My One Hundred Gratitudes Today

I am so grateful: 1. Oh my God I have this very morning just been given the longest orgasm in history. 2. And, I always thought I loved certain activities just faster faster, but L. also got sort of slow intense and light at the same time, and it was so – SO beautiful and wonderful and sexy and hot. And comey. And sweet. All at once. Oh my God. 3. And then he was tenderly and deeply kissing parts of my body. 4. And then, that soft full-handed slow, light massage that I love SO MUCH. And I kept being tempted to do more of that to him too, but I had just had the longest orgasm in history, and just let him give (more) to me for a few minutes. It was heaven. 5. And that before it, we were pleasuring each other and both sort of moaning. I just loved that. It was like amazing foreplay and also satisfying all in itself. 6. Of course then I was touching him. I cannot resist him. He is L. 7. And he loved some of the earlier things I was doing to him and it pleases me so to give him pleasure! 8. And there were other touch-things. Like two of them Friday night. One when out of nowhere he just leaned over and gave me warm kisses on and down my neck. 9. And another time when he leaned over and gave me a kiss, out of nowhere, on the top my breasts (fully clothed, just sitting there.) Oh I loved that so much! 10. That although I WISH I weren’t taking that 4-day course, and definitely that I weren’t going to be in that recital – oy! – I choose NOT to live in a state of: as soon as this is all over, I can relax. Oh, it is TEMPTING TO, but I shall fight it – or better yet, *gentle * it away. And continue to enjoy every day. I am so lucky for that! 11. That I had/have foods here for L. that he likes. 12. And that he is comfortable to take them or ask for them, as he wishes. Yay. 13. That at the movie last night, we were in physical contact the whole time. I adore that. Physical contact with my lover is so important to me. 14. That at the end of the movie, out of nowhere, my darling man leaned over and gave me the most passionate kisses and tongue kisses. It was divine. 15. And that when we were talking about our favorite parts of the movie, he said his was when she told him he could touch her breasts, “because that’s when they became intimate.” Oh I loved hearing that. 16. That my easiest gratitudes are now, while L. has been here (and is still here). 17. That L. says he feels very comfortable here. 18. That he let me pay for the museum and dinner. Because I am there far more often so far than here, and he pays for everything when we’re out there. So I like to pay when he is here. ***It is VERY important to me that this NOT – not not not feel like or become friendship! Like, we alternate paying or go “Dutch treat.” I do not want to be his “friend.” I want to be his lover. Thank goodness I am. But although some women think they should NEVER pay for ANYTHING, I think it is fair to reciprocate in some ways. Pay sometimes, treat him to things like Mrs. G’s foods, etc. 19. That when L. got here Friday, he dropped his things, we kissed passionately and put our arms around each other, and his hands were exploring me up and down my body and he said, “Oh, I’ve missed how Cheryl looks. How Cheryl feels.” And he was breathing me in and he said, “How Cheryl smells.” Oh. 20. And this morning after our sexual time together, we were holding so closely and he said, “I love the way your feminine curves feel against me.” 21. That he liked the pillowcases I embroidered. And said so. 22. And that he was so touched, and showed it, when I told him he was the first person to ever sleep on them. Oh. So lovely. His eyes. So touched. 23. That there were a few things like that. Firsts –“ I’ve never before” things. 24. Including I’ve never sent cards to a guy before. Let alone the expensive fancy ones, and I spend so much time on them! Yay. 25. Or emails. With pictures. 26. And that I have never pressed my thumb and forefinger together on someone’s fingertips. I learned it from him, this beautiful touch. 27. And even the “almost firsts.” Like that * he’s * only ever done that with one person. 28. That he has taken massage class(es). I did not know that, and mentioned that *I’d * like to! What a man, to have done that! 29. We got to dance together, just for fun a little, at the staff party! 30. And people got to see my L. 31. And – we *danced our way out the door! * 32. And this is a biggy. A biggy. Okay, so I am not, like, jealous, of past people – we are both late 50’s or 60 of COURSE we’ve been with, slept with, liked or even loved… before! Still, it was difficult that awful time (I’m having a visceral reaction even while I’m writing this) when he said those specific things. Moving on…It has also sometimes felt awkward when we’ve socialized with people with whom he’s – been. I hate that it has sometimes felt funny. I hate it about myself and *for * myself too. BUT! ----- this weekend especially, I have shared little things with him – nothing inappropriate – about guys from my past – 3, I think – and his response was so open and fun and loving and warm. That THAT has REALLY HELPED ME!!! Because the way he sees/feels that, I’ve started to feel about his past people too! It doesn’t matter. They’re part of who we are now! Yay relief relief yay yay relief. So grateful about this. 33. So that yesterday, he shared a little story or two as we were walking along in that town, and I could just ENJOY them! 34. And that he was sensitive enough to ask at one point, is this okay? 35. And that it was!!! 36. And that I’m sneaking a special card into his suitcase before he leaves today. 37. And some ginger tea bags too. 38. And that I gave him the poppy seeds. 39. L’s cleverness regarding Leo. : ) (the puppet – long story). 40. L. playing my piano this weekend. 41. And that no one else (except tuner and piano teacher) has EVER TOUCHED it. 42. And that I LOVE when he plays it! It makes me so happy. 43. And I think he likes doing it too. 44. And he plays well! 45. And he sight-reads well! 46. And yesterday – yesterday morning he agreed to try/do some little mediation with me! 47. And thinking he’d say 7, or if I were lucky 8, I asked, “7, 8, 12, or 14 minutes?” And he said 14! 48. And we did it. In the sunroom. On the cushions. 49. And it was so very pleasant. 50. That my mediation is such a joyful practice. 51. Now he was lying down, but I was happy for him about that. 52. And he WAS there with me….! 53. And he did fall asleep. But good. I’m glad he was comfy. 54. And I kept sharing the great meditation vibes with him as I continued. 55. Then, afterward, I moved my cushion and cleared myself and the aura 56. And I put my arms out and my hands into Reiki position and gave him some positive energy. 57. I am even typing more slowly now. Because this was very reverent to me. And I’m SO grateful for that spirituality of mine. Thankful thankful thankful. 58. I am grateful that he has given his permission that I may give/send Reiki energy to him at ANY time without checking in. How wonderful! 59. And I am extremely grateful that he is healthy! His dr. appointment went well and nothing trickidy/bad was found! ! ! 60. The music. L-music. On his ipod. On the radio. On his amazing CDs. 61. The Sviridov! What a share! 62. That he has enjoyed the composer correspondences he has! I am grateful on his behalf. 63. And grateful that I am able to be grateful on his behalf! 64. The CDs he has made for me! So generous. Giving me this life-gift! 65. And he has said he will be happy to make more for me! 66. And that he is going to teach me to use my new (first) ipod when it comes! 67. And that he gently pushed – we’ll say, encouraged : ) me to call when it didn’t’ get here THREE DAYS after it was supposed to! 68. And that I did 69. And that they are sending another. 70. And it will be ONE DAY delivery 71. And FedEx or UPS 72. AND that it will be free shipping and handling 73. Plus a refund of the $19.99 I’d already spent. Good 74. That L and I had some very nice Melbac (sp) last night. 75. And some decent Cabernet Savignon too. 76. That we have now gone to a regular movie together. We had seen the wonderful Pina Bausch movie, and now the Moonrise Kingdom too. 77. And that after the whole meditation thing yesterday morning, I closed the sunroom (French) door and let him sleep. 78. And *I * went into the living room, put on the *practice pedal * - and PRACTICED! 79. And he commented, complimentarily, on my Bach. (I’d been sure he couldn’t hear a thing). Even though I was only sort of slowly going over passages! That felt SO nice! 80. That O and I had nice texts yesterday. 81. I’m even grateful that L was able to ask this morning for the toast the way he likes it. 82. And to ask me last night, to not ever put a glass or cup on his musical scores. Meanwhile, I’d rather stick pins in my eyes lol (Sat. Night Live reference) but he didn’t know that, so I’m SO gratified that he could ask! 83. Although I’m frustrated that I’m not sure if I give him the amount of pleasure he gives me, I’m grateful that I care about trying to! Got to figure this one out, though. 84. And that we BOTH seem to be desirous of pleasuring the other. 85. And that we are polite to each other. 86. And we have never yelled and screamed at each other! Phew. I do NOT want that! 87. And that we are respectful of each other. 88. And accepting of each other. 89. And – biggy! – that we are both happy in our lives. Our own lives. 90. That when he got here Friday, my L. said, “Oh, it’s such a _______ little house.” I forget the word, but it was so nice. Like warm, or homey, or charming, or sweet or something 91. I am literally sitting here, on a Sunday morning, listening to L. play the piano. (And of course, with that ridiculous off the charts brain – both left and right brained, he is SIGHT READING BACH!) 92. I am SO grateful for the names he calls me. Each one. Truly grateful. Including my name. Oh, when he says my name. Like last time we saw each other and at one point I was holding him so passionately and it came out of my mouth, “L. L. L.” And out of his, “C. C. C.” Oh. It just naturally occurred, but it was like something from a movie. So wonderful. For years, I didn’t hear my name. And now I do. From my love’s mouth. 93. And when he calls me, “My Love.” Oh my God, I melt. It comes right into the inside of me. 94. And sometimes at night he says before hanging up, oh my God I love this SO, “Loveyougoodnight.” 95. And “Darling.” 96. And “Dear.” 97. And “My Dear.” 98. And “Sweetheart.” Oh, THAT he says it. But also the WAY he says Sweetheart. Like two purposely selected words – Pronounced - And meant. 99. And when he writes, sometimes he addresses me as, “The Lovely Lady from the North.” 100. Or “The Sexy Lady.” And so on. 101. And he has sent me 3 cards! One right after we met. The sexy museum card. 102. And one for my b’day. 103. And the one where he literally wrote, “You make the flowers in my heart bloom.” 104. That he took a pic of us kissing yesterday. And he’ll send it to me via email. 105. And it’s a THRILL to me that when he gets invited someplace at this point, even for overnight, he says, “Can C come?” SO nice! 106. And that he said *he felt * my orgasm this morning. And he has said things like that before too. 107. I think that he does not feel it is a burden to give glorious oral sex. *I * feel like I take so long and he must hate it. But he is very clear that that’s not so. Wow. If that can possibly be true, that is a major gratitude! 108. The funny moment when we were leaving the museum yesterday, and he said, “Look! Dinosaurs!” And there were dinosaurs - large outdoor sculptures - on the grounds. And we had driven right by them and not even noticed them. That was funny. Especially since he probably has about 50 or more dinosaurs in his house! 109. That we saw that Shostakovich reference about that one painting at the museum. That was fun! 110. That he is financially self-sufficient. 111. And that I am too. 112. These Sunday mornings together. I love these Sunday mornings together. 113. The deep breath I just took. Especially after feeling I was almost about to have an asthma attack this morning! So grateful for that deep, clean, pure-feeling breath. Still having, too. 114. Okay. I cannot go without saying it. I never knew such kisses existed. On the site where we met, L. had written something about what a kiss “should be.” Varied etc. And, having never met him – this was my earliest intro – I liked the content of that part of the message, but to be honest, I didn’t so much like that he was telling “what a kiss should be.” Little did *I * know! This man knew of what he spoke! He was so right right right! I have never known anyone to kiss as my L. does. 115. He has beautiful lips. I love looking at them. In their various positions. I love kissing them. I love them on my breasts. I love being kissed by them. I love how they look when he talks. When he smiles. When he sleeps. . . . 116. That he doesn’t try to stop me from effusing. Phew.