1. I am grateful that I visited M yesterday
2. And was there from 4:30 til 8:30
3. And Je was close to me throughout
4. And her little friend A as well
5. And Ji talked with me a lttle bit
6. And seemed more – normal
7. And grown up
8. It gave me hope for her (autism)
9. This________
10. This _________
12. This _______
15. the pina colada she gave me
16. and that I only had half
17. because was going to drive
18. and waited hours to drive
19. she made pasta whole grain for me
20. with lots of fresh broccoli
21. and garlic
22. and wolfgang puck basil tomato sauce
23. and iced special seltzer
24. and I leaned on the counter while she cooked
25. and she said, with the girls playing inside, “I hope you don’t mind. I want you to be part of my real family. How I really live. Not formal.”
26. And I said, “But that’s EXACTLY what I want!”
27. And she did the little girls’ nails
28. And I made much over it all the whole time
29. And they were smiling and giggly and happy
30. And we took photos
31. And had such fun
32. And they ate
33. And we sat with them
34. Then we ate
35. Then we watch Willy Wonka with Je cuddled
36. I left after an hour of it
37. And got home safely
38. And it was still light out
39. And M and I spoke this morning and EACH thanked the OTHER
40. Thich Nhat Hanh
41. Mindfulness
42. The book I am going to read today
43. This coming week – yes I’m saying it – I am going to clean THOROUGHLY
44. All week setting things up, cleaning, discarding things, calling people to fix things, and so on
45. And start LIVING in the house I’ve paid so much for (more than money)
46. Good books
47. That I can read
48. Water
49. I took a drive. It was nice. Short. But nice: )
50. I had a really bad week. Broken friendship with O. I think irreparable. She is who she is. And J. may have tricked me a little. May have. And may not. But it made me realize. I have no one I can fully trust. Mother is decrepitating. Forgetting… MA is ill. M is – well – I’m not sure of her forever. I have seen her very close to others before and where it went. J. left me. Every decision I made since 1986 I made as if we were together. And he left. So even marriage isn’t for sure til death in every case. So in a very real way, I am alone. But the gratitude is that - I have survived tragedies in my life, real ones, things I haven’t written on my blog, and I have bounced back. And this morning, I DECIDED. I will again. I will make my life better than it’s ever been. And I ACCEPTED that this is the hand I’ve been dealt right now. I had something to do with it too. But in any event it is what it is. I can only be miserable or happy. I AM CHANGING THINGS. I WILL – not fight – but win – by gentling myself out of this. With all the hard work it takes. And I WILL ENJOY something each day too.
51. That I, even with my frustrations, have not turned like S with his. (The meanest person I know).
52. That I am working on being less judgmental.
53. Noble silence
54. The time I had 4 throat/vocal cord conditions. And had to go two weeks without making one single sound. There were the almost 8 months of making very few, but this was two weeks not one sound. It taught me some things.
55. I am also glad for the memory of it.
56. I am glad for the decision I came to today
57. I am glad for my birdies. I love them.
58. They love each other.
59. The pretty well trust me.
60. They have all their needs met.
61. And no predators.
62. And they bring me joy.
63. So happy I took them into my life for a very life-affirming birthday present to myself.
64. Telling A of my plan, just now
65. Tv working
66. M’s example
67. And even O’s in the one way
68. And Ma’s (mother’s aide) in the one way
69. Happy happy dog times with J
70. And without too
71. Scrabble on computer
72. Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
(Winston Churchill)
73. My fb friend E, who shared this today
74. I can see
75. I can hear
76. Whole grains
77. Vegetables
78. Organic foods
79. Even at my supermarket! Wowie
80. Water
81. Birds freely flying. Makes me so happy. So much they get they now. Hours and hours each day! Yay
82. That I’m not doing political posts or comments on fb
83. The fun time in the city with L the other day
84. Honest people
85. Trustworthy people
86. *****Not being so dependent like I used to be
87. art
88. paintings
89. orgasms
90. hugs
91. kisses
92. hair caresses
93. good hair
94. that I play piano
95. I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. ”Michael Jordan
96. Fb page Romancing Your Soul
97. And the woman Regina who does it
98. Pretty photos
99. Presents from parents who appreciate me
100. Poetry
101. The piano lessons my parents paid for. All those lessons.
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