connecticut 59. England. 60. That I was there 61. Recently 62. Alone 63. Waves. I mean the ones that don’t hurt people. 64. Sex. 65. Orgasms 66. L. 67. Hugs 68. Kisses 69. Museums 70. Art – paintings 71. Sculptures 72. Dance 73. Music 74. Symphony orchestras 75. Pianos 76. My piano 77. That I am practicing 78. That many people have been so good to me 79. And I to so many 80. French 81. Soon I can resume lessons, I hope 82. Sviridov 83. My piano teacher 84. Earth 85. Foot on earth 86. Foot-foot walking 87. Walking meditation 88. Everyone who has taught/supported me with meditation of all typed 89. My 4 retreats with Thich Nhat Hahn 90. And that the one of them was in London. 91. People who do NOT make fun of others 92. Compassion. In me and in others 93. Doggies 94. CDs. 95. And all the ones L has made for me! 96. So far! ‘Cause he is making more! 97. Math. Yup, really. 98. That I can read 99. And write 100. And teach.

God

God is good. God is HERE. God is love. God can do all. God has gotten me through other things. And He will get me through this. I was very scared finding out yesterday that, with only one fully functioning eye, and glaucoma in both, I now have a "dry spot" in my right eye and A CATARACT IN MY GOOD EYE! (left) But I'm okay! And - it has reinvigorated me as regards self-care, too. Thank you, God.

My One Hundred Gratitudes Today

I am grateful: 1. Life 2. Breath 3. Meditation books 4. Car, even though recently scratched it 5. The times I have felt desirable. And NOT rejected. Every single one of them. 6. That I can breathe ON MY OWN 7. And speak ON MY OWN 8. That I am listening to my body enough to know that something is wrong with this emotional stuff 9. And food stuff 10. And working on changing it 11. That even though I’m unhappy right now, I’m not suicidal 12. And now it is July 1. I am grateful for my eyesight. Not so happy have cataract in the one eye I use for really seeing. But GRATEFUL for sight! 13. And grateful that apparently it is a high-success rate, low injury rate surgery 14. And that it is available 15. And that this has scared me yet a little straighter in terms of self-care. 16. That I am about to get a laptop. 17. That I got an iPod 18. That L. made me another CD today! 19. That he is showing me how to get music onto my computer. 20. And onto the iPod 21. That I have a NUMBER of CDs now! 22. That I WENT to Lens Crafters alone yesterday. That is the FIRST TIME I have EVER done that alone! 23. And I went to the Apple store for an iPod case in the big mall alone too, a few weeks ago. Have never done that sort of thing before. 24. And that it was O’s Citizenship gift that GOT ME THERE in the first place (2x) last December. Broke that ice. 25. And that every time I step outside my comfort zone, it grows. 26. And the spiritual day at the library during which I first heard that. 27. That I have a home 28. And it is a house. Teeny and needs work, and I have paid too much for it. But I HAVE it. And it is mine. And I earned it and worked so hard for it! 29. NYC being so near me 30. Oceans being so near me 31. The Long Island Sound being so near me. 32. Parks being so near me 33. And beaches 34. And mountains. 35. That I have a yard 36. With trees. 37. And trees on my street 38. And on the streets all around here. Green 39. And that I have a FEW dollars in the bank. 40. And had an amazing Reiki and Multi-dimensional bodywork session for MYSELF with K yesterday. Amazing. Really moved my energy. Was like a different person after, from before. 41. And that I floated. 3 x. Metaphorically, not literally. But really FEELS LIKE floating in mid-air. 42. And that it has happened before too. 43. And that I’d actually forgotten it. And then there it was. Back for me. 44. That I can knit. 45. And am planning to knit something for L! To have by winter! Maybe a scarf. Maybe an afghan. Maybe even a sweater! 46. That I know how to meditate. 47. That I have had FOUR week-long (almost week) retreats with Thich Nhat Hahn! Oh, what a gift! 48. That I have helped others learn to meditate too! 49. That M is my true sister-of-the-heart. 50. That I just sent her a great e-card. Through the site: http://www.jacquielawson.com/ 51. And I just sent L. a great one through there too! 52. That J.A. introduced me to them. 53. The beautiful lunch I served to K, and L, and M today! 54. Here in my house! Like a little lunch party! A luncheon! Yay! 55. And I had a great lunch too. (I mean the company of course, but also the food). 56. That I have that new hat I leave at L’s for when we go out in the sun. 57. And that it only cost $3.99! 58. And that I have a more expensive one here too. 59. That I am healing inside. Emotionally. 60. That I have been doing what’s right for my mother. 61. The phrase, “Do the next right thing.” 62. Gentle people. 63. Like L. 64. And M. 65. And yes, even J. 66. And Ji. Gentle sweet spirits. 67. That there will be much more joy in my life. There is always more joy. 68. And that I’m okay not knowing what, exactly, it will be. 69. That I HAVE that “sunroom.” 70. And the Reiki table in there. 71. That M. though of me and saw a vegan kale treat and bought it for me! 72. That I went to the movies with her last night. 73. And we saw, “People Like Us.” 74. And we liked it. 75. And we had SUCH a nice time! 76. Out of school one week, and already socializing. 77. And my house is in order. 78. And I WILL get it fixed. 79. That I do those fabulous pictures from google images for L. 80. And I make little picture walks with them sometimes too. 81. And chapters. I am now on Chapter 4. 82. And he loves them! And even sometimes asks, ‘How did you do…?” 83. That he is sleeping over tonight! 84. That I have a special drawer of goodies for him. I emptied it out of my stuff – and this is a REALLY small house! And bought stuff for HIM that I know he likes, and put it in there. 85. That when M asked today, How long have you two been together now, and *I * knew what she was waiting for…he did – he said, “just over 4 months. We met on February 24, 2012. He remembers! 86. That M. has finally been to my house! 87. And she loves it. 88. And she is looking at houses now. Houses that cost THREE TIMES as much! 89. And still liked this one. 90. And used the word “charm.” 91. Over and over. 92. And everyone does. Phew. Such a nice feeling. 93. That I just saw on my piano, a book of easy Shostakovich pieces. L. brought it here and put it there. And I hadn’t even seen it. 94. That I HAVE a piano. 95. And worked for it and paid for it myself. 96. And yes, that J. helped me so much in finding the right one 97. That he is so good to doggie. 98. And that she is there for him. 99. That I just called M.A. 100. And reached her! We’ve been missing each other so much! 101. And will have a good catch up with her, all planned for Tuesday morning. 102. That I did my spiritual work today. I am okay. I will be okay.

Affirmations

I am fine. I am healthy. I am well. I take PERFECT care of myself. God is with me. I am such a happy person!

Feelings Work

I feel: Scared about eyes. Very grateful for site. Very grateful for Reiki teacher/master/healer (SHE says she does NOT call herself a healer - *I * am calling her that). So happy that my L. is here (in room with Reiki teacher now!) And so relaxed about being with him and when she leaves too! I am overall happy. So happy. So happy that I didn't kill myself. That I am alive. And that I am okay. 5 Good Things about Me: 1. I have shared my Reiki teacher with 2 other people now, right here at my house, and even paid for some. 2. I generously gave K. my brand new hat that just came but didn't look good on me, rather than send it back. That was so nice of me. 3. And I generously gave M my $15.00 gift certificate to Starbucks, as I don't drink that anyway. I COULD HAVE used it here and there, but she'll REALLY ENJOY it! 4. I make good spinach salad 5. I apparently create a nice cozy homey feel here, that people really like! I love my life right now. Thank you, God. And every person who has helped me.

Readings - The Language of Letting Go

We feel safe around direct, honest people. They speak their minds, and we know where we stand with them. Indirect people, people who are afraid to say who they are, what they want, and what they're feeling, cannot be trusted. They will somehow act out their truth even though they do not speak it. And it may catch everyone by surprise. Directness saves time and energy. It removes us as victims. It dispenses with martyrdom and games. It helps us own our power. It creates respectful relationships. It feels safe to be around direct, honest people. Be one. Today, I will own my power to be direct. I do not have to be positive, nor do I need to be aggressive. I will become comfortable with my own truth, so those around me can become comfortable with me.

Readings - In This Moment

In This Moment, I experience joy. Sometimes I was afraid to be happy - afraid that I would experience a little bliss and something or someone would snatch it away. As a child, this happened many times and reinforced those beliefs. I am now an adult I make choices: I create my own happiness and joy. No one can take it from me unless I let them. I choose to bring into my life situations and people that bring me joy. I give myself permission to feel absolutely wonderful.

Readings Voices of Recovery

Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. Step Seven This, to me, was the true "action" Step. It required asking the power outside of myself to change me, to make me something alien to myself. It required more trust than anything else i was asked to do and still demands trust as I continue to evolve into a new, unknown creation. This Step taught me humility, that state of being humble. Humble, according to the dictionary, is "the state of reflecting, expressing, or offering in a spirit of deference." Before this Step, it was all about me - my powerlessness, my beliefs, my shortcomings, and my plans to resolve them. This Step changed all of that. The deference - "respect or esteem due to a superior" - clarified who was in power, who I should believe in, and the reason for giving over my shortcomings. it is all about becoming the person that my Higher Power needs me to be in order to carry out His will. That is what my program is about. With this Step I have surrendered my role as principal and joined the chorus of the Fellowship.

Today's Readings - For Today

When a proud man hears another praised, he thinks himself injured. English proverb Abstinence is like pulling up a window shade: it gives me a view of my real problems. i see a willful child, wanting to be first, to be best, to be noticed and praised. When I hear a god word for someone else, I have not outgrown the cry. "What about me?" I feel so unloved I need it all. Let me take steps now to face my defect of pride and use it as an incentive to grow. Then I can be free of competitiveness and share in the joy of someone else's virtues and strengths. For today: I do not compare myself with anyone but, rather, appreciate each of us for what we are. That is the true harmony of the world.