My 100 Gratitudes Today

I a grateful: 1. My first watermelon of the season. Here with L. 2. Now it is Mon am. He gave me an amazing orgasm 3. And he said right after, “I felt it.” 4. And explained, “I had a sympathetic orgasm.” And hugged and hugged and cuddled with me. Oh. 5. On phone with M this morning. 6. We meditated – together – for the first time – in the park 7. 5 minutes and I led 8. And although he did admit it was hard, he also said it was very nice 9. Our texting last night 10. M is on her parents’ phone. So she doesn’t feel paranoid about him and the phone 11. I am healthy! 12. I can walk! 13. I can see! 14. I can speak! I remember when I couldn’t really walk. Or speak. Oh thank God I can. 15. Texting. 16. Texting pics 17. I think L is starting to be in love with me. 18. And maybe I am with him, too. It’s all very nic. 19. Paintings 20. Jo 21. And that I just emailed her 22. Things I’ve learned from TNH. Including: Give my troubles to Mother Earth. I am of earth. She will take them. Will not become contaminated by them. Will transform them. 23. And gentle them. Say kindly, with a smile, “Hello fear.” (or whatever the feeling). “I welcome you. I will take good care of you.” This really works! And very quickly! Like a mother with a crying baby. She doesn’t push the baby away to stop the crying. She welcomes, gentles, soothes the baby. Takes care of the baby. And the crying stops. It really works! 24. And going back to my breath. One cannot *feel * in one’s mind. One can *think * in one’s mind. One *feels * in one’s body. 25. THN’s “10 line poem: “In. Out. Deep. Slow. Calm. Ease. Smile. Release. Present moment. Wonderful moment.” 26. Now, some thoughts about L. I don’t think I should send them to him, and they are gratitudes, so I’ll put them here. You are so sweet. You treat me as a gentleman treats a lady. 27. You are so generous. Making me so at home in your home. Spending money on us. 28. You are so kind. You are kind to and about friends, strangers, children, animals. 29. You have no meanness. You never are vengeful. You are not jealous…You just don’t have a mean bone in your body at all. 30. You keep confidences. 31. You are honest. About yourself. About others. About life. About everything. 32. You are a pure soul. This is so beautiful. 33. You are so thoughtful. Even buying me flowers and flowering plants. Wow. You are also thoughtful about the world, peace, the environment. 34. You are the best lover. Oh my gosh. The best caresser. The best kisser. The best holder. The best cuddler. The best orgasm giver. The best after-glow closeness person. The best breather-together. Ever. 35. You open up a new world of music. To me. To a woman we meet at a dinner. ..Through your reviews…To so many. What a gift you give. 36. You are aware of your body and what it is telling you. 37. You are aware of your emotions. 38. You can cry. I believe many man can’t. It is your sensitivity. 39. You are safe. There cannot be a person who does not feel safe around you. 40. You think so quickly and know just what to say. You want evidence? I reference the post-rat walk : ) 41. You are able to enjoy a walk in the park. Yay! 42. You say whatever needs to be said. 43. You are intellectually honest. So, like, if someone makes a mistake – you or someone else, you correct it. Not in a critical way, but just an intellectually honest way. Very matter-of-fact. 44. You appreciate woman, and my womanliness. “Oh, I love your curves.” “You are such a girlie girl.” I love that you appreciate women and my womanliness. 45. You are understanding. 46. You are supportive. 47. You are so much fun. 48. You are hysterically funny. 49. A great conversationalist. 50. Positively brilliant. 51. Willing to try meditation for 5 minutes yesterday, patiently. 52. You have conquered things. 53. You eat well. 54. You are realistic about things like exercise. 55. You are whimsical. Practical. But whimsical. 56. You appreciate organic veggies and fruits and nuts and grains 57. You even make amazing water. 58. You bring me to such heights, sexually. Such intense, tingling, orgasmic, close, incredible, whole person heights. Oh my God. 59. You are so handsome. You have this age-wisdom and handsome youth, both, in your face. 60. You have a v body 61. And smooth, even, olive skin. 62. You are muscular. 63. You are strong. Physically and intermally. 64. You understand my seeing a shrink. 65. You supported me going to London. 66. And you support my piano – whatever that journey entails. 67. You wrote once, “May Lynn have all the breathing room she desires.” 68. You are independent. Yet close. 69. We laugh together. 70. We have absurdities. 71. We get tipsy sometimes. 72. You treat everyone equally. 73. You seem unencumbered by what people think. As someone who believes, “If you care about what others think of you, they own you,” I appreciate that. 74. You are very close to being a vegan. 75. You are very close to being a vegan. 76. You don’t hold grudges or obsessions. 77. You are non-violent. Oh, thank God. 78. You work. 79. You have gorgeous hair. 80. And soulful eyes. 81. And those lips. Oh, those beautiful lips. 82. You have such masculine hands 83. And feet 84. And voice. 85. I am grateful for strawberries. 86. And cantaloupe 87. And watermelon. 88. And that I had my first bites of summer-sweet watermelon this weekend. Yum. 89. I have a liver that works 90. And heart that works 91. And a brain that works 92. I can drive. I remember when I couldn’t 93. I WANT to live. Finally! 94. I have a therapist 95. And a French teacher 96. And a piano teacher. What wealth! 97. I have a full head of hair. 98. And it is a pretty brown. 99. I have hope. 100. I have God.