Gratitudes

I am grateful: 1. I am grateful that L. is on the phone right now. 2. I am grateful that I’ve come to love his voice. 3. I’m glad he’s a scientist. 4. And knows so much. 5. And is so smart. 6. I am enormously grateful that I am “in love.” Not expecting more of it. May be temporary. May be infatuation. Either way, it’s wonderful. 7. And that *** I feel good about my body! It’s because: 1) I’m losing weight. 2) It’s light out later and that makes me feel good 3) It’s lighter clothes weather and I feel good walking around plus I look better that way and one thing aides the other 4) L. appreciates my breasts, my curves, my “femininity,” my “girliness.” 8. I feel good in my skin now. I mean physically. My SKIN feels good. I even like touching it. 9. Shoes. I’m glad I FINALLY have nice shoes. I remember when, at the top of my profession, I would literally hide my feet from my principal. Hide them under my clothes as sitting on floor with kids when she would walk in. 10. That L. has his own house. 11. And his own job. 12. And his own savings. 13. And his own retirement plan. 14. He does not need me. 15. That I MAY not ever need financial help from anyone. Won’t get it; wouldn’t ask for it anyway; just want to not need it. 16. That my mother is alive for Mother’s Day today. 17. That I have a car. 18. And despite the prices, that I’m able to keep enough gas in it to use it for the things I need! 19. And actually, some things that wouldn’t officially be counted as need. 20. Bathing suits. I hate the thought of myself in one lol, but I’m glad they exist. 21. Being open-minded about things of which I’m not sure. Like communication after death…Just open-minded. 22. I can be my best self! I’m so grateful for this! 23. ****** And that I appreciate living! To have felt I wanted to die, and to feel this now. I mean, it’s hard to even write that I wanted to die. 24. Intelligent conversations. 25. London. 26. That I was there under 2 months ago. 27. Alone! 28. That I had such a wonderful time. 29. And a safe flight 30. Both ways. Thank God. Or the fates…Luck…Whatever. 31. That St called the other night 32. And M and I had dinner last night. 33. And mine included spinach. 34. My eye drops. Thank God that they exist, and that I can afford them. 35. Through my hard work. 36. Fax machines 37. Colleges 38. Universities 39. Kisses. 40. Virtually all kisses. 41. But especially L’s kisses. I do believe there is not and never has been anything like them in the world. 42. That I’m alive to experience all of this. 43. The four girls sitting in a square in L’s driveway last night. So sweet. Something so innocent. 44. That he sent me the photo of it. 45. The flowers I sent him yesterday because he’s been sick! 46. And the photos he sent me of them. 47. Movies. In the theater. 48. Practicing piano today. And it was a good practice. 49. And yesterday. And it was a great practice yesterday. 50. Bach. 51. That I AM going to play in that concert (recital) for O: my teacher and my friend. Well, at least I think I am: ) 52. Walking. For walking’s sake. 53. Fruit. 54. The influence of L, on my eating. 55. My eye drops. 56. Joan & Melissa show, of all things 57. Stories about ghosts. Interesting stuff. 58. L. sounding tired right now. Maybe he’ll FINALLY sleep. 59. That I have a kitchen 60. That I do not have leukemia 61. That I probably have more time to live. 62. Music 63. My new little stereo 64. That L. shared with me about that doll event from when he was little. 65. That he even said I’m one of very FEW people he’s EVER told. 66. L’s pre-sentience about his mother’s accidents etc. 67. That he just shared them with me. 68. His sense of humor. 69. My own psychic experiences 70. Especially the two big ones 71. That I have health 72. That I am able to eat. 73. And on my own. 74. Emerald green 75. Emeralds 76. That I even own a couple of cheap ones 77. Affirmations 78. Prayers 79. Exercise 80. Whole-grain pasta 81. Vegetables 82. Spinach with garlic 83. That I don’t have any broken bones. 84. That soon this bullcrap with J will be over 85. Sanctuaries for the innocents 86. That M should be having a good Mother’s Day today 87. That I do not have alopecia 88. That I can see 89. That I can speak 90. That I can hear 91. My hands 92. Water. Access to plenty of fresh, clean water. 93. Squirrels 94. White squirrels 95. Black squirrels 96. Reddish squirrels 97. Gray squirrels 98. This laptop. Use of this (work) laptop. 99. The desktops in the classroom. 100. The East Village in Manhattan.