Gratitudes

I am grateful: 1. M and her friendship 2. That we are talking on the phone every morning. 3. Her apology for being too intense 4. And her working on it in therapy 5. And my apology to here for seeming cold yesterday : ( 6. And that she accepted it. 7. And that I accepted hers. 8. That I don’t emotionally eat as much anymore. 9. L. is back. Emotionally. It turns out he was getting sick. 102.2 fever. 10. He had already sent me a beautiful card. He wrote in it, “You make the flowers in my heart bloom. Love, L.” He’s never written Love, and his name before. 11. Then last night when we were hanging up, he said, “Love you Dear.” 12. And later call, he said it again. 13. I love him. I know, I know. Keep perspective. Keep self. But it’s nice that I love him. 14. With all this terrorist airplane bomb talk, I’m so grateful that I had safe flights to and from London. 15. L. in my life 16. God 17. Universal goodness 18. Humor 19. Cartoons 20. My dr. yesterday 21. My dr. reminding/helping me to not lose myself into L. 22. But also saying that l. has a lot to offer me 23. And that we are good for each other in a number of ways 24. And to have fun 25. That I am falling in love 26. That people say I am glowing 27. That I will FINALLY be getting some things done around here. House things 28. Doggie. I miss her SO! But I am so grateful for her. 29. That M. is looking at houses. 30. And that this recent one is so wonderful. 31. That I pray(ed) for her and her girls 32. Buddha 33. Thich Nhat Hanh 34. That someone asked me about TNH yesterday: ) 35. That a few people at work do want to meditate together. 36. And now it is Friday. I am grateful that L. has this little flu, because it could have been something worse. I have heard things 37. msn.com 38. reba mcentire’s beautiful voice 39. singing in the car 40. cousins 41. that maybe I’ll see some of them this summer 42. my online prayer community 43. my L saying at end of two phone calls this week, “Love you Dear.” 44. People who are caring 45. And kind 46. And funny 47. And use their intelligence to help others 48. The compliments I’ve been getting lately at school, on my weight loss 49. And my clothes 50. And that I’m glowing! 51. I got a hair cut yesterday 52. And color. What wealth! No more grays: ) 53. And a pedicure 54. A special one – spa pedicure 55. With 15 minute massage 56. Sitcoms 57. Music 58. Soon I’ll be able to USE my new stereo, lol: ) 59. And I’ll have music whenever I want 60. I’m going to try to play in my piano teacher’s adult student recital! 61. I’ve been practicing a little each day 62. Piano piano piano 63. P. said yesterday, at lunch, how well I play 64. And that I seem so happy when I’m playing 65. Coloring 66. Art 67. Modern art 68. Happy students lately. Mostly. But those who aren’t, it’s apparently because of their own internal issues. 69. French! 70. M 71. L’s kisses 72. Oral sex. Sorry, but I AM grateful for it! 73. Maybe we’ll still have our concert date this weekend, if L. is better… 74. My principal 75. That my aide came to me yesterday and said she would NEVER say anything about me… long story. Anyway, I’m grateful. 76. The very weird and yucky dream I had right before awakening. At least dreams are somewhat telling. 77. Humor 78. The emails I’ve been sending L. while he’s sick. 79. Mother’s Day 80. G, my afternoon one hour aide 81. Pocketbooks 82. That my aide is doing her work now 83. Jewelry 84. Meditation 85. Thich Nhat Hanh 86. Bed phone talks 87. The Mother’s Day presents we’re sending home 88. Buddies 89. Book of the Month 90. M sharing such amazing cute stuff with me for my class 91. Weekends 92. Soon I’ll be free of J? Maybe… 93. And have enough money? … 94. Kids’ art 95. Piano in my classroom! 96. Plants! 97. That M is looking at her issues. ‘Cause I love her but they do drive me crazy 98. Caresses 99. Hugs 100. Lovely words

Affirmations

I am good enough My life is perfect I have perfect health I am loved I am loveable I am wonderful I love life God is taking perfect care of me The universe is taking perfect care of me

Gratitudes

I am grateful: 1. That I awakened 2. That I’m grateful I awakened. There was a time when I wasn’t 3. I have veggies in the house 4. Gave my kids a great day yesterday 5. Little L, so happy about his First Holy Communion, new haircut and all 6. That I DID go to dinner with my mother yesterday 7. L in my life 8. Romance 9. Kisses 10. Sex 11. Orgasms 12. Ability to enjoy 13. My dr 14. That he comes today 15. Eyedrops 16. My opthamologist 17. My fabulous French lesson Monday 18. That I’ve begun to talk a little – partial sentences – in French, with my teacher 19. My dress 20. My two skirts 21. My nice new shoes 22. Me with a little makeup on 23. Light little bits of perfume 24. M 25. DRAs. Really. (Reading assessments) 26. Enthusiasm 27. Earrings 28. Necklaces 29. Bracelets 30. Rings. What riches these things are. Absolutely unnecessary. Just riches. 31. When L is romantic (not so much when he’s not) 32. Upcoming weekend sounds exciting 33. Microsoft Excel 34. The internet 35. Tv 36. Books 37. My piano 38. Practicing Sat, Mon and Tues 39. That eating green veggies helps me emotionally 40. As does staying away from large quantities of sugar 41. And from all artificial sweeteners 42. L’s music 43. Structure 44. That my house is neat 45. My cell phone 46. My principal. Bless her heart 47. Jo. I’m SO SORRY she is leaving our school, so sorry on our behalf that is. But grateful for her in my life 48. And for her sake that she is doing something career-wise that she wants to do 49. That my grammar isn’t worse. 50. Email 51. My morning phone calls with M 52. That most people mean well 53. That that airplane terrorist plot was foiled! 54. That I have a job 55. That I live a reasonable length, and pleasant enough commute from work 56. The phrase, “Viewed from the moon.” It helps me get/keep “problem” things in better perspective 57. I’m grateful that I have a stove 58. And a microvave 59. And for the literacy meeting we just had (I’m at work – prep now) 60. And the great article they gave us 61. And that I was brave and stood up for using the time and wanting to learn, not sit around and bs. Not that way – politely – but did it: ) 62. That L texted me 63. That I will get to discuss some crap that’s bothering me, with my dr. today 64. That I am managing to have 15 or so minutes of my prep period today: ) 65. That I will have the whole lunch hour 66. Mozart this coming weekend 67. Dinner at vegan place this coming weekend. Excited about that 68. And that will get to see J and S 69. That, despite how very very much I miss her, at least I don’t have to walk doggie anyway 70. Piano in my classroom 71. Aide A, who loves me 72. Aide T, who does such a great job 73. London. So grateful did that. And when did. 74. That la said yes to do the things… 75. Pills 76. Vitamins 77. Kitchen cabinets 78. And floor 79. Sink 80. Water. Water water water 81. Brussel sprouts and kale and protein coming at lunch today 82. That I am who I am (who said that lol) 83. Prayer 84. Trees in leaf 85. My oak tree. MY oak tree. 86. Gonna buy an outdoor table soon 87. Math. That I appreciate it and love teaching it 88. Books 89. French! 90. Mother’s day things we’ve been doing in class here 91. Singing with the children 92. Graph art 93. Picture books 94. Computer 95. Tissue paper 96. Tissues 97. Cloth napkins 98. Zebras 99. Smiles 100. My feet and all they can do

Feelings Work

I feel: Disappointed that L. is so doing-the-thing driven while I am so romance driven. Realizing that I have to hold back a bit, because men like the chase. Although I would rather effuse. Damn it. So, disappointed in that too. Happy about all the things for which I am grateful. And the happy, wonderful times with L. Wishing he were more CONSISTENTLY lovey. Kind of pissed at almost everybody: D and her incessant talking and showing off which is not even real, at the meetings M for needing to say bs about herself to build herself up, and for thinking she's helping ME somehow, by including me in it too. No! Aides for leaving fucking pigsties all over the place And - is it what I've been eating or not good enough sleep ... 5 good things about me: 1. I am compassionate when others are in need 2. I share my feelings pretty well 3. I am affectionate 4. I am patient - and more than used to be 5. i am funny - am always told that, irl

Gratitudes

I am grateful: 1. Beautiful cards 2. That I can afford some of them 3. Plenty of good, healthy food in the house. 4. Time in the sunroom with L! Finally. The sunroom. The source of J and my fights for years. The teeny little room on the teeny little house…Being used. And enjoyed. Even thought still not finished! But sweet. And being enjoyed. Yay. 5. I didn’t grieve for J this weekend. Have a number of times during the last 2 weeks. 6. When L said, during that amazing part of the music, “Its like he’s saying, ‘So I’m feeling romantic! Kill me!’” 7. Kisses 8. That I feel SO DIFFERENT than I did last Monday 9. That I have fabulous plans for this coming weekend 10. French 11. Lesson today! 12. And now it’s Tuesday. Love quotes 13. The cards I send L. 14. Music in my house 15. I can walk 16. I can talk 17. I can breathe on my own 18. I can see 19. I can hear 20. I can taste 21. I can smell 22. I have a shower 23. And a bathtub 24. I have 10 fingers 25. And 10 toes 26. And 20 nails 27. And hair on my head 28. And eyelashes 29. And eyebrows 30. I know someone with alopecia and she is fine and whole and wonderful, but I am grateful to have hair every place I “should” have it 31. I have a job 32. Helping others 33. I have a home 34. I have a car 35. I am going to fix up my house. 36. Now! 37. BEFORE he gets any of my money! 38. Soon I will be divorced. I wouldn’t have wanted it, but since it has to be because he wants it, at least it should be over soon: ) 39. I have clothes 40. I have food 41. I have a roof 42. I have water 43. I have juice 44. I have medicines I need 45. I have vitamins 46. I have fresh organic fruit in my fridge right now! 47. I have vegan mayonnaise 48. I am losing weight 49. I have love in my life 50. I have God in my life 51. I have friends. And because of some dramas yesterday (oy) at work, I need to “name” – well initial, them now. To remind me of those for whom I am so grateful. 52. I am grateful for M 53. MA 54. ML 55. Ma 56. Mar 57. S 58. O 59. Jo 60. Joa 61. Other J 62. S 63. L 64. And for my dr 65. And for my principal 66. And for my assistant principal 67. And for my superintendent of schools 68. And for my mother 69. And for K 70. And for KD 71. And for my dear students 72. And some of their parents 73. And past parents too 74. And all the thanks I’ve gotten over all these years 75. And that it’s not time to retire yet. 76. And that someday it will be : ) 77. That I’ve done sightseeing in London 78. And sat again with Thich Nhat Hanh 79. And did both alone this time! 80. That I had safe flights both ways 81. And ferry trips 82. And subway trips 83. And tube trips (these above are her AND there) 84. And car trips 85. And bus trips 86. And tour bus trips 87. And walks 88. And crossings of streets 89. And meals in restaurants 90. And I have my blog 91. And YOU*! 92. And I can write 93. And type 94. And afford stamps 95. And I will say something beautiful to my beloved aide today (not the other one!) 96. That I am a good teacher 97. That little A has grown SO MUCH as a reader this year! 98. That little l is making a special huggy picture for me. I love that child 99. That I work with children 100. And am treated like a rock star in the halls ! : )

Affirmations

I am good I am good enough I am wonderful I am lucky My life is wonderful My life is perfect All is perfect!

Feelings

I feel: Disgusted with some people. But NOT hurt like I would have been months/years ago!:) Okay! Physically okay. Emotionally okay. Spiritually okay. Grateful for that! 5 good things about me: 1. I am no longer constricted about who I am 2. I was brave enough to go to London. Alone. 3. I am an easily, deeply spiritual person. 4. I share 5. I am self-aware and grow and change and improve