Readings

Today’s Readings For Today: The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere. Anne Morrow Lindberg A young woman who had binged and vomited for thirteen years before finding OA considers herself well qualified to speak on people-pleasing. Here’s what she told her group: “I seemed to think I had to go through life with a smile pasted on my face. I was sweet and accommodating and polite. A good egg. Of course, none of it was sincere. How could it be when, inside, I was angry and resentful and afraid? My false front was so exhausting I had to make it up to myself somethow, and the one sure way to do that was to eat. “The same exhaustion overtakes me today whenever I try so hard to make a good impression that I am not being myself. But it’s all right to make mistakes. I am not perfect. I’m making progress and I’m very grateful for the chance to do it.” For today: doing or saying something I don’t mean costs me more in the long run than I’m willing to pay. I am as honest as I can be without either being rude or fawning over anyone. Voice of Recovery: I have to be careful about my attitude toward anger. For Today p. 90 Righteous anger is the hardest for me to release. I get such a good, self-affirming feeling from holding on to it. However, anger, like fear, takes up so many mental megabytes that there isn’t room for new information and new feelings, new insights and new paths to conversation with my Higher Power. If I allow my hard-drive (my heart) to fill to capacity with anger or fear, then there is no room for the positive, for what my Higher Power wants for me in life. When the anger or the fear is gone, what’s left? At one time I speculated that nothing would be left of me once I shouted or cried it all out and released it. Now I realize that what happened was a massive blackboard erasure with a whole new background – life – to fill as I want. In This Moment: In This Moment, I’m glad I’m in recovery. I’m looking at codependent behaviors (mine) and trying to change them one day at a time. I’m not ashamed to be codependent. Being in CoDA is helping me. I have the Twelve steps to guide me. I have found good friends in meetings and I’m learning how to have healthy relationships. I’m finding the courage to ask for what I need and to say, “no.” I take an active part in meeting my own needs, instead of being resentful when other don’t do it for me. Recovery work has changed my life for the better. The Language of Letting Go: Bring any Request to God Bring any request you have to God. No request is too large; none too small or insignificant. How often we limit God by not bringing to God everything we want and need. Do we need help getting our balance? Getting through the day? Do we need help in a particular relationship? With a particular character defect Attaining a character asset? Do we need help making progress on a particular task that is challenging us? Do we need help with a feeling Do we want to change a self-defeating belief that has been challenging us? Do we need information, an insight? Support? A friend? Is there something in God’s Universe that would really bring us joy? We can ask for it. We can ask God for whatever we want. Put the request in God’s hands, trusting it has been heard, then let it go. Leave the decision to God. Asking for what we want and need is taking care of ourselves. Trust that the Higher Power to whom we have turned over our life and will really does care about us and about what we want and need. Today, I will ask my Higher Power for what I want and need. I will not demand – I will ask. Then I will let go.