I am grateful:
1. Today’s For Today: “God…answering prayers in surprising ways, giving me solutions to problems I was hardly aware of,
2. Removing obsessions and excesses I didn’t want to believe I had.” Yes, like when I thought J was the one with the “addiction”; meanwhile I have them too!
3. And it says, “God has replaced resentment with serenity,
4. Confusion with direction.
5. “I never knew what to pray for before, but in taking the first three steps, I sought – and received – a way to live free of the obsession with food.”
6. Okay, and I didn’t *want * to see this but, it does say: “What do I pray for? The relief of pain? The satisfaction of my desires, the fulfillment of my every wish? It makes little difference what I pray for because God is in charge; I don’t sway God. God gives me what I need,
7. God gives me what I need, not what I want”
8. And “For today: As I grow accustomed to prayer, it becomes a part of my life. I pray as I am moved to pray, sure that God’s love embraces me every time.”
9. I’m so grateful that I still have my mother.
10. And that the hand specialist’s assistant called back.
11. And what she said did give me hope.
12. And the dr himself will call later.
13. And that I shared that with my mother.
14. And that A from the meeting last night, felt that he remembered me from the years-ago Sat. night meetings “You used to sit in the back by the piano).
15. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “’…After all, nobody expects us to be perfect,’ we say. ‘We strive for progress, not perfection.’ Such reasoning only delays our recovery. The Sixth Step calls for us to be entirely ready to have God remove all our defecgs of character. Those of us who take this Step with the total commitment required to make it work do indeed strive for the ultimate refinement of our character.” OA 12 and 12 p. 55
16. “In Step Six, I use love, insight, and vision to release my current identity and self-image and open myself to further growth and recovery.
17. “I remember my ideals and dreams,
18. and I pay attention to them.
19. “The Sixth Step is not about being controlled or coerced toward perfection, as my disease would have me believe.
20. “Rather, I prepare to become lighter: more fully me,
21. more fully aware
22. and living in my heart’s desire.
23. “I envision a new self,
24. with the intention of letting my Higher Power and my experiences bring me closer to who I really am.
25. “While this is at times, a gradual and contemplative process, I am also in the Sixth Step any time I approach my life with openness to what the moment may show me.”
26. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I’m open to tring what works for others.
27. “My sponsor shared that he gets on his knees eery morning and prays.
28. “He shared that it immediately made a dramatic change in how his life was going.
29. “I knew I should follow his example, but at first I wanted nothing to do with getting on my knees. Becoming subservient to anyone or anything was not on my ‘to do’ list. But I humbled myself and began getting on my knees every morning just to see what would happen. Now, I know that I had been trying to run the show.” Wow.
30. “I didn’t fully trust my Higher Power.” Wow.
31. “I was so surprised when the same thing happened to me.” Wow.
32. “My life began to change.” Wow.
33. Today’s Language of Letting Go: “So much of what I call my codependency is fear and panic because I spent so much of my life feeling abused, trapped, and not knowing how to take care of myself in relationships.” Anonymous. This is very powerful for me.
34. “No matter how long we have been recovering, we may still tend to give up our power to others, whether they be authority figures, a new love, or a child.” Yes. This is me.
35. “When we do this, we experience the sett of emotions and thoughts we call ‘the codependent crazies.’
36. “We may feel angry, guilty, afraid, confused, and obsessed.” Yes!
37. “We may feel dependent and needy or become overly controlling and rigid.” Yes!
38. “We may return to familiar behaviors during stress.” Yes!
39. “And for those of us who have codependency and adult children issues, relationships can mean stress.” Yes!
40. “We don’t have to stay stuck in our codependency.” Oh, thank God!
41. “We don’t have to shame or blame ourselves, or the other person, for our condition.” Oh good.
42. “We simply need to remember to own our power.” Hopeful.
43. How? I’m thinking. And right then it goes on to say: “Practice. Practice. Practice using you power to take care of yourself, no matter who you are dealing with, where you are, or what you are doing.” Wow. Yes. Okay.
44. “This is what recovery means.”
45. “This does not mean we try to control others;” Ouch. But important.
46. “it does not mean we become abrasive or abusive.” Okay.
47. “It means we own our power to take care of ourselves.” Wow. I keep hearing and seeing this over and over.
48. “The thought of doing this may generate fears. That’s normal!” Oh, good, because it does generate fears in me!
49. “Take care of yourself anyway. The answers, and the power to do that, are within you now.” Wow. Okay. Good.
50. “Start today.
51. “Start where you are.
52. “start by taking care of who you are, at the present moment, to the best of your ability.”
53. And that is all hope, for me.
54. I’m grateful that I’m not mean like some people are.
55. I am grateful that I just meditated. And that it helped with the stress from the mean people.
56. And that I posted it for my meditating friends to come on too.
57. And that I just did a CoDA –related Process Writing. And I think that helped too : )
58. I’m grateful that I tried Sp back just now, even though not available.
59. And I’m grateful that I feel hopeful about my precious thumb.
60. That Sp did call me back.
61. Twice even (because my dr. was here)
62. Then I reached Sp, who did help me with my Step Eight question.
63. That my dr. *was * here.
64. That he stayed 1 ½ hours.
65. And helped me.
66. And I feel better than this morning.
67. And – since hand dr. never called back : ( at least dr. got me pain pill to get me through. It’s already down to low-grade instead of sweating and breathless pain. Thank goodness.
68. That I did manage to shower
69. And do the dishes (despite the pain)
70. And – to *finally * get the bottle of pain pills open! Lol
71. That O called
72. And M called
73. And I’m going out with O this evening
74. And I did all my am work today
75. And I will call the hand dr again tomorrow, and kind of insist on talking to him.
76. And – gulp – that I will e-mail J in the morning about our upcoming talk.
77. Tomorrow is Coda
78. And because date changing, it’s *also * Sunday, so two this week!
79. I managed to get in touch with that woman and straighten out the confusion about the OA rent check. Phew.
80. My health.
81. Every moment of serenity I’ve ever had.
82. That I can get another pair of glasses finally now, with insurance.
83. That my eye drops came.
84. That even though money is tight, I can afford my medications.
85. That Ch spoke at the meeting last night.
86. And got support, and different kinds of it.
87. That with this pill, I’ll be able tomorrow to make the lentil soup and the hummus soup, which I couldn’t do yesterday or today.
88. And even to drive to the store for the 2 ingredients.
89. That they *will * be able, as I found out tonight, to apply the money I already paid for the course I couldn’t take this week, to the course I’ll take in the fall. That’s a relief.
90. That as a person who does not have problem with alcohol, and has 4-6 times a year a little drink, I was able to enjoy one last night.
91. That in the moment I am always – almost always – always – safe.
92. That although I have never had a problem with pills, and certainly don’t want or expect to ever have one, I must admit this pain pill is helping me not worry about my problems right now. So what I’m grateful for is that I have never had a problem with pills, and that I’m not worrying right now, both.
93. That I expect that my daily meditation practice is going to help me too.
94. And I still have lots more days off.
95. And I’m not dreading work either.
96. And I think by Friday I will straighten out that situation with the unused room. In a home this tiny, like a little apartment, it’s silly to leave a room unused.
97. God. I’m so grateful for God.
98. Tomorrow I get to choose between CoDA and the church thing. A nice choice to have.
99. That I do pray for others every morning.
100. That I’m about to practice Chopin, yay.
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