My One Hundred Gratitudes Today

I am grateful: 1. I just had the best breakfast. Two cups of great organic Italian coffee form the health food store. 2. With organic chocolate soy milk. 3. Amaranth cereal 4. With organic dried apples 5. Organic dried cranberries 6. Organic raisins 7. Organic coconut 8. 6 Organic almonds 9. Cinnamon. Healthy, filling, and yum, all. 10. It is a new day. 11. I managed to get the two new aides 12. And we can get rid of the bad one! Friday! 13. My mother is excited about this. 14. She is NOT decrepitating this time home, so far. For the first time. The difference is the help. 15. She is eating 16. And drinking water 17. And taking her meds 18. And clean 19. And clothes clean 20. And apartment clean 21. And it will get all only better with this switch! 22. I feel that somehow I WILL get all the schoolwork done. We lost 5 days. And it is REALLY hard to catch up! Deadlines…We all feel it. But in THIS MOMENT (lol) I feel that I CAN do it. 23. My little house was so cozy when I got home last night. Just cozy lighting in the den and l.r. All the rest dark. Just very extra sweet and homy and cozy. And neat! 24. L. and I ARE taking that course this weekend. I’m excited. I think he is too. 25. My doctor comes today. Finally! 26. Today’s Each Day a New Beginning! 27. Today’s Food for Thought 28. That I have a job to go to. 29. And a good job. 30. Piano. 31. O. 32. Reading 33. Good books 34. That for the first time in many YEARS – as I have just discovered – I am back to just naturally reading 8 books at once! Yay! That means I’m getting to myself! 35. This, from today’s Language of Letting Go: “If we don't feel our angry feelings today, we will need to face them tomorrow. Today, I will let myself feel my anger. I will express my anger appropriately, without guilt. Then I will be done with it.” I needed that! 36. I hate to keep saying sort of the same thing, but I am really grateful for the message in “Today’s Gift.” 37. That I have listened to who L is, last night, and re-worked the thing I’ve written. 38. And will give it to him tonight. (Gulp, but grateful). 39. “Our” dear dear dear little dog. Although she lives with J now. 40. Everyone who rescues an animal. (I have many times, but not her). 41. I MIGHT get a usable desk chair for the next school year 42. My dreams last night. Wow. So interesting. 43. It is Thursday now. Very very tense day yesterday! I am grateful J finally found those vital papers of my mother’s so we could get to the lawyer today. 44. And for my doctor’s help yesterday. 45. And that last night, I was sharing what I went through with L. And I was telling him some of the 1 hour 40 minute phone ordeal, and he said, “And and and.” And I ignored that and kept talking. And he said, “Skip the details.” And I said, “You didn’t just say that.” And he said, “Why? Get to the point.” And I said, “Because I’m SHARING what I went through.” And he said, “Oh, I’m sorry. Go ahead.” 46. And after finishing, he was helpful, and I thanked him and also said, “And thank you for listening, even to the details.” And he said, “I shouldn’t’ have said that.” 47. This is from what we learned that day in late September from John Grey when we got to see/hear him speak. I’m so grateful we got to do that. 48. And the other night, (just when I was going to bring up my discontent), L said, “You have those John Grey CDs, right?” And I said yes. And he asked if we could listen together a little this weekend. That was nice. 49. My doctor said yesterday, that he thinks L is a bright flame with a short fuse. And explained that he meant that L has sort of used up all his boyfriendability. I hate that, but am grateful he said it. 50. I am brave enough. This MUST be faced. I will face it head-on but gently with L this very weekend. 51. Somehow I WILL get all this mother stuff done. 52. And the report cards. 53. I have the day today, to go to the lawyer with her. The day with pay. Thank God. 54. J. still being helpful. 55. My house is in order. All week. Yay. 56. Our new professional developer is great! The last two stunk. So I’m very grateful for this. 57. And I guess that teaches me something: It’s true that without the “bad” we wouldn’t appreciate the “good” as much! 58. This, from today’s Each Day a New Beginning: “I will begin this day, and every day, looking to God for the gift of zeal to live fully every moment, to give fully what I have to give, and to glory fully in all that I receive.” This, from today’s Language of Letting Go: “We can watch ourselves grow beautiful as we shed shame, guilt, resentments, self-hatred, and other negative buildups from our past.” 59. And this: “We can watch the quality of our relationships improve with family, friends, and spouses.” (Promise?) 60. And this! “We find ourselves growing steadily and gradually in our capacity to be intimate and close, to give and receive.” Oh, hope! 61. And this, “We can watch ourselves grow in our careers, in our ability to be creative, powerful, productive people, using our gifts and talents in a way that feels good and benefits others.” Important. 62. Mindfulness. Mindfulness mindfulness mindfulness. 63. The idea, “Don’t give up before the miracle.” 64. Today’s Touchstones. And I’m glad I’ve given it a chance, even though it is supposedly aimed for men. 65. And I’m glad I’ve continued to give “Today’s Gift” a chance too, even though it is supposedly aimed for families. 66. ***That I DO this work. I am so stressed today about the mother stuff and the things I have to do, and may be without L. soon. But I know I did this before him (and after J as well, so I was alone in that sense) and it helped. And I can again.*** 67. Thich Nhat Hanh in my life. 68. Everyone who sends good thoughts out there into the universe 69. That “our” little dog is happy. 70. And maybe I’ll see her soon. 71. That m. called me this morning. 72. That I have a good sub for today. 73. That I have such a great class. And that I am becoming good enough for them. 74. That I have gotten through nervousness before, and I will get through this too. 75. That hopefully I will be able to do that course with L this weekend 76. And have some fun 77. And do the report cards 78. And face the issues with him 79. My mother’s not declining this time. Thank God for the help. WhatEVER it costs. It is HER life. And HER money, after all. 80. Scrabble Blast on Wired Arcade. It helps me relax sometimes. 81. I am not as shy, nervous and scared as I used to be. 82. I am alive. Yay! 83. That I do feel yay! Rather than the way I used to feel which was so sad that I awakened. 84. I am truly grateful that I can breathe on my own. 85. And speak. 86. I am grateful that I have electricity. 87. I am grateful for Jo’s friendship. 88. I am grateful for the years I had with little M. 89. And for the years WE had with her. 90. And for the years we had with Ph. 91. And for the heat I have in the house 92. And that the sun seems to be rising a little earlier now. (time change) 93. I am grateful for art. “Great” art and ALL art that I like. 94. That I have had wonderful L. kisses 95. And earth-moving L. orgasms: ) 96. And walks in the woods with J, and Ph off-leash: ) xo I love that I’ve had those! 97. And maybe I can have some more!? 98. That M just called again. L hasn’t yet, but I’m grateful that M has called twice 99. And now he has. That’s good. Of course I can see that he first did facebook 3 times! 100. Warm showers