after tense eve with j, here this helps me feel better, remembering this

I can’t make J happy
I can’t take away his tensions

I could not have caused them,
As they pre-dated me by decades

I can ONLY be the best me I can be right now
THIS minute
One minute at a time

And

If he does not love me,
That is no reason to lose my own life

I shall play with the birds
They are pretty and they are colorful
And the more I “tame” them, the sooner they can fly around freely. So that’s good too.
And I have the power to make music (with the piano and even with my voice)

And I am smart
And I can handle the rest of this paper work
And keep going to ww and losing weight
And exercising

And enjoying time with my girlfriends like this past week 3 x (1 gf each time) + one time with my mother (and L)