My 100 Gratitudes Today

Um – Okay - I am grateful: 1. L’s honesty last night. 2. And that at least I understand things better now. 3. These things are mostly not about me at all. They are his problems. 4. My ability to see MY part in it. 5. My commitment to change my flaws (jealousy; care about what others’ think; need to be so number 1 to someone else). 6. I am here 7. Alive 8. And well 9. And breathing 10. And thinking 11. And feeling. I existed and still do through all of it. Helping a girlfriend this morning, brought ME memories I did all this! : I was the biggest victim ever! I mean, it was real - I had, all during the same time: • 4 car accidents (I wasn't driving) • lyme disease • double pneumonia • I had to spend over a year out of three in bed • no money • no car • no refrigerator • no bathroom electricity • rats in my yard - rats! (and I have an actual rats phobia) • my dog died • my bird died • my mother's crazies were back • while I was going through a divorce - as a Catholic - and sure I would burn in hell for all eternity for it • I was miserable and felt like there's just something defective about me and I am not able to have a good life and there is no hope DURING all this, I had to and did • get a job - and do it well and do a LOT of extra (run the school choir...) • get a second job and work them both and do really really well at them • then get a better main job • a Master's degree to keep the job- classes to which I had to walk 3 miles on pills in a neck brace, but I got a 4.0 • got the divorce • and bought a house - having never written a check in my life And doesn’t that all tell me that I AM a survivor! 12. That I was super-teacher yesterday. The truth is that I was concerned that if I let myself operate at even 99.5 %, I would continue to go down and collapse into exhaustion. So I stayed at 100%! Which means the, the innocent children, got the best of me! Good! 13. And that they are SO good – so dear – such wonderful children. 14. I am grateful that they are, for them! 15. And grateful that they are, for me. *I * get to spend my days with them! 16. We are working on Little Red Riding Hood. That is so fun. 17. Today is book course. That’s nice. 18. My hands. I have them both and they both work 19. I had GREAT piano practice yesterday. Finally! Running so late. So tired, got up so late. Will get back to these!