My 100 Gratitudes Today

I am grateful:

1. That my dr came here yesterday
2. That he gave me a good idea
3. That he stayed extra
4. That I didn’t pig out as much
5. That I can still type despite by swollen and very painful thumb with something wrong with the knuckle
6. That I have my wits about me. I worry sometimes, like this morning when I can’t figure out how the outside light(s) is off because I distinctly remember turning it on last night. Did I get up in my sleep and turn it off? When? Why? How much is this stress doing to me? Or please God no, is it worse? But – I am grateful for the amount of wits I still do have around me
7. That there is still hope for me and J
8. The prize box and school, and the joy they get from it
9. Sending Ch off yesterday in a good way. With the banner, the individual cards in the little book, the present and card from me, and of course the paperwork her father needed
10. Me giving R that present and note
11. Him showing me he opened it and named it Ch
12. Tr saying how touching it was
13. That the hole I my stomach isn’t as great as when I woke up
14. That I decided to have coffee before calling in, and now won’t call in
15. That it wasn’t my room M was referring to in that e-mail
16. That I’ve come to understand my worst flaw, and maybe can do something about it now
17. That I found the prayer to our lady of st carmel online
18. That oa says I will be restored to sanity
19. That my dr told me about Eleanor Roosevelt and how although she was not physically attractive, many men were apparently very attracted to her. So it was something about her inner strength
20. Learning about a part of the environment in which I grew up, being caretaking and enmeshment. That helps me put a name on something I can start to gentle myself out of now.
21. That I had protein and whole grains and veggies and water and tea yesterday
22. That P took me to lunch and we had a nice time and good food. That was very nice of her and it also means she likes me.
23. And that she said she was so glad I am in the teacher’s room sometimes now. That’s nice to hear
24. That my dr talked about what do *I * want. Like what do *I * like to do,…what do I wish for,… outside of J. All I want is J, but it gave me something to think about
25. Dogs
26. I got what I wished for. I remember sitting at the shiva at Sh’s house, for her grandmother, and hearing her say she and M called each other every night. And wishing I could become friends with M like that. And it happened. And guess what? It’s no big deal. I mean it is, in the sense that she’s a wonderful friend, but it isn’t in the sense of “I’m not good enough for such a thing,” which I believed that day. And the thing is, if I wished for that and got it, maybe I can get this too, if I wish for it and believe it enough.
27. Emergency rooms
28. That I’m a decent speller
29. That our district is coming up with good assessments to help not have to be a stupid part of rttt
30. Strong teacher’s unions
31. People who fight for rights of other people and non-human animals
32. Oprah doing the vegan thing twice.
33. Some people asking me about veganism stuff
34. Je printing those recipes for me, and showing an interest more than once
35. Orange juice and orange-pineapple juice
36. That I have been cherished. I am so sad now, but at least I do know what it is like to be cherished
37. Lessons from inspirational people
38. That I can sit
39. That I can hold my head up
40. That I’ve never been in a fire
41. That I get e-mails
42. That I have taught a number of grades
43. That the principal still seems to respect me
44. That I’m getting through the days
45. That my dr said I’m “handling it better”
46. My mommy’s prayers
47. And that I was able to help her with her favorite one
48. How supportive J has been through so many of my hard times
49. And hers
50. Please God help us to be together. I am grateful that I can pray to you
51. That my mother is going to have Br and Ed over for tea at her place
52. That I go to the bathroom in the mornings. Regular functioning
53. That I can eat nuts. And get the nutrients from them
54. That I can have a new start today, in the classroom, and particularly with F
55. That I am determined to get this place in order
56. That there is still time. I need to get moving, but there is still time
57. That I slept last night
58. Even though I had nightmares, I woke up from them
59. That I understand something about how I can look at things in a sort of paranoid manner and they are not always meant the way I take them. That I understand that better now, especially thanks to A on Sunday, and to what happened on the vb and how I applied what A was saying at lunch, to that, in my head
60. Enough money to live.
61. Being more careful with money now.
62. Recycling water bottles
63. People who invented recycling
64. All my class trips in my life have gone safely so far
65. Car radio
66. The French language. How beautiful it is
67. Good authors
68. People who read books on tape so well (actors)
69. The experiences I’ve had at JB
70. Painting, drawing, tracing, coloring. Me when little, the kids now, me now
71. Talented artists
72. When my phone rings
73. When there are messages for me
74. Candles
75. Candle meditation
76. The morning meditation 15 minute tape J and I listened to a number of times
77. Our first retreat and the feeling we took back from it and how long it lasted
78. Same with the second one
79. Our trip to Cooperstown
80. Our trips to the Catskills
81. Our trips to the Poconos
82. Our sex life
83. Our kisses
84. Our hugs
85. Our playing with Ph together
86. Goldie Hawn on Oprah yesterday
87. Dr. Oz
88. Dr. Phil
89. Gary Null
90. Warren Eckstein, and that I got advice from him on the phone
91. Echo
92. Koi
93. That my parents used to take us to feed the goldfish, which were probably koi, at that campus
94. Libraries
95. Free concerts and other programs
96. That J looked for me at intermission at that one
97. Love
98. Compassion
99. Honestly
100. Integrity