There are lots of people - good people - who have suffered terribly. Through no fault of their own. People who've suffered mental illness, addictions, fears, shyness, insecurity, loss, etc.
It is ok that I have not accomplished all I've thought I should!
It.
Is.
OKAY!!!!
I have accomplished what I could: I am a good person, a teacher, artistic, loyal, and keep confidences 100%. I am good to my students and my birdies. I am improving myself DAILY.
I am behind in house stuff! I failed in marriage at the time:(
But - you know what? I did what I could with what I could then. I can do better now. NO USE hating on self for past!!!!
YOU TOO!!!!!!!!
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Friday, November 28, 2014
Day after Thanksgiving
It is the day after Thanksgiving.
I had such a nice time with my mother and she had such a nice time! Very grateful for that!
Had very very bad near tragic accident not kidding have never said that before! LEFT CAR IN DRIVE AND GOT OUT OMG! With mother in it, and aide out! Thank God (!) I was able to open door and get in and apply brake in time. Had it been on a hill... THAT and today's sore throat tell me I am a bit overwrought. And that that's okay because - it just exists and is too late to undo. NOT okay to keep letting it happen though!Was BEYOND grateful!
A bit sad about not having more family, hubby, ... you know. Listened to deep music (Hallelujah Leonard Cohn in different forms KD Lang, Jeff Buckley, groups,... on youtube) and cried. Was cathartic. Had great dreams after and didn't wake overnight (2 nights now) for bathroom. Not 'til 6AM. Feel emotionally well this am!
So:
Tomorrow and Sunday I will clean and shop for food and do laundry (as every Sun. except more to clean but I have two days).
Today:
I shall relax. Piano, read, nap, birds, tv, embroider, magazine, movie (here at home - borrowed dvd from MOTHER! :)
And eat well. I have plenty of good nutritious food here.
And I already did 2 minutes meditation yesterday and 2 today 'cause I have hated med. at home alone but made promise just 2 minutes a day for 4 days as a start. And am loving it. Thankful!
When I am scheduled to see J, I get nervous - must eat less, exercise more, have great clothes, clean house... !!!!! NO! I will NOT do that to myself! I am a great person and have my flaws and whatever he feels oh well. *I* must put myself first and love myself!
And - I honestly became a beach body coach to help others, thinking it would be nothing but a pain in the neck for me but SO wanting to help others get what *I'm* getting! But now, since Nov 15 when I started, when I want to overeat or eat crap, I feel obligated to be a better role model than that! Like, "THAT would not be good coach behavior!" And it becomes easier for ME!
Wow.
Hope someone reading this gets a good message for SELF from it!
xo!
I had such a nice time with my mother and she had such a nice time! Very grateful for that!
Had very very bad near tragic accident not kidding have never said that before! LEFT CAR IN DRIVE AND GOT OUT OMG! With mother in it, and aide out! Thank God (!) I was able to open door and get in and apply brake in time. Had it been on a hill... THAT and today's sore throat tell me I am a bit overwrought. And that that's okay because - it just exists and is too late to undo. NOT okay to keep letting it happen though!Was BEYOND grateful!
A bit sad about not having more family, hubby, ... you know. Listened to deep music (Hallelujah Leonard Cohn in different forms KD Lang, Jeff Buckley, groups,... on youtube) and cried. Was cathartic. Had great dreams after and didn't wake overnight (2 nights now) for bathroom. Not 'til 6AM. Feel emotionally well this am!
So:
Tomorrow and Sunday I will clean and shop for food and do laundry (as every Sun. except more to clean but I have two days).
Today:
And eat well. I have plenty of good nutritious food here.
And I already did 2 minutes meditation yesterday and 2 today 'cause I have hated med. at home alone but made promise just 2 minutes a day for 4 days as a start. And am loving it. Thankful!
When I am scheduled to see J, I get nervous - must eat less, exercise more, have great clothes, clean house... !!!!! NO! I will NOT do that to myself! I am a great person and have my flaws and whatever he feels oh well. *I* must put myself first and love myself!
And - I honestly became a beach body coach to help others, thinking it would be nothing but a pain in the neck for me but SO wanting to help others get what *I'm* getting! But now, since Nov 15 when I started, when I want to overeat or eat crap, I feel obligated to be a better role model than that! Like, "THAT would not be good coach behavior!" And it becomes easier for ME!
Wow.
Hope someone reading this gets a good message for SELF from it!
xo!
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Thanksgiving Day Special Gratitudes!
1. Thank you, EJ, for giving me the online info you did! I had lost both my blogs, all my emails, everything from being hacked!!!! Am SO grateful, as always, to YOU!!!!! XOXOXXOXOXOXO
Thanksgiving Gratitudes
Of course I am grateful for the obvious biggies: Life, breathe, voice, health, home, car, career, food, water, J, mother, so much. These today, a little different...
1. That I had the horrible experience I had a few years ago, because I am stronger and happier inside me than ever before.
2. Exercise. That I have found the 21 Day Fix, which just showed up on my fb feed one day and I clicked. My life has been upgraded tremendously since that first day I did it, and I will be forever grateful!!
3. Thich Nhat Hanh. Perhaps the three biggest lessons I have learned from Thich Nhat Hanh are: 1) “Life is only available in the present moment.” 2) “…the best way to take care of the future is to take care of the present moment.” And 3) That we don’t have to be unhappy – we don’t have to give until it hurts, which was the way I was raised. That we can breathe in and smile and enjoy the miracle that is our life. THN “I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child -- our own two eyes. All is a miracle.”
4. My principal, who allows me to do more and more of this for myself and my teaching, and to do mindfulness breathing with the children for 2 minutes a day. It is so good for them! Even their families love it!
5. “My” dear birds. They are not “mine.” I just get the honor of caring for them and enjoying their dance, their song, their talk, their looking me in the eyes as I sing to them, their flying overhead so happily, their play…
6. Lessons from non-human animals. Dogs, cats, gorillas, on and on…
7. Reiki. I have very strong Reiki in me and love sharing it.
8. My three closest friends. I am 100% myself at all times with them. As they are with me. We know each other; we accept each other; we love each other. We laugh together, cry together, share meals and shopping and errands and thoughts and feelings, books, work, all kinds of things.
9. Every person who is doing anything for peace in this world
10. Every person who is doing anything to help any part(s) of nature
11. Piano. I went to it kicking and screaming as a child but came around and grew to love it. I love the piano John and I bought together for me; I love playing; I love practicing. Talk about mindful! – It is not possible to think of something else when I am at the piano! : )
12. Embroidery. From when I was in elementary school and had never heard of embroidery, and I used to take a needle and thread from my mother’s “sewing kit” (an old cookie tin). I would make pictures like flowers on a paper napkin or paper towel! One day she saw me doing this as I was doing it on the sofa in the l.r. She said, “What are you doing?” “Making pictures with thread.” “You are? Did you know that is a real thing, and we can buy you fabric or even a kit to do? Would you like that?” “REALLY??!!! YES!!” And we left that minute for John Wannamaker’s. I still have that first “real” one!
13. The compassion I learned from both my parents. And still do.
14. All the walks on dirt path with dog off leash and man by my side – among my favorite things ever
15. Swimming. I may “look like” I am doing an extra slow-motion version of the doggie paddle (which is what I am really doing I’m sure) but I “feel like” a water sprite!
16. The person who introduced me to Thich Nhat Hanh and gave me my favorite book in all the world, “Be Free Where You Are.” I bought 2 more copies, 1 to share get back share get back and 1 to give away
17. London. My week in London and other parts of England was literally the best week of my life (‘til then)
18. My cousin L. I am so deeply grateful that she is back in my life.
19. Fb. I have met the most wonderful people, near and far, and some real friends. I have been able to learn and to share. I have a stream of positives every single morning over coffee: you, art, nature, philosophy, music, all kinds of beautiful things.
20. That I do not eat or wear animals. There are no words to describe how grateful I am for that.
~~ Happy Thanksgiving~~
Thanksgiving Gratitudes
Of course I am grateful for the obvious biggies: Life, breathe, voice, health, home, car, career, food, water, J, mother, so much. These today, a little different...
1. That I had the horrible experience I had a few years ago, because I am stronger and happier inside me than ever before.
2. Exercise. That I have found the 21 Day Fix, which just showed up on my fb feed one day and I clicked. My life has been upgraded tremendously since that first day I did it, and I will be forever grateful!!
3. Thich Nhat Hanh. Perhaps the three biggest lessons I have learned from Thich Nhat Hanh are: 1) “Life is only available in the present moment.” 2) “…the best way to take care of the future is to take care of the present moment.” And 3) That we don’t have to be unhappy – we don’t have to give until it hurts, which was the way I was raised. That we can breathe in and smile and enjoy the miracle that is our life. THN “I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child -- our own two eyes. All is a miracle.”
4. My principal, who allows me to do more and more of this for myself and my teaching, and to do mindfulness breathing with the children for 2 minutes a day. It is so good for them! Even their families love it!
5. “My” dear birds. They are not “mine.” I just get the honor of caring for them and enjoying their dance, their song, their talk, their looking me in the eyes as I sing to them, their flying overhead so happily, their play…
6. Lessons from non-human animals. Dogs, cats, gorillas, on and on…
7. Reiki. I have very strong Reiki in me and love sharing it.
8. My three closest friends. I am 100% myself at all times with them. As they are with me. We know each other; we accept each other; we love each other. We laugh together, cry together, share meals and shopping and errands and thoughts and feelings, books, work, all kinds of things.
9. Every person who is doing anything for peace in this world
10. Every person who is doing anything to help any part(s) of nature
11. Piano. I went to it kicking and screaming as a child but came around and grew to love it. I love the piano John and I bought together for me; I love playing; I love practicing. Talk about mindful! – It is not possible to think of something else when I am at the piano! : )
12. Embroidery. From when I was in elementary school and had never heard of embroidery, and I used to take a needle and thread from my mother’s “sewing kit” (an old cookie tin). I would make pictures like flowers on a paper napkin or paper towel! One day she saw me doing this as I was doing it on the sofa in the l.r. She said, “What are you doing?” “Making pictures with thread.” “You are? Did you know that is a real thing, and we can buy you fabric or even a kit to do? Would you like that?” “REALLY??!!! YES!!” And we left that minute for John Wannamaker’s. I still have that first “real” one!
13. The compassion I learned from both my parents. And still do.
14. All the walks on dirt path with dog off leash and man by my side – among my favorite things ever
15. Swimming. I may “look like” I am doing an extra slow-motion version of the doggie paddle (which is what I am really doing I’m sure) but I “feel like” a water sprite!
16. The person who introduced me to Thich Nhat Hanh and gave me my favorite book in all the world, “Be Free Where You Are.” I bought 2 more copies, 1 to share get back share get back and 1 to give away
17. London. My week in London and other parts of England was literally the best week of my life (‘til then)
18. My cousin L. I am so deeply grateful that she is back in my life.
19. Fb. I have met the most wonderful people, near and far, and some real friends. I have been able to learn and to share. I have a stream of positives every single morning over coffee: you, art, nature, philosophy, music, all kinds of beautiful things.
20. That I do not eat or wear animals. There are no words to describe how grateful I am for that.
~~ Happy Thanksgiving~~
Saturday, November 22, 2014
So. This Week.
I missed a day of work,
fell broke glasses and really hurt foot - it is still healing and I can't EXERCISE! Ahhhhhh!
Had minor accident and had to pay for 2 cabs. Car towed to get new tire.
So much stress at work, a situation gone really out of control, that I actually wrote to the principal and two others at 4:25 am yesterday saying please I really needed a meeting that morning!
House has become pigsty this week with all that going on and report cards do yesterday and committee meeting and stressful class trip and course meeting and stressful mother aide situation and formal observation for my file to prep for yesterday all at once omg!
BUT:
Car is fixed and I am home.
They gave me the meeting and were extremely supportive!
Observation amazing. Not only does the evaluator think good things of me, but this lesson was AMAZING for the children. I had NO IDEA how far it would go! Helps ME to know how MUCH I can do with this special class this year!
Met my deadlines
Is new day
Am helping someone in fb IM (for free) just to help. With the 21 Day Fix stuff. And am THRILLED to be doing it!
I am alive and so are you.
I can breathe. Today I can rest. Tomorrow I can get stuff done. Exhausted. But is ok. Can rest.
Have Shakeology. Yay. That's SO right for me!
I will still be here! But maybe not EVERY single day, but most.
But am developing a second blog that I post one thing on (at least) every single day. You are welcome there, all of you. But please never mention this blog there! I want this separate, thank you.
That one is
all one line no spaces and replace dot with . of course:
beach
body
honestly
dot
blogspot
dot
com
fell broke glasses and really hurt foot - it is still healing and I can't EXERCISE! Ahhhhhh!
Had minor accident and had to pay for 2 cabs. Car towed to get new tire.
So much stress at work, a situation gone really out of control, that I actually wrote to the principal and two others at 4:25 am yesterday saying please I really needed a meeting that morning!
House has become pigsty this week with all that going on and report cards do yesterday and committee meeting and stressful class trip and course meeting and stressful mother aide situation and formal observation for my file to prep for yesterday all at once omg!
BUT:
Car is fixed and I am home.
They gave me the meeting and were extremely supportive!
Observation amazing. Not only does the evaluator think good things of me, but this lesson was AMAZING for the children. I had NO IDEA how far it would go! Helps ME to know how MUCH I can do with this special class this year!
Met my deadlines
Is new day
Am helping someone in fb IM (for free) just to help. With the 21 Day Fix stuff. And am THRILLED to be doing it!
I am alive and so are you.
I can breathe. Today I can rest. Tomorrow I can get stuff done. Exhausted. But is ok. Can rest.
Have Shakeology. Yay. That's SO right for me!
I will still be here! But maybe not EVERY single day, but most.
But am developing a second blog that I post one thing on (at least) every single day. You are welcome there, all of you. But please never mention this blog there! I want this separate, thank you.
That one is
all one line no spaces and replace dot with . of course:
beach
body
honestly
dot
blogspot
dot
com
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Stressed and Gratitudes
literally cannot meet these deadlines with any kind of quality and still maintain my life omg.
Yesterday,
bad day - fell hurt foot and broke glasses -
can't exercise and that is bad for me
plus will make it harder when can
WILL dial in the nutrition today (didn't yesterday - caved) - and make the best of it!
they always say it is 80% nutrition and 20% exercise and I basically do the opposite so maybe this is better for me
and got home and saw that the yard guy - who has been mia for 4 months and we've been renegotiating for a month (I have tried to get someone new for a whole month and can't!) not only didn't finish HALF the job, but left HUGE amount of leaves all over the SIDEWALK! He never answers phone - called ME - obvious wanted money - says truck broke down bs bs bs - I screamed - you get over here and undo the damage you did! I will not get a ticket for you! "but lynn--- this that this that --- I said NO! none of that is my concern. I don't care about the past or the future or the broken million promises. You have now done DAMAGE you get the fuck over here and undo it if you have to take a fucking cab and do it with your bare hands and plastic bags!!!! I was livid.
Meanwhile he did call back and say he had come by (in the dark) and removed said leaves and would be here today or tomorrow to do the rest... we'll see. God, I hope so
And, after the horrendous world events for so long now, I said to A, "How could God not help?" And h said, "because there is no god." And I've been feeling that maybe that's true and this is a huge difference for me and a bad feeling about it all. An altered perspective I hate. Still brewing. Horrible difference though.
Meanwhile,
meetings
courses
parent pressures
kids in need
house is a MESS
I am dancing as fast as I can
Literally every classroom teacher with whom I've said hello lately wishes could retire - it is more work now than a person can do and the fun is gone. It is torture trying to keep kids happy when things are being piled on us that we can't even catch our breath. Omg!!!!!
Many of the things are caused by politicians - who know NOTHING about education - and may be trying to please constituents - who know NOTHING about education - OR maybe be trying to help failing school but we were always one of the best districts in the world and being treated like a failing school is DETRIMENTAL to what we DO!!!!!!
Then I have a very unique situation that I believe mine is the only classroom in the world with this situation I'm not kidding. I'm afraid to even put it here. But it is absolutely ridiculous and people far higher up than I are trying to work it out. Every minute of every day is affected! Omg!
And then there is our disgusting ass't superintendent of curriculum who did NOTHING for 10 years while she got her pension from another state and her salary from ours, and now that we have a new superintendent, she's decided she must prove she works, so she has DUMPED all kinds of SHIT on US!!!!!! This is not good for kids and very bad for us which is also not good for kids!
I am barely treading water!
But ----
I am so grateful!!!!! I have started a blog about my 21 Day Fix Journey - email me at lynnblog@hotmail if you want to know the name of the blog. And I will soon be doing a LOT of gratitudes - like that list that will probably come to 600 or something lol. I have done it here too. But in the meantime, I AM aware that I have
life
breath
voice
eyesight
etc
That I am not in an iron lung or a concentration camp
That I am employed and have a roof over my head and friends and birdies and my mother and her aide Ma and we have great visits
That I have compassion and hope
That I have an upcoming date with J
That I am taking some better care of myself
So it is ok.
In the big picture, it is ok
Love to everyone reading this!
Yesterday,
bad day - fell hurt foot and broke glasses -
can't exercise and that is bad for me
plus will make it harder when can
WILL dial in the nutrition today (didn't yesterday - caved) - and make the best of it!
they always say it is 80% nutrition and 20% exercise and I basically do the opposite so maybe this is better for me
and got home and saw that the yard guy - who has been mia for 4 months and we've been renegotiating for a month (I have tried to get someone new for a whole month and can't!) not only didn't finish HALF the job, but left HUGE amount of leaves all over the SIDEWALK! He never answers phone - called ME - obvious wanted money - says truck broke down bs bs bs - I screamed - you get over here and undo the damage you did! I will not get a ticket for you! "but lynn--- this that this that --- I said NO! none of that is my concern. I don't care about the past or the future or the broken million promises. You have now done DAMAGE you get the fuck over here and undo it if you have to take a fucking cab and do it with your bare hands and plastic bags!!!! I was livid.
Meanwhile he did call back and say he had come by (in the dark) and removed said leaves and would be here today or tomorrow to do the rest... we'll see. God, I hope so
And, after the horrendous world events for so long now, I said to A, "How could God not help?" And h said, "because there is no god." And I've been feeling that maybe that's true and this is a huge difference for me and a bad feeling about it all. An altered perspective I hate. Still brewing. Horrible difference though.
Meanwhile,
meetings
courses
parent pressures
kids in need
house is a MESS
I am dancing as fast as I can
Literally every classroom teacher with whom I've said hello lately wishes could retire - it is more work now than a person can do and the fun is gone. It is torture trying to keep kids happy when things are being piled on us that we can't even catch our breath. Omg!!!!!
Many of the things are caused by politicians - who know NOTHING about education - and may be trying to please constituents - who know NOTHING about education - OR maybe be trying to help failing school but we were always one of the best districts in the world and being treated like a failing school is DETRIMENTAL to what we DO!!!!!!
Then I have a very unique situation that I believe mine is the only classroom in the world with this situation I'm not kidding. I'm afraid to even put it here. But it is absolutely ridiculous and people far higher up than I are trying to work it out. Every minute of every day is affected! Omg!
And then there is our disgusting ass't superintendent of curriculum who did NOTHING for 10 years while she got her pension from another state and her salary from ours, and now that we have a new superintendent, she's decided she must prove she works, so she has DUMPED all kinds of SHIT on US!!!!!! This is not good for kids and very bad for us which is also not good for kids!
I am barely treading water!
But ----
I am so grateful!!!!! I have started a blog about my 21 Day Fix Journey - email me at lynnblog@hotmail if you want to know the name of the blog. And I will soon be doing a LOT of gratitudes - like that list that will probably come to 600 or something lol. I have done it here too. But in the meantime, I AM aware that I have
life
breath
voice
eyesight
etc
That I am not in an iron lung or a concentration camp
That I am employed and have a roof over my head and friends and birdies and my mother and her aide Ma and we have great visits
That I have compassion and hope
That I have an upcoming date with J
That I am taking some better care of myself
So it is ok.
In the big picture, it is ok
Love to everyone reading this!
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Need to Be Here More
Well I couldn't do it - the Refresh. Tons of good feelings day 1 but then could not sleep. Hours. Finally got up and had meal.
Friend next day said, "You were detoxing." I see others who have luck with this. Oh well, it is not me. I was doing fine the regular way; I must just go back to that.
Meanwhile, work is crazier than I can remember it being in many years. None of us can keep up. No one is happy. The whole place has a down sort of feeling. We hide it as much as possible from the children. Bush was very very bad for education. Obama is yet worse. Cuomo is bad. Our ass't. superintendent of education is bad. We have more meetings than one can imagine. I recently had 17 meetings in 6 days. When shall I prepare, correct, think, eat, breathe??? 17 meetings in 6 days, AROUND the teaching. How can I be in the right "place" to teach, like that?
More CRAP paper work... Teaching always had a lot of paperwork, of course. But I'm talking about CRAP. Tons of it. I seem to be the last holdout. Everyone's been saying for like 2 years, "There's no joy in it anymore." I'm only feeling it now. But I'm feeling it.
The killings yesterday in Jerusalem. They've changed me. So much for so many years. I can't wrap my head around any of it. Such evil. It's not about politics or sides. It's not about Palestinians to me, in this case... I have known and loved Palestinians. I have known and loved Jews. I'm talking about the bigger picture. Any people doing this kind of thing. Beheadings. I have known and loved Muslims. I am not condemning any group. I am terrified of the amount of evil. I am also terrified of environmental destruction all around. Where is God? And so...
I said to A, "How? How could God let these things happen? HOW?" And he replied simply, and I quote: "because there is no god." And I am scared now that there isn't. It's like a shift.
*I am not depressed. Just confused. And feeling helpless because all my feelings can't help and I don't know what actions to take -it seems none of them could possibly help.
I will continue on,
doing my best today to be dignified
and honest
to teach well
and kindly
to do the crap tons of paper work
to eat well
to exercise
and to get enough sleep.
What will YOU do today?
Love to you, peace and happiness to you, if you're reading this xo
Friend next day said, "You were detoxing." I see others who have luck with this. Oh well, it is not me. I was doing fine the regular way; I must just go back to that.
Meanwhile, work is crazier than I can remember it being in many years. None of us can keep up. No one is happy. The whole place has a down sort of feeling. We hide it as much as possible from the children. Bush was very very bad for education. Obama is yet worse. Cuomo is bad. Our ass't. superintendent of education is bad. We have more meetings than one can imagine. I recently had 17 meetings in 6 days. When shall I prepare, correct, think, eat, breathe??? 17 meetings in 6 days, AROUND the teaching. How can I be in the right "place" to teach, like that?
More CRAP paper work... Teaching always had a lot of paperwork, of course. But I'm talking about CRAP. Tons of it. I seem to be the last holdout. Everyone's been saying for like 2 years, "There's no joy in it anymore." I'm only feeling it now. But I'm feeling it.
The killings yesterday in Jerusalem. They've changed me. So much for so many years. I can't wrap my head around any of it. Such evil. It's not about politics or sides. It's not about Palestinians to me, in this case... I have known and loved Palestinians. I have known and loved Jews. I'm talking about the bigger picture. Any people doing this kind of thing. Beheadings. I have known and loved Muslims. I am not condemning any group. I am terrified of the amount of evil. I am also terrified of environmental destruction all around. Where is God? And so...
I said to A, "How? How could God let these things happen? HOW?" And he replied simply, and I quote: "because there is no god." And I am scared now that there isn't. It's like a shift.
*I am not depressed. Just confused. And feeling helpless because all my feelings can't help and I don't know what actions to take -it seems none of them could possibly help.
I will continue on,
doing my best today to be dignified
and honest
to teach well
and kindly
to do the crap tons of paper work
to eat well
to exercise
and to get enough sleep.
What will YOU do today?
Love to you, peace and happiness to you, if you're reading this xo
Saturday, November 15, 2014
Day 1 Review 3 Day Refresh
My SKIN feels good. I mean from INSIDE!
My lips are not chapped anymore - in one day!
My muscles feel good (no serious exercise during the day - although light is allowed I didn't do - maybe tomorrow).
AMAZING mood! I am in SUCH a good place!
The cucumber tomato salad recipe was FANTASTIC. I am shocked at how much I liked it, wow!
TONS of energy!
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
More tomorrow...
http://www.beachbody.com/product/3-day-refresh.do?code=SEMB_3DR_GOOGLE
My lips are not chapped anymore - in one day!
My muscles feel good (no serious exercise during the day - although light is allowed I didn't do - maybe tomorrow).
AMAZING mood! I am in SUCH a good place!
The cucumber tomato salad recipe was FANTASTIC. I am shocked at how much I liked it, wow!
TONS of energy!
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
More tomorrow...
http://www.beachbody.com/product/3-day-refresh.do?code=SEMB_3DR_GOOGLE
Guess What I Just Did? Guess What I. Just. DID?!
I just became a beachbody coach! For real. It took me 5 months because I didn't want to do it for just the discount (although some people do and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that). I wanted to have enough to really *give* - AND - to not take away from *self* either!
So I am in.
And everyone's response? Like this: "Really? You're so helpful all the time! I always thought you WERE already!"
Cool.
I am so grateful for June 21, the day I first started with 21 Day Fix. I am this weekend doing the 3 Day Refresh. I have plans for programs (a lot from Fix program(s), yes 'cause I love it) through summer!
I'm excited.
I feel new.
:)
And -
right after that, just now, J happened to call. Needed favor I am happy to do. It is a one-time help with something he does EVERY WEEK all these years for my mother! And - he wants to get together next weekend.
So:
Doing the Refresh and liking it so far
Will see M.A. for a bit
Lots IM with A and with L already
Will see mother
*Am now a coach. All on my own. No J, no guy, no necessity - just my OWN personal interest! Really have a new LIFE!
And have a date for next weekend!
What a day!
PS Of course still sending tons of loving thoughts and vibes to Thich Nhat Hanh. And someone mentioned it online and I hadn't thought of it, but why not send them to EVERYONE who'd in intensive care! So I am!
So I am in.
And everyone's response? Like this: "Really? You're so helpful all the time! I always thought you WERE already!"
Cool.
I am so grateful for June 21, the day I first started with 21 Day Fix. I am this weekend doing the 3 Day Refresh. I have plans for programs (a lot from Fix program(s), yes 'cause I love it) through summer!
I'm excited.
I feel new.
:)
And -
right after that, just now, J happened to call. Needed favor I am happy to do. It is a one-time help with something he does EVERY WEEK all these years for my mother! And - he wants to get together next weekend.
So:
Doing the Refresh and liking it so far
Will see M.A. for a bit
Lots IM with A and with L already
Will see mother
*Am now a coach. All on my own. No J, no guy, no necessity - just my OWN personal interest! Really have a new LIFE!
And have a date for next weekend!
What a day!
PS Of course still sending tons of loving thoughts and vibes to Thich Nhat Hanh. And someone mentioned it online and I hadn't thought of it, but why not send them to EVERYONE who'd in intensive care! So I am!
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
My Teacher :'( My Thay. Thich Nhat Hanh
There is some translation issue perhaps
but it does appear that Thich Nhat Hanh is dying right now in a hospital.
The Sisters ask that you sit, peacefully for Thay, as they are doing, and send him your love. Also, that you might like to chant for him (you could do it along with the monks and nuns) this Avalokiteshvara Chant: The clip is 3 minutes long. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNfaXNGJiUc.
One of the best experiences of my life:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOvZkysSXek
My teacher is dying.
I want my daddy.
I want J.
***** OFFICIAL UPDATE
http://plumvillage.org/news/our-beloved-teacher-in-hospital/
"Our practice of stability and peace in this very moment is the best support we can offer to Thay. Let us all around the world take refuge in our practice, going together as a river to offer Thay our powerful collective energy."
I am in a way, ashamed of myself but I will not do that to myself. Moving from shakiness and fear to "stability and peace," I will be gentle with myself, as Thay has always taught and is still teaching.
but it does appear that Thich Nhat Hanh is dying right now in a hospital.
The Sisters ask that you sit, peacefully for Thay, as they are doing, and send him your love. Also, that you might like to chant for him (you could do it along with the monks and nuns) this Avalokiteshvara Chant: The clip is 3 minutes long. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNfaXNGJiUc.
One of the best experiences of my life:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOvZkysSXek
My teacher is dying.
I want my daddy.
I want J.
***** OFFICIAL UPDATE
http://plumvillage.org/news/our-beloved-teacher-in-hospital/
"Our practice of stability and peace in this very moment is the best support we can offer to Thay. Let us all around the world take refuge in our practice, going together as a river to offer Thay our powerful collective energy."
I am in a way, ashamed of myself but I will not do that to myself. Moving from shakiness and fear to "stability and peace," I will be gentle with myself, as Thay has always taught and is still teaching.
Monday, November 3, 2014
Oh My Gosh!
I am SO grateful.
To appreciate the gift of life again.
So grateful so grateful so grateful.
I will do anything to hold onto this.
The cleaning up, and eating so carefully, and cooking, and getting sleep and taking a day off (Saturday - I think I need to every week!) and exercising - has brought it all back. Oh so thankful!
To appreciate the gift of life again.
So grateful so grateful so grateful.
I will do anything to hold onto this.
The cleaning up, and eating so carefully, and cooking, and getting sleep and taking a day off (Saturday - I think I need to every week!) and exercising - has brought it all back. Oh so thankful!
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Healing
Ok. So. I have figured something out!
I've had real trouble using my kitchen for the past couple of weeks - because I had the mouse! There was some evidence, and then I saw him once omg. I'm sure it was just the one, just for a short time, and that he's gone now.
But in the meantime, I, being not just grossed out but PHOBIC about rodents, could barely go INTO the kitchen except to check that there was no new evidence after I cleaned the few droppings I'd found.
Which meant - I was bringing food in from out a LOT. Like always! And that was not good for my Fix, or my wallet! I was REALLY freaked! Kept a plate, fork, cup in the DEN and washed every time used!!!!
Now all this time I've been little by little sinking. And feeling like a failure and a loser. And that's cyclical of course...
It wasn't until today that I realized: I was living very abnormally again! By avoiding kitchen and having dishes etc all over d.r. table 'cause still afraid of cabinets, and eating from dish in den... too abnormal and set me off!
And - not as good quality food as when I prep it myself!
So - *little by little* - I am taking back my kitchen. Today I was able to make 2 things, 4 servings each. They are in fridge now.
Have cleaned den, bathroom, l.r., and the "big" bird cage cleaning.
Getting there...
For 2 days was on and off having that horrible thought why live? But it is GONE!
I am so glad I made this connection!
And of course the greens and other good foods I must eat and exercising...
I've had real trouble using my kitchen for the past couple of weeks - because I had the mouse! There was some evidence, and then I saw him once omg. I'm sure it was just the one, just for a short time, and that he's gone now.
But in the meantime, I, being not just grossed out but PHOBIC about rodents, could barely go INTO the kitchen except to check that there was no new evidence after I cleaned the few droppings I'd found.
Which meant - I was bringing food in from out a LOT. Like always! And that was not good for my Fix, or my wallet! I was REALLY freaked! Kept a plate, fork, cup in the DEN and washed every time used!!!!
Now all this time I've been little by little sinking. And feeling like a failure and a loser. And that's cyclical of course...
It wasn't until today that I realized: I was living very abnormally again! By avoiding kitchen and having dishes etc all over d.r. table 'cause still afraid of cabinets, and eating from dish in den... too abnormal and set me off!
And - not as good quality food as when I prep it myself!
So - *little by little* - I am taking back my kitchen. Today I was able to make 2 things, 4 servings each. They are in fridge now.
Have cleaned den, bathroom, l.r., and the "big" bird cage cleaning.
Getting there...
For 2 days was on and off having that horrible thought why live? But it is GONE!
I am so glad I made this connection!
And of course the greens and other good foods I must eat and exercising...
Still Not Right, But
not as bad! phew THAT'S something
I am going to have to cook something. I shall use my titanium pan. It is my favorite. I shall make a veggies and potato and/or healthy grain kind of a thing.
i shall now clean some
then exercise and then more
then piano
then meet M.
i have bought jammies and slippers just now
and will buy more clothes clothes for regular not jammies soon
i will look forward to that
i will look good when go out later
ok
keep going...
keep hope...
I am going to have to cook something. I shall use my titanium pan. It is my favorite. I shall make a veggies and potato and/or healthy grain kind of a thing.
i shall now clean some
then exercise and then more
then piano
then meet M.
i have bought jammies and slippers just now
and will buy more clothes clothes for regular not jammies soon
i will look forward to that
i will look good when go out later
ok
keep going...
keep hope...
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Ok, So Here: November:
This is my safe place. I can say anything.
So
Here I go.
For these little 30 days I am going to eat even better.
Although I *have* improved my eating a lot since July 1!
But I am going to do *better!*
If it means more sleep or more piano or more embroidery or more walks or more baths or more money spent on pedis and /or massages and *clothes* (finally)... more visits with my mother, more books, prayer, writing, ... WHATEVER it takes, I am DETERMINED to give up these two things for one little month:
1. Saying bad things to myself or about myself
2. Foods that make me crazy! I already have NO white pasta. I need still LESS white flour. And NO candy!
I WILL have a Shakeology every day because I really notice the difference when I do and when i don't.
I WILL have 3 green veggies a day, every day (at least).
I WILL have 2 fresh or frozen fruits a day, every day.
I WILL drink half my weight in water and tea and Shakeology (and my standard 2 coffees) every day.
I WILL do one 21 Day Fix exercise every day.
And -
I might well add about 10 minutes of Piyo, which I'm just beginning to learn, and which I did today. It stretched me out and made me feel good. I was really careful, but no one I know of does both Fix and Piyo exercise fully every day! I want to follow mySELF for a change though! And I'm not doing all of both! Just a little Piyo each day. Yes.
Most of all, trusting mySELF will be so good for me!
And - begin careful and following my body will be too.
Good.
One. Day. At. A. Time.
So
Here I go.
For these little 30 days I am going to eat even better.
Although I *have* improved my eating a lot since July 1!
But I am going to do *better!*
If it means more sleep or more piano or more embroidery or more walks or more baths or more money spent on pedis and /or massages and *clothes* (finally)... more visits with my mother, more books, prayer, writing, ... WHATEVER it takes, I am DETERMINED to give up these two things for one little month:
1. Saying bad things to myself or about myself
2. Foods that make me crazy! I already have NO white pasta. I need still LESS white flour. And NO candy!
I WILL have a Shakeology every day because I really notice the difference when I do and when i don't.
I WILL have 3 green veggies a day, every day (at least).
I WILL have 2 fresh or frozen fruits a day, every day.
I WILL drink half my weight in water and tea and Shakeology (and my standard 2 coffees) every day.
I WILL do one 21 Day Fix exercise every day.
And -
I might well add about 10 minutes of Piyo, which I'm just beginning to learn, and which I did today. It stretched me out and made me feel good. I was really careful, but no one I know of does both Fix and Piyo exercise fully every day! I want to follow mySELF for a change though! And I'm not doing all of both! Just a little Piyo each day. Yes.
Most of all, trusting mySELF will be so good for me!
And - begin careful and following my body will be too.
Good.
One. Day. At. A. Time.
Amazing Difference
Real foods,
piano time,
a little rest,
exercise 1 session
and going easy on myself
is making
piano time,
a little rest,
exercise 1 session
and going easy on myself
is making
Journal
Depressed
Tears
...
Must remember that yesterday morning I was so happy.
So what changed?
I didn't eat well.
and a few other things.
Today eat well.
Do my exercise
clean something
2 minutes meditation
some piano, reading, and embroidery.
maybe friend
maybe gratitudes
these should help
Tears
...
Must remember that yesterday morning I was so happy.
So what changed?
I didn't eat well.
and a few other things.
Today eat well.
Do my exercise
clean something
2 minutes meditation
some piano, reading, and embroidery.
maybe friend
maybe gratitudes
these should help
Journal
It is November 1 and I will do this for one month as perfectly as I can. Just had coffee and breakfast and now will do some things like piano then exercise.
One day eating perfectly today and my 21 Day Fix exercise - today is Total Body Cardio Fix.
Some cleanup and later embroidery or reading. Perhaps dinner out with MA.
Very lonely and shaky but will keep going. Birds are singing - their cage door is open. I am healthy... Will do this day ... :)
One day eating perfectly today and my 21 Day Fix exercise - today is Total Body Cardio Fix.
Some cleanup and later embroidery or reading. Perhaps dinner out with MA.
Very lonely and shaky but will keep going. Birds are singing - their cage door is open. I am healthy... Will do this day ... :)
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