Feelings Work

I feel: Better. Less miserable, depressed, and insecure. Nervous. About J, the divorce, money, L, the amount of love I need, energy, work, health, my mother. I think it is because: I have let go my daily spiritual work And - with my knee problem, I've been unable to exercise. Next time I will do differently: DO my daily spiritual work! Call my sponsor daily. Exercise. If need doctor for knee (which seems better now), go. 5 Good Things about Me: Uh oh. Um. Try. 1. I do not eat animals 2. I do not wear animals 3. I try to be ever kind to the children 4. I really try to do what's right by my mother 5. I keep trying to improve myself

Today's Readings - The Language of Letting Go

Times of Reprogramming Recovery is not all tiresome, unrewarded work. There are times of joy and rest, times when we comfortably practice what we have learned. There are times of change, times when we struggle to learn something new or overcome a particular problem. These are the times when what we've been practicing in recovery begins to show in our life. These times of change are intense, but purposeful. There are also times when, at a deep level, we are being "reprogrammed." We start letting go of beliefs and behaviors. We may feel frightened or confused during these times. Our old behaviors or patterns may not have worked for us, but they were comfortable and familiar. During these times we may feel vulnerable, lonely, and needy - like we are on a journey without a road map or a flashlight, and we feel as if no one has traveled this ground before. We may not understand what is being worked out in us. We may not know where or if we are being led. We are being led. We are not alone. Our Higher Power is working. his finest adn best to bring true change in us. Others have traveled this road too. We will be led to someone who can help us, someone who can provide the markers we need. We are being prepared for receiving as much joy and love as our heart can hold. Recovery is a healing process. We can trust it, even when we don't understand it. We are right where we need to be in this process; we're going through exactly what we need to experience. And where we're going is better than any place we've been. Today, God, help me believe that the changes I'm going through are for the good. Help me believe that the road I'm traveling will lead to a place of light, love, and joy.

Today's Readings - In This Moment

In This Moment, I let bo of my need for approval. There are occasions in my life when I think I need the love and approval of another person to feel good about myself. Any form of rejection only verifies my feeling of low self-worth, and starts me on a spiral of negativity and depression. My Step Four inventory opens my eyes to this harmful cycle. My situation will not change until I change. With the help of my Higher Power, who loves and cares for me, I am learning to love and value myself: including my feelings, thoughts, opinions, and beliefs. Gradually, outside approval becomes less important, and I begin to see myself as valuable and strong. Today, I work on loving and valuing myself. As my need for approval from others decreases, my level of happiness increases. I view myself as a whole, lovable person.

Today's Readings - Voices of Recovery

"We pray about these things, not so we can get our way, but so we can bring our will regarding them into alignment with God's will." OA 12 & 12 p. 94-95 So this is where I"m supposed to be. I may want something, but I no longer need to translate it into a false need. I do my best, and then I let go. If I can't be doing exactly what I want, I do what is right in front of me, accepting my Higher Power's will.

Today's Readings - For Today

"To err is human; to forgive divine." Alexander Pope If I am unable to accept the fact that people make mistakes, am I not rejecitng them as human beings? Even more to the point: does my inability to accept my own failings cause me to see myself as not measuring up? For my own peace of mind, I nee to forgive even the most damaging transgressions; but forgiveness of others can only come when I have learned to forgive myself. For today: I pray for a forgiving heart and the willingness to let go bitterness.

Dear God

Good Morning, Dear God Thank you for the morning. Thank you for everything for which I am grateful, and everything I'm not even smart enough to be grateful for. I offer this day for Your glory. Amen

My 100 Gratitudes Today

I am grateful: 1. I did well yesterday, the first day of school 2. My kids are adorable 3. They seemed happy 4. They seemed to like me 5. I got there safely 6. I got home safely 7. I have gotten to and from L’s, 1 – 2 hours away usually closer to 1, safely every time 8. M bought cute erasers to give out 9. I raffled lots of good stuff too 10. Ma came in as my aide. 11. It was great! She took some initiative, and we got a lot done. She may not get to stay, but I was sure glad she was there yesterday! 12. Reruns of Friends sitcom 13. L’s interest in dinosaurs 14. Little kids believing in Santa 15. The skirt I wore yesterday 16. That I’ll get to my mother’s this morning before work and get this freakin’ bill stuff done 17. And J will come this weekend to go over some money stuff with me. It means I won’t get to go to L’s but I really need this 18. Laughter 19. Innocence 20. And innocents. Like my students 21. The beautiful amazing poem L wrote for me the other day 22. And the one he wrote last March too. 23. Next day – I am grateful that I have such sweet kids (class) 24. Innocents 25. And that I am so nice to them 26. And for their adorable little papers they wrote, about wht they want their teacher to know about them 27. And for our new computer teacher 28. And that he will help me to do Garage Band with them in a couple months 29. And that he set up my computers 30. And set up my SMARTBoard 31. And put the printers on my computers 32. Well, it’s Fri morning now, and I’m feeling wiped out. Exhausted. And knee very bad – long story – BUT – I DO remember yesterday, thinking, “I like my life.” And that was a BIG deal. And I’m VERY grateful for that. 33. I got my hair cut and colored yesterday. That is a luxury. 34. L. is coming HERE this weekend. I have been going THERE since mid-July! I’m grateful that I don’t have the drive. Nervous about what the heck to do, with all this exhaustion and the rain – but glad he’s doing the driving this time. 35. Plus SO glad he WANTS to see me! 36. And now it’s a long time later. September 13. Schedule has been insane and I’ve been so fatigued. But I am grateful that I’m still alive 37. And I haven’t had an accident 38. I filled the car with gas yesterday 39. And am getting it inspected it today. 40. I’m grateful that L and I had a talk the other night and things seem good 41. And that my doctor helped me with my insecurities last night 42. And that I am working on a schedule; must do MY things to keep up Myself and security and wholeness 43. And that I’m doing this this morning 44. I’m grateful for the daily meditation books. 45. I’m grateful that this class is so adorable 46. And that I’ve been sleeping every night, through the night 47. I am so grateful for M’s friendship 48. And that I did take my old and very sick mother out for her birthday 49. So very grateful that J is helping so much with her! 50. I am grateful that he saw the new 9/11 memorial near my house 51. And that maybe soon I might see doggie. 52. Grateful also, I think, that she’s not here full-time 53. So grateful that within a few short breaths, the mindfulness brings me such peace. What a gift! 54. I’m grateful for pedicures 55. And for this beautiful wonderful laptop 56. And that since my school one broke, and Open House is tonight, the computer person is getting me a loaner today 57. I’m grateful that M and I work together! Especially with these pain in the ass other two with whom I have to work. I don’t want to be this way but it’s how it feels 58. Grateful that L said, and I quote, “I love you Cheryl.” 59. And, “You are very special to me.” 60. And, “I cherish this relationship.” 61. Grateful that with him and S and J coming Saturday into Sunday, and me taking my mother for medical test Tuesday, that I’m just plain old off on Monday! : ) 62. I’m grateful that I sent that check out for my mother yesterday! 63. And those bills of mine 64. And that my kids did the fun science 65. And the fun math 66. I am grateful that I’ve fit in time for the 100 grats again starting today. Very important. 67. I’m so grateful that I don’t eat animals 68. And that many people don’t now, or do so less 69. I’m grateful for beaches 70. And parks 71. And my yard 72. I’m grateful for my air conditioners 73. And that L has his biomat he loves so much. Such luxuries 74. I’m grateful that I can read 75. And that I’m in the book course again 76. And have the book 77. And have started it 78. And that my sponsor is still speaking to me 79. I’m grateful that I did FINALLY manage to practice a little piano yesterday 80. And should be able to again today. 81. And that my classroom is not a mess. Yet? 82. I’m grateful that I saw a baby squirrel right here on my property. So cute 83. And that that ginormous rat was only a dream! 84. I’m grateful that I have a washer 85. And dryer. 86. And don’t have to go even outside the house to use them, like in one house I saw 87. And I’m literally grateful that I have a kitchen sink 88. And a small class 89. I’m grateful, so grateful, for God 90. And Buddha 91. And Thich Nhat Hanh 92. And that I’ve sat with him on four retreats. Wow. 93. And that I was part of the sit-in for peace in Trafalgar Square! Oh my gosh 94. I am grateful that I can enjoy a little wine And am not an alcoholic 95. I am grateful for every good, nutritious, light meal I have 96. And that L had a totally vegetarian, almost totally raw dinner last night 97. And that I don’t have to cook for S and J this weekend! 98. I am grateful for the skirt I wore yesterday. Really. 99. And that I have something nice to wear today/tonight as well 100. And for comfortable, cute shoes.