My One Hundred Gratitudes Today

I am grateful: 1. That obsessing about food the other day, reminds me now of how often I do NOT obsess about food! 2. My sponsor (OA). Omg I love my sponsor. I am so glad I spoke with today. 3. Some of the things I’ve learned from my sponsor. Including: All fear is bullshit. 4. And Worry is an insult to God. 5. And There’s no problem that God can’t solve. 6. And Every problem has a solution. It’s when I think there is no solution that I go crazy. That THAT is crazy. 7. And The Miracle is that you’re starting to love yourself. 8. And to let God’s love in. 9. And the more you love God, the easier it is to love yourself. 10. And that he challenges people to find something in the Big Book that isn’t true. 11. And this, although it’s hard to hear, but is faithful. That as a compulsive overeater, “You have a disease. Accept it. If you were normal, you wouldn’t have any of these ideas.” (Like fear of doing stuff..) 12. And, “I sometimes have to talk to God Give me the power to do the right thing here. I just wanna write a check. I am a child. I need your help. And that’s okay. It’s okay to need help.” 13. “That’s why we have this organization; cause we all need help. There isn’t one of us that doesn’t need help.” 14. “And I think that’s why God is here. Cause every one of us needs help.” 15. And “It’s never too much for God.” 16. “There isn’t anything God can’t do. There isn’t a problem He can’t solve. It’s when I’m angry at self that I refuse to ask for help.” 17. “You are not stupid. You are a teacher of children.” 18. “I don’t care what anyone else thinks. All that matters is what God and I think.” 19. And “Slow down.” 20. And “There are so many spiritual people around. It’s like a magnet. We attract each other.” 21. And “And the other people are the ones who are missing out. 22. And “I say, ‘Thank you, God.’ A lot. These are all little prayers. The first time I got out of bed (after a physical problem) and I stood vertical, I said, ‘Thank you, God.’” 23. And “I wake up and the sun is coming in . . . and I say, Thank you, God.” 24. And this: “I do not lie. I tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.” 25. And: “I’m alive. I’m kicking. I’m feeling well. I have my boyfriend, we’re doing things. Terrific! I have a good life!” 26. And that there are always new problems and new solutions. 27. And that yesterday when I was shopping and came home and made that beautiful soup, and feel like I’m coming back to the light, “You feel the hand of God.” Wow. 28. That L and I had that talk yesterday morning. 29. And he listened. And understood. And shared. 30. And then it was all better. Phew. 31. But I screwed up a little at the end. BUT – I did NOT make a bigger deal out of it! I straighten it out lightly and honestly. Lightly. Me. Yay! 32. That I told my sponsor this morning that L and his friends have always seen me as such a positive person, but I see myself as a negative person : ( but sponsor said, “No one who does 100 gratitudes can be a negative person.” Good! 33. Melon in my fridge right now 34. And healthy vegan taco ingreds. 35. And that yummy healthy soup I made. I didn’t even add the coconut milk I was going to add at the end. It didn’t need it! Yum! And healthy too! 36. That I had a great whole grain (or whole wheat?) vegan English muffin with Earth Balance for breakfast 37. That I was out of coffee. Yup. Grateful for that. Because it meant I went to the store first thing (after praying) this morning. And getting out was – is ALWAYS – SO good for me! 38. And I bought myself the paper! The local paper! That was special for me! 39. That I can practice piano. 40. I am going to the gym tomorrow or Wednesday morning. Yup. Really. 41. That it is so close. 42. And so cheap! 43. And so clean. 44. And I CAN use it! 45. S’s father, whom I met Friday night. This man was actually in a concentration camp. And he’s lost his wife. And he’s 92 years old and in declining health. And lives in assisted living. And is in a wheelchair. And he actually still wakes up every morning and thanks God for the day. What an inspiration. 46. I am grateful on is behalf, that he feels that way. 47. And of course for myself, grateful for his inspiration. 48. And I’m grateful for others whom he does inspire too. 49. I am grateful for the daily readings. 50. Especially the OA ones, at this point. 51. And I think I shall soon tell L about OA and get back to meetings. I did tell him when I first knew him, but he seems to have forgotten. And I have been chicken to do since. But THINK must. We’ll see. 52. Will wait about the antidepressants, though. As per my doctor’s idea. Plus, since L prefers ME to initiate sex more often than he, *I * can choose about when to take and not take. 53. I am grateful that I can afford my prescriptions. 54. I am grateful for my new eyeglasses. I can see! 55. And for my new (and beautiful) sunglasses. I can see: ) 56. I am grateful for my friends. 57. And for L’s friends for him. 58. And for L’s friends for me for now, too. 59. And that his friend J talked to me about him at the party Friday night. Respectfully, lovingly, and helpfully. 60. And that L seems to “get it” more now. About a relationship. In fact, I am probably the one who is more afraid of this stage! Oh well… 61. And that I still have this independence. It would be too easy for me to suck in and lose myself. I am so grateful that I am not. 62. And that this relationship does not encourage me to. 63. And that I’ve lost my jealousy of J-. 64. And I’m grateful for M, that she is exercising. 65. And that I have a house. I went through hell to get it and pay for it, and am so grateful that I did! 66. That I faced the 5 phone calls this morning. And just did them, period. 67. That things are generally, if not always, much less frightening in the doing than in the anticipating. 68. Piano. It saves me sometimes of late. I am so grateful for it! 69. That I love typing so much. 70. It is hours later now. I am so grateful that I did all the things I had to do today for my mother! Some of them SEEMED scary. But I did them. 71. And – they were NOT scary. They were kind of almost pleasant even. 72. And – I ALWAYS – always always always feel better when I get out and am dressed nicely and get things done…Fun OR jobs. 73. I am so grateful for the long and GREAT talk I had with my sponsor today. 74. And that MA called me 75. And that O called me 76. And that M called me too! 77. And that all 3 love me. 78. And that I’m making that scarf for M, whose son died so tragically this summer. 79. And that I made a nice one for L. 80. And that I got him that “replacement” thing from the childhood trauma, from eBay. 81. And that I finally DID GET something from eBay. 82. And that too, was not scary. 83. Most things are quite doable, actually. 84. I’m grateful that my mother looks so well. 85. And that this helper, although too expensive to keep for long, seems SO good! I LOVE her so far! 86. And that J is still being so helpful. Oh thank you God, thank you. 87. And for the example of MA and ML having been such a help to each other for so long. Not too intrusive. But such a help. This gives ME hope for MY future, as I won’t have a me, like my mother does. (I do not have children). 88. And the example of MA’s independence, too. 89. I am grateful that I feel well. Phsyically. 90. And emotionally. 91. I am grateful that I am not in a panic. 92. And not afraid. 93. And not despondent. 94. And not lonely. 95. And not depressed! 96. And not hopeful! 97. And I am grateful that I am doing this work! 98. And that it is helping me so much! 99. And I am so grateful for God. 100. And that I’m going swimming Thursday! Amen: )