My Email to L after our morning phone call this morning

Subject line: L, I'm miserable and I need you to show you care. Body of email: I am very sad at the thought of our troubles and deeply disturbed at the thought of maybe us not being together : ( but I will NOT go ONE MORE DAY without some resolution. I think that having gone so long already is a sign of weakness on my part; I owe myself more than that. Here’s the thing. I don’t even think you really did start working on an answer. I’m not sure I believe you. Because I asked you to PLEASE drop me an email and let me know when you did, as I’m suffering and this means so much to me. It’s as if you cannot hear me and my pain and my needs. So I assume you don’t care anymore. But Louis, I’m not asking for any more than it used to be. I’m just asking for it to be not-less! And most importantly, to know what is going on, what you want, and WHY the change! If you want it to feel like it used to feel, then you have to treat me the way you used to treat me. If you no longer feel that way for me, or no longer want to “bother,” then you need to find someone who either: you DO feel that way about, or who is so detached as to not care If you want to still be with me, either *I * have to back up - a lot, so I don’t live in a state of hurt, (what that would look like is – if I can’t feel good about myself with you, I must fill MYSELF – with less time with you and time to do more of the things I love alone, and perhaps with seeing other people too). OR you have to change the way you treat me – more like you used to – and you have to WANT TO. That is a HUGE element of it for me. The DESIRING. Okay. I love you. I want to be with you. But I cannot go on this way. I know this is uncomfortable for you. But I have had pain for months. Why doesn't THAT matter to you as much as your discomfort in answering? - - - - I can’t continue doing this to myself. Please. Answer my questions. Or if you don’t care enough to, then let me know that. I am hurt and I am done, Louis. Do NOT call me until you know what you want to do, and are doing it. Really. Please respect my wishes here. Finally.