Grats I didn't post, from London, because internet was down.
I am grateful:
1. That I’ll have time to honor Good Friday before seeing L
2. That I had such a wonderful week (almost 9 days) in London.
3. That I arrived here safely
4. St. Paul’s Cathedral
5. My earrings
6. My coasters
7. Postcards
8. And that I sent one to M
9. And one to Je
10. And one to Ji
11. And one to L
12. And one to my mother
13. And that I called my mother!
14. That she sounded GREAT!
15. And that she was so excited to hear from me
16. That I emailed back and forth with L a lot
17. And eventually got to call him
18. A lot
19. That one night, hanging up, he said, “Love you Dear.” That was so nice
20. That although I’m not jewish, I’m getting to go to a seder tonight
21. With L
22. And Jo
23. And S
24. And others
25. And that S, whose seder it is, is making sure I only have to taste VEGAN things! SO nice of him!
26. My retreat with Thich Nhat Hanh
27. The Orientation talk about self-care
28. The sitting meditation sessions at our center
29. The silent meals
30. And they were nutritious
31. And a BIT of stuff even tasted goo too: )
32. Last Saturday in Trafalgar Square
33. “Sit in peace.” With Thich Nhat Hanh and the monastics
34. That the monks and nuns have gotten to know me
35. The words one of the retreatant shared from her talk on the stage. That at work (teaching special needs kids?) she asks herself before taking an action: “What would love do?”
36. That I have incorporated that into my life now.
37. That I’ve tried (albeit not successfully yet: ) to explain this to L.
38. That I’ve been reading THN’s book, “Fidelity.”
39. And his book, “Love.”
40. The special 3 women I met on the retreat.
41. And more.
42. The TNH calligraphies I bought!
43. That although I OVERSPENT: ( AND made THREE BIG mistakes that are costing me A LOT(!), I will manage to afford this trip. I am very lucky.
44. That J went to my house to pick up something (with my permission) and noticed I had forgotten to take out the garbage! And he took it out! Imagine if it had sat there for 11 days!
45. That I’m sitting at Heathrow no.
46. And have done some sitting med. And some walking med. Every day since retreat so far (it is morning now, so have only so far done sitting today)
47. That finally – FINALLY – LAST NIGHT, I had a great meal in London! Yay! I am Italian; all 4 of my grandparents came from Italy; I know Italian food; this was the best Italian dish I have EVER had! Kind of makes up for the rest of the 8 days with food I didn’t like: )
48. St. Paul’s Cathedral – my tour
49. The Tower – my tour
50. Standing in the spot where poor Anne Boleyn was beheaded. This was solemn to me.
51. And little Lady Jane Grey, same
52. And poor little Catherine Howard, same
53. That I’m being much more mindful now!
54. That I went to Kensington Palace, tour
55. And took those two tour buses all around
56. And took the 11 hour Windsor, Bath, Stonehenge tour
57. That I found my way back to the two women and thus the tour bus after being sort of lost in Bath
58. That I saw Jane Seymour’s beautiful castle!
59. And the River Thames
60. And London is so clean and white
61. And it turns out it’s extra white, because they’ve been washing all the limestone in prep for the Olympics
62. That there is so much sky. Not all the skyscrapers like Manhattan.
63. That the people were SO lovely
64. And SO welcoming to me
65. And kind
66. And helpful
67. I got kisses blown to me
68. I got hugged and kissed – the only one out of the 55 of us, but our tour director
69. I got called My Love
70. And Darling
71. And Honey
72. Even when others weren’t being called those things
73. At various places
74. That I bought a few wonderful things for myself
75. And a wonderful thing for L.
76. And a wonderful thing for Jo
77. And a wonderful thing for S
78. And something nice for M
79. That I passed by Starbucks and Subway and the other one, I forget which, to get to a little British place that first breakfast time
80. And had beans on wh wh toast
81. And wound up having it for 2 more breakfasts: )
82. That I didn’t pig out
83. That I have prayed
84. That I had the meltdown last Sunday.
85. Because if I hadn’t have had it, Mi wouldn’t have arranged for me to have a consult with a sister,
86. And that sister wound up helping, not only my meltdown, but my life!
87. I am rooted in mother Earth.
88. I am a child of Mother Earth
89. I can connect to her
90. I can hug a tree to connect even more easily
91. I can place my worries on her and not burden or pollute her
92. And she will transform them
93. And I can care for my own sufferings
94. And this will help transform them too (along with sitting and walking meditation)
95. The 2 amazing Deep Relaxation sessions
96. And the short but wonderful Touch the Earth
97. That I sat about 1 meter and 4 inches from TNH the whole time he sipped his tea
98. That we had walking meditation with him
99. And I was the closest person to him
100. And we had it again!
101. And I stayed back, to give others a chance
102. That this seemed more intimate. Because instead of the 1000 – 1100 people I’m used to at these retreats, there were about 260 of us! (Numbers varied depending on who said it on what day).
103. That I now say beautiful words before eating. Along these lines: “This food is a gift of the entire universe. Mother Earth and her soil. The sky, clouds, raindrops, sun, air. May I eat in in gratitude for all the people it took to get it to me. Especially the farmers. May I eat it in moderation, so as to help reverse the process of global warming. May I eat it in JOY. May I see the cloud in my food.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Journal
More grateful than words can say.
Am in process of changing schedule.
Because dear friend M is going through a very very hard time, and is calling me every morning before 5 am for over an hour.
And L and I email each other in the mornings.
I am still very tired from first day back at school after spring break, the very day after getting home from London and L's, having been away from 11 days.
Still unpacking to do...
Have to figure out when to do spiritual work each day.
Must figure this out by tonight.
Am in process of changing schedule.
Because dear friend M is going through a very very hard time, and is calling me every morning before 5 am for over an hour.
And L and I email each other in the mornings.
I am still very tired from first day back at school after spring break, the very day after getting home from London and L's, having been away from 11 days.
Still unpacking to do...
Have to figure out when to do spiritual work each day.
Must figure this out by tonight.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Grats - Some
I am grateful:
1. To be in London
2. That I walked about on my own yesterday
3. That everything looks so white and clean (and I found out it is – they’re cleaning all the limestone – and there’s a lot of it – for the Olympics)
4. That I took that tour bus
5. And saw so much
6. And next week will take the other route. More I want to see there
7. And that I went to St. Paul’s Cathedral
8. And did their tour
9. Plus traced lots of Diana’s steps
10. And then, the Tower. Omg what a trip.
11. So so so much bigger than I’d thought!
12. SO much history
13. And I saw the exact spot where Anne Boleyn was beheaded. And Lady Jane Grey, and poor little Catherine Howard.
14. This did not feel touristy to me, rather sacred
15. And it had moved Queen Victoria in a deep way too.
16. I passed by Starbucks, MacDonalds and Subway, and found a little British place for breakfast
17. And had vegan beans on brown toast. And coffee and pineapple juice.
18. What fun!
19. I even loved the seat the guy gave me. Sort of in the middle of things, but a little private too, by a little wall. I think he picked it because I was alone, and a “foreigner,” and it was the coziest seat in the place!
20. London people have been SO friendly to me!
21. I’m so grateful for the passport holder thing to wear around my neck
22. And that M bought it for me
23. And that I did get to exchange money for pounds (I hadn’t even known they don’t use Euros here)
24. Grateful that so many fears have been lifted!
25. And that Thay (Thich Nhat Hahn) spoke last night
26. After a great very healthy vegan dinner
27. There are only 284 of us.
28. This is an intimate group, compared to the 1000 – 1100 I’m used to the other 3 times with him.
29. I am so lucky to be here.
30. I’m not sure if I should be doing grats. I THINK it is good for me, but then again it is a distraction. So maybe I’ll stop here and do what Thay said: turn off the computer and phone.
Very uncomfortable to be alone in own head, but that's the point - get out of the head and stay...
‘Til Mon. night or Tues. morning…
1. To be in London
2. That I walked about on my own yesterday
3. That everything looks so white and clean (and I found out it is – they’re cleaning all the limestone – and there’s a lot of it – for the Olympics)
4. That I took that tour bus
5. And saw so much
6. And next week will take the other route. More I want to see there
7. And that I went to St. Paul’s Cathedral
8. And did their tour
9. Plus traced lots of Diana’s steps
10. And then, the Tower. Omg what a trip.
11. So so so much bigger than I’d thought!
12. SO much history
13. And I saw the exact spot where Anne Boleyn was beheaded. And Lady Jane Grey, and poor little Catherine Howard.
14. This did not feel touristy to me, rather sacred
15. And it had moved Queen Victoria in a deep way too.
16. I passed by Starbucks, MacDonalds and Subway, and found a little British place for breakfast
17. And had vegan beans on brown toast. And coffee and pineapple juice.
18. What fun!
19. I even loved the seat the guy gave me. Sort of in the middle of things, but a little private too, by a little wall. I think he picked it because I was alone, and a “foreigner,” and it was the coziest seat in the place!
20. London people have been SO friendly to me!
21. I’m so grateful for the passport holder thing to wear around my neck
22. And that M bought it for me
23. And that I did get to exchange money for pounds (I hadn’t even known they don’t use Euros here)
24. Grateful that so many fears have been lifted!
25. And that Thay (Thich Nhat Hahn) spoke last night
26. After a great very healthy vegan dinner
27. There are only 284 of us.
28. This is an intimate group, compared to the 1000 – 1100 I’m used to the other 3 times with him.
29. I am so lucky to be here.
30. I’m not sure if I should be doing grats. I THINK it is good for me, but then again it is a distraction. So maybe I’ll stop here and do what Thay said: turn off the computer and phone.
Very uncomfortable to be alone in own head, but that's the point - get out of the head and stay...
‘Til Mon. night or Tues. morning…
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Grats
I am grateful:
1. Got to airport on time
2. Had all paperwork needed
3. Got great seat on plane. Window.
4. Unobstructed view.
5. And seat between me and my neighbor was empty!
6. I slept on the plane.
7. First time ever.
8. And NO fears. Why? Probably because of all this daily “work.” So much fear has been lifted!
9. L had written to me at 4am!
10. I wrote back
11. And left message
12. And he called! I got to speak with him from airport
13. Now I’ve settled into hotel
14. And emailed him
15. and M
16. (and J whom I had to answer – about my mother…)
17. I can do my spiritual work now.
18. And tomorrow.
19. But then from tomorrow at about 4pm NY time, til Mon eve or Tues morning, I will be off electronics! Better for retreat that way.
20. Already feeling better about teeny, up and around and up and around little tiny labrynthian-to-get-to-it room.
21. And finally have eaten something (British Airways seemed to differ if their interpretation of food, from me : )
22. My taxi driver was an angel!
23. Took my out of way, after I seemed excited about London (and am!), and after he asked if I’d want, to see things. A private tour!
24. Buckingham Palace
25. Westminster Abbey
26. Big Ben
27. Parliament
28. Hyde Park
29. Clarence House
30. Harrods
31. Harvey Nichols, … … …
32. And all are MUCH bigger and brighter and clean looking than they have always looked to me on tv.
33. And I saw Alfred Hitchcock’s house.
34. And am staying right by the Abbey Road Studio!
35. But that crosswalk (from the Beatles’ album cover) looks smaller to me than on the cover. (Although there were fewer cars around it then)
36. I’m not so comfortable in this itty bitty and hot room, that I had to go through a maze to get to! But – that’s good because I know I’ll learn something/grow from it.
37. Plus, it will help encourage me to go out and DO things
38. The whole city looks brighter and whiter ad cleaner than I’d imagined, and than the way I see NY.
39. Everything’s very expensive. I don’t know how people live here (I don’t just mean pounds to dollar exchange – I mean real estate etc.) But it’s pretty!
40. And more spread out than I’d imagined
41. And not so high. Yay.
42. L’s handsome picture (with me, on my b’day) open here on my computer.
43. My taxi driver was an angel! Took me on the tour – but also – I stupidly took out a thousand dollars in 20’s, 50’s, and 100’s in the exchange place at night in the dark alone with the guy who works there. My driver came RUNNING in, and stood over me like a bodyguard, counting over my shoulder!
44. When got back into car, admonished me to NEVER do that again – anywhere!
45. And took me so I could pick up Indian food take-out and watched over me while I did that too!
46. Here, they are run by the police, and very safe, I think.
47. Plus it takes 4 years of training, and they are reviewed…
48. Tomorrow I will have a few hours before anything. Will go to museum or see if can get tour of the Tower.
49. Saw some past-violent places too. Wonder why people do such things?
50. Having really bad red wine in room right now. Really bad. But – better than the bathroom tap water! : )
51. Know will have vegan food dinner tomorrow through lunch Monday at the retreat
52. Will figure out a way to spend next Fri night and Sat and Sat night at L’s (regarding mother, J, etc. – oi)
53. Am okay inside. Oh my dear Lord, am I ok inside????!!!! Woooowwwww!
54. I even managed the underground – like 3 levels under! – public transport and baggage claim!
55. M having given me this fabulous suitcase!
56. And those vegan bars
57. And nuts
58. And cranberries
59. And that *I * have made a drawer of stuff *I * bought, that L. will have at my house!
60. And that I did manage to straighten enough.
61. And in that way too, can relax while I’m here.
62. And I have no idea what’s coming for me. I mean, if my life can be – FEEL – THIS DIFFERENT than a year ago, who knows what’s coming
63. And I think that I *will * get an awful lot out of this retreat experience.
64. And even the uncomfortable parts…
65. That I am safe here
66. That I am online
67. That I think I can sleep
68. That I am healthy
69. And well
70. And people have been so nice to me today
71. At the airport
72. On the plane
73. After the plane
74. In the taxi
75. In the Indian food takeout place
76. In the hotel
77. That I am smiling and laughing
78. And tomorrow I should see Thich Naht Hanh!
79. That I spoke with M today
80. That I feel the breeze now through the curtains
81. The night is cooling off (as the reception desk guy said it would)
82. That people have been honest with me so far, I think, here.
83. Ex I asked the reception guy what I should give him for carrying my bags up and he said, “We don’t do like America. You don’t have to tip!” Nice
84. I will, at the end. But it was nice.
85. Eyesight!
86. That I remembered my drops
87. And pills
88. And can call and see if can work out something better food-wise for trip home
89. That feel like resting
90. And am not panicked/panicking about anything
91. And that when left message with dr that could send check, since had to cancel yesterday, he left message back and said, “Forget about the check. You can do that when get back. Just have a nice time.”
92. All the years I had with J
93. All the time I’ve had alone. Really
94. The time I have now with L
95. And – although it could be fun, I’m grateful that it is NOT every day
96. Is every week and that’s right, I think. At least for now
97. But that I’m not celibate anymore!
98. Gonna sleep with little breeze on me. At home, bedroom window is like 2 feet off the ground, so I never do
99. That I think I *will * continue to lose weight.
100. And lots of people don’t think I’m ugly.
101. Grateful for you!
102. And for London! ~*~*~*~*
and must go to sleep now:) but grateful that probably can:)
1. Got to airport on time
2. Had all paperwork needed
3. Got great seat on plane. Window.
4. Unobstructed view.
5. And seat between me and my neighbor was empty!
6. I slept on the plane.
7. First time ever.
8. And NO fears. Why? Probably because of all this daily “work.” So much fear has been lifted!
9. L had written to me at 4am!
10. I wrote back
11. And left message
12. And he called! I got to speak with him from airport
13. Now I’ve settled into hotel
14. And emailed him
15. and M
16. (and J whom I had to answer – about my mother…)
17. I can do my spiritual work now.
18. And tomorrow.
19. But then from tomorrow at about 4pm NY time, til Mon eve or Tues morning, I will be off electronics! Better for retreat that way.
20. Already feeling better about teeny, up and around and up and around little tiny labrynthian-to-get-to-it room.
21. And finally have eaten something (British Airways seemed to differ if their interpretation of food, from me : )
22. My taxi driver was an angel!
23. Took my out of way, after I seemed excited about London (and am!), and after he asked if I’d want, to see things. A private tour!
24. Buckingham Palace
25. Westminster Abbey
26. Big Ben
27. Parliament
28. Hyde Park
29. Clarence House
30. Harrods
31. Harvey Nichols, … … …
32. And all are MUCH bigger and brighter and clean looking than they have always looked to me on tv.
33. And I saw Alfred Hitchcock’s house.
34. And am staying right by the Abbey Road Studio!
35. But that crosswalk (from the Beatles’ album cover) looks smaller to me than on the cover. (Although there were fewer cars around it then)
36. I’m not so comfortable in this itty bitty and hot room, that I had to go through a maze to get to! But – that’s good because I know I’ll learn something/grow from it.
37. Plus, it will help encourage me to go out and DO things
38. The whole city looks brighter and whiter ad cleaner than I’d imagined, and than the way I see NY.
39. Everything’s very expensive. I don’t know how people live here (I don’t just mean pounds to dollar exchange – I mean real estate etc.) But it’s pretty!
40. And more spread out than I’d imagined
41. And not so high. Yay.
42. L’s handsome picture (with me, on my b’day) open here on my computer.
43. My taxi driver was an angel! Took me on the tour – but also – I stupidly took out a thousand dollars in 20’s, 50’s, and 100’s in the exchange place at night in the dark alone with the guy who works there. My driver came RUNNING in, and stood over me like a bodyguard, counting over my shoulder!
44. When got back into car, admonished me to NEVER do that again – anywhere!
45. And took me so I could pick up Indian food take-out and watched over me while I did that too!
46. Here, they are run by the police, and very safe, I think.
47. Plus it takes 4 years of training, and they are reviewed…
48. Tomorrow I will have a few hours before anything. Will go to museum or see if can get tour of the Tower.
49. Saw some past-violent places too. Wonder why people do such things?
50. Having really bad red wine in room right now. Really bad. But – better than the bathroom tap water! : )
51. Know will have vegan food dinner tomorrow through lunch Monday at the retreat
52. Will figure out a way to spend next Fri night and Sat and Sat night at L’s (regarding mother, J, etc. – oi)
53. Am okay inside. Oh my dear Lord, am I ok inside????!!!! Woooowwwww!
54. I even managed the underground – like 3 levels under! – public transport and baggage claim!
55. M having given me this fabulous suitcase!
56. And those vegan bars
57. And nuts
58. And cranberries
59. And that *I * have made a drawer of stuff *I * bought, that L. will have at my house!
60. And that I did manage to straighten enough.
61. And in that way too, can relax while I’m here.
62. And I have no idea what’s coming for me. I mean, if my life can be – FEEL – THIS DIFFERENT than a year ago, who knows what’s coming
63. And I think that I *will * get an awful lot out of this retreat experience.
64. And even the uncomfortable parts…
65. That I am safe here
66. That I am online
67. That I think I can sleep
68. That I am healthy
69. And well
70. And people have been so nice to me today
71. At the airport
72. On the plane
73. After the plane
74. In the taxi
75. In the Indian food takeout place
76. In the hotel
77. That I am smiling and laughing
78. And tomorrow I should see Thich Naht Hanh!
79. That I spoke with M today
80. That I feel the breeze now through the curtains
81. The night is cooling off (as the reception desk guy said it would)
82. That people have been honest with me so far, I think, here.
83. Ex I asked the reception guy what I should give him for carrying my bags up and he said, “We don’t do like America. You don’t have to tip!” Nice
84. I will, at the end. But it was nice.
85. Eyesight!
86. That I remembered my drops
87. And pills
88. And can call and see if can work out something better food-wise for trip home
89. That feel like resting
90. And am not panicked/panicking about anything
91. And that when left message with dr that could send check, since had to cancel yesterday, he left message back and said, “Forget about the check. You can do that when get back. Just have a nice time.”
92. All the years I had with J
93. All the time I’ve had alone. Really
94. The time I have now with L
95. And – although it could be fun, I’m grateful that it is NOT every day
96. Is every week and that’s right, I think. At least for now
97. But that I’m not celibate anymore!
98. Gonna sleep with little breeze on me. At home, bedroom window is like 2 feet off the ground, so I never do
99. That I think I *will * continue to lose weight.
100. And lots of people don’t think I’m ugly.
101. Grateful for you!
102. And for London! ~*~*~*~*
and must go to sleep now:) but grateful that probably can:)
I am in London!
Left 4am NY time
It is now 7:05 pm NY time (12:05am London time)
Finally settled in.
Very very grateful.
For so much.
Will try to go do the spiritual work I didn't do this morning, now, and post it.
***Then - tomorrow (Friday) 4pm NY time through Monday evening, I am supposed to be offline, due to the retreat and that is how you get more out of it...
Bbl
It is now 7:05 pm NY time (12:05am London time)
Finally settled in.
Very very grateful.
For so much.
Will try to go do the spiritual work I didn't do this morning, now, and post it.
***Then - tomorrow (Friday) 4pm NY time through Monday evening, I am supposed to be offline, due to the retreat and that is how you get more out of it...
Bbl
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Affirmations
I am good enough.
God made me.
God loves me.
I have good friends!
The Universe and God My Creator are taking perfect care of me.
My life is filled with abundance and happiness!
God made me.
God loves me.
I have good friends!
The Universe and God My Creator are taking perfect care of me.
My life is filled with abundance and happiness!
Feelings
I feel:
Lucky!
Fortunate!
Grateful!
Sad that I'll miss L. for 9 days
Happy because know this is better for me, the going
Very relieved and looking forward because the course part sounds, now that I've seen the paperwork, like the retreats with Thich Nhat Hanh that I've already done! Just with the talks geared more specifically toward educators...
Nervous that I'll fuck up and not get there because of lack of experience and misunderstanding about bringing all the right paperwork...
Grateful for friends!
And for L. kisses!
5 good things about me:
1. I have courage
2. I do not give up
3. I am smart enough. I *think.* NO. I *am,*! Yes. Good.
4. I am pretty enough. ?
5. I am so good at meditation and Reiki and at sharing both!
Lucky!
Fortunate!
Grateful!
Sad that I'll miss L. for 9 days
Happy because know this is better for me, the going
Very relieved and looking forward because the course part sounds, now that I've seen the paperwork, like the retreats with Thich Nhat Hanh that I've already done! Just with the talks geared more specifically toward educators...
Nervous that I'll fuck up and not get there because of lack of experience and misunderstanding about bringing all the right paperwork...
Grateful for friends!
And for L. kisses!
5 good things about me:
1. I have courage
2. I do not give up
3. I am smart enough. I *think.* NO. I *am,*! Yes. Good.
4. I am pretty enough. ?
5. I am so good at meditation and Reiki and at sharing both!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)