combo today

Having trouble starting second blog. They keep reverting it to this one.

Update:
Mom's aspirational pneumonia is back. That's because I think she does not use the powder properly or at all, to thicken her drinks. We can tell by what we go through at restaurants. It may be time for someone to help her at home. This could be a battle. But she looks like she will get home this time, thank God. May I do more and more to give her great days.

I am not feeling perfectly well, but a lot better than the last few days. Will go to work and happy to do so.

Interruption - mother just called. She is mostly coherent. Thank God I got to talk to her and tell her I love her. I'll be going there (hospital) after school.

The loneliness the last two days has been beyond words terrible and scary. The "Oh-my-God-I-really-have-no-family-but-my-mother-and-she's-old-and-sick" feeling. J. has been wonderful to her and for me and even called me last night to see if I'm all right, but the J I was with those decades is gone. Where is my J? He's not around anymore.
I'm so sad.

My future looks so bleak.
When I try to look at a snapshot in my head of, say, 2 years from now, I don't see things better for me.
That's scary.

Anyway, I am still grateful. For example (can't type 100 but here are some):
Talking to my dear mother this morning
I'll be with the kids today
I'll get my food back in order this weekend
Beautiful birds; I love them
Water
Hope? Well, the hope of hope
Self-help books
The luxury of coffee in the morning,
and of fresh fruit
That I will not be isolated today
A very understanding parent, with whom I was supposed to have a conference but I had to postpone. She was lovely.
As conceited as this may sound, that my kiddies will have me today. I think I'm good for them.
I am so very very grateful that J called last night. It was sweet and caring and decent and helped me.
Bad dreams again, but at least I slept.
The unstoppable, tremendous amount of diarrhea has stopped, thank God and ImodiumAD.
That I am breathing.

Affirmations:
I am good enough.
I am a child of God.
I am a good person.
I have friends who love me.
J. loves me too (he says so - just in a certain way).
My life is getting better and better.
I will find a way to start a new blog and let my friends know.

Please God,
Help me give my mother happiness.
Please God,
Help me heal and grow and be the person I am meant to me.
Please God,
Heal my marriage.
Please God,
Help J to be happy and to find himself and his good feelings about himself.
And to find You.
And to find me.
This I ask through Christ our Lord.
Amen.