I realize, among other things:
I am dependent/co-dependent
I did the worst possible thing in terms of healing a relationship - I did nothing. That kept the downward momentum going.
My fear is what disabled me from moving.
I have pathology that makes me co-dependent.
But I also love J, which is not pathological.
I have fucked it all up.
I don't know what the fuck to do.
I wish someone could help me.
And I wish someone were reading this.
I put myself in God's hands.
Every morning.
Please God help me.
Shit.
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