Thought

Maybe all those things J helped me with:

the woman who subbed for the physical therapist, Michelle, when I cried and felt such release as she talked and massaged me
Reiki during my better-part-of-8-months-without-being-able-to-speak
piano support
and the million other things

besides being very sweet
and besides being somewhat patholigical  la both codependent

maybe was partly because
I needed to feel loved
and he DIDN'T really love me
and THAT'S why I was so unhappy?

I have a FEELING he would say yes to this.

But then,
those who knew us well feel 100% he DID
and what I said above just doesn't ring quite 100% true as i write it either...
But - OR - I DROVE his love away?
OR - he was just so - DAMAGED - that he couldn't find himself....

I don't kow

It is good to fce it, question it, and get it out here thought.