Dear God

Good Morning on this glorious day of life. Thank you for my life. Thank you for this day. Thank you that I am not depressed. Thank you for everywhere where there is peace. Praise to you. Amen.

Birdie

Stupid new and expensive computer Cannot reply in comment box Want to say to you: Mwah!

Readings - The Language of Letting Go

Letting Go of perfection As I journey through recovery, more and more I learn that accepting myself and my idiosyncrasies - laughing at myself for my ways - gets me a lot further than picking on myself and trying to make myself perfect. Maybe that's really what it's all about - absolute loving, joyous, nurturing self-acceptance. - Anonymous Stop expecting perfection from yourself and those around you. We do a terrible, annoying thing to ourselves and others when we expect perfection. We set up a situation where others, including ourselves, do not feel comfortable with us. Sometimes, expecting perfection makes people so uptight that they and we make more mistakes than normal because we are so nervous and focused on mistakes. That does not mean we allow inappropriate behaviors with the excuse that "nobody's perfect." That doesn't mean we didn't have boundaries and reasonable expectations of people and ourselves. But our expectations need to be reasonable. Expecting perfection is not reasonable. People make mistakes. The less anxious, intimidated, and repressed they are by expectations of being perfect, the better they will do. Striving for excellence, purity in creativity, a harmonious performance, and the best we have to offer does not happen in the stymied, negative, fear-producing atmosphere of expecting perfection. Have and set boundaries. Have reasonable expectations. Strive to do your best. Encourage others to do the same. But know that we and others will make mistakes. Know that we and others will have learning experiences, things we go through. Sometimes, the flaws and imperfections in ourselves determine our uniqueness, the way they do in a piece of art. Relish them. Laugh at them. Embrace them, and ourselves. Encourage others and ourselves to do the best we can. Love and nurture ourselves and others for being who we are. Then realize we are not merely human - we were intended and created to be human. Today, God, help me let go of my need to be perfect and to unreasonably insist that others are perfect. I will not use this to tolerate abuse or mistreatment, but to achieve appropriate, balanced expectations. I am creating a healthy atmosphere of love, acceptance, and nurtuirng around ad within me. I trust that this attitude will bring and the best in other people and in me.

Readings - In This Moment

In This Moment, I trust in my Higher Power. I do not worry about the future or regret the past. The same power that causes the sun to rise each morning and provides light and sustenance to the earth can handle my issues, no matter how small or large. I am but one creation in this vast sea of creation, yet my part is vital. As I am someone's student, so I am also another's teacher. My Higher Power has created me and placed me here. Although I may not always understand my purpose, I belong here simply because I am.

Readings - Voices of Recovery

"We now say yes to this power, deciding from here on to follow spiritual guidance in making every decision." OA 12 & 12 p. 19 In every decision? My mind went into instant rebuff mode upon reading those words. Oh sure, I could see the need to surrender my will and my life to a power greater than myself in food-related matters. Just how many fruits can I dice up really small and cram on top of my cereal and still remain spiritually fit? How many trips to the salad bar constitutes a normal meal? But every decision? Whether to ask for a raise, to take on a new sponsoree, to read Lifeline or TV Guide, to go to bed with this atrtactive stranger, to phone my mother or my sponsor, to tell this jerk I'm plenty miffed - in all the small and large decisions that make up a day, that make up a life. The words on the first page of Step Three gazed back at me serenely. I hesitated and then totally capitulated to their injunction. And I've never regretted that surrender.

Readings - For Today

A permanent state of transition is man's most noble condition. Juan Ramon Jimenez Change is not compatible with stubborn pride. Growth does not happen in a climate of arrogance and know-it-all superiority. The changes that are taking place in those who practice this program involve the total personality - thoughts, emotions, the way I see myself and other people. These transitions require a willingness to let go old ideas, to place my faith in a Power greater than myself. When I gave up my will, the gift of abstinence became mine and my compulsion to overeat was arrested. My other defects are being removed as I become willing to give up my right to decide and control my life. For today: To change, I must understand that giving up is not giving in, nor is it failing. It is no longer needing to be right.

This is really a draft from a while ago!

I am grateful: 1. I am so very grateful that the sadness I felt a couple of years ago is over. 2. I am grateful that I went THROUGH it. Not around it. Came out the other side. 3. I am grateful for my health. To not be chronically ill. 4. I am grateful for Louis. That he is in my life. That he is my boyfriend. That I was open enough to let him in! 5. I am grateful for the half cup of coffee I had today with lowfat vanilla coconut milk. 6. And that soon I can exercise again! 7. I’m grateful that I play piano. 8. And that I (usually) have a voice. 9. I’m grateful that I can breathe on my own. 10. And for Yogi Breathe Right or Breathe Deep or whatever it’s called, tea. 11. I’m grateful that the book I’m slowly reading is so captivating. Because I’m not far enough Buddhism-wise to totally be in my own body every second and just experience. So when I REALLY need a distraction, like middle of night can’t breathe/sleep, that book has been a godsend. 12. I am grateful that I love history. 13. And so much non-fiction altogether. 14. I am grateful for all the years and days of deep, quality friendship I have had/have with Mary Allen. 15. I am grateful that Louis has good friends! 16. And a good, active life! Fiends, House Career! Music! Museums! Beaches! Amazing terrific best-in-the-world-girlfriend! Sex life! Laughter! Reading! Exercise! Concerts! Theater! Artistic talent! Piano! Phone chats! Sauna! Biomat! Handy! Leo! + Politics! Charities! Environment! 17. But also enjoys his quiet time. 18. I am grateful for all that in me, too. 19. I am grateful for the people who’ve come before, including Jim and John, because they did. And because they are part of the fabric of my life. And I have learned lessons from those relationships. 20. I am grateful for laughter! 21. And absurdity! 22. And I am grateful for Handy! 23. And Leo! 24. And French. Beautiful French. And my lessons. I love taking French. 25. And poetry 26. I am grateful for my therapist. His devotion and best use of his fine brain makes one feel cared for. 27. I am grateful that I am pretty. 28. And orgasmic 29. And that I have the best lover in the world! 30. I am grateful that people like and respect me. 31. And that I am trustworthy. 32. And spiritual. 33. I am so grateful for Kairava. 34. And for organic veggies and fruits 35. And vegan cookbooks. Even though I almost never use them(!), I am grateful that they exist. 36. I am grateful for the happy times I’ve had doing crewel work, cross-stitch, needlepoint, knitting, and crocheting. 37. And the happy memories of my mo ther teaching me to knit, pre-K! 38. And my grandmother and aunt trying to teach me to crochet, to no avail : ) 39. And student Kristen’s baby-sitter finally teaching me with success, all those years later. 40. And every good day my mother has. 41. And that she now gets Meals on Wheels, thanks in no small part to Louis. 42. And that I healed from that injury! 43. I am so very very grateful that I am a vegan! There was a time when I thought I never could be! 44. I am grateful that I am literate. 45. And can read music too. 46. And that I enjoy so many things! Including plain old walking, and word games, and giving to children. 47. I think I won’t be taking Phoebe much or at all anymore. And that makes me sad. But I am grateful for every single minute of joy we’ve had together! not Phoebe. Shih tzu onilne. 48. And that I have a house. 49. And that I bought it by myself! 50. I am grateful that I am courageous. 51. And that Louis has found the people to do the body work on his car. 52. And that I have a car. And a car that I love, no less. 53. I am grateful for garbage collection. I worked with someone who had to drive hers somewhere twice a week! 54. I am grateful for rivers and lakes and the sound, the bay, and the beautiful ocean! 55. And that Louis has a pool and is so happy he has it. 56. I am grateful for the times we’ve had/have together! The kisses. 57. The hugs. 58. The lovemaking. 59. The towns we visit. 60. The wine shares 61. The music! 62. The laughter. 63. The museums 64. The concerts and theater 65. The movies 66. The meals 67. The sleepovers 68. The walking 69. The talking 70. The gratitudes sharing 71. The time with friends 72. I am grateful that I had 4 week-long retreats with Thich Nhat Hahn! 73. And that I went to England! 74. And that I went by myself! 75. And that I enjoyed it so much! 76. That Louis loves that I wear lacy stockings 77. I am grateful that I am helpful to others. 78. And for every person and non-human animal who has ever been helpful to me 79. And that I like my principal so much. 80. And that the saboteur will not be in my classroom this coming school year! 81. I am grateful for my legs and feet and that both are strong. And pretty. 82. And for my good hair. 83. And pretty eyes and smile. 84. And lovely breasts. 85. And shoes. 86. And pocketbooks. 87. And that Louis doesn’t mind, and even likes, that I am girlie. Because I am. 88. And that he is all man! 89. I am grateful for the kindness he has shown during this illness. And that I showed him kindness during his too. And that that’s the way we are. 90. And that neither of us is a fighter! 91. I am grateful for Sam and Joan. I miss them, but am glad they are in my life. And that they are good together. And that his new financial situation will relieve some tension for them! 92. I am grateful that Meredith got her house! And is putting it together so well! And it will be a real and happy home. 93. And that she is keeping a dresser drawer for me to keep enough stuff because she REALLY wants me to sleep over sometimes. 94. I am grateful that the Buddhist monks and nuns picked for me, the name: True Compassion of the Heart. What name could be more beautiful for me? 95. I am so grateful for the richness of my life.