100 Gratitudes Today

Through number 30, I already had these here from another couple of days when I could, and don’t know if I’ve posted them yet. I think not. But I’m trying to get as close as I can to 100 a day again, hand and all.

I am grateful:

1. 8/7 about saying no: Language of Letting Go 8/7: “…if we don’t learn to say no, we stop liking ourselves and the people we always try to please. We may even punish others out of resentment
2. prayer
3. yesterday finishing the important book
4. every moment that I am calm
5. chance with J tonight
6. thumb doc today
7. mother to take shopping
8. and now 8/21: my new perfume
9. O’s friendship & how she is helping me as a girlfriend can help a girlfriend, to re-find my femininity
10. Yesterday w. MA and ML
11. And later O
12. That ML seemed more ok yesterday
13. That Gl is doing better after detox
14. That their family was together yesterday
15. That I’ll be at the piano video-taping – that’s exciting!
16. That I was there for MA last night regarding sick kitty
17. My new shoes – the prettiest or second prettiest pair of shoes I’ve ever had
18. The two great walks I’ve taken doggie on the last two days
19. How happy she was
20. How good it was for me
21. That being near (on!) me was such a comfort to her during the big storm
22. Seeing Jo this week!
23. And that after 3 years, it was as if we’d never been apart – like sisters
24. Day 9 of better eating
25. My keeping track of it on post-its in the den
26. That retreat ends and I can start getting my calls again
27. Laughter
28. That O has a very positive intuition about me and J
29. Hope
30. God in my life
31. 8/31 That O. reminded me last night that I have gotten so far in my profession and can do this.
32. And said she knows I can act through the day today (first day back at work).
33. And said that right after, I should call her
34. That although I ate more than I should last night, I did not go for the junk. For about two weeks now, since that child ate the crunchy cheese doodles in front of me, and everyone else at the table except me had some, I have thought and/or obsessed about those every single day. Those were my strongest “drug of choice” and even though vegan now, I really want them. But I’ve been saying to myself, “It’s okay. You can have them tomorrow.” And that’s been getting me through, thank God. I really feel that if I have one of those, I may never go back, and just get so heavily into my addiction as to eat myself to death.
35. My indoor plants
36. That unlike last year, supposedly this year they will tune the piano in my classroom.
37. A day of life. Really.
38. A chance to do for others today. Really.
39. I’ve been thinking about that expression people often use, “With my luck,…” describing something bad that could happen. And how most of us around here who use it really “shouldn’t.” I mean, the truth is, that despite everything, with my luck, I am not a slave, and
40. I am not in a place where there is genocide, and
41. I am not a prisoner of war, and
42. I can attempt any work I want to (freedom), and
43. I can speak my mind (freedom again), and
44. I am not a slave, and
45. No one is beating me, and
46. I am not at war, and
47. I am not in an iron lung, and
48. I am not paralyzed, and
49. My parents were not on drugs, and
50. I do not worry about having enough fresh water, and
51. I am not in a hospital, and
52. I can see, and
53. I can hear, and
54. I can speak, and
55. I can walk, and
56. I have hair (I have a friend with alopecia), and
57. I had the luxury of a pedicure last week, and
58. I can support myself. Money is tight, but to be able to support myself in this economy is something, and
59. My grandfather came over to this country so that we who followed would have this sort of stuff, and
60. I have met some of my relatives from Italy, and
61. I do not have CP (some of the students do), and
62. I am not retarded, and
63. I am not schizophrenic (my mother has suffered that and it is terrible), and
64. I had a father that was one of the best men who ever lived, and
65. I have had two nice husbands.
66. And and and and and. So that’s a lot of luck.
***Because I know some people read this sometimes, I must say I am NOT putting down any of these things. I am talking about my luck only.
67. I have a tv
68. I remembered to pray on my knees and prostrate this morning. Been forgetting that for a bit and glad I remembered today.
69. I have gotten through other things, and I am getting through this.
70. I am not all alone in cyberspace, oh thank God for that!
71. So many people are so good.
72. I know many of them.
73. I am on day 19 of eating better. Now I shall bump it up one more notch.
74. I am able to eat on my own (not feeding tube).
75. Today’s For Today: “Man is as full of potentiality as he is of impotence.” George Santayana
76. And it says, “I recognize hopelessness for what it is: my mind protecting me from disappointment. Hopelessness served at one time, but I don’t need that device today. I have a Higher Power that gives me everything I need.”
77. And “I am willing to continue to cast out old ideas, to keep turning my life over to the care and protection of God. Therein lies hope.” (May it be so).
78. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “My bet thinking got me into trouble. I could ‘think’ my life to suit me; the only problem was that it didn’t work.” For Today p 298.
79. That I’m back into the literature. I’d rather be into the literature than into the food!
80. And it says “In order to recover, I had to let go of my thinking and embrace believing.
81. “This meant that I had to give up certainly (as if black-and-white thining worked) and predictability (as if it were possible to know what the future would bring.)
82. “This meant I had to get into the risky world of the unknown, the spiritual realm, where there are no guarantees.
83. “Scare? You’d better believe it. Rewarding? I do believe it.”
84. Oh and this is beautiful. In today’s “In This Moment” it says: “When I feel overwhelmed and stressed out, I am forgetting my divine heritage – that I am a child of God.
85. “I am a spiritual being having a human experience.
86. “I am protected and infinitely loved by God.
87. “I am centered, grounded to the earth, and committed to being alive.
88. “I choose my path. My choices serve and protect my highest good.
89. “I am responsible for being in the present and living each moment to the fullest.
90. “I take care of myself and am happy to be here.” Wow I needed to hear that. I am so glad to be reading these again!
91. Today’s Language of Letting Go talks about how denial served in my childhood. And then says, “The negative aspect of using denial was that I lost touch with myself and my feelings. I became able to participate in harmful situations without even knowing I was hurting. I was able to tolerate a great deal of pain and abuse without the foggiest notion it was abnormal.”
92. I am grateful for showers
93. And baths
94. And clean towels
95. And clean underwear
96. And bras that fit
97. And comfortable shoes for today
98. And that I don’t live in a dictatorship
99. People who try to live in a state of gratitude
100. Weather and traffic reports
101. Hope.