Today's Reading - The Language of Letting Go

Making Amends Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. —Step Nine of Al-Anon When we make amends we need to be clear about what we're apologizing for and the best way to say we're sorry. What we are really doing with our amends is taking responsibility for our behavior. We need to be sure that the process itself will not be self-defeating or hurtful. Sometimes, we need to directly apologize for a particular thing we have done or our part in a problem. Other times, instead of saying "I'm sorry," what we need to do is work on changing our behavior with a person. There are times when bringing up what we have done and apologizing for it will make matters worse. We need to trust timing, intuition, and guidance in this process of making amends. Once we become willing, we can let go and tackle our amends in a peaceful, consistent, harmonious way. If nothing feels right or appropriate, if it feels as if what we are about to do will cause a crisis or havoc, we need to trust that feeling. Attitude, honesty, openness, and willingness count here. In peace and harmony, we can strive to clear up our relationships. We deserve to be at peace with others and ourselves. Today, I will be open to making any amends I need to make with people. I will wait for Divine Guidance in the process of making any amends that are not clear to me. I will act, when led. God, help me let go of my fear about facing people and taking responsibility for my behaviors. Help me know I am not diminishing my self-esteem by doing this; I am improving it.

Today's Reading - Food for Thought

A Living Program The Twelve Steps are a program for living and they are also a living program. Taking them is not something we do once and for all, but something we repeat over and over in greater depth. They are our guidelines for each day. Our program develops as our understanding matures. When we first join OA, physical abstinence from compulsive overeating may be all we can handle. As we learn from fellow members and are increasingly exposed to the power of the group, our program comes to include more emotional and spiritual elements. The possibilities for development are limitless. One thing leads to another. The creative force that guides OA directs our individual efforts. When we are open to the challenges and willing to give up self-will, we make progress, which gratifies and astounds us. This program not only works as we work it; it also grows as we grow. We thank You for Your creative spirit.

Today's Reading - Each Day a New Beginning

A woman who has no way of expressing herself and of realizing herself as a full human has nothing else to turn to but the owning of material things. —Enriqueta Longeaux y Vasquez Each of us struggling with these Twelve Steps is finding self-expression and self-definition. Introspection, coupled with self-revelation through sharing with others, affords us the awareness of how like others we are. How human we are. And what we receive from others who respond to our vulnerability diminishes our need for "things" to fill our lives. The love that we receive freely from a trusting, caring friend or group fills up the empty places in our souls, the places we used to try filling up with alcohol or cookies or sex. New clothes maybe even a new home or a different job served their terms as void fillers too. Nothing succeeded for long, and then the program found us. The program is the filler for all times. Of this we can be certain. Time will alleviate any doubts we may have. All that is asked of us is openness, honesty, and attention to others' needs as well as our own. I can share our likenesses and relish whatever differences may surface. The chain of friendship I've created makes me the proud owner of my wholeness. I am a succeeding woman who is moving forward with courage and self-awareness on this, my road of life.

Today's Reading - Today's Gift

... I cannot see The love you offer. —Emily Dickinson How can we make love visible; how can we give it eyes? We can make love a present, wrap it carefully as if it were a beautiful thing. We can make love a favor nobody foresaw; we can fill a cup, prepare a meal, run an errand with our love. We can make love out of real words - in a letter, a note, a simple unrhymed poem. And we can make our love visible with our eyes by making our eyes meet those of the people we love. When we turn a feeling like love into an act, we share it with those around us, and they are encouraged to return the favor, and in this way, the world's storehouse of love increases. How can I show the love I feel today?

Dear God

Adoration Contrition Thanksgiving Supplication A: I worship and adore only you. C: I am sorry for every moment of this precious life that I've ever wasted. Th: Thank you for my life, my parents, Ji, J, L, my gifts and talents, and all my friends and my home. S: Please help my mother. She needs you now, Lord. I don't even know what she needs. Comfort. Peace. Lack of worry. Your will not mine be done. Amen.

My One Hundred Gratitudes Today

I am grateful for these and more: 1. My naked body. I’m actually sitting here naked right now. 2. That I am APPRECIATING my body. 3. Weight Watchers the other day. 4. My sponsor this morning 5. And that yesterday, I said, “Do other people sometimes feel angry, lonely, bored, anxious, scared, depressed, .. . .?” And sponsor said, “Everybody. All the time.” I asked more and sponsor repeated, “Everybody. All the time.” 6. And today, as I am anxious about getting the classroom done, sponsor talked about anxiety helping. 7. That I am alive 8. That I am healthy 9. That I have energy enough 10. That Sister Sister is on. I like those silly, innocent little repeats. 11. L on phone right now 12. That he is so functional. Like working on his pool 13. And buying lamps yesterday 14. And that chair 15. And putting them together 16. That I feel better today 17. Multivitamins 18. And that I have them 19. Earrings 20. My hearing 21. My eyesight 22. Water. Access to plenty of fresh, clean water 23. Whole grains 24. My feet that are strong 25. And pretty too : ) 26. Oh My, more days have passed. Oops. But I am VERY grateful. For this WONDERFUL weekend with L! 27. And that amazing, too-good-to-be-true orgasm that he gave me today. Oh my. 28. And our time in the ocean yesterday! I “swim” in the sound, and haven’t been in the ocean in decades! It was so much fun!!!! 29. With those boards he bought for us! 30. But – I had trouble 3 x! And in one, when the undertow SUDDENLY got VERY strong, I couldn’t get back in! And L. was further in, and called out, “Come THIS way!” And I called back: “I’m TRYING! I can’t. I’m on my tippytoes already! Help me!” But I am alive. And I am so grateful for that! 31. And that the couple near us, the guy motioned to the lifeguard and the lifeguard gave his attention to me! Phew! 32. And that I made it in without his assistance. 33. I lost good sunglasses. But I am grateful that *I * got up, BOTH of the two times when the ocean swirled me under. (Next time, I’ll be much further in toward shore). 34. And I’m grateful, so grateful, that I didn’t panic! I had an image – not words, but an image – of like popping up and locating the sandy (shore) and heading toward that, even if I’d have to walk underwater and pop up again! 35. I’m grateful that we’re going to the beach in a little while. (But not water today). 36. And that it won’t be for too long, as we’ve never been to the beach with just S and Jo before. 37. And that we’re then going to a VEGAN restaurant! In New Jersey! Yay! 38. And that I had great whole wheat pasta and veggies and wine out with my L last night in the beach community where he grew up (summers – he had a summer house). 39. And that my habit now is pretty much to eat half or so, and give L the rest. He takes some and eats it, and brings the rest home for himself the next day. 40. I am SO – SO grateful that I’ll be working with M again this year! She is SUCH a close friend of mine. 41. And our classrooms are right next door to each other. (Which isn’t always the case when you teach on the same grade level.) 42. And that we will be there TOGETHER Monday bright and early am to put together our classrooms. Which is a LOT of hot, sweaty, heavy work that takes a number of days. 43. And we shall, as always, support each other. 44. I have a feeling this will be the best year in a LONG time! 45. I am grateful that my whole house is in order and cleaned: dusted, vacuumed, kitchen and bath… 46. And that I have healthy food there. 47. And that sometimes I do though have some vegan frozen pizza. 48. I am grateful for the safe ride home last night. 49. And that I feel asleep in the car and L was so accommodating and gracious about that. 50. And that he gave me two coffees this morning. Made them FOR me. 51. And a frozen banana. 52. And later, lunch. Amy’s canned chili and Ezekial bread. 53. And coconut milk. 54. And 5-stage filtered water, ozonated. 55. I am grateful for my bracelet that L. bought me. 56. And even though I can’t find it – it is somewhere in the clutter of his house(!), for the necklace he bought me too. 57. And that my GOLD earrings didn’t come off in the ocean yesterday! (Silly to have worn those!). 58. I am grateful for air conditioning. 59. And texting with O. 60. And that her knee (torn meniscus) is starting to feel better. 61. And texting with M. 62. I am grateful that L and I had great sex today. 63. And that he has been so AMAZINGLY accommodating to me last weekend and this again. 64. I am so grateful for my sponsor. 65. I am grateful for the 5 Mindfulness Trainings. 66. And that I do not have a dread disease. 67. And for L. sharing his thoughts/feelings with me today. 68. And that although I felt like crying over J in the car on the way here yesterday, it passed. Phew. 69. I am grateful that I’ve never been shot. 70. Or kidnapped. 71. Or in a concentration camp. 72. For Papyrus cards I buy for L. 73. That L just said this (end): L: Gee, it’s not turning into much of a beach day. Look at it.” Me: Yeah but you know them. We’ll either STOP AT the beach, or we WON’T even, and will just go to dinner.” L: “Yeah, and we’ll be cuddly on the way down.” That was nice. 74. And I am grateful that we have been a couple for SIX MONTHS NOW! Wow! To THINK that in the beginning I used to say to him, “Every minute you spend emailing me or calling me, is a minute you can’t be meeting Miss Right.” Because I did NOT want a “relationship!” You never know. 75. And I’m grateful that last night, the night of SIX MONTHS together, my L. toasted thusly: “To our six months together. And to six more. And many more after that.” Nice. 76. I am grateful for his, excuse please: tight round high muscular butt! 77. I am so grateful that I have this laptop. 78. And for the passionate kisses L gives me lately. More deep than before. 79. And that, back in March, we sat on his loveseat by the front window and HE came up with a hundred gratitudes. That was SO NICE. For BOTH of us. 80. And that when he told S, and S replied, “How long did it take?” L said, “I was holding Lynn in my arms. There was no time.” Swoon 81. That M is seeing a nice guy now too 82. I am grateful for J’s health 83. And that I think he is on a good path now, at least in some ways. I love him, will always love him. And I want what’s best for him. Definitely. 84. I am grateful for God in my life. 85. And Buddha 86. And Thich Nhat Hanh 87. And that L is so enjoying his scanner right now at this moment. 88. I am grateful that I’m doing these 89. And for the bright colors I’m wearing today. 90. And for color-blocking. 91. I am grateful that, although my knee still hurts, I can walk! 92. I am grateful, so grateful for my eyesight. 93. And my hearing. 94. And my hands 95. And even my hair. I like that it’s a little bit different every day. 96. I am grateful that L says lots of complimentary things to me, like he used to, again. 97. And kisses me a lot. 98. And caresses me a lot. 99. And I caught him staring at me when I was talking to a couple of people he knew, whom I had just met. That was cool. He was looking on with like, pride. 100. I am grateful for the crazy, up and down, probably actually quite normal after all, life.

Affirmations

God made me. God loves me. I can love me. I do love me. I am perfectly capable of self-care. I DO what is right for myself. God made me. God loves me. I can love me. I do love me. I am perfectly capable of self-care. I DO what is right for myself.