I love my blog.
And I love Jo for helping me with it and being trustworthy and giving so generously of her time and talent to me. xo
I saw that some entries were just saved as drafts and never published, so were gone. But not as many as I'd thought. Just a few Grats lists. That's okay.
And I love my blog because when I just now (after all of Jo's help) went to put it in order in categories, I got to see some (a very little) of what I've done and it was good to have a record of it.
I love my blog.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Great "Stuff I Had around" Soup!
Great Stuff-I-Had-around Soup
INGREDIENTS:
· 3 T extra virgin olive oil
· nice amount garlic powder (or cloves, if have)
· hot pep flakes (optional)
· about 15 baby carrots, cut up
· 2 large onions, cut up
· about 6 stalks celery, with tops, cut up
· one can white beans, drained and rinsed (standard like 14 oz size) (or use dried oned)
· one can chick peas, drained and rinsed (same size) (or use dried ones)
· one can diced tomatoes (large, like about 28 oz) (or can use fresh tomatoes, or sauce or Italian canned plum tomatoes, or crushed, I’m sure)
· veg broth – about 16 ounces – I used what I had leftover of 2 different types – I don’t think it matters – could probably use cubes if had to
· water
· about half bag frozen broccoli florets (could use fresh, I’m sure)
· one box frozen whole leaf spinach (could use fresh, or chopped, I’m sure)
· black pep
· dried oregano
· dried parsley (could use fresh, I’m sure)
· good amount sage
· even more rosemary
DIRECTIONS:
· Heat oil, garlic, hot pep (if using) in soup pot
· Add the carrots, onions, and celery
· Cook with lid on til softened (10 minutes or more)
· Remove cover and sautee (another 10 or so – they’ll start to look translucent), stirring a little bit
· Throw in the white beans and chick peas and diced tomatoes and veg broth , broccoli, spinach, and water (a cup or two of water – til you think it looks like you want it to)
· Add the spices
· Stir
· Bring to boil
· Then simmer, covered (or uncover on and off if it won’t stop boiling) for about 2 ½ hours, stirring every 10 – 15 minutes
INGREDIENTS:
· 3 T extra virgin olive oil
· nice amount garlic powder (or cloves, if have)
· hot pep flakes (optional)
· about 15 baby carrots, cut up
· 2 large onions, cut up
· about 6 stalks celery, with tops, cut up
· one can white beans, drained and rinsed (standard like 14 oz size) (or use dried oned)
· one can chick peas, drained and rinsed (same size) (or use dried ones)
· one can diced tomatoes (large, like about 28 oz) (or can use fresh tomatoes, or sauce or Italian canned plum tomatoes, or crushed, I’m sure)
· veg broth – about 16 ounces – I used what I had leftover of 2 different types – I don’t think it matters – could probably use cubes if had to
· water
· about half bag frozen broccoli florets (could use fresh, I’m sure)
· one box frozen whole leaf spinach (could use fresh, or chopped, I’m sure)
· black pep
· dried oregano
· dried parsley (could use fresh, I’m sure)
· good amount sage
· even more rosemary
DIRECTIONS:
· Heat oil, garlic, hot pep (if using) in soup pot
· Add the carrots, onions, and celery
· Cook with lid on til softened (10 minutes or more)
· Remove cover and sautee (another 10 or so – they’ll start to look translucent), stirring a little bit
· Throw in the white beans and chick peas and diced tomatoes and veg broth , broccoli, spinach, and water (a cup or two of water – til you think it looks like you want it to)
· Add the spices
· Stir
· Bring to boil
· Then simmer, covered (or uncover on and off if it won’t stop boiling) for about 2 ½ hours, stirring every 10 – 15 minutes
Today's 100 Gratitudes
I am grateful:
1. That we have a nice little show today
2. And I can finish that book with them
3. And practice their other song
4. And finish the poetry. These things are creative.
5. That I played the piano last night. May have been premature with my thumb. The computer keyboard is much gentler than the piano keyboard. But I’m glad I felt the happy urge
6. That my mother called about that money. May it come through. And bless her for it. And I’m thankful that it made me feel good.
7. And that it made J feel good too
8. And that he said we could go out to eat the three of us and gave the day
9. And that same day he and I could go see his mother
10. And he said the word us when discussing the money
11. And Ph was okay, despite her throwing up and pooping all over the house yesterday
12. And that he was here to clean it.
13. And that him cleaning it would calm her; she wouldn’t feel my stress
14. And that I felt hope when I lay on the couch
15. And that A called. I was asleep and will call her back, but it was nice that she called
16. And that I slept through the night
17. And that yesterday I really started something that had been sort of starting before them: noticing things for my gratitudes. So the first change was that I started including things about other people. And the next change, now is that I stay in a state of gratitude longer throughout the day, because I am looking for things to be grateful for.
18. That I got that angel e-mail from S
19. And passed it on.
20. That actually, I did get a little good news at about the exact time, which was A saying it was fine to hand in the poems a day later. And big good news later that day, which was about the money and then J. So – wow!
21. Mar wrote back to me and said she would pray for me too. Now I shall add her to my prayer list
22. That J even mentioned the health fair thing and that if two people go you save 5 dollars or something, and that he’s not sure if he’ll be going, but.
23. That it is coming: )
24. That you for the peace, Dear God, I had just now when praying the God Our Father prayer.
25. America, and my freedoms here
26. Freedom of speech
27. Freedom of religion
28. Freedom to vote
29. Freedom to protest peacefully
30. Freedom to be educated for and have any career, job I want
31. Freedom to live where I want as long as I earn the money to
32. Finally reaching the stage in my life where I understand I am not a princess and must work (they do too anyway!)
33. Finally not caring to compare, like is this fair, I already have a job stuff, regarding J. And maybe he feels it, the difference.
34. Freedom to walk the streets
35. To have a dog
36. To drive
37. To go to stores
38. To an education
39. To read
40. To books and not censored
41. To movies and not censored (I don’t mind censoring not showing real murders – I mean not censoring beyond that)
42. To have or not have children (I’m not talking about abortion here)
43. To go to doctor(s) of my choice
44. The freedom to travel
45. The freedom to have my medicines
46. The freedom to socialize. To gather with friends
47. Nobody is bullying me now for the sake of bullying. I remember when that was happening, with Chris(?) who lived behind me
48. That today, April 6, I have told God I *know * I cannot be abstinent from will. I truly know it. And have asked for his help. AND made sure I had the food around and ready to help me with it: to help me follow his help. Thank you, God, for that all.
49. “It is not a sign of pride, but humility to know that I am unique and beautiful.” From today’s For Today. Maybe humble, having looked it up, means “perspective on ourselves.” So that does make sense and I’m grateful I read it. I need that.
50. “In Step Eleven we are challenged to actively seek to improve our relationship with our Higher Power in the same way we might develop our relationship, by taking the time on a regular basis to be with HP.” From today’s Voices of Recovery. That I am doing that now.
51. And yesterday not just in the morning, but throughout the day. Asking. And I think even thanking. And asking God to *be with me. *
52. That that just made me learn how important the *taking the time to be with * is in any relationship. I was not doing that with J. I was just vegging next to him, in resentment and fear and pride and ick. Now I know better. May I have the chance.
53. I am grateful that I may.
54. That coffee helps me poop.
55. “By taking care of myself, I have more energy to give to others.” From today’s In This Moment meditation book. I have heard that all my life. I have sometimes, in fact, fought it. Because I felt like taking care of self for self should be enough. But then again I haven’t done that. And somehow, this morning, I am able to see it that way, from that page the “If I don’t, I become frazzled and my family suffers,” idea, which also is selfish in a good way…
56. The authenticity of my work here
57. Banks, and that we have access to them (me, my mother, J…)
58. Bowling. And the time recently J and I did it. It was so fun.
59. Caring. When I care for the children. For my friends. For my mother. For J. For other family, like his nieces and nephews. For Ph. When others care for me. And when others care for others.
60. Crying and the release it brings.
61. Clapping and that I try to teach my classes to do it. It helps the people on the stage, and it helps them with empathy.
62. The step work I did with Rh, and the looking up definitions that was part of it (for steps 1, 2, 3, using the aa questions). Because it is what helps me to think to look up the definition now, like humility humble, and resentments, to help me better understand step 4.
63. That the phone just rang, as I’m working step 4, and it was M because I’d left a message yesterday at 4:30 asking her to call me (which I tried to make sure sounded fine as it was) but she got it and was worried.
64. Haydn
65. Glasses
66. Reading glasses
67. Bifocals
68. Bifocal sunglasses
69. That I didn’t check timer during meditation today until there were second to go! (Usually until now, it has been at about 5 minutes: )
70. Legos for the class
71. And that I bought some for them
72. Ry helping me buy the ones that they’d have to be creative with
73. That I had delicious and healthyful veggies Chinese food last night
74. And today for lunch
75. And later for dinner
76. That Jodi gave me free tech help with my blog today!
77. That I am sipping bottled water now
78. That I’m enjoying eating in the teacher’s room this year, including today: )
79. That my dr comes tofay
80. That I *can * go to a meeting if I want
81. Bunnies
82. Batteries, especially rechargeable ones
83. That I found my missing classroom key : )
84. Picture books
85. Crayons
86. Markers
87. Cray pas
88. Highlighters
89. Colored pencils
90. A’s poem
91. Electric sharpener
92. And that T gave me a good one, because I was putting in the time in the summer
93. My amazing play that we did
94. The letter I wrote for D.A.
95. Pink. I finally appreciate it again, I think
96. MA’s pink bubble and sweeping it out and patching it up and making it all nice and safe and cozy idea
97. Snowflakes
98. Wheels
99. Baseball cards, and how good they used to make J feel
100. Bea Arthur
101. Rue McClenehan
102. Estelle Getty
103. Betty White
1. That we have a nice little show today
2. And I can finish that book with them
3. And practice their other song
4. And finish the poetry. These things are creative.
5. That I played the piano last night. May have been premature with my thumb. The computer keyboard is much gentler than the piano keyboard. But I’m glad I felt the happy urge
6. That my mother called about that money. May it come through. And bless her for it. And I’m thankful that it made me feel good.
7. And that it made J feel good too
8. And that he said we could go out to eat the three of us and gave the day
9. And that same day he and I could go see his mother
10. And he said the word us when discussing the money
11. And Ph was okay, despite her throwing up and pooping all over the house yesterday
12. And that he was here to clean it.
13. And that him cleaning it would calm her; she wouldn’t feel my stress
14. And that I felt hope when I lay on the couch
15. And that A called. I was asleep and will call her back, but it was nice that she called
16. And that I slept through the night
17. And that yesterday I really started something that had been sort of starting before them: noticing things for my gratitudes. So the first change was that I started including things about other people. And the next change, now is that I stay in a state of gratitude longer throughout the day, because I am looking for things to be grateful for.
18. That I got that angel e-mail from S
19. And passed it on.
20. That actually, I did get a little good news at about the exact time, which was A saying it was fine to hand in the poems a day later. And big good news later that day, which was about the money and then J. So – wow!
21. Mar wrote back to me and said she would pray for me too. Now I shall add her to my prayer list
22. That J even mentioned the health fair thing and that if two people go you save 5 dollars or something, and that he’s not sure if he’ll be going, but.
23. That it is coming: )
24. That you for the peace, Dear God, I had just now when praying the God Our Father prayer.
25. America, and my freedoms here
26. Freedom of speech
27. Freedom of religion
28. Freedom to vote
29. Freedom to protest peacefully
30. Freedom to be educated for and have any career, job I want
31. Freedom to live where I want as long as I earn the money to
32. Finally reaching the stage in my life where I understand I am not a princess and must work (they do too anyway!)
33. Finally not caring to compare, like is this fair, I already have a job stuff, regarding J. And maybe he feels it, the difference.
34. Freedom to walk the streets
35. To have a dog
36. To drive
37. To go to stores
38. To an education
39. To read
40. To books and not censored
41. To movies and not censored (I don’t mind censoring not showing real murders – I mean not censoring beyond that)
42. To have or not have children (I’m not talking about abortion here)
43. To go to doctor(s) of my choice
44. The freedom to travel
45. The freedom to have my medicines
46. The freedom to socialize. To gather with friends
47. Nobody is bullying me now for the sake of bullying. I remember when that was happening, with Chris(?) who lived behind me
48. That today, April 6, I have told God I *know * I cannot be abstinent from will. I truly know it. And have asked for his help. AND made sure I had the food around and ready to help me with it: to help me follow his help. Thank you, God, for that all.
49. “It is not a sign of pride, but humility to know that I am unique and beautiful.” From today’s For Today. Maybe humble, having looked it up, means “perspective on ourselves.” So that does make sense and I’m grateful I read it. I need that.
50. “In Step Eleven we are challenged to actively seek to improve our relationship with our Higher Power in the same way we might develop our relationship, by taking the time on a regular basis to be with HP.” From today’s Voices of Recovery. That I am doing that now.
51. And yesterday not just in the morning, but throughout the day. Asking. And I think even thanking. And asking God to *be with me. *
52. That that just made me learn how important the *taking the time to be with * is in any relationship. I was not doing that with J. I was just vegging next to him, in resentment and fear and pride and ick. Now I know better. May I have the chance.
53. I am grateful that I may.
54. That coffee helps me poop.
55. “By taking care of myself, I have more energy to give to others.” From today’s In This Moment meditation book. I have heard that all my life. I have sometimes, in fact, fought it. Because I felt like taking care of self for self should be enough. But then again I haven’t done that. And somehow, this morning, I am able to see it that way, from that page the “If I don’t, I become frazzled and my family suffers,” idea, which also is selfish in a good way…
56. The authenticity of my work here
57. Banks, and that we have access to them (me, my mother, J…)
58. Bowling. And the time recently J and I did it. It was so fun.
59. Caring. When I care for the children. For my friends. For my mother. For J. For other family, like his nieces and nephews. For Ph. When others care for me. And when others care for others.
60. Crying and the release it brings.
61. Clapping and that I try to teach my classes to do it. It helps the people on the stage, and it helps them with empathy.
62. The step work I did with Rh, and the looking up definitions that was part of it (for steps 1, 2, 3, using the aa questions). Because it is what helps me to think to look up the definition now, like humility humble, and resentments, to help me better understand step 4.
63. That the phone just rang, as I’m working step 4, and it was M because I’d left a message yesterday at 4:30 asking her to call me (which I tried to make sure sounded fine as it was) but she got it and was worried.
64. Haydn
65. Glasses
66. Reading glasses
67. Bifocals
68. Bifocal sunglasses
69. That I didn’t check timer during meditation today until there were second to go! (Usually until now, it has been at about 5 minutes: )
70. Legos for the class
71. And that I bought some for them
72. Ry helping me buy the ones that they’d have to be creative with
73. That I had delicious and healthyful veggies Chinese food last night
74. And today for lunch
75. And later for dinner
76. That Jodi gave me free tech help with my blog today!
77. That I am sipping bottled water now
78. That I’m enjoying eating in the teacher’s room this year, including today: )
79. That my dr comes tofay
80. That I *can * go to a meeting if I want
81. Bunnies
82. Batteries, especially rechargeable ones
83. That I found my missing classroom key : )
84. Picture books
85. Crayons
86. Markers
87. Cray pas
88. Highlighters
89. Colored pencils
90. A’s poem
91. Electric sharpener
92. And that T gave me a good one, because I was putting in the time in the summer
93. My amazing play that we did
94. The letter I wrote for D.A.
95. Pink. I finally appreciate it again, I think
96. MA’s pink bubble and sweeping it out and patching it up and making it all nice and safe and cozy idea
97. Snowflakes
98. Wheels
99. Baseball cards, and how good they used to make J feel
100. Bea Arthur
101. Rue McClenehan
102. Estelle Getty
103. Betty White
Monday, April 4, 2011
Today's 100 Gratitudes
I am grateful:
1. That I am so comfortable typing and it feels so good, since this is how I do my gratitudes and my step 4 work (especially since writing is not so comfortable since that big injury).
2. That Ph trusts me for her morning tr
3. And to go out
4. That I was able to leave the door open for her yesterday
5. That I was able to thank God last night for feeling well during some of yesterday.
6. AND Saturday
7. And that I did feel it
8. That the invitations did go out for the music share
9. That there was no bad news in my work e-mail just now
10. That I no longer go to the mailbox in fear of a pink slip. Which I did for *years *!
11. That someone is presenting at the faculty meeting. Maybe that means I can sort of just sit there.
12. That I *am * going in today
13. That my mommy always says she loves me.
14. And I always say I love her
15. And M always says she loves me too
16. And MA and I
17. And even Sp sometimes
18. That last night’s nightmares are over
19. That last night, although not again yet today, I moved my thumb without the popping
20. For today’s Voices of Recovery. About accepting people for what they are. Would that I had. But I can now.
21. Antlers
22. Anteaters
23. Aarvarks
24. Aphids
25. Bats
26. Beavers
27. Bears
28. Bison
29. “Beasties,” ML’s word
30. Badgers
31. Blog (my blog and others)
32. Cats
33. Cougars
34. Cheetahs
35. Dogs
36. Dinosaurs
37. And how interested so many kids are in them
38. Elephants
39. Egrets
40. Emus
41. Flamingoes, and that I’ve seen them in person, those beautiful things.
42. Ferrets
43. Ph’s fake ferrety toy(s) that she loves so much
44. Falcons
45. Giraffes
46. Geckos
47. The gecko on that commercial
48. Hamsters
49. All my students who have/have had hamsters, and how happy they are with them
50. Herons
51. Hens
52. Iguanas
53. The poems we are writing
54. Jackrabbits
55. Jackels?
56. Jasmine
57. Jade
58. Jews being freed
59. Kangaroos
60. Lemurs
61. Lemons
62. Monkeys and manitees (because I think monkeys is a repeat)
63. Osprey
64. Otters
65. Owls
66. Pandas
67. Pugs
68. Poodles
69. Peregrines
70. Rattlesnakes
71. Snakes
72. Seahorses and sunfish (because I think seahorses is a repeat)
73. Trunks (on elephants)
74. Wallabees
75. Wildebeasts
76. Zebras
77. My zebraman memory
78. And the story and how good it is for the kids – so many
79. Apples
80. Bananas
81. Clementines
82. And my new appreciation of them
83. Peaches
84. Pears
85. Plums
86. Cherries
87. Oranges
88. Grapefruits
89. Juices
90. Pine-orange juice
91. Pine-orange banana juice
92. Banana in blender into orange juice
93. Lite grape juice
94. Regular grape juice
95. Days at GI as a kid with pepper sandwiches and grape juice and a plum
96. Purple vegetables and fruits
97. Eggplant
98. Blueberries
99. Cabbage
100. Beets
101. Potatoes (going over 100 because think some animals repeat)
102. Corn
103. Asparagus
104. Canteloupe
105. Sweet potatoes and yams, whatever the difference is
106. Lettuces
107. Spinach
108. Kale
109. Collards
110. Swish chard, may I taste it soon
111. Dandelion greens, may I taste them soon
1. That I am so comfortable typing and it feels so good, since this is how I do my gratitudes and my step 4 work (especially since writing is not so comfortable since that big injury).
2. That Ph trusts me for her morning tr
3. And to go out
4. That I was able to leave the door open for her yesterday
5. That I was able to thank God last night for feeling well during some of yesterday.
6. AND Saturday
7. And that I did feel it
8. That the invitations did go out for the music share
9. That there was no bad news in my work e-mail just now
10. That I no longer go to the mailbox in fear of a pink slip. Which I did for *years *!
11. That someone is presenting at the faculty meeting. Maybe that means I can sort of just sit there.
12. That I *am * going in today
13. That my mommy always says she loves me.
14. And I always say I love her
15. And M always says she loves me too
16. And MA and I
17. And even Sp sometimes
18. That last night’s nightmares are over
19. That last night, although not again yet today, I moved my thumb without the popping
20. For today’s Voices of Recovery. About accepting people for what they are. Would that I had. But I can now.
21. Antlers
22. Anteaters
23. Aarvarks
24. Aphids
25. Bats
26. Beavers
27. Bears
28. Bison
29. “Beasties,” ML’s word
30. Badgers
31. Blog (my blog and others)
32. Cats
33. Cougars
34. Cheetahs
35. Dogs
36. Dinosaurs
37. And how interested so many kids are in them
38. Elephants
39. Egrets
40. Emus
41. Flamingoes, and that I’ve seen them in person, those beautiful things.
42. Ferrets
43. Ph’s fake ferrety toy(s) that she loves so much
44. Falcons
45. Giraffes
46. Geckos
47. The gecko on that commercial
48. Hamsters
49. All my students who have/have had hamsters, and how happy they are with them
50. Herons
51. Hens
52. Iguanas
53. The poems we are writing
54. Jackrabbits
55. Jackels?
56. Jasmine
57. Jade
58. Jews being freed
59. Kangaroos
60. Lemurs
61. Lemons
62. Monkeys and manitees (because I think monkeys is a repeat)
63. Osprey
64. Otters
65. Owls
66. Pandas
67. Pugs
68. Poodles
69. Peregrines
70. Rattlesnakes
71. Snakes
72. Seahorses and sunfish (because I think seahorses is a repeat)
73. Trunks (on elephants)
74. Wallabees
75. Wildebeasts
76. Zebras
77. My zebraman memory
78. And the story and how good it is for the kids – so many
79. Apples
80. Bananas
81. Clementines
82. And my new appreciation of them
83. Peaches
84. Pears
85. Plums
86. Cherries
87. Oranges
88. Grapefruits
89. Juices
90. Pine-orange juice
91. Pine-orange banana juice
92. Banana in blender into orange juice
93. Lite grape juice
94. Regular grape juice
95. Days at GI as a kid with pepper sandwiches and grape juice and a plum
96. Purple vegetables and fruits
97. Eggplant
98. Blueberries
99. Cabbage
100. Beets
101. Potatoes (going over 100 because think some animals repeat)
102. Corn
103. Asparagus
104. Canteloupe
105. Sweet potatoes and yams, whatever the difference is
106. Lettuces
107. Spinach
108. Kale
109. Collards
110. Swish chard, may I taste it soon
111. Dandelion greens, may I taste them soon
And Now My Diary Starts
A bit rushed. But here goes:
Yesterday I had 3 hours in the morning to do my program stuff and all. 3 hours! That's a blessing!
And I did a load of dishes. Then went to a meeting. And then took my mother to the recital. At the recital, for a good part of the hour plus, I felt good. I like being there. I enjoyed the children. I enjoyed being there by myself without J, and with my mother.
I see this as a sign that I am becoming a person in myself and that is good.
I was also able to thank God last night, for having felt well for a good deal of Friday and Saturday and Sunday and that's a very big deal.
I had nightmares last night, and woke up with the hole in my stomach feeling, so that is still frightening, but I ask for help for today.
I think J was never happy. Not never happy with me, but never happy. Oh, he had moments, many of them with me in fact. Smiling and laughing and sex and walking and vacations and all sorts of things. And, "I met one person in my life I want to be with all the time. I married her."
But remember the drugs. The need for the drugs. And the alcohol. And the work stuff. And that night, department store parking lot etc. And the sleep disorder including us playing alphabet games to try to help him get to sleep. And the inability to unwind so often. ... This stuff inside predates me. So as he works it out, if I continue working mine out, which I am, there is a chance we will be together, as full people. And please God, let it be so. Thank you.
Yesterday I had 3 hours in the morning to do my program stuff and all. 3 hours! That's a blessing!
And I did a load of dishes. Then went to a meeting. And then took my mother to the recital. At the recital, for a good part of the hour plus, I felt good. I like being there. I enjoyed the children. I enjoyed being there by myself without J, and with my mother.
I see this as a sign that I am becoming a person in myself and that is good.
I was also able to thank God last night, for having felt well for a good deal of Friday and Saturday and Sunday and that's a very big deal.
I had nightmares last night, and woke up with the hole in my stomach feeling, so that is still frightening, but I ask for help for today.
I think J was never happy. Not never happy with me, but never happy. Oh, he had moments, many of them with me in fact. Smiling and laughing and sex and walking and vacations and all sorts of things. And, "I met one person in my life I want to be with all the time. I married her."
But remember the drugs. The need for the drugs. And the alcohol. And the work stuff. And that night, department store parking lot etc. And the sleep disorder including us playing alphabet games to try to help him get to sleep. And the inability to unwind so often. ... This stuff inside predates me. So as he works it out, if I continue working mine out, which I am, there is a chance we will be together, as full people. And please God, let it be so. Thank you.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Today's 100 Gratitudes for Me
I am grateful:
1. Ph’s birthday
2. Every day I have with her
3. Every day we’ve had and have with her
4. Her innocent, cute, adorable face
5. How enthusiastic she is about everything
6. How all in she is about everything
7. And the lessons I, we all, can learn from that
8. That I could feel her next to me so much of last night and this morning
9. And she happily outside with her grey ferret-like toy (favorite) now
10. That L said today that everything that he grows from is painful first. So that ‘s good to me. Because it means that this pain is necessary for my growth.
11. That I decided to call back, even though I’d slept until time to call him, so wasn’t coffeed or fully prayered and still felt the hole in my stomach. Rather than “try later” and possibly miss my call, I decided to call back and say I could “act like” I didn’t have the hole in my stomach. So I got my call: )
12. That I got to one of the best hand doctors in the world yesterday.
13. That he said the end game is good!
14. That I watched him give me the interesting shot.
15. That I managed to do those very painful exercises every single hour for 11 hours
16. That I did ice a lot, as he said
17. That he said I *can * drive this weekend.
18. That I will take my mother to the bank and shopping today.
19. And will probably go to a meeting first too: )
20. And tomorrow to hear O, with my mother. And probably lunch first or supper after, too! YAY!!!! Supper, I think, sounds right…
21. That I had nice morning time with Ph today
22. That I’ve smiled already today
23. That Supernanny was on last night like a mini-marathon, and I watch almost 6.
24. That I learned from that show, a bit that can help my teaching
25. That I am learning from that show, about adult life and taking responsibility
26. And about a solid sense of self
27. And that as well as responsibility, one can have great humor and lightheartedness and fun and affection. In fact that first helps the others to be, freely, and makes space for them.
28. That we’re not reading The Room this month. Especially after talking with MA, that book scares me.
29. That MA is going through a time when I think she is very popular and loved by so many, and probably gets that. Good.
30. That I will pray for abstinence for today today.
31. That I’ve heard two really important things at meetings in the last 2 weeks. One was, “Whatever I put before my recovery, I lose,” which I’ve mentioned before.
32. The other was by A at P, who said she, after all these years of abstinence, had a little wine on NYE, because she “wanted to feel normal.” So that lesson is still being driven home. And it reminds/teaches me that I have to face this every day.
33. And it’s not so bad to face. Because think of all the diseases I *don’t * have.
34. That I am typing right now! My thumb is healing!
35. That in this moment I feel okay.
36. I am grateful for every moment in which I feel okay.
37. And that I have the book Savor.
38. And that veganism is getting more mainstream.
39. And that there was an article about mindful eating in Harvard’s newsletter or whatever, and printed in the thing my hfs gives out! Toward the beginning no less
40. That typing feels so good!
41. That later this afternoon and evening I can watch tv or Supernanny on computer or movie, or I can read Savor or book I have or one I can get at library, or I can even go to a movie by myself or I can maybe get together with a friend, like m, ma, s, st, o, mau, or maybe even j. or I can do step 4 work, or make phone calls. Or listen to music. Or take a good walk. And/or do some exercises from the ww site. Or blog. Or read magazines. Or get a pedicure for goodness sake (but I don’t want to spend the money)
42. That *I * get to buy food today too.
43. And to deposit L’s check
44. And to order the literature for the meeting
45. And to send the check to IG
46. For Today today, about “The greatest happiness you can have is knowing that you do not necessarily require happiness.” And that “Dissatisfaction was one of the hallmarks of my compulsive illness. Few things measured up to my expectations, so I found a way to make it up to myself. I used food to give me the illusion of happiness. What freedom there is in giving up that chase! – to go somewhere, do something without demanding that I be happy. Paradoxically, it is when I go my way with an open mind, free of expectations, that I most ofen find my heart singing. For today: What do I need, if not happiness? I need the willingness to take what comes, to get out of my own way, to let go the idea that I should feel good all the time.” Apr 2 p. 93
47. The days I really kind of wanted to kill myself, or thought about it, or was afraid I would were, that horribly night in May, Mother’s Day night, that awful day in July, that awful “I’m not ready to have this discussion. You don’t want me to, believe me,” day around Nov 14ish, Jan 1st, and one day in March.” But I do not feel that today.
48. And the Nov 14thish one is the one that started me the next day on my morning routine of prayer and readings, so something good came of the pain
49. And lately some days I am grateful for being alive and for waking up!
50. And sometimes I feel good in the moment. I am grateful for every moment like that. This moment, for example, I am somewhat nervous because this isn’t the life I want to have built, and I want J to be ok for him, and I want J to be ok for me, and I want us to be together, BUT I am also ok. I like my being – my feelings of breath and skin and clean hair, and Ph somewhat leaning into the back of my head with her leg while looking out window, and typing, and it being a weekend, and knowing I will see O and my mo tomorrow, and do shopping today, and I *can * buy magazines and not feel bad about it – I work hard: )
51. And I’m grateful that I decided I would/could have my hair dyed blonde for a couple of months this coming summer, because I’ve always wanted
52. And that then, after sleeping with that decision a bunch, I realized this morning when I saw my hair in the mirror, how I really do like the color and highlights and chose not to. But and because I *could . *
53. That my hands, despite a little pain in that right thumb, feel good right now, typing. I love this feeling.
54. That maybe I will keep paying the ww fee after all, and *use * the recipe builder (for recipes from Vegan on the Cheap, for example, or ones I make up myself based on her concepts) and the exercises and the articles. I *can * choose to. Or not.
55. Lentil burgers, that great recipe and J likes it too
56. This nice long time in the morning for me
57. Learning and growing
58. M’s girls. They’re one of the reasons I wouldn’t kill myself.
59. I’d possibly have never been open to Buddhism if I hadn’t worked at f m.
60. J and I read the five mindfulness trainings together yesterday
61. They helped me remember about eating consciously
62. My thumb is moving a little more easily today
63. That Sp also said about the me that he has never had any growth without pain, that’s it’s because that's the only time he pays attention.
64. That I’m writing to corn, right now
65. That I got up and went to meeting, so as not to be just spending more time here alone
66. And from there took my mother to bank and shopping
67. And while there, got stuff for here too
68. And spent less than any other time! : )
69. And then returned the 4 dvds to the library
70. And took mother with me for the ride. And that was good for her too
71. This is an amazing beautiful-weather day, and I’ happy to be alive for it and to be mobile and experiencing it
72. Ph’s time in yard today and me leaving it open for her
73. Be ripping that screen! Because actually, it has made it like we have a doggie door! : )
74. I just had lunch. And it included a tomato and a banana (and protein and whole grain and a little fat).
75. I think that it (accidentally) worked out that my desk hand dr appointment happens to be on the day of the royal wedding! Which *may * mean that I can watch it at like 5am until leaving for the appointment! Depending on the timing of course…
76. That M finally called me back, and so I know though *just * okay, she *is * okay
77. That she invited me to the wedding on July 4th weekend, as of now, and it should be beautiful and in a way will be outside my comfort zone (the going to a wedding without J part) and will be good for me; for us all.
78. That I can see today the supernanny episodes I missed last night
79. That I am drinking mandarin orange seltzer
80. That I was smiling and feeling some happiness and excitement when came home and walking through house greeting Ph while walking her to back door
81. That I *can * go outside and just look up at the night sky if I feel like it
82. That the sky was/is a beautiful blue today, with fluffy white cumulus clouds
83. That so many people do get how wrong it is what “white man” did to the native peoples here
84. That I have touched a snake
85. And a chinchilla
86. And turtles
87. That W the cat loves to brush up against me and for me to pet her
88. That M did too (the cat when I was a teen)
89. That I have seem puppies only a few minutes? hours? old
90. And my niece at 40 minutes old
91. That I’ve never been raped
92. Or burned by someone
93. That I still have a choice about jury duty. I will sleep on it tonight and til Wed.
94. Animal babies pictures I’ve shown classes
95. Animal pictures I’ve shown classes
96. That I’ve influenced Gab to play piano
97. That I’ve influenced some children to grow to not want to eat animals
98. That my nose works so well
99. That my hysteroscopies went well
100. That my hysterectomy went well
101. That my double nose surgery went well
102. Hope and that I’m choosing to live in it now
1. Ph’s birthday
2. Every day I have with her
3. Every day we’ve had and have with her
4. Her innocent, cute, adorable face
5. How enthusiastic she is about everything
6. How all in she is about everything
7. And the lessons I, we all, can learn from that
8. That I could feel her next to me so much of last night and this morning
9. And she happily outside with her grey ferret-like toy (favorite) now
10. That L said today that everything that he grows from is painful first. So that ‘s good to me. Because it means that this pain is necessary for my growth.
11. That I decided to call back, even though I’d slept until time to call him, so wasn’t coffeed or fully prayered and still felt the hole in my stomach. Rather than “try later” and possibly miss my call, I decided to call back and say I could “act like” I didn’t have the hole in my stomach. So I got my call: )
12. That I got to one of the best hand doctors in the world yesterday.
13. That he said the end game is good!
14. That I watched him give me the interesting shot.
15. That I managed to do those very painful exercises every single hour for 11 hours
16. That I did ice a lot, as he said
17. That he said I *can * drive this weekend.
18. That I will take my mother to the bank and shopping today.
19. And will probably go to a meeting first too: )
20. And tomorrow to hear O, with my mother. And probably lunch first or supper after, too! YAY!!!! Supper, I think, sounds right…
21. That I had nice morning time with Ph today
22. That I’ve smiled already today
23. That Supernanny was on last night like a mini-marathon, and I watch almost 6.
24. That I learned from that show, a bit that can help my teaching
25. That I am learning from that show, about adult life and taking responsibility
26. And about a solid sense of self
27. And that as well as responsibility, one can have great humor and lightheartedness and fun and affection. In fact that first helps the others to be, freely, and makes space for them.
28. That we’re not reading The Room this month. Especially after talking with MA, that book scares me.
29. That MA is going through a time when I think she is very popular and loved by so many, and probably gets that. Good.
30. That I will pray for abstinence for today today.
31. That I’ve heard two really important things at meetings in the last 2 weeks. One was, “Whatever I put before my recovery, I lose,” which I’ve mentioned before.
32. The other was by A at P, who said she, after all these years of abstinence, had a little wine on NYE, because she “wanted to feel normal.” So that lesson is still being driven home. And it reminds/teaches me that I have to face this every day.
33. And it’s not so bad to face. Because think of all the diseases I *don’t * have.
34. That I am typing right now! My thumb is healing!
35. That in this moment I feel okay.
36. I am grateful for every moment in which I feel okay.
37. And that I have the book Savor.
38. And that veganism is getting more mainstream.
39. And that there was an article about mindful eating in Harvard’s newsletter or whatever, and printed in the thing my hfs gives out! Toward the beginning no less
40. That typing feels so good!
41. That later this afternoon and evening I can watch tv or Supernanny on computer or movie, or I can read Savor or book I have or one I can get at library, or I can even go to a movie by myself or I can maybe get together with a friend, like m, ma, s, st, o, mau, or maybe even j. or I can do step 4 work, or make phone calls. Or listen to music. Or take a good walk. And/or do some exercises from the ww site. Or blog. Or read magazines. Or get a pedicure for goodness sake (but I don’t want to spend the money)
42. That *I * get to buy food today too.
43. And to deposit L’s check
44. And to order the literature for the meeting
45. And to send the check to IG
46. For Today today, about “The greatest happiness you can have is knowing that you do not necessarily require happiness.” And that “Dissatisfaction was one of the hallmarks of my compulsive illness. Few things measured up to my expectations, so I found a way to make it up to myself. I used food to give me the illusion of happiness. What freedom there is in giving up that chase! – to go somewhere, do something without demanding that I be happy. Paradoxically, it is when I go my way with an open mind, free of expectations, that I most ofen find my heart singing. For today: What do I need, if not happiness? I need the willingness to take what comes, to get out of my own way, to let go the idea that I should feel good all the time.” Apr 2 p. 93
47. The days I really kind of wanted to kill myself, or thought about it, or was afraid I would were, that horribly night in May, Mother’s Day night, that awful day in July, that awful “I’m not ready to have this discussion. You don’t want me to, believe me,” day around Nov 14ish, Jan 1st, and one day in March.” But I do not feel that today.
48. And the Nov 14thish one is the one that started me the next day on my morning routine of prayer and readings, so something good came of the pain
49. And lately some days I am grateful for being alive and for waking up!
50. And sometimes I feel good in the moment. I am grateful for every moment like that. This moment, for example, I am somewhat nervous because this isn’t the life I want to have built, and I want J to be ok for him, and I want J to be ok for me, and I want us to be together, BUT I am also ok. I like my being – my feelings of breath and skin and clean hair, and Ph somewhat leaning into the back of my head with her leg while looking out window, and typing, and it being a weekend, and knowing I will see O and my mo tomorrow, and do shopping today, and I *can * buy magazines and not feel bad about it – I work hard: )
51. And I’m grateful that I decided I would/could have my hair dyed blonde for a couple of months this coming summer, because I’ve always wanted
52. And that then, after sleeping with that decision a bunch, I realized this morning when I saw my hair in the mirror, how I really do like the color and highlights and chose not to. But and because I *could . *
53. That my hands, despite a little pain in that right thumb, feel good right now, typing. I love this feeling.
54. That maybe I will keep paying the ww fee after all, and *use * the recipe builder (for recipes from Vegan on the Cheap, for example, or ones I make up myself based on her concepts) and the exercises and the articles. I *can * choose to. Or not.
55. Lentil burgers, that great recipe and J likes it too
56. This nice long time in the morning for me
57. Learning and growing
58. M’s girls. They’re one of the reasons I wouldn’t kill myself.
59. I’d possibly have never been open to Buddhism if I hadn’t worked at f m.
60. J and I read the five mindfulness trainings together yesterday
61. They helped me remember about eating consciously
62. My thumb is moving a little more easily today
63. That Sp also said about the me that he has never had any growth without pain, that’s it’s because that's the only time he pays attention.
64. That I’m writing to corn, right now
65. That I got up and went to meeting, so as not to be just spending more time here alone
66. And from there took my mother to bank and shopping
67. And while there, got stuff for here too
68. And spent less than any other time! : )
69. And then returned the 4 dvds to the library
70. And took mother with me for the ride. And that was good for her too
71. This is an amazing beautiful-weather day, and I’ happy to be alive for it and to be mobile and experiencing it
72. Ph’s time in yard today and me leaving it open for her
73. Be ripping that screen! Because actually, it has made it like we have a doggie door! : )
74. I just had lunch. And it included a tomato and a banana (and protein and whole grain and a little fat).
75. I think that it (accidentally) worked out that my desk hand dr appointment happens to be on the day of the royal wedding! Which *may * mean that I can watch it at like 5am until leaving for the appointment! Depending on the timing of course…
76. That M finally called me back, and so I know though *just * okay, she *is * okay
77. That she invited me to the wedding on July 4th weekend, as of now, and it should be beautiful and in a way will be outside my comfort zone (the going to a wedding without J part) and will be good for me; for us all.
78. That I can see today the supernanny episodes I missed last night
79. That I am drinking mandarin orange seltzer
80. That I was smiling and feeling some happiness and excitement when came home and walking through house greeting Ph while walking her to back door
81. That I *can * go outside and just look up at the night sky if I feel like it
82. That the sky was/is a beautiful blue today, with fluffy white cumulus clouds
83. That so many people do get how wrong it is what “white man” did to the native peoples here
84. That I have touched a snake
85. And a chinchilla
86. And turtles
87. That W the cat loves to brush up against me and for me to pet her
88. That M did too (the cat when I was a teen)
89. That I have seem puppies only a few minutes? hours? old
90. And my niece at 40 minutes old
91. That I’ve never been raped
92. Or burned by someone
93. That I still have a choice about jury duty. I will sleep on it tonight and til Wed.
94. Animal babies pictures I’ve shown classes
95. Animal pictures I’ve shown classes
96. That I’ve influenced Gab to play piano
97. That I’ve influenced some children to grow to not want to eat animals
98. That my nose works so well
99. That my hysteroscopies went well
100. That my hysterectomy went well
101. That my double nose surgery went well
102. Hope and that I’m choosing to live in it now
Friday, April 1, 2011
My Hundred Gratitudes Today
I am grateful:
1. That MA came out and we had supper together yesterday evening☺
2. That I went to 4 meetings this week, 3 oa and 1 coda
3. That coda finally gave me a phone list
4. That M shared with me
5. That I got to share with her too
6. That the kids were happy
7. That she might call me this morning (about *her * stuff)
8. That T was so nice to me at the meeting
9. That I did these things yesterday: pray on my knees, both 3rd step prayers, the God prayer and the Mary prayer, the For Today, Voices of Recovery, and In This Moment meditation books, meditated for about 10 minutes and reported it to my community, did 10 minutes of step 4 work, called my sponsor. Did not exercise and *must * start today. And that I again prayed for the people I promised to pray for. Promised God. Oooh – I just did a little sort of step 10!:)
10. That I took out the garbage this morning. Finally. This is a big deal to me.
11. That stepping out of the door first thing felt good
12. That taking out the garbage felt good
13. That my hand feels like it’s started to heal. I will know more today from the dr.
14. That yesterday’s meditation made me smile
15. That I did get to talk to my mother last night a little (and ease her worries about why I wasn’t home yet too)
16. That I had my phone with me and on when she called.
17. That someone put it on vibrate for me and told me how to undo that
18. That so many people say these programs have worked and changed their lives and are happy, joyous and free.
19. That my breath feels so clean lately.
20. That I haven’t had a cold all year
21. That I will shower this morning. I will.
22. That maybe I’ll be able to straighten this weekend! (depending on the hand, not on my emotions, I hope)
23. That I spoke up with P about being uncomfortable about her letting that horrible e-mail go.
24. And she told me of her mistake, and sent another.
25. That I have started to feel a little stronger as a person.
26. That I will see my mom this weekend. For bank and shopping but maybe also for lunch or something.
27. That I do not have any food-borne illnesses.
28. That I can even buy organic if I choose.
29. That I have the cookbook Vegan on the Cheap
30. And Supermarket Vegan
31. And Appetite for Reduction
32. And Veganomicon
33. And Vegan with a Vengence
34. And Fresh from the Slow Cooker
35. And Mediterranean Vegan Kitchen
36. And Vegan Italllano
37. And Vegan Planet
38. And Vegan Cupcakes Take over the World
39. And How It All Vegan
40. And that other one something Dolce
41. And the little one(s) for purse
42. And the one J got slightly used
43. And the spanikopita recipe
44. And the potato soup recipe
45. And the veg stew from my mother recipe
46. And the pasta fagioli from my mother recipe
47. And the that soup
48. And the my own soup
49. And the white beans and escarole soup
50. And the “pesto”
51. And that I make great salad
52. And that I can eat Chinese food now
53. So many healthy choices
54. And that the hole in my stomach doesn’t stay with me every second
55. That there is hope in step 4. It makes me physically hot and somewhat breathless because it hurts so much to see and face these things I have done, but there is hope in it.
56. That L said yesterday that he literally felt like he floated away from his step 5
57. I am so grateful that I have found this step 4 book, and finally seem to know what I’m doing (because I’m just following it period).
58. I am grateful for what courage I have to be fearless and searching in this inventory.
59. I am grateful that I don’t have to leave quite as early today (because going to dr)
60. For the parents who have appreciated me.
61. For that Japanese mother, all those years ago, who said to me in her broken English, after only being able to read from very basic simple sentence structure notes her few questions, “Uh. What you do. Yusuke. We know. We thank.” Her stopping at door to say that before leaving.
62. And Mrs. P-S thanking me and being so soft, which she never was, and going out o her way to make sure I understand she meant for how I helped *her * in her relationship with that other mother, not “just” her daughter.
63. Mrs. L this year, telling me that at the Montesorri school, she and daughter were so happy and she’ll be sending her… it was the most incredible feeling… because – “it was like a room full of Mrs. my name-s.
64. The little one’s birthday today. God bless her.
65. That L just said that the fifth step is the little yellow cared – the Monopoly get out of jail free card
66. That I’m typing even with my right thumb right now. Both hands, regular typing. What a miracle compared to last Friday. Thank you, God.
67. People who are honest in meetings and share their experience.
68. And strength and hope.
69. That I’ve begun to understand the purpose of the meetings for me.
70. That I just found the directions to the dr I’m seeing this morning
71. That the weather did not do what they said, so I can get there
72. That I got home safely last night
73. That the sun has come up this morning. Really. And it’s a beautiful thing.
74. Me beginning to learn about acceptance and beginning to learn some acceptance (for example about illness and death in life)
75. Me beginning to have the beginning of a belief to some extent in the p. 417 Nothing absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. I’m not able to understand/believe that in regard to holocaust, genocide, war, etc. but on some level am beginning to believe it.
76. Laughter and how in my dream last night I was watching a funny movie, and was so grateful for it, and was going to get more funny movies, and knew could. Maybe this came from discussing An Uncommon Reader with MA yesterday
77. That the salad slice seemed not to set me off
78. That I made green tea at work yesterday instead of buying anything and spending
79. That we able to get rid of the old sofa from my mother and redecorate (may we get to live, really live, here (or anywhere) together)
80. Inspirational quotes
81. That J is still connected to me
82. That I drive. I remember when I couldn’t (fear)
83. That I “swim.” I remember when I couldn’t (fear)
84. That I work. I remember when I couldn’t (fear)
85. That I might have time today to do more step 4 work, or plan cooking/shopping, or rest – sleep, or straighten (depending on hand) or just relax and be easy with myself, read or something. Or go back to school for meeting (and thus only count a half day out, plus be with people)
86. That maybe J and I can read the mindfulness trainings toda
87. That a vber wrote about being thankful for the workers before we eat, like the TNH stuff does
88. That I can even read, “Savor” today if I want! Or coda stuff. Or Tudor England stuff
89. That maybe I can see a friend this weekend
90. That I am going to wash my hair this morning. It will be clean and it will smell good
91. That I have clean underwear.
92. That I even have underwear.
93. That warm weather is coming
94. And so are leaves
95. My oak tree. Um.
96. I will walk this weekend. (And of course that I can walk)
97. That nobody yells and screams and curses at me.
98. Women’s shelters
99. That I didn’t eat junk yesterday.
100. That I will figure out what to do about this jury duty business, and either way I will be okay.
101. That I kind of know that.
102. Hope. And that I’m choosing to live in it now.
1. That MA came out and we had supper together yesterday evening☺
2. That I went to 4 meetings this week, 3 oa and 1 coda
3. That coda finally gave me a phone list
4. That M shared with me
5. That I got to share with her too
6. That the kids were happy
7. That she might call me this morning (about *her * stuff)
8. That T was so nice to me at the meeting
9. That I did these things yesterday: pray on my knees, both 3rd step prayers, the God prayer and the Mary prayer, the For Today, Voices of Recovery, and In This Moment meditation books, meditated for about 10 minutes and reported it to my community, did 10 minutes of step 4 work, called my sponsor. Did not exercise and *must * start today. And that I again prayed for the people I promised to pray for. Promised God. Oooh – I just did a little sort of step 10!:)
10. That I took out the garbage this morning. Finally. This is a big deal to me.
11. That stepping out of the door first thing felt good
12. That taking out the garbage felt good
13. That my hand feels like it’s started to heal. I will know more today from the dr.
14. That yesterday’s meditation made me smile
15. That I did get to talk to my mother last night a little (and ease her worries about why I wasn’t home yet too)
16. That I had my phone with me and on when she called.
17. That someone put it on vibrate for me and told me how to undo that
18. That so many people say these programs have worked and changed their lives and are happy, joyous and free.
19. That my breath feels so clean lately.
20. That I haven’t had a cold all year
21. That I will shower this morning. I will.
22. That maybe I’ll be able to straighten this weekend! (depending on the hand, not on my emotions, I hope)
23. That I spoke up with P about being uncomfortable about her letting that horrible e-mail go.
24. And she told me of her mistake, and sent another.
25. That I have started to feel a little stronger as a person.
26. That I will see my mom this weekend. For bank and shopping but maybe also for lunch or something.
27. That I do not have any food-borne illnesses.
28. That I can even buy organic if I choose.
29. That I have the cookbook Vegan on the Cheap
30. And Supermarket Vegan
31. And Appetite for Reduction
32. And Veganomicon
33. And Vegan with a Vengence
34. And Fresh from the Slow Cooker
35. And Mediterranean Vegan Kitchen
36. And Vegan Italllano
37. And Vegan Planet
38. And Vegan Cupcakes Take over the World
39. And How It All Vegan
40. And that other one something Dolce
41. And the little one(s) for purse
42. And the one J got slightly used
43. And the spanikopita recipe
44. And the potato soup recipe
45. And the veg stew from my mother recipe
46. And the pasta fagioli from my mother recipe
47. And the that soup
48. And the my own soup
49. And the white beans and escarole soup
50. And the “pesto”
51. And that I make great salad
52. And that I can eat Chinese food now
53. So many healthy choices
54. And that the hole in my stomach doesn’t stay with me every second
55. That there is hope in step 4. It makes me physically hot and somewhat breathless because it hurts so much to see and face these things I have done, but there is hope in it.
56. That L said yesterday that he literally felt like he floated away from his step 5
57. I am so grateful that I have found this step 4 book, and finally seem to know what I’m doing (because I’m just following it period).
58. I am grateful for what courage I have to be fearless and searching in this inventory.
59. I am grateful that I don’t have to leave quite as early today (because going to dr)
60. For the parents who have appreciated me.
61. For that Japanese mother, all those years ago, who said to me in her broken English, after only being able to read from very basic simple sentence structure notes her few questions, “Uh. What you do. Yusuke. We know. We thank.” Her stopping at door to say that before leaving.
62. And Mrs. P-S thanking me and being so soft, which she never was, and going out o her way to make sure I understand she meant for how I helped *her * in her relationship with that other mother, not “just” her daughter.
63. Mrs. L this year, telling me that at the Montesorri school, she and daughter were so happy and she’ll be sending her… it was the most incredible feeling… because – “it was like a room full of Mrs. my name-s.
64. The little one’s birthday today. God bless her.
65. That L just said that the fifth step is the little yellow cared – the Monopoly get out of jail free card
66. That I’m typing even with my right thumb right now. Both hands, regular typing. What a miracle compared to last Friday. Thank you, God.
67. People who are honest in meetings and share their experience.
68. And strength and hope.
69. That I’ve begun to understand the purpose of the meetings for me.
70. That I just found the directions to the dr I’m seeing this morning
71. That the weather did not do what they said, so I can get there
72. That I got home safely last night
73. That the sun has come up this morning. Really. And it’s a beautiful thing.
74. Me beginning to learn about acceptance and beginning to learn some acceptance (for example about illness and death in life)
75. Me beginning to have the beginning of a belief to some extent in the p. 417 Nothing absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. I’m not able to understand/believe that in regard to holocaust, genocide, war, etc. but on some level am beginning to believe it.
76. Laughter and how in my dream last night I was watching a funny movie, and was so grateful for it, and was going to get more funny movies, and knew could. Maybe this came from discussing An Uncommon Reader with MA yesterday
77. That the salad slice seemed not to set me off
78. That I made green tea at work yesterday instead of buying anything and spending
79. That we able to get rid of the old sofa from my mother and redecorate (may we get to live, really live, here (or anywhere) together)
80. Inspirational quotes
81. That J is still connected to me
82. That I drive. I remember when I couldn’t (fear)
83. That I “swim.” I remember when I couldn’t (fear)
84. That I work. I remember when I couldn’t (fear)
85. That I might have time today to do more step 4 work, or plan cooking/shopping, or rest – sleep, or straighten (depending on hand) or just relax and be easy with myself, read or something. Or go back to school for meeting (and thus only count a half day out, plus be with people)
86. That maybe J and I can read the mindfulness trainings toda
87. That a vber wrote about being thankful for the workers before we eat, like the TNH stuff does
88. That I can even read, “Savor” today if I want! Or coda stuff. Or Tudor England stuff
89. That maybe I can see a friend this weekend
90. That I am going to wash my hair this morning. It will be clean and it will smell good
91. That I have clean underwear.
92. That I even have underwear.
93. That warm weather is coming
94. And so are leaves
95. My oak tree. Um.
96. I will walk this weekend. (And of course that I can walk)
97. That nobody yells and screams and curses at me.
98. Women’s shelters
99. That I didn’t eat junk yesterday.
100. That I will figure out what to do about this jury duty business, and either way I will be okay.
101. That I kind of know that.
102. Hope. And that I’m choosing to live in it now.
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