Too Sick to Write

Started - or maybe finished For Today started grats can't type anymore more tomorrow 1. I am so grateful for the site: http://www.vitalaffirmations.com/pool/affirmation-cards.htm#.UH_qgxhgPow And that it seems that I get to exactly what I need very day! 2. It is now Monday. School is closed, of course. As every school is supposed to be in Jersey, and in NYC and all around me. I am grateful that they are closed. (And all parks, government offices, transportation services…) 3. I am grateful for my life. 4. And that J did not say any terrible things last night. 5. And that I have this day for rest. I do hope to have power. 6. Grateful for St. Even though worry I’m too crazy for her. But I shouldn’t. Because she does love me. 7. Grateful that I returned all those phone calls yesterday. Though next time thing won’t. Too much pressure. 8. But grateful also, that they came. 9. I am grateful that M roasted the pumpkin seeds 10. And gave me some. 11. And I gave some to L. 12. And to J. 13. And that I have a home. 14. And that I know enough not to use the fireplace in this windy storm. 15. And that J reminded me 16. And brought me a better flashlight. 17. And lots of batteries. 18. And looked for that radio. Although we can’t find it. 19. I’m grateful for ginger. I don’t have any, but I do have ginger tea. And will have some when can hold it down. 20. Grateful that realized should be putting the coffee in glass containers, not letting it sit in the pot. Could corrode. 21. Grateful that don’t need to take any today. 22. And for L, that he napped yesterday. 23. Grateful that my eating disorder at least brought me to the programs and their readings… 24. And the people who helped me 25. And whom I helped a bit.

Today's Reading - For Today

"Inside myself is a place where I live all alone, and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up." Pearl S. Buck Discovering one's own inner resources is a reward of abstinence. Newfound energies and a soaring spirit take up the time and space of what was once compulsive overeating. Abstinence brings other substitutions: I have courage in place of fear, challenging ideas in place of shallow thought, action instead of wishful thinking and an honest desire to share in place of selfish interests.

Journal

I am cramping up. Stomach. Since about 3 am. Now (6:19) have been throwing up. Can't even hold down Pepto Bismal. Uh oh. J. was here for a long visit last night. And I feel that this is not entirely unrelated. Plus this storm... All Nerve-wracking. But will be fine. Just sorry about all this. Plus, I think I ate badly last night. Not junk. Just TOO MUCH fiber and some bad choices in quality and quantity. I do so much better when only real whole foods in moderate amounts. Hope YOU are safe, wherever you are. I am in the Hurricane Sandy path, but not near water. In case lose power, which is very likely, I have foods, flashflights, a couple of little candles and matches, water, and my laptop and school laptop (both only for Microsoft Word thought) and iPod, iPhone and Nook all charged. I have prayer and meditation, and hopefully sleep. And hopefully I won't stay sick. Oh boy.

Oh Birdie

Thank you again! xoxo!

Affirmations

I am greeted by love wherever I go. I am willing to learn. The more I learn, the more I grow. I know I am worth loving.

Feelings Work

I feel: Nervous But at the same time relaxed Hopeful *Relaxed * Okay in the day!!! Yay!! I think it is because: I made my needs known to L. And he met them And I've been doing "the next right thing." Next time: I will continue! Especially the eating well, spiritual work, exercise, next right thing, and making known my needs, and positive attitude. And mediation. And prayer. And open-mindedness. And compassion. 5 Good Things about Me: 1. I am sincere! 2. I am so much more positive than I ever was earlier in my life (adult life, anyway, at least) 3. I do my work 4. I am musically talented (piano) 5. I even sing nicely

My 100 Gratitudes Today

I am grateful: 1. I am so grateful to be sitting here right now. 2. In my little house 3. Calling L 4. Home from nursing home visit with my mother 5. Home from L’s house an hour away 6. I’m grateful that St just called 7. And we may or may not get together before the storm starts, for “coffee” type visit 8. I’m so grateful for her friendship. I have always loved her. It’s got to be almost 20 years now! 9. And I’m so grateful that she just offered – if I need or want, to go stay there during the hurricane! 10. I’m planning to stay here. And I’m grateful for that too. 11. And for M giving me LOTS of pumpkin seeds – straight from the pumpkin, and washed and roasted with a little spray and salt, in her oven. They should be nice. 12. And my VitaMix shoud be here within 3 days tops! 13. And I looked at the recipe book that comes with it (L’s) and it is FABULOUS! I’d have paid 20 dollars for that book: ) 14. I am grateful that I’m going to make L a sweater! 15. And he took me to the knitting store in his area (there is not one in my entire county!) 16. And he was so patient in there 17. And spoke later to me of the “very girlie atmosphere” that permeated the whole place! 18. And that I finally found a pattern 19. And he picked yarn (within my boundaries – ex. Nothing with any wool in it). 20. And he loves it. 21. And I expect I WILL be able to make this sweater! 22. And enjoy doing so, too! 23. I have lost another 3 or 4 pounds this past week! That’s about 30 pounds! 24. I am grateful that I meditated, even though for a short time, yesterday. 25. And that L and I had such a nice weekend together. 26. And that finally, I felt good on the way home! 27. And that I “did the next right thing” and visited my mother. 28. I am grateful for today’s The Language of Letting Go 29. All of i. And particularly this phrase: “In fact, meditation can create more time and energy than the moments we take to do it.” 30. I am grateful that I can see 31. And have my eyedrops 32. And take them every single night 33. And that I got to experience L’s littler Biomat a bit yesterday 34. I am grateful that although I have an upset stomach and some nervous something-or-other, really I know that it will pass 35. And that really all IS okay right now 36. I am grateful that I can drive 37. And had a safe and pleasant drive to L’s 38. And back 39. That I have electricity 40. And a hurricane-readiness area on the d.r. table in case I do lose power. 41. And that I might not lose power anyway: ) 42. I am grateful that I can start knitting today 43. And watch tv 44. Or a movie from Optimum 45. And for this large cup of Yogi ginger tea that I am having right now. 46. Glass water bottles 47. Including the 4 L and I may buy online and take 2 each 48. So much food in my fridge 49. And freezer 50. And cabinet 51. And so much of it organic 52. And all of it healthy! Oh my gosh! 53. Pistachio nuts 54. A new vegan magazine 55. And that Woman’s Weekly magazine too. 56. It’s almost lunch time, and I can have a good lunch. 57. I am grateful for crops 58. And farmers 59. And enough rain for them 60. And for Thich Nhat Hanh 61. And that I actually sat in London at Trafalgar Square with him! 62. I am so grateful for April 7, 2012. My gosh, IN ONE DAY, I was in London, then in L’s bed here in NY, then at a sadar at Jewish friend’s house and meeting so many of L’s friends too, and then made love to and sleeping over his house. All in one day. Oh my gosh! 63. I am grateful that I had that thought 64. And for good books. 65. And that I did not buy the supermarket rags (tabloids) this week. To be honest (and embarrassed) about it, that is making me nervous. But I will get past it. And will have to read other things, that’s all. 66. That reading the Five Mindfulness Trainings aloud with another person monthly has helped me to me more mindful of consumption – including things like the junky magazines. 67. My Nook 68. And that it is powered up : ) 69. And this laptop 70. And that it is powered up too. 71. Funny actresses 72. And actors. 73. Soups 74. Stews (vegan of course) 75. Red wine 76. Especially with a long finish 77. Orgasms 78. Kisses. Oh , L ‘s kisses 79. That the two of us WERE romantic this weekend! 80. That IVF is available for people 81. And surrogacy too 82. That in truth, *all is well in my life right now! * 83. Deep breaths. Especially the one I just got immediately upon writing no. 82 above. 84. Sleep. I am lucky that I do sleep. 85. The smile that just came across my face. 86. My Golden Girls DVDs 87. And my King of Queens ones too. 88. And I MIGHT get Two and a Half Men 89. And/or Roseanne 90. Or not. And yes, really grateful for those last three. 91. Naps. I might get one today 92. And/or tomorrow 93. And/or the next day. 94. That I am such a fortunate person. I am looking through this room to the next at my gorgeous oak tree outside. That other people will get to enjoy it after I’m gone, too. 95. That I have seen a number of Broadway shows 96. And been a number of times to Radio City Music Hall 97. And Lincoln Center 98. And Carnegie Hall 99. That I saw Judy Garland perform at the Palace her second to last performance there, when I was a little girl 100. That I will continue to be nice to my students 101. Smiles Thank you, God, for everything.

Today's Reading - Twenty Four Hours a Day

Thought for the Day What other rewards have come to me as a result of my new way of living? Each one of us can answer this question in many ways. My relationship with my husband or my wife is on an entirely new plane. The total selfishness is gone and more cooperation has taken its place. My home is a home again. Understanding has taken the place of misunderstanding, recriminations, bickering, and resentment. A new companionship has developed which bodes well for the future. "There are homes where fires burn and there is bread, lamps are lit and prayers are said. Though people falter through the dark and nations grope, with God Himself back of these little homes, we still can hope." Have I come home? Meditation for the Day We can bow to God's will in anticipation of the thing happening which will, in the long run, be the best for all concerned. It may not always seem the best thing at the present time, but we cannot see as far ahead as God can. We do not know how His plans are laid, we only need to believe that if we trust Him and accept whatever happens as His will in a spirit of faith, everything will work out for the best in the end. Prayer for the Day I pray that I may not ask to see the distant scene. I pray that one step may be enough for me.

Today's Reading - Today's Gift

"I feel no need for any other faith than my faith in human beings." Pearl S. Buck We owe each other respect. We cannot expect to be respected if we don't respect others around us. When we respect others, we respect their property and personal belongings as well as their self-esteem and their right to voice an opinion. Respect is a way of cooperating with each other. We can imagine a submarine where crewmembers did not respect each other's personal belongings or their ability to do the job. The ship would soon stop functioning because of the chaos. In a family we live in close quarters, like a submarine crew. Respect for each other is one of the things, which keep chaos from breaking out. When we grow in respect for each other's property, abilities, and self-esteem, we soon see how valuable each member of our crew really is. How can I show respect to those around me today?

Today's Reading - The Language of Letting Go

Meditation and Prayer The Eleventh Step asks us to meditate as a route to improving our conscious contact with God. Meditation is different than obsessing or worrying. Obsession and worrying are fear connections. Meditation means opening our mind and our spiritual energy to the God connection. To connect with God, we need to relax as best we can and open our conscious and subconscious mind to a Higher Consciousness - one that is available to each of us. In the busyness of our day and life, it may seem like a waste of time to slow down, to stop what we're doing, and take this kind of break. It is no more a waste of time than stopping to put gas in our car when the tank is almost empty. It is necessary, it is beneficial, and it saves time. In fact, meditation can create more time and energy than the moments we take to do it. Meditation and prayer are powerful recovery behaviors that work. We need to be patient. It is not reasonable to expect immediate answers, insight, or inspiration. But solutions are coming. They are already on the way, if we have done our part - meditate and pray - and then let the rest go. Whether we pray and meditate first thing in the morning, during a coffee break, or in the evening is our choice. Wen our conscious contact with God improves, our subconscious contact will too. We will find ourselves increasingly tuned in to God's harmony and will for us. We will find and maintain that soul connection, the God connection. Today, I will take a moment for meditation and prayer. I will decide when and how long to do it. I am a child and creation of God - a Higher Power who loves to listen and talk to me. God, help me let go of my fears about whether or not You hear and care. Help me know that You are there and that I am able to tap into the spiritual consciousness.

Today's Reading - Food for Thought

Food Is Not Home Breaking abstinence may be an attempt to go home emotionally. Since we associate food, and especially certain foods, with early experience, we may turn to food when we crave the emotional support of home. Perhaps our early home life did not provide the emotional support and security we needed, causing us to attach a false significance to the food, which we were given. The habit of turning to food and eating as a substitute for love, acceptance, and security may be deeply ingrained in our psyche. We may have come to depend on food instead of people to satisfy our emotional needs. The problem is, of course, that food is not a satisfactory substitute for love and acceptance. However much we eat, the emotional satisfaction will be only temporary and soon disintegrate into despair and self-hatred. The home we crave can best be built here and now by working the OA program and loving the people our Higher Power gives us to love today. May I realize that food is not home.

Today's Reading - Each Day a New Beginning

"Problems have only the size and the power that you give them." S.H. We will not be free from all difficulties today, or during any period of our lives. But we have the personal power to eliminate the threat, the sting of any challenge. But it's our vision of circumstances that gives them their interpretation. At this moment, we are defining our experience. We are labeling events good or bad, valuable or meaningless. And our growth, particularly this day, is greatly influenced by the value judgments we attach to our experiences. As we grow stronger emotionally and spiritually, we learn that all difficulties are truly opportunities for exceptional growth and increased awareness of the truth of existence. All experiences can be taken in stride if we are trustful of their intended blessing. We are sharing this life, every moment of it, with a power greater than ourselves. We need not worry about any circumstance. Always we are watched over. We never need struggle alone. We can let go of our problems. It's ourselves and that attitude we have cultivated that makes any situation a problem. We can turn it loose and therein discover the solution. I will not make mountains out of the molehills of my life.

Affirmations

I manifest wonderful things in my life when I let my thoughts come from a loving place in my heart. The more I love myself the more I see love reflected in those around me. I take time out just for me to replenish my energy.

Feelings Work

I feel: A bit nervous about the physical stuff that is not happening with L. and makes me feel rejected/unwanted, whatever Happy that we're kissing and cuddling and holding and caressing. Happy that we'll be with the friends at the party tonight. Grateful that my mother is doing well. In the day. In need of some "down" time. To read, relax, knit, . . . But NOT feel lonely. I think it is because: He has problems sexually and so is not so interested. But I am growing and open. I need to USE my downtime better. Next time I will do differently: Not veg in front of the tv so much. 5 Good Things about Me: 1. I am intelligent 2. I am nice 3. I am decent 4. I am funny 5. I am energetic "enough.

My 100 Gratitudes Today

I am grateful: 1. saw The Sessions last night. In case you don’t want to know anything about it, don’t read these today. Lots are bound to be related : ) Oh my gosh. I am grateful that I can scratch my own nose. 2. I am grateful that I do not sleep in an iron lung. 3. I am grateful that I do not live in an iron lung. 4. I am grateful that I breathe on my own. All the time! 5. I am grateful that L. and I went to that movie together last night. 6. Alone together. We will see the others tonight. 7. And that we ate at a primarily vegan and microbiotic place 8. And it was delicious. 9. I am grateful that I can feed myself. 10. And enjoy wine. 11. And I don’t need too many medications. 12. I am grateful for L’s lovely kisses. 13. And that I can move every part of my body. 14. And that I am still eating well! 15. I am grateful that I can walk 16. And stand 17. And sit 18. And lie down or get up, myself. 19. I am grateful that that person Mark’s story is told. 20. And that he wrote that article that started it all. 21. “Problems have only the size and the power that you give them.” S.H. From today’s Each Day a New Beginning. Oh how true. So true. 22. I am grateful for the things Ma posts on Facebook. 23. I am so grateful that Birdie posted. 24. And JJ 25. And EJ. All three. Such dears. I love them. 26. For FINALLY having learned that life is not what I always thought of as what would be problem-free. And that that is right and good and beautiful. 27. That I didn’t kill myself. 28. Including slowly. 29. All the events of my life. I can’t believe I’m saying that, but yes. 30. That I offered M to come if she needed during the – what looks like a big hurricane – coming 31. And that I have my little “hurricane preparedness station” (some canned goods, a non-electric opener, cereal, water, a flashlight and a little transitor radio that may or may not work. And a fireplace log. And a charged Nook and laptop and cell phone. 32. I am grateful to be sitting here on the floor in L’s home “office” right now, at my laptop, and he at his desktop computer. 33. And that he made me coffee this morning. 34. And ozonated the bathroom and some things FOR MY ARRIVAL! 35. And we have a party tonight. 36. For the birthdays including his (the October birthdays) 37. And he is taking me to the yarn store today! I want to make him a sweater! And there is not a yarn store that can help within my whole area. 38. I like those readings from the Hazelden site. Today’s Food for Thought, well, I don’ exactly agree. But maybe I DO need to take it more seriously. I do better though when I don’t get too crazy. But in any event, it’s good for me to read it. 39. And I’m so happy that I share them here for you. 40. Innocent cartoons from childhood. Like Gumby 41. And Caspar the Friendly Ghost 42. And Popeye. 43. And the Flintstones 44. And the Jetsons. 45. And Little Lule 46. And Magilla Gorilla 47. I am grateful that I can wash myself. 48. And do not need a personal, really personal, assistant. 49. And am not SO different. 50. And it ISN’T that everything is a struggle. 51. That L thought of me during the movie. And thought, “Gee, I think she will have an especially easy time with gratitudes tomorrow.” 52. And that he refers to my gratitudes practice often. 53. Today’s Language of Letting Go! 54. And what a great reminder to ask for God’s will. God, meaning to me whatever – maybe personified, maybe spirit of goodness, maybe rightness, maybe the spirit of love in and through all of us- I don’t know. 55. That I’m not afraid to say that. (54) 56. I am grateful for kisses. 57. And caresses. 58. And hugs. 59. And my nightgown 60. And robe. That I am wearing right now. They are so pretty. 61. AND – they didn’t fit me for a while and they do again. 62. And my jammies from *Harrod’s *! 63. My time in London. Oh, what a dream! 64. I am grateful that I am not a virgin. (The movie again). 65. And that I am also not obsessed with intercourse! 66. And that maybe L. and I will be able to grow closer in that way 67. And I think we shall. 68. And the beautiful amazing music he plays for me 69. And I AM adjusting to living without J. 70. Windows. 71. Looking at trees right now and a roof. 72. Second floor here (I don’t have one). 73. Peanut butter 74. That I had a little healthy veggie red lentil soup and corn bread and hummus – a little – for supper last night. 75. And am still satisfied. 76. That I can move my hands 77. And dress myself 78. And go shopping. 79. And drive. 80. And sit on a blanket at a picnic. 81. And that people can decide whether they love me or not without the confusion and mixed feelings of whether they could have that kind of “normal” life with me 82. I am grateful for him that that Mark DID find love. 83. And that that priest was so open and good and therefore helpful. 84. And honest. 85. Many parts of my upbringing. Including the religion stuff 86. And praying 87. And hanging up my clothes (little = mother/older = father) Long story, doesn’t matter. 88. M 89. MA 90. St 91. And that I MAY see her tomorrow 92. I will soon finish Ma’s scarf 93. And be enjoying making L’s sweater. 94. That he wrote to me yesterday to say that the scarf I made him is the softest. 95. And body-conformist. 96. And therefore his warmest scarf ever. Yay! And he loves it! 97. Plain white curtains. Like I used to have. And he has now. 98. Enough. The concept of enough. Enough gets done. I am enough. It is all enough. 99. That I am a decent enough speller. 100. And I even understand math decently enough. 101. So much more, I would like to keep going. But other things too. And it IS enough : )

Today's Reading - Today's Gift

"Walk. Don't walk." Traffic Light Signs direct us on our way in life. Traffic lights tell us to walk (or not), Golden Arches point us to dinner, geese flying south herald the coming winter, flashing neon tells us what to buy. We know how to read these signs of worlds and weather; they help to guide us on our journey. We can learn to read the signs of human beings, too, to be detectives of the human spirit. Laugh lines around eyes and mouth, the texture of hands, tension in jaws and shoulders can tell much about a person, if we stop to look. All around us are signs that tell us others feel the pain and joy we feel, others need us as we need them, we are understood, and we are not alone. The marvelous bonus in learning to read these signs in others is that we can begin to let ourselves be read, also. Will I make good reading for others today?

Today's Reading - The Language of Letting Go

Step Eleven "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." Step Eleven of Al Anon "...praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out" means that we ask on a daily basis to be shown the plan for that day. We also ask our Source for the power we need to carry that through. We will get a yes to both requests. We do not ask other people to show their will for us. We ask God. Then we trust that we'll be empowered to carry God's will through. God never, never asks us to do anything that He would not equip us to do. He never asks us to do anything we can't do. If we are to do it, we will be empowered. That's the easy part of this program. We never have to do more than we can, or anything we can't. If we want to worry and fuss we can, but we don't need to. That is our choice. I have learned, through difficult and good times that this Step will carry me through. When I don't know what to do next, God does. Working this Step, one day at a time, will take us to places we could never have traveled on our own. Simple acts, done daily in accordance to God's will for us, lead to a Grand Plan for our life. Today, I will focus on asking God to show me what He wants me to do. I will ask God for the power to do that; then I will go ahead and get the job done. God, help me let go of my fears about living life one day at a time. Help me trust that when life is lived simply and in trust, a beautiful mosaic called "my life" will be woven. I am being divinely led, guided, and cared for.

Today's Reading - Food for Thought

A Good Meal A good meal for us in an abstinent meal. Fancy frills and gourmet delights are not good if they threaten our abstinence. Because we have over emphasized food in the past, we tend to be too concerned about what we will have for dinner - and lunch - and breakfast. It is a relief to come to the conclusion that whatever we have to eat is good if it fits our food plan. We do not have to spend a lot of time and energy deciding what we will eat today. If what we choose does not turn out to be especially pleasing, we are free to choose something else tomorrow. Most of us are familiar with the basic principles of good nutrition. By abstaining from compulsive overeating, we are giving our bodies the best possible treatment. By avoiding refined sugars and starches, we eliminate empty calories and choose those foods with the protein, vitamins, and minerals necessary for good health. Whatever we eat, the abstinent meal is a good meal. Thank You for good, abstinent meals.

Today's Reading - Each Day a New Beginning

"Problems have only the size and the power that you give them." S.H. We will not be free from all difficulties today, or during any period of our lives. But we have the personal power to eliminate the threat, the sting of any challenge. But it's our vision of circumstances that gives them their interpretation. At this moment, we are defining our experience. We are labeling events good or bad, valuable or meaningless. And our growth, particularly this day, is greatly influenced by the value judgments we attach to our experiences. As we grow stronger emotionally and spiritually, we learn that all difficulties are truly opportunities for exceptional growth and increased awareness of the truth of existence. All experiences can be taken in stride i we are trustful of their intended blessing. We are sharing this life, every moment of it, with a power greater than ourselves. We need not worry about any circumstance. Always we are watched over. We never need struggle alone. We can let go of our problems. It's ourselves and that attitude we have cultivated that makes any situation a problem. We can turn it loose and therein discover the solution. I will not make mountains out of the molehills of my life.

Yesterday's Grats!

I forgot to post - because I didn't get time to finish I am grateful: 1. I am grateful for God. I do not have the certainty some people have, like, “God says this,” and “according to God” that. I don’t even have a definition. But I know there is a spirit of goodness and light and even joy. And love. And maybe that is a being and maybe not. I was raised Catholic but don’t know what I really am now. But I do pray. And so, as mixed-up as that all sounds, I am so grateful for God. 2. I am grateful that I woke up today. 3. And I am so grateful that I feel grateful for having woken up. 4. I am grateful, believe it or not, that I am recharging my Nook right now. 5. And my iPhone too. 6. And that all went well yesterday. 7. And for the growth I’ve made since last year. 8. I am so grateful that I HAVE 100 gratitudes a day. 9. That my mother is having good days right now! 10. That I have a Passport, since last march, for the first time in my life. 11. I’m grateful for this thought, from today’s Voices of Recovery: “You can’t think yourself into a new way of acting. You have to act yourself into a new way of thinking.” 12. And “…not control my feelings, but with God-given courage I could change my actions, in spite of how I felt.” 13. I do not believe in the things said in today’s Language of Letting Go. But I am grateful for the thoughts. 14. I am grateful for coffee this morning. 15. And that I will see L. tonight. 16. And that my dr. is helping me put MYSELF first. 17. And for trying to become/stay in good spiritual order. Maybe that contributed a lot to last weekend’s wonderful time. 18. And I must meditate more. But I’m grateful that I do more than I was. 19. I am so grateful that I feel okay. 20. I am physically well, thankfully. 21. I am emotionally well. I have been “on the ocean floor” emotionally; I know what that’s like! I am SO grateful to not be there now! 22. I am grateful for my job. 23. And that despite all my worries, all does work out. 24. And for this thought. My principal has begun piano lessons. She takes in a small group. One other woman is older (my principal is in her 40’s.) They were discussing why each is taking. Older woman said, “We only have so many tomorrows.” What a thought! 25. I am so tired. And I feel boring. And like I have no good conversation in me. And nervous that l. will find me boring. BUT – if I stay in good spiritual shape, that will get better. 26. My eyedrops. Very grateful for them. 27. Knitting 28. Reading 29. Piano 30. These particular students 31. And their particular parents 32. Wow. Can this be true? Each Day a New Beginning says that gratitude: “…softens our harsh exterior and takes the threat out of most new situations.” Wow. I never thought of that! But a little, is has been happening to me! 33. And this: “If I greet the day, glad to be alive, I will be gladdened by all the experiences in store for me.” 34. And “Each is making a necessary contribution to my wholeness.” Wow. 35. This, from Food for Thought: “Food is nourishment for our bodies - nothing more. To experience pleasure with our minds and hearts and bodies, we open ourselves to richer interpersonal relationships, to aesthetic experiences, to sports and hobbies and work well done. Abstinence from compulsive overeating liberates us to enjoy our activities, which are fun. Thank You for the fun and joy that abstinence brings.” 36. In fact, ALL of today’s Food for Thought. 37. Sitcoms in the morning as background as I work. 38. This, from Today’s Gift, about Anne Frank having inside all those good things and what we could have: “She had riches of the heart. She had faith that kept her going. She had love and concern for her family and others, which made even a restricted life very rich with feelings. It is tempting to believe that we will be happy when we have something outside ourselves, which will make us happy. But happiness is not something we have to find outside; the seeds are in our hearts already.” 39. “What happiness can I find in my latest setback?“ That’s really tough. But wow! 40. Wow. This. (From Twenty Four Hours a Day): “Do not push God so far into the background that He has no effect on your life. Walk all the way with Him. Make a good companion of God, by praying to Him often during the day.” Wow. Important for me. 41. And this: “Prayer for the Day 42. I pray that I may walk in companionship with God along the way. I pray that I may keep my feet upon the path that leads upward.” 43. I have come up with 25 good things about me today! 44. The friendship of S and J 45. I am grateful that M. just called. 46. And that I’m on the phone with her right now. 47. Grateful that I had the whole grain Eng. Muffin with melted Daiya for breakfast 48. And that the coffee gave me energy. 49. And – an up mood. 50. And that I put all the dishes into the dishwasher. 51. Still grateful that I put out all the paper recycling the other day. 52. And they took it. 53. And that I have a nice load of wash in now. 54. I’m grateful for kisses. 55. I am grateful that I already have clean clothes for the next few days. 56. And that I have made the bed. 57. And that I HAVE any clothes. 58. And a bed. Really. 59. And that I didn’t make the soup and freeze it. Because a lot of those ingredients are in cans or bags (like dried lentils) and they will stay. And IF we lose power they would go bad in the fridge or freezer. 60. I am grateful that I am not WORRIED about the storm. 61. And that I’m a little bit prepared anyway. Like some canned foods and cereal and dried fruit – and a can opener! – and water and a flashlight. And a battery radio IF I can find it. And my Nook charged and my cell phone too. And my car with gas. And planning to do my driving EARLY Sunday morning. 62. And that I wrote to M and offered her that I could come and get her and she could stay here IF it gets bad – because SHE is worried and I am not: ) 63. It is so WONDERFUL that I am not worried! 64. I am so grateful that L. has been so affectionate the other night and yesterday and this morning. 65. And that we’re talking on the phone right now. 66. And having a nice time. 67. And that my house is neat. 68. And that I HAVE the house. And worked so hard for it. 69. I am grateful for Thich Naht Hanh 70. Water. 71.

Affirmations

Wonderful new opportunities to share my unique gifts now open up for me and I choose to recognise and accept them. I am the only thinker in my mind. I gently guide my mind toward trusting my own inner wisdom. I Love Life It is my birthright to live fully and freely. I give to life exactly what I want Life to give to me. I am glad to be alive. I Love Life! Wonderful new opportunities to share my unique gifts now open up for me and I choose to recognise and accept them. I am the only thinker in my mind. I gently guide my mind toward trusting my own inner wisdom. I Love Life It is my birthright to live fully and freely. I give to life exactly what I want Life to give to me. I am glad to be alive. I Love Life! Wonderful new opportnities to share my unique gifts now open up for me and I choose to recognise and accept them. I am the only thinker in my mind. I gently guide my mind toward trusting my own inner wisdom. I Love Life It is my birthright ot live fully and freely. I give to life exactly what I want Life to give to me. I am glad to be alive. I Love Life!

Feeings Work

I feel: A little bit nervous. Very grateful. Excited about weekend. Okay in the big ways. I think it is because: I am a little bit nervous about being so tired, my stressors - mother J, L, work, working on losing weight - and it all comes fown to what's inside ME: my own insecurities. Excited that have fun-sounding plans for parts of the weekend. Know that I am alive, healthy, homed and jobbed... Next time I will do differently: Still more veggies and fewer carbs. More even sleep than the last two nights. - As in, take care of my physical needs DESPITE my emotional ones. Don't put physical needs to the whims of emotional feelings. 5 - or Some - As Many As I Can Think of Today - Good Things about Me: 1. I am pure of intent. 2. I work hard t do the right thing. 3. I have integrity! Yay. 4. I appreciate beauty. 5. I am taking better care of myself. 6. I make a good impression at work. Like for people touring the building... 7. I am friendly. 8. I teach the children. 9. I try to keep them from stressing. 10. I can play piano. 11. I can sing well enough 12. I am losing weight. 13. I am pretty enough. 14. I have good skin. 15. I have good hair. 16. I am beginning to register things more. 17. I have gorgeous breasts. 18. I have nice feet. 19. I am shapely, with a small waist. 20. I try. 21. I am funny. 22. I am kind. 23. I have compassion. 24. I know how to relax. 25. I am physically affectionate. Yay, 25!

Another Reading! - Twenty Four Hours a Day

Thought for the DAy Sixth, I have ___meetings (OA, AA, etc.) to got to, thank God. Where would I go without them? Where would I be without them? Where would I find the sympathy, the understanding, the fellowship, and the companionship? Nowhere else in the world. I have come home. I have found the place where I belong. I no longer wander alone over the face of the earth. I am at peace and at rest. What a great gift has been given me by [AA, OA, whatever]. I do not deserve it. But it is nevertheless mine. I have a home at last. I am content. Do I thank God every day for the ___fellowship? Meditation for the Day Walk all the way with another person and with God. Do not go part of the way and then stop. Do not push God so far into the background that He has no effect on your life. Walk all the way with Him. Make a good companion of God, by praying to Him often during the day. Do not let your contact with Him be broken for too long a period. Work all the way with God and with other people along the path of life, wherever it may lead you. Prayer for the Day I pray that I may walk in companionship with God along the way. I pray that I may keep my feet upon the path that leads upward.

Another Reading - Today's Gift

"Whoever is happy will make others happy, too." Anne Frank Anne Frank had good reason to be unhappy, full of rear, and deeply discouraged. Years of her life were spent in a small apartment hiding from the Nazis who wanted to destroy her and her family. Yet even in this little hiding place she had happiness. It was something she had inside which did not depend on what happened around her. She had riches of the heart. She had faith that kept her going. She had love and concern for her family and others, which made even a restricted life very rich with feelings. It is tempting to believe that we will be happy when we have something outside ourselves, which will make us happy. But happiness is not something we have to find outside; the seeds are in our hearts already. What happiness can I find in my latest setback?

Another Reading - Food for Thought

Food Is Not Fun We have used eating as a form of recreation and have looked for excitement in food. For years, we have associated food with fun. What we need to remember constantly is that uncontrolled eating is no longer fun for us, but a trip into anguish. All of us have unpleasant memories of painful binges, which began as attempts to experience pleasure through a small indulgence. We need to put these memories to work for us by associating them with the first compulsive bite. The idea that more and better food will bring us fun and pleasure is an illusion. We know this in our heads, but we need to feel it in our guts. Food is nourishment for our bodies - nothing more. To experience pleasure with our minds and hearts and bodies, we open ourselves to richer interpersonal relationships, to aesthetic experiences, to sports and hobbies and work well done. Abstinence from compulsive overeating liberates us to enjoy our activities, which are fun. Thank You for the fun and joy that abstinence brings.

Another Reading - Each Day a New Beginning

"My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue, an everlasting vision of the ever-changing view." Carole King Every event of our lives is contributing a rich thread to our personal tapestry. Each of us is weaving one unique to ourselves, but all of our tapestries are complementary. We need others' rich designs in order to create our own. We seldom have the foresight to understand the worth, the ultimate value of a particular circumstance at its beginning. But hindsight offers us clarity. It's good to reflect on the many circumstances that failed to thrill us; in all cases we can now see why we needed them. As our trust in God and the goodness of all experiences grows, we'll more quickly respond with gladness when situations are fresh. No experience is meant for harm. We are coming to understand that, even though on occasion we forget. Practicing gratitude will help us more fully appreciate what has been offered us. Being grateful influences our attitude; it softens our harsh exterior and takes the threat out of most new situations. If I greet the day, glad to be alive, I will be gladdened by all the experiences in store for me. Each is making a necessary contribution to my wholeness.

Today's Reading - The Language of Letting Go

Clarity I know better than to not trust God. But sometimes, I forget that. When we are in the midst of an experience, it is easy to forget that there is a Plan. Sometimes, all we can see is today. If we were to watch only two minutes of the middle of a television program, it would make little sense. It would be a disconnected event. If we were to watch a weaver sewing a tapestry for only a few moments, and focused on only a small piece of the work, it would not look beautiful. It would look like a few peculiar threads randomly placed. How often we use that same, limited perspective to look at our life - especially when we are going through a difficult time. We can learn to have perspective when we are going through those confusing, difficult LEARNING times. When we are being pelleted by events that make us feel, think, and question, we are in the midst of learning something important. We can trust that something valuable is being worked out in us - even when things are difficult, even when we cannot get our bearings. Insight and clarity do not come until we have mastered our lesson. Faith is like a muscle. It must be exercised to grow strong. Repeated experiences of having to trust what we can't see and repeated experiences of learning to trust that things will work out, are what makes our faith muscles grow strong. Today, I will trust that the events in my life are not random. My experiences are not a mistake. The Universe, my Higher Power, and life are not picking on me. I am going through what I need to go through to learn something valuable, something that will prepare me for the joy and love I am seeking.

Today's Reading - In This Moment

In This Moment, I respond respectfully. If someone treats me critically, negatively, or disrespectfully, it's not because I deserve such treatment. I don't need to take their inventory, nor do I need to buy into their opinion. How I react to other people speaks volumes about me, my history, and my communication skills. By going to CoDA meetings, I'm learning how to speak up, set limits, and still be respectful of others.

Today's Reading - Voices of Recovery

"For many of us, fear, worry, and anxiety played a key role in our lives, robbing us of joy and keeping us from fulfilling our dreams." OA 12 & 12 p. 37 I was sick with fear about my job. I was afraid I was not doing well enough. I was afraid I would be fired. If only the fear would go away, then i could get abstinent, I thought, over and over again. I was dodging the truth behind the fear. I was not doing well enough, no matter how many extra hours I worked. I had to work extra hours because I couldn't get my work done during regular work hours. The foods I craved incessantly (because I ate them were keeping me sleepy and fogged. i had it backwards. i had to get abstinent first, not get rid of the fear first. I'm glad those two old fellows were right, the ones who liked to say, "You can't think yourself into a new way of acting, you have to act yourself into a new way of thinking." I'm glad I accepted that I could not control my feelings, but with God-given courage I could change my actions, in spite of how I felt.

Today's Reading - For Today

"Whoever is aware of his own failings will not find fault with the failing of other men." James Ross Other people's faults invariably match my ow. When I notice some particularly objectionable shortcoming in a person, I can generally be sure it is a defect I detest in myself. Without self-awareness, the habit of finding fault is a distarction that keeps me from seeing my own mistakes. As long as I look at another's wrongheadness, I don't see myself - the only person I can change. A daily tenth step turns my attention to myself so i will know what to do to put my life in order. For today: I don't need to concern myself with other people's faults; I have all the detective work i can handle to ferret out my own.

Affirmations

I find new ways of taking care of my body and staying healthy and I regularly take time out for myself. I am at peace with my age. Each age has its own Special joys and experiences. I am always the perfect age for where I am in Life.

Feelings Work

I feel: Sick in my stomach Grateful that that's all. Nervous. Very very thankful that L called back last night. And was so lovely with me this am. Scared that he's getting sick of me. And that that's because I'm a boring lackluster yet emotionally overwhelming person. Determined not to give up. I think it is because: Hm. Didn't exercise yesterday. (Rain). Ate a little too much? Still not registering the positives about me, so am so vulnerable to rejection feelings. Next time I will do differently: START REGISTERING. My dr. is ADAMANT about this! Even if I have to ask close friends to tell me what's good about me...what they love about me... 5 Good Things about Me: 1. I am pure of motive 2. I am there for my friends 3. I am intelligent 4. I do work. 5. I apparently have nice skin and hair.

My 100 Hundred Gratitudes Today

I am grateful: 1. I am grateful that L called last night to make up, after *I * misunderstood and overreacted. 2. That my doctor came yesterday 3. And it was a good – though hard lol – session 4. I am grateful on his behalf that he has moved, and loved where he is living now. 5. Books 6. JS 7. That people were talking about my “beautiful skin” yesterday. 8. And my “great hair.” 9. And M, about my being pure. 10. And my doctor, not hearing about these, happened to have been talking about registering things and that I NEED TO. 11. I’m grateful for food. 12. And food choices. 13. And the ability to exercise. 14. And clean laundry. 15. And that I put out the recycling 16. And I saw them take it. 17. And maybe someday I won’t need to do that (the watching). I didn’t always. 18. This, from today’s In This Moment: “I know what my values are.” 19. And, “I decide how I want to spend my time and live my life according to those values.” 20. And, “I am an adult, capable of taking care of myself and meeting my own needs.” ! 21. And this too, “My conscious choices further my goals and fill my spirit.” 22. This, from The Language of Letting Go: “Today, we are right where we need to be. Our present circumstances are exactly as they need to be - for now.” 23. And this: “Today, I will let go of my guilt and fear about my past and present circumstances. I will trust that where I have been and where I am now are right for me.” 24. I am grateful, so grateful, for breath. Very grateful. 25. And the deep breath that just came to me. 26. And orgasms. 27. And that I gave the students a good day yesterday. 28. And changed the schedule mid-day to make it better for them. 29. Recess. That we are allowed to give it. They NEED it! 30. “Fresh” air. 31. That maybe GMO foods will have to be labeled. 32. Organic foods. 33. Enough money to live. 34. I am grateful that at least twice – at least 4 times most days – I walk by the beautiful courtyard as walking through the halls at school. (Do I always remember to look?) 35. Even if I don’t remember to look, it must be doing something subliminal for me – as opposed to say, “never seeing the light of day.” 36. And maybe now I’ll ALWAYS remember to look. 37. And I shall definitely try to! 38. Piano 39. O. 40. M 41. Nice meeting yesterday. It went well. 42. Je giving me all that time yesterday and showing me Signup Genius 43. And I used it 44. And got so many answers 45. Today’s Each Day a New Beginning says, "Love has the quality of informing almost everything -- even one's work." And I believe this! 46. And although I do NOT give love in any situation for this reason, it is nice to read this: “The more love we give away, the more we receive.” Maybe that’s true. 47. And this is one of my favorite quotes ever! “Love wants to change me - and it can.” Wow. Love wants to change me. And it can. Wow. Wow. 48. My calligraphy done BY Thich Nhat Hanh: Love is the way. 49. And my other one done by him: Breathe, My Dear. I am so lucky to have them both. 50. And I was able to buy them for myself! 51. I went to London! 52. By myself! 53. And LOVED it! 54. And sat with Thich Nhat Hahn there! 55. And did a sit-in for peace with him in Trafalgar Square! 56. And sent L the video 57. And he loved the Avalokiteshvara chant. As I do! 58. And Avalokiteshvaa is the Bodhisattva of Compassion. 59. One day I will not be obese. 60. That God can show me how to love. 61. That God can show me how to live. 62. That God may be an actual being, or may be the spirit of goodness and joy and love and it’s okay and great either way. 63. This very interesting quote today also (Today’s Gift): “When we go out of our way to know someone else better, we stretch our own boundaries; we give ourselves new space in which to grow.” 64. And “What part of my life can I discover in someone new today?” 65. Pakora. I love it. The vegan kind, of course. And not too much of it. 66. Nuts 67. My RealAge book. 68. What a great thought (Twenty Four Hours a Day): “My whole life is only a succession of nows.” And so mindfulness-friendly. 69. That meditation should not be a JOB – but a JOY. And it IS – whenever I let it! 70. Ginger tea. Especially this morning when my stomach hurts so much. 71. Indian food that DOESN’T do that to me. (Like from restaurants, unlike the at-home one I had last night.) 72. Coffee. 73. And that I made it fresh this morning. 74. Water 75. Tv. I’m glad I have it. 76. Watching the news this morning. 77. I’m nervous about today – all those parents for the special event… but as the past is an indication of the future, it will probably be great. 78. Li. 79. What I”ve learned an continue to learn from OA. 80. Fun 81. Laughter 82. Sitcoms 83. Jokes 84. “Pets” 85. All the wonderful happy times J and I had with doggie 86. Photos 87. My iPhone 88. My laptop 89. My Nook 90. “My” SMARTBoard in the classroom 91. “My” piano in the classroom. 92. And that they put in a whole new workings for me recently! It really needed it. But that didn’t mean they were going to do it. They did! 93. And it got tuned just last week! 94. My piano at home. 95. That I paid for it. 96. In full. 97. And it is all mine. 98. And I play it. 99. And I love it. 100. And it is beautiful too.

Another Reading! - Twenty Four Hours a Day

Thought for the Day Fifty, I have learned to live one day at a time. I have finally realized the great fact that all I have is now. This sweeps away all vain regret and it makes my thoughts of the future free of fear. Now is mine. i can do what I want with it, I own it, for better or worse. What I do now, in this present moment, is what makes up my life. My whole life is only a succession of nows.

Another Reading - Today's Gift

"I love him and I cannot seem to find him." Ovi Where can we find the ones we love? Do they always live in our world, or do we have to go out of our way? They often are not at home; we can find them at their work. Their play is different from ours; we could try having their kind of fun. Too often, we look only for friends who are much like ourselves, and we tend to avoid those who are not. This kind of narrow-mindedness isn't fair to others or ourselves. We are each unique, like the pieces of a puzzle. We are each necessary to the whole picture. When we go out of our way to know someone else better, we stretch our own boundaries; we give ourselves new space in which to grow. What part of my life can I discover in someone new today?

Another Reading - Food for Thought

Abstaining from Harmful Relationships Habit sometimes locks us into relationships, which are not in our best interest. It is easy to mistake dependency for love. When we stop overeating compulsively, we can evaluate our attachments to other people with greater clarity and perception than was possible when we continually escaped into food. Our OA friends act as sounding boards for us as we try to sort out the healthy from the unhealthy relationships in our lives. We may find that for our continued growth we need to move away from old emotional entanglements, which are hampering our progress with the program. Abstaining from a harmful relationship can be as difficult at first as abstaining from compulsive overeating! The same physical restraint is necessary to keep ourselves from following old habit patterns. By taking Step Three, we make all of our relationships with other people subject to the will of our Higher Power. When God comes first, other loves fall into their proper places. Show me how to love.

Another Reading - Each Day a New Beginning

"Love has the quality of informing almost everything -- even one's work." Sylvia Ashton-Warner We are changed through loving and being loved. Our attitudes are profoundly and positively affected by the presence of love in our lives. each time we offer a loving response to a friend, co-workeer, even a stranger, we powerfully influence the dynamics of the interaction between us. Every response we make to someone changes us while it informs him or her. When we treat others with disdain, we invite the same. When we express only criticism of others, our self-assessment is equally negative. The beauty of a loving posture is that it calls forth love in response. The more love we give away, the more we receive. Any task before us is lessened when we carry love in our hearts. Love is more powerful than fear. Love helps to open the channel to God, assuring us of the strength, the understanding, and the patience needed to complete any assignment confronting us. God loves me, unconditionally. And i will experience the reality of that love the more I give it away. Love wants to change me - and it can.

Today's Reading - The Language of Letting Go

Letting Go of the Past "...in thy book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." - Ps. 139:16 Some people believe that each of our days were planned, Divinely Ordered, before we were born. God knew, they say, and planned exactly what was to transpire. Others suggest we CHOSE, we participated in planning our life - the events, the people, the circumstances that were to take place, in order to work through our issues and learn the lessons we needed to master. Whatever our philosophy, our interpretation can be similar: Our past is neither an accident nor a mistake. We have been where we need to be, with the necessary people. We can embrace our history, with its pain, its imperfections, its mistakes, even its tragedies. It is uniquely ours; it was intended just for us. Today, we are right where we need to be. Our present circumstances are exactly as they need to be - for now. Today, I will let go of my guilt and fear about my past and present circumstances. I will trust that where I have been and where I am now are right for me.

Today's Reading - In This Moment

In This Moment, I choose. Now that I'm recovering from codependence, I make decisions in my life based on what I think is important, not what other people say I "should" do. I know what my values are. I decide how I want to spend my time and live my life according to those values. I have clearly defined goals. I am an adult, capable of taking care of myself and meeting my own needs. My conscious choices further my goals and fill my spirit.

Today's Reading - Voices of Recovery

"I didn't want the other fellows to start noticing what I ate." To the Man Who Wants to Stop Compulsive Overeating, Welcome p. 3 We share our personal histories at meetings, as this man was doing when he told about beginning to be secretive about his eating. I'm not a man. I'm no a construction worker, as he was. No canteen truck came around onto my work site. nothing about his story fits my life. I'm completely different from him. Or am I? Did I really never care what people saw me eat? When did I want to hide my eating? When we talk about using the telephone as a tool, we observe that isolation is common among us. Being secretive about eating is a symptom of our disease. What that man was sharing identified a symptom of our disease. As I further notice the quality of my behavior, I have more desire to change. Good things have happened when I've listened to others sharing in order to recognize my own symptoms. I need to notice the quality of my listening. It is a measure of my spiritual condition.

Today's Reading - For Today

"Better hazard once than always be in fear." Thomas Fuller My fears are just below the surface. I am not aware that much of my fear is of looking ridiculous or finding out I'm not too bright or that I'm narrow and small-minded underneath my civilized veneer. But it's better to jump in and examine my fears than to let them haunt me the rest of my life. I take a fourth-step inventory, skimming the surface at first, then digging deeper. The more honest I am, the more freely I breathe. THIS is what I feared? I want to shout to he world: Don't be afraid! For today: I am not afraid to take the next step. Everyone I know who took the fourth and fifth steps lived to tell about it.

My 100 Gratitudes Today

I am grateful: 1. God. 2. Hope. 3. Waking up this morning. 4. The thought that who knows what this day could bring? There could be joy in this day. 5. That I can MAKE some joy. 6. That in the BIG PICTURE, do I really have any problems? The thing with my mother and possible no inheritance at all because the social worker is lying to her to get her to receive help is driving me nuts, but should it be? I must stay calm, and do what I can. Like the OA “surrender” advice: Trust in God but buy broccoli. 7. I literally let the dishes pile up: ( But when I went to do, it was such a little thing. Took no time. All that delay and avoidance for nothing. Grateful for another lesson learned. 8. I realized yesterday while walking to pick up the kids from gym class, how lovely the feeling of moving my legs is. How fortunate I am to be able to move my legs and walk about the building. 9. When my first principal in this district wrote about me in a recommendation, “She walks about the building with a quiet sense of dignity.” How beautiful. I still love that. Always will. 10. That the building where I work is so pretty! Lots of glass. Mid-century modern. 11. And has a plant and flower-filled courtyard. I have never seen a school like this before. 12. Today’s In This Moment – the day before yesterday and yesterday were the first days in my adult life that I put my needs first in a healthy way! 13. I WILL find a new blog format that lets me label and categorize again, like all grats, all recipes, all journal entries… I hate that this one started mushing everything together and I WILL find one! 14. Today’s Language of Letting Go, first line: “Open ourselves to the love that is available to us.” What a huge concept. Huge. What if I – and you – REALLY opened ourselves to the love that is available to us. What a life! 15. That I am open to doing that. 16. That you never know. I am grateful for that. Like, I never would have known that I could enjoy kissing again. Less than a year ago, I actually believed I would never kiss again. And the very thought of it was vomitous. 17. And I certainly thought I would never be able to date again. Yet I am. 18. And so the thought comes that you never know how nice life could be 5 years from now… 19. And this day too. 20. And this line from Language of Letting Go today too: “We have paid our dues.” Yes. I remember my first job, relationships, giving, problems, . . I have paid my dues. And this: “Today, I will open myself to the love that is coming to me from the Universe. I will accept it and enjoy it when it comes.” Yes. Beautiful. Yes. 21. That I had coffee this morning. 22. And did my work emails. 23. And the dishes. 24. That each day really is a new beginning 25. That I have walked up and down indoor and outdoor stairs so much this morning! Literally worked up body heat. 26. Between the laundry and recycling trips, many times up and down. And I’m so grateful that I CAN walk up and down steps. Really. 27. I FINALLY(!) took out the recycling! Finally! It has been months! Clean store brown paper bags piled up inside each other in back of teeny efficiency kitchen and even a few in the cellar! And shoe boxes… FINALLY – there isn’t one in the house! I am SO glad about his. 28. AMAZING feeling –even though standing in dining room looking at kitchen I couldn’t see the bags, which were around the corner in the back, so I’m surprised! Just standing in the dining room feels so much – cleaner. Deep breaths coming! Wow. 29. Proud of self. May seem silly, but proud of self. 30. Grateful that have done so much this morning. Laundry, dishwasher load, all that recycling. 31. And that I am now sitting here enjoying a cup of decaf Earl Gray tea, plain and black. 32. And that I know I deserve it. (Although we do anyway, but I really feel it today). 33. Today’s Each Day a New Beginning – every word of it. Oh my gosh – so good. 34. I feel SO MUCH better now. 35. That DOING actually DOES feel better. 36. Knowing in this moment that what I missed out on learning or having (not talking materially) growing up, does not matter now. I have a NEW MOMENT EVERY MOMENT. Oh. What a deep breath just came. Wow. Tremendous. 37. That coffee does help my mood in the morning. 38. And this morning that helped get me going to do things. 39. That I do sleep at night. 40. I am okay. With all that is going on, I am okay. 41. I figured something out this morning too. By writing about it, in an email to J (who still does SO MUCH for my mother), I came up with a very possible solution! Maybe she CAN get help AND we can still have some little inheritance, which she wants so much for us to have, and worked SO HARD for! Phew. Maybe. Anyway, phew. 42. I had a healthy dinner last night. Lots of nutrients. 43. And delicious too. 44. And I made it myself. 45. This week, I am able to feel satisfied (food). Just before like really full, but satisfied and don’t want any more. That’s a miracle! 46. And am eating healthy things. And that’s no coincidence about feeling satisfied, right? 47. The Internet. That I have access to those daily readings on line. 48. And of course my print daily readings books too. 49. And email. Another advantage of the Internet. 50. My laptop. I am not the most technological person(!) but I AM so grateful for computers. 51. My Nook. 52. Good books. 53. I’m especially learning from The REALAGE Diet. 54. And putting things I’m learning into place right away! 55. This caring enough about health, nutrition and weight to really DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, happily and in the moment in the day, is really a miracle. I am so grateful for it! 56. This line from Food for Thought today: “When we look back on former disappointments, we are often able to see that what we so desperately wanted at the time would not have been the best thing for us.” 57. I have serious doubts about a lot of what that entry says. I do not believe in a plan for all. But I like that line. 58. I just talked with M. It can be – feel, not be – a little overwhelming in the mornings because she is SUCH a fast talker and topic to topic… and a great listener when I’m in NEED but otherwise not so much due to her own current anxiety, but I love her. And it is nice to not be alone in the morning. 59. And nice for her too. 60. And I just walked through the kitchen to hang up the laundry and saw that 3 foot area of floor behind the cellar door, for the first time in MONTHS. 61. And I knelt at the window and WATCHED THEM. They TOOK the recycling! I don’t know fully yet why it’s such a big deal for me – do I have the right day for the right stuff, will they take it, will they reject my garbage…I know it’s sick but I’m not fully to the heart of it yet. But I am SO GRATEFUL that I brought it ALL down and they took it ALL. And there is not one paper bag in this house that shouldn’t be here. For the first time in many months! 62. And next week I shall take out the comingles. Yay. 63. Plus – and I’m sure this shouldn’t count, but in one small way it does – a small side-effect is that the next time L is here, neither of those recycling areas in my house will be full of stuff. Phew too. 64. I am bringing a healthy lunch today. 65. And I have plenty of healthy dinner foods too. 66. My doctor finally comes today! (Shrink). Yay! 67. This line from today’s Today’s Gift: “We always have room for more in our lives. When we are ready for it, what we need for growth will emerge.” 68. And that I first made a typo and put i instead of it. Which made it a great point too: “We always have room for more in our lives. When we are ready for I, what we need for growth will emerge.” Wow. Huge. 69. I am so grateful that I am healthy this day. So grateful. 70. And that I have the luxury, the luxury – of time. Time to do my spiritual work, for example. If I were working 14 hours a day in a factory, I wouldn’t have this time and energy to do it. 71. I am grateful that I can read. 72. As usually, I am so grateful for access to plenty of fresh, clean water. 73. This affirmation, which I found today: “I release the past and allow the joy to flow into my life. My future only reflects my past if i allow it to. I now choose to move past old limitations and negativity.” And it goes so well with what I was thinking just this morning. 74. That I have a car that runs. 75. And I like it too. (Pretty). 76. And it is comfortable for me 77. I have a party to go to this weekend! : ) 78. And the people like me 79. And I, them. 80. I am generous. 81. I am smart. 82. I am grateful for this blanket I have around me right now. 83. I am grateful that I can see. 84. I am grateful that I have heat. 85. And lights. 86. And for my kithen sink. 87. I am grateful that I found this little slippers. 88. I am grateful for wood. I love wook. 89. And gold 90. And diamonds. 91. And silver 92. And my little Buddha necklace. 93. And for meditation. (Want to do it more). 94. And for MY piano! 95. And that I can play. 96. And type. 97. I am grateful that little Ju has started to open up to me in a friendly way 98. And that I’ve found the strengthS in little M 99. And that little A and I have connected. 100. I am grateful that I even care about these things.

Affirmations

I release the past and allow the joy to flow into my life. My future only reflects my past if i allow it to. I now choose to move past old limitations and negativity. I trust in the process of life. All of my creative projects bring me great satisfaction.

Feelings Work

I feel: Better. Still a bit chest-nervous about both my mother's welfare, and the inheritance possible total loss. Okay in all the biggest senses. Grateful. And grateful that I AM grateful. I'm okay. Not great (because of my own head) and not bad. But I'm okay. I think it is because; I am doing the daily gratitudes. i am doing my daily spiritual work. I did the laundry, a load of dishes, and took out that recycling. And I am breathing so well. Maybe because of the fresh organic foods and the walks. Thank God. Thank God. I remember when I struggled for breath. And I did the "next right thing" all day yesterday. And I sleep. I slept. Next time: Keep it up! 5 Good Things about Me: 1. I have never given up! 2. I smile a lot. Maybe could be more, but a lot more than I used to! 3. I am patient with people. (Maybe to much so, but still). 4. I am able to ENJOY time. 5. I am pretty (enough lol).

Another Reading Today - Today's Gift

"Before he closed his eyes, he let them wander round his old room . . . familiar and friendly things . . . which were so glad to see him again and could always be counted on for the same simple welcome." Kenneth Grahame When they decided they needed another voice in the house, they transformed the room again: out went the fold-out couch, in came a crib and rocking chair; off went the art gallery prints from the walls, up went Winnie-the-Pooh. It as no longer a guest room, but a place for the baby, a new - and permanent - member of the family. We always have room for more in our lives. When we are ready for it, what we need for growth will emerge. What do the rooms inside our homes and ourselves have to tell us about the way we live our lives?

Another Reading Today - Food for Thought

Accepting God's Will Disappointments and hurts can send us into an orgy of self-pity if we are not wiling to accept them as part of our Higher Power's plan. We do not understand why we must suffer disappointments and frustrations, but trusting God means that we accept our share of this world's pain. When we look back on former disappointments, we are often able to see that what we so desperately wanted at the time would not have been the best thing for us. Our vision and judgment are limited. Faith that God is managing our lives according to His purpose can relieve us o unnecessary hurt and frustration. To accept God's will is not to passively absorb all that happens to us like an inert sponge. It is to actively seek knowledge of His plan for our lives and to purposefully work according to the knowledge we receive. Acceptance is positive and cooperative. Your will is what I seek to accept.

Another Reading Today - Each Day a New Beginning

"The universal human yearning (is) for something permanent, enduring, without shadow of change." Willa Cather The specter of change builds dread in most of us. We fear the effects on our personal lives. We lack faith that the impending change will benefit us. Only time can assure us of that. And it will, just as every change we've survived up to now has done. Changes are gifts, really. They come as hallmarks to our present attainments. They signify successful growth. And they announce our readiness for more growth. How we struggle to understand this, and how quickly we forget it once we have adapted to the change. The struggle is then repeated the next time change visits us. We long for permanence, believing it guarantees security, not realizing the only real security available to us come with our trust in God, from whom all change comes as a blessing on the growth we've attained. If we were to experience total lack of change, we'd find death. Life is challenge, continued change, always endurable and growth enhancing. We can reflect on what's gone before, and trust that which faces us now. Change means I am progressing, on course.

Another Reading Today - Twenty Four Hours a Day

Thought for the Day Fourth, I have turned to a Power greater than myself. Thank God, I am no longer at the center of the universe. The entire world does not revolve around me any longer. I am only one among many. I have a Father in heaven and I am only one of His children and a small one at that. But I can depend on Him to show me what to do and to give me the strength to do it. I am on the Way and the whole power of the universe is behind me when I do the right thing. I do not have to depend entirely on myself any longer. With God, I can face anything. Is my life in the hands of God? Meditation for the Day The grace of God is an assurance against all evil. It holds out security to the believing soul. The grace of God means safety in the midst of evil. You can be kept unspotted by the world through the power of His grace. you can have a new life of power. But only in close contact with the gace of God is its power realized. In order to realize it and benefit from it, you must have daily quiet communion with God, so that the power of HIs grace will come unhindered into your soul. Prayer for the Day I pray that I may be kept from evil by the grace of God. I pray that henceforth I will gry to keep myself more unspotted by the world.

Today's Reading - The Language of Letting Go

Opening Ourselves to Love Open ourselves to the love that is available to us. We do not have to limit our sources of love. God and the Universe have an unlimited supply of what we need, including love. When we are open to receiving love, we will begin to receive it. it may come from the most surprising places, including from within ourselves. We will be open to and aware of the love that is and has been there for us all along. We will feel and appreciate the love from friends. We will notice and enjoy the love that comes to us from family. We will be ready to receive love in our special lvoe relationships too. We do not have to accept love from unsafe people - people who will exploit us or with whom we don't want to have relationships. But there is plenty of good love available - love that heals our heart, meets our needs, and makes our spirit sing. We have denied ourselves too long. We have been martyrs too long. We have given so much and allowed ourselves to receive too little. We have paid our dues. It is time to continue the chain of giving and receiving by allowing ourselves to receive. Today, I will open myself to the love that is coming to me from the Universe. I will accept it and enjoy it when it comes.

Today's Reading - In This Moment

In This Moment, I know to reach for the oxygen! On a recent trip, a flight attendant instructed us, "In an emergency, put the oxygen mask on yourself first. Then you will be able to help others." This made sense in an airplane - and in my life. When I was growing up, everyone else's needs came first. As an adult, I continued to put myself last. Trying to take care of everyone else was overwhelming. I lost myself. My life was unmanageable. In CoDA, I'm learning to put my own needs first. I accept my Higher Power's guidance. In a crisis, I reach for the oxygen first. I'm confident that my Higher Power keeps it within easy reach.

Today's Reading - Voices of Recovery

"Rather, we came to understand that the basis for stopping our compulsive eating behaviors - and staying stopped - in personal inner change." A Plan of Eating p. 1 Change is the key word for me in the above quote. I went into the program looking for another diet club. I kept coming back because I couldn't understand how Overeaters Anonymous worked. I kept looking and listening for the solution, and finally I found it. I would have to change the way I was eating, behaving, and thinking. The changes would happen inside myself, so the outside could change. The directions for how to change were in the Twelve Steps. Somehow, I knew that if I followed the Steps, I would achieve physical, emotional, and spiritual health. I am grateful to a program of recovery that has allowed me to understand that recovery from compulsive eating is possible if I choose to change.

Today's Reading - For Today

"All the mind's activity is easy, if it is not subjected to reality." Marcel Proust My best thinking got me into trouble. I could "think" my life to suit me; the only problem was that it didn't work. There was too great a gap between what my mind dreamed up and reality. For a compulsive overeater certain convictions are the bitter enemies of truth. The conviction that if I had enough willpower I could overcome anything pushed me ever deeper into the mire of addiction. This program is helping me to let go some long-cherished opinions and attend more to the real nature of things. I am coming to understand myself as I free my mind of conventional ideas about human strengths and weaknesses. For myself: I am powerless over food. No matter how much I wish to control my eating, I cannot, I am a compulsive overeater, no matter what my mind may have to say on the matter. For today: I turn to my experience with compulsive overeating to help me distinguish conventional thinking from reality.

My 100 Hundred Gratitudes Today

I am grateful: 1. Dental floss 2. Toothpaste 3. Tic tacs 4. Toothbrush 5. My toothbrush that I keep at L’s, too 6. Sitcomz 7. My hands 8. My eyesight 9. Li and ALL the help he’s given me 10. And now it is Tuesday morning. I am grateful that I woke up. 11. And that I slept. 12. And that I have my readings. 13. Our art program yesterday 14. Such nice parents 15. Such happy kids 16. That I seem to be helping little H, who is so scared all the time, it seems, of “getting in trouble” or something. 17. Not being so lonely anymore. 18. This relationship with L. I think it’s right for me right now. More would pull me right back in to giving up myself and becoming fully obsessed. Less would leave me feeling more lonely. 19. This relationship is helping me grow. 20. And stretch. Step outside my comfort zone more. 21. And be more active. Which is VERY good for this lazy introvert! 22. And it is brining me some pleasure. 23. That I meditated a little yesterday. 24. With the students. 25. And they sat IMMEDIATELY and “got into it!” I’m so glad for them as well as for me. 26. That my piano at school got tuned 27. And even more importantly, fixed! : ) 28. Today’s Language of Letting Go. Wonderful! 29. Wow! Today’s “Today’s Gift” – I’m really glad I chose to do the extra today. That’s a great one. 30. “In what ways is my life comfortable, easy, and full of love?” Wow. Yes. Like comfortable in terms of temperature here (home) and at work. 31. And drive in. An easy, pleasant drive. 32. And if I go the slightly longer way, it’s even a particularly beautiful ride. 33. And look at all the foods I bought yesterday. 34. And I have phones 35. And a cell phone. Wow. 36. Easy – I am not spending hours of my life worrying about scrambling for survival. 37. Easy – I have so many conveniences. Like microwave 38. And oven 39. And burners 40. And sinks 41. And tub with shower 42. And hot water 43. And refrigerator 44. And lights 45. And laptop 46. And Nook . . . 47. Full of love – I have M 48. And O 49. And MA 50. And J 51. And L 52. And Jo 53. And S 54. And St 55. And the students 56. And their parents 57. Today’s Each Day a New Beginning. I’m glad I did that one too. 58. This line from it: “Our own thoughts and words, our own labels can become as powerful as those of our youth.” 59. And this too: “It takes practice to believe in ourselves. But we can break the past's hold on us.” 60. Those 2 free health magazines at the hfs. 61. God 62. Meditation 63. Thich Nhat Hanh 64. His monks and nuns 65. I am still – ever? – so grateful that I got to go to London. 66. And that I did go. 67. And that I did it alone. 68. And planned it alone. 69. And LOVED it!!!!! What a wonderful experience. I am SO fortunate. Still paying it off, lol. First time since in my 20’s with credit card debt . . .but SO grateful! 70. Very grateful for “Food for Thought” reading today too. 71. And I have hummus – Fantastic hummus from the box. 72. And it has less fat and fewer calories than the store-bought 73. but is less trouble than the homemade. 74. And tomatoes 75. I lost the 5 pounds I’d gained. 76. And 5 more. 77. And I’m about to have breakfast 78. And make my lunch to bring. 79. I am grateful that I bring my lunch. 80. And that my gratitudes are helping M! 81. And L! 82. A meditation for today which says, “Though it may seem a paradox, we must believe in spiritual forces, which we cannot see more than in material things which we can see, if we are going to truly live. 83. “In the last analysis, the universe consists more of thought or mathematical formulas than it does of matter, as we understand it. 84. “Between one human being and another only spiritual forces will suffice to keep them in harmony. These spiritual forces we know, because we can see their results although we cannot see them. 85. “A changed life – a new personality – results from the power of unseen spiritual forces working in us and through us. 86. “Prayer for the Day I pray that I may believe in the Unseen. I pray that I may be convinced by the results of the Unseen, which I do see.” 87. I walked at lunchtime again for half an hour. 88. And it was threatening to rain, and drizzling a little. But I did it anyway. 89. And it was wonderful! 90. And – my legs were like BEGGING me to! 91. Then I brought the walkers for my mother 92. After getting them before school 93. And I’m happy that I “just did the next right thing” AND that she was so thankful “for everything.” 94. The kids are so cute. 95. And I think I’m beginning to understand the cryers 96. And help better. 97. The science today was fun for all. 98. I am grateful for safe drives again. So many safe drives. So lucky. 99. And that I took the time for ME – to have MY healthy breakfast and pack MY healthy lunch. 100. This is the second day in my adult life that I really put myself first in a healthy way.

Affirmations

I release all criticism. I only give out that which I wish to receive in return. My love and acceptance of others is mirrored in me in every moment. I choose to dwell in a world of love and acceptance. I have compassion for me and for others. I listen with Love to my body's messages. My body is always working toward optimum health. My body wants to be Whole and Healthy. I cooperate and become healthy, whole and complete.

Feelings Work

I feel: Kind of proud of myself. Kind of overwhelmed. Not too fearful, but a little. Very grateful. Somewhat capable. I think it is because: Proud that I am doing so many things I should be doing. My students are happy and learning. I am doing my spiritual work daily. Overwhelmed because I need to do some of the things around here that I have been putting off. Out of fear. And I found out just last night(!) that my mother is to be released tomorrow - I have a million things to do plus I'm working and there is literally no time to get them done for her release! Not too fearful but a little - I am a little fearful, but believing that fear is at the root of all that is wrong, I work on that and am not nearly as fearful as I used to be. Very grateful. Love, food, water, job, so much. Somewhat capable. At the very worst, I will get done the minimal that must get done this day. And I paid all those bills. And have a better system now. And - I just stopped my spiritual work and went down and put out all the garbage - including last week's, which was still in the driveway! And - I've been walking more. Next time: Do the above! 5 Good Things about Me: 1. I care about the children. 2. I am a good friend. So my friends say. 3. I am smart. 4. I do what HAS to be done. 5. I am able to relax.

More Readings Today! - Twenty Four Hours a Day

Thought for the Day Third, I have learned how to be honest. What a relief! No more ducking or dodging. No more tall tales. No more pretending to be what I am not. My cards are on the table for the entire world to see. "I am what I am," as Popeye used to say in the comics. I have had an unsavory past. I am sorry, yet. But it cannot be changed now. All that is yesterday and is done. But now my life is an open book. Come and look at it, if you want to. I'm trying to do the best I can. I will fail often, but I won't make excuses. I will face things as they are and not run away. Am i really honest?

More Readings Today! - Food for Thought

Tomorrow Is Another Day As compulsive overeaters; we can be tormented by the urge to finish everything right now, today. That was the way we used to eat, and it may still be the way we try to operate in other areas of behavior. It is possible to exchange our addiction to food for an addiction to work or perfection. Trying to do everything today is just another example of self will run riot. We are not super people and we cannot perform miracles. It is our Higher Power who makes possible our accomplishments, and His work is done slowly and gradually. God never expects more of us than we are able to deliver. It is our own pride that entices us to tackle the impossible. As long as we are alive, our work will not be finished. Each day we are given new tasks to do and new experiences to enjoy. What we do not complete today can be continued tomorrow, according to the will of our Higher Power. I leave tomorrow's tasks for tomorrow.

More Readings Today - Each Day a New Beginning

"...words are more powerful than perhaps anyone suspects, and once deeply engraved in a child's mind, they are not easily eradicated." May Sarton How burdened we became, as little girls, with the labels applied by parents, teachers, even school chums. We believe about ourselves what others teach us to believe. The messages aren't always overt. But even the very subtle ones are etched in our minds, and they remind us of our "shortcomings long into adulthood. Try as we might to forget the criticisms, the names, they linger in our memories and influence our self-perceptions as adults. The intervening years have done little to erase whatever emotional scars we acquired as children. Our partnership with God will help us understand that we are spiritual beings with a wonderful purpose in this life. And we are as lovely, as capable, and as successful as we perceive ourselves to be. Our own thoughts and words, our own labels can become as powerful as those of our youth. It takes practice to believe in ourselves. But we can break the past's hold on us. My higher power will help me know the real me. I am all that I ever needed to be; I am special, and I will come to believe that.

More Readings Today! - Today's Gift

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself." D.H. Lawrence Sometimes when we feel sorry for ourselves we will sit alone in our bedroom. We may even feel so down in the dumps that we decide to stay there, indulging in self-pity, thinking about how the world is against us. However, if we use our imagination to step outside our own point of view for a moment, we might think differently. If we were deer in the forest, we would be thinking about keeping safe from the wolves, and where our next meal would be coming from. The animals have no time to feel sorry for themselves, they are too busy doing what has to be done to survive, and each thing that happens presents a new survival problem to be solved. When we feel blue, it helps to keep this in mind. If we have the time to feel down, and can get physically comfortable while doing it, how bad can the problem really be? In what ways is my life comfortable, easy, and full of love?

Today's Reading - The Language of Letting Go

Morning Cues There is an important message for us first thing every day. Often, once we get started with the day, we may not listen as closely to ourselves and life as we do in those still moments when we first awaken. An ideal time to listen to ourselves is when we are laying quietly, our defenses are down, and we're open and most vulnerable. What is the first feeling that floods through us, the feeling that perhaps we are trying to avoid during the business of the day? Are we angry, frustrated, hurt, or confused? That is what we need to focus on and work through. That's the issue we need to address. When you awaken, what is the first idea or though that enters your mind? Do you need to finish a timely project? Are you in need of a fun day? A restful day? Do you feel sick and need to nurture yourself? Are you in a negative frame of mind? Do you have an issue to resolve with someone? Do you need to tell someone something? Is something bothering you? Is something feeling particularly good? Does an idea occur to you, something you could get or do that would feel good? When you awaken, what is the first issue that presents itself? You don't have to be fearful. You don't have to rush. You can lay still and listen and then accept the message. We can define some of our recovery goals for the day by listening to the morning message. God, help me let go of my need to be in resistance to the harmonic flow of life. Help me learn to go with the flow and accept the help and support that You have to offer me.

Today's Reading - In This Moment

In This Moment, I feel sadness. Daddy worked into his eighties. Then he started having problems orienting himself. In a short time, he had to stop working and driving. He has dementia. On the outside he looks like my father. On the inside, well, I just don't know what's going on inside him these days. Thank God for my years in CoDA. Thanks to recovery, I let go of wanting Daddy to be different. I accept my father as he is, a man who is often frustrated and sometimes drinks, who loves my mother and me very much, wHo cares deeply for family and friends. Once, I asked my father if he had faith. He said, "No." Because of my recovery, I know that Daddy has a Higher Power even if he doesn't realize i. I know my Higher Power will guide me through this difficult time.

Today's Reading - Voices of Recovery

"...we focused on others' faults and thought for hours about what they should do to solve their problems, while our own problems went unsolved." OA 12 & 12 Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous p.. 12 I've done that for hours. I've done it for days when someone made me angry. I've done it for years when I thought about how I was brought up. When people share the mess instead of the message, at meetings or elsewhere, I realize that I am not alone in getting things backward. I'm grateful that something (Could it be my Higher Power?) has been waking me out of these long reveries with the question, "And am I doing what I would suggest to them?" It's promising when I realize how my advice would apply to myself. It's progress when I put my advice into practice. May I tell myself early and often to mind my own business. May I take notice and act accordingly when my Higher Power gently makes a suggestion.

Today's Reading - For Today

"Discord gives a relish for concord." Publilius Syrus Fighting the disease of compulsive overeating is fighting myself. That struggle gave me a deep appreciation of the peace I found in OA. That is one reason not to regret what I had to go through to get here. Being human, however, I still bring discord into my life: I sometimes get angry over my own and others' mistakes; I argue over minor matters as though my life depended on it; I eat too much and hate myself for it. Thank God, I can accept all that today. I am a human being and a compulsive overeater recovering one day at a time. For today: I am aware of the progress U have made in this program. My moments of discord show me how great my blessings are.

ANOTHER Hundred Gratitudes today!

I am grateful: 1. Safe ride to work today 2. Safe ride home 3. I spent a lot of money at Trader Joe’s and the health food store, but I am so grateful that I had it to spend on such good things. 4. I’m grateful that I bought no junk 5. And that I got lots of canned organic beans of different kinds. Including pinto 6. And adzuki 7. And garbanzo 8. And great northern 9. And canned organic corn 10. And lot of organic frozen vegetables. Including broccoli 11. And spinach 12. And green beans 13. And organic whole wheat pasta – 3 bags 14. And whole grain pasta - Ezekia 15. And organic sauce – 1 jar. Nice 16. And meat analogs. Including Gardein chic scallopini 17. And burgers 18. And Boca burgers 19. And Yves vegan salami 20. And Yves vegan ham, which I just tasted for the first time ever, at L’s yesterday 21. And 2 vegan frozen pizzas 22. And TJ’s meatless meatballs 23. And organic red chard 24. And organic celery 25. And organic potatoes 26. And organic apples 27. And organic frozen strawberries 28. And organic blueberries 29. And non-GMO soy yogurts 30. And organic vanilla almond milk 31. And two things for L’s drawer, oth organic 32. And organic spelt whole grain bread 33. And organic flax cereal 34. And organic steel cut oats 35. And organic polenta 36. And Daiya cheese – two kinds! 37. And organic no-stir creamy peanut butter – 2 jars! 38. And 8 rolls of toilet tissue 39. And organic canned green beans 40. And really nice frozen Indian things – 2 of them – I don’t remember if they’re organic 41. And organic olive oil 42. And organic canola oil 43. And whole grain English muffins 44. And whole grain other bread thing – little things 45. And I checked everything boxed for fiber. 46. And for sodium 47. And for protein 48. And organic popcorn kernels. Which can be cooked in microwave in brown paper bag like lunch bag, or in a little oil in a pot 49. And light coconut milk 50. And stuff to put on oatmeal. Including organic dried prunes 51. And organic raisins 52. And organic dried apple slices 53. And organic coconut 54. And I bought Earth Balance 55. And whole wheat Arborio rice 56. And organic quinoa 57. And organic brown rice 58. And organic oranges – 2 of them 59. And organic lettuces 60. And organic coffee. Wow. 61. And I have bulgur in the house 62. And lentils 63. And dal 64. And split peas (all dried) 65. And other beans 66. And canned soups 67. And boxed soups 68. And canned chili 69. And so much stuff in the fridge that I cooked, too. Including chili 70. And pasta veggie protein dish 71. And veggie protein bake 72. And a frozen banana 73. And broth 74. And I have two boxes of organic vegan “chicken” broth 75. Wow – I now have a house FULL OF HEALTHY FOOD! And it will last a while, too! 76. And I have lots of water 77. And even organic limes! 78. And organic turnips. Wow. 79. I’m sitting here having a nice glass of cheap(!) but tasty Merlot. 80. M’s call 81. And that I offered her that help 82. And actually, it also works out better that she didn’t accept it anyway. 83. L’s call 84. My mother should be going home Wednesday! It means 5 tons of work for me – in one day – when I’m working (!) – but I’m so happy for her! 85. I believe I shall sleep tonight 86. And I’m reading that RealAge book, 87. On my Nook! 88. and loving it 89. My eyeglasses 90. And sunglasses 91. And reading/piano glasses 92. MAYBE will be able to play in concert in January. Maybe. We’ll see. 93. Clean clothes for tomorrow 94. A great ½ hour walk at lunchtime today! 95. Overhearing two colleagues talking about their classes at their gym, in a most favorable way. 96. And finding out about it, and now *I’m * deciding whether I want to join that one too 97. My pink water bottle 98. Claritin 99. Yogi teas 100. Bergamot tea. I’m about to have a cup right now. My gosh, I am so lucky.

Affirmations

As I say yes to Life, Life says yes to me. Life mirrors my every thought. As I keep my thoughts positive, life brings me only good experiences. As I say yes to Life, Life says yes to me. Life mirrors my every thought. As I keep my thoughts positive, life brings me only good experiences. As I say yes to Life, Life says yes to me. Life mirrors my every thought. As I keep my thoughts positive, life brings me only good experiences.

Feelings Work

I feel - because: Rushed. Lazy. Want to sit around Happy. Because if I had the time off, I would really fall into the laziness. Grateful. SO GRATEFUL that I am happy to be alive and am basically ok now. Oh my gosh, this blogging has really helped/is really helping me! Next time: Keep eating these great food. And losing weight. And reading. And sleeping. And watching what I ingest including tv and radio and CDs and reading. Continue reading and trying to live the Five Mindfulness Trainings. Meditating. Doing my daily spiritual work. Including meditation. 5 Good Things about Me: 1. I try to be positive. 2. To myself but also to others. 3. I am open-minded 4. I am honest with myself. 5. I am able to have fun, alone and with others.

My 100 Gratitudes Today

I am grateful: 1. A beautiful ride home yesterday. Only about 2 seconds of discomfort, remembering the horrendous(!) ride home last time. But smooth and easy and safe. Not even traffic. Yay. 2. One of the best visits I’ve ever had with my mother 3. L. calling and apologizing for not taking me to the yarn store. It was really no big deal, and his apology shows me again how hard he is trying. 4. That I woke up today. 5. That I am grateful for that. It is infinitely, unspeakably better than when I really didn’t want to. I thank God that I do want to now. 6. That I have a house. Litte, needs work, owe money on it, but I have it. 7. That it is all mine because I pay/paid for it. 8. That I have a job 9. That I have a car. 10. I have finally lost the 5 pounds I’d gained back. 11. AND – ANOTHER 5! Yay! 12. And I feel better eating well. 13. And want to do it more. 14. And INTEND TO DO IT MORE. 15. This great quote, which I really need, from today’s For Today: "The man who looks for security, even in the mind, is like a man who would chop off his limbs in order to have artificial ones which will give him no pain or trouble." Henry Miller 16. In fact, that entire For Today. 17. That although I’m still having some little fear-or-is-it-insecurity, and even a little resistance “I don’t WANT to have to work,” I AM energetic enough to go to work today. Yay. And I SHALL do a good job by those children. 18. Today’s In This Moment. Prioritize. And don’t worry, let alone panic, about it ALL: ) 19. I’m like, nervous and lazy feeling. Just want to sit around, not go to work. BUT – the thing is, I’m OKAY, emotionally. I’m SO grateful for that! 20. And that I have been that way for a number of days lately! 21. Especially since paying those bills omg. So glad I got that done “in time.” 22. And that I think a lesson is learned for the future. 23. AND – a phobia lessened. Phew. 24. Hummus. 25. Especially Fantastic that you mix, which has fewer calories, les fat, and more protein. And tastes yummy and satisfying. 26. Ezekial break (flourless) 27. Tomatoes. Grown in soil, NOT hydroponic! 28. Pic walks that I make for L. 29. Today’s Language of Letting Go 30. My lovely chat with L when he called this morning. 31. Telling him I like when he calls. 32. Him saying he loves chatting with me in the mornings. 33. My nice talk with M this morning 34. My great long talk with MA yesterday. 35. My time with O the other night. Close. Girlfriendly. 36. The stuff I’ve ALREADY learning from that one 45 minute talk by John Gray! 37. And that L is so open to continuing to learn that also! 38. My eyedrops. 39. That I sat and watched that movie yesterday, And enjoyed doing so. It was a movie I’d rented and seen with J, and not a very good movie at all, but fun to watch – well half-watch really. “Orphan.” 40. Good magazines. Like Vegetarian Times. 41. And Woman’s Weekly 42. Positive input. From any/every source. 43. Some of the things I heard on “Rehab with Dr. Drew Pinsky” last night. 44. I slept last night. 45. I am without physical pain. That is such a gratitude! I remember when I was in so much pain, various times including that year of the injury. And how I wanted even one minute without pain, just to feel what it feels like. Well I am without pain almost always. And I do take that for granted. So I want to list it as a gratitude here. 46. And that I said it to L Sat evening too. 47. And he internalized it for himself as well. 48. Supportive people, all. 49. Including me. 50. I have a tv. Just one, small, and old, but I have it! 51. And heat. Oh thank God for heat which I will be needing soon. 52. And lights. 53. And a microwave 54. And an oven. 55. And I’ve used it recently. 56. Portuguese potato soup. 57. Chili 58. My veggie protein bake 59. My pasta veggie protein dish 60. Water. So lucky for water. 61. That I made fresh coffee this morning. 62. And it actually tastes pretty good! 63. Kisses. Thank God for L’s kisses. I’m grateful for them. 64. And – I know I don’t NEED them – I just LIKE THEM. Thank God for that. 65. Honest people. 66. Buddha. Big time. 67. I have clean clothes to wear today 68. And a washer in the house 69. And a place in cellar to hang things to dry 70. And a dryer for the other things. 71. And I don’t use the dry cleaners anymore. 72. M complimenting me on being able in so many instances (believe it or not lol) to “not give a s---.” 73. Weekends 74. That I don’t work in a factory 75. Gas in my car 76. It is inspected 77. And registration should be on its way 78. Online banking, the amount of it I do do. (I would like to do more too). 79. That I am doing gratitudes 80. And did my readings today 81. Everyone who reads this! I used to be TERRIFIED of being alone in cyberspace. 82. Good parents. 83. My students. 84. Their parents. 85. Innocence. Like second graders: ) 86. My hands 87. My eyesight! Both eyes – I am so grateful for my eyes. 88. Perspective. Every amount of it I have 89. I meditated yesterday. 90. And read a little bit (30 minutes) at L’s. That was nice. 91. My Nook! 92. Lunch with St one day this week. 93. Organic peanut butter 94. The nuts and dried fruit snack I bought at the Health Expo. It is healthy and delicious 95. And I portioned it out yesterday and ate 1 oz. 96. And today (for later) too. 97. Those amazing olives. I have never tasted anything like them. Red olives from somewhere. I’ll have to look it up. Like no other olive I’ve ever tasted. 98. My father 99. And all he taught me 100. And I think he didn’t suffer when he died.

Today's Reading - The Language of Letting Go

Holding Your Own Trust yourself. Trust what you know. Sometimes, it s hard to stand in our own truth and trust what we know, especially when others would try to convince us otherwise. In these cases, others may be dealing with issues of guilt and shame. They may have their own agenda. They may be immersed in denial. They would like us to believe that we do not know what we know; they would like us not to trust ourselves; they would prefer to engage us in their nonsense. We don't have to forfeit our truth or our power to others. That is codependency. Believing lies is dangerous. When we stop trusting our truth, when we reress our instincts, when we tell ourselves there must be something wrong with us for feeling what we feel or believing what we believe, we deal a deadly blow to our self and our health. When we discount that important part of ourselves that knows what is the truth, we cut ourselves off from our center. We feel crazy. We get into shame, fear, and confusion. We can't get our bearings when we allow someone to pull the rug from under us. This doss not mean that we are never wrong. But we are not always WRONG. Be open. Stand in our truth. Trust what you know. And refuse to buy into denial, nonsense, bullying, or coercion that would like to take you off course. Ask to be shown the truth, clearly - not by the person trying to manipulate or convince you, but by yourself, your Higher Power, and the universe. Today, I will trust my truth, my instincts, and my ability to ground myself in reality. i will not allow myself to be swayed by bullying, manipulating, games, dishonesty, or people with peculiar agendas.