The Magic June 12

June 12

Very bad evening. 4 days of nervousness, building building. I mention that because I have hope. And I will not give up my practice. Maybe some bad times and bad feelings are just part of life. Onward…!

--

Count your blessings. Make a list of ten blessings. Write why you’re grateful. Reread your list, and at the end of each blessing say thank you, thank you, thank you, and feel as grateful for that blessing as you can.

I am truly blessed to have A’s words last night when I felt so bad, and waking to more of them this morning,

because they have helped keep me going.

He said, among other things, in IMs: “dont feel that way its not reality”  And “just do what u need to

leave the rest to fate”

and “u r looking at things all wrong

lots of reading between lines”

“don’t need to put yourself down

not only do you have a great job

you are extremely talented musician

have perfect memory

extremely smart

big brain”

and

“u are Independent

a grown up”

and

“u r better than 98% of people intellectually

and 95 financially”

reminded me to sleep in bedroom (I have – since Sunday)

and this morning I saw that he wrote at about 11pm,

“You should not be depressed

U have an amazing personality and talents. You are safe and relatively healthy. You should be joyful.”

These mean a lot to me.

Have helped me start this day.

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am so happy and grateful for this health. This breath. This ability to walk and yes, to get to work,

because all of it adds to independence and to opportunities and to the potential for a good day. No time lingering in hospital room…. I have been there, done that. THIS is better!!

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am truly grateful for all the choices I’ve made that are right, as in, the right thing to do. Every one of them, even the costly ones.

Because it is a better way to live. An easier way to live. Good conscience always feels better than not!

Thank you thank you thank you!

With all my heart, thank you for all of it being okay, really. Mistakes, fatigue, mess-ups, doing best, etc. Nothing deadly has occurred to anyone because of me…

Because that is a perspective I am happy to have as it is a good reminder.

In the long-run, I am ok.

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am truly blessed to have my bed back,

because sleeping on the couch sucked. It is hard to believe I did it for so long. I am blessed and truly grateful to every influence that got me back to sleeping in the bed.

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am so happy and grateful for the creative things at work,

because they get me going in, on the days when I FEEL LIKE I just can’t.

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am truly grateful for my house and my car and my school,

because there are a LOT worse places to spend the day! I am fortunate indeed!

Thank you thank you thank you!

With all my heart, thank you for my coffee maker,

because a little thing like that even, isn’t really so little. I mean, I just walk across the house and have fresh coffee. The conveniences that are so easy to take for granted, are actually big.

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am so incredibly fortunate and lucky and grateful for the lessons I’ve been learning and the changes I’ve made, as a result of the almost unbearable pain these years,

because these were necessary for me to become whole and to live.

Thank you thank you thank you!

I am so incredibly fortunate and lucky and grateful for my abilities to walk and to see and to move my hands and fingers,

because it feels like everything is possible to me. Really really thank you thank you thank you thank you!

Thank you thank you thank you!

2. Remember The magic by counting the blessings of yesterday and writing them down. Ask yourself the question: What are the good things that happened yesterday? Scan the surface of yesterday until you feel satisfied that you’ve remembered and written down all the blessings of the day.

1.      I was noticing good things during the car ride in the am

2.      It was light out and therefore cheerful

3.      A pleasant and easy ride

4.      A cool rehearsal with help from other teacher.

5.      My kids were smiling.

6.      I had a lunch break

7.      I taught a good math lesson.

8.      They liked it.

9.      I made some points while reading aloud to them.

10.   I was compassionate to the colleague who is difficultto be around

11.   I had upbeat chat with mother

12.   Great IMs with A in am and pm. Thank you

13.   Got through. Stayed alive. Slept. Even with all the intense INTENSE bad feelings.

14.   Nice email exchange with higher-up.

15.   Gave birdies good seed and pellets and dark leafy greens

16.   No responsibilities after work yesterday.

17.   Forgot the one I did have, called her, she was fine waiting a day. Phew.

18.   This is today not yesterday, but I am very grateful for the calm after the storm. I was just walking through the house to get some breakfast. A simple little breakfast. Small portion of 2 kinds of cereal, an oat and a bran, both organic, and a small organic peach. I felt – a calm – a just being in the moment. A body awareness. An acceptance. A gratefulness. And okayness. I am not used to feeling, and certainly not last night, when I’d have rathered not been alive, literally. I am very grateful for it, very grateful to be here for it, very grateful for the simplicity of it. And the hope in it. Realized must have accidentally thrown away goji berries – there were a lot and they were expensive. But was able to keep THAT in perspective too. Oh well, no big deal, accicent, move on. Thank you thank you thank you.

J.

1.      Thank you, J., for the mindfulness retreats we went on together.

2.      Thank you, J., for driving us so much everywhere.

3.      Thank you, J., for our great visit last Saturday.

4.      Thank you, J., for never giving up.

5.      Thank you, J., for helping me to give up soda.

6.      Thank you, J., for all the patience through all the years.

7.      Thank you, J., for the sense of humor we share.

8.      Thank you, J.,  for all those times we stopped at those dollar stores, and sale stores for gifts for the kiddies!

9.      Thank you, J., for your GREAT care for doggie! And previous doggie too!

10.   Thank you, J., for getting doggie her CGC for ME!

Thank you thank you thank you!

Health

1.      Thank you, ability to hold good healthy food, put it into my mouth, chew it, and swallow i!

2.      Thank you, vision!

3.      Thank you, assumption of breathing as I am having breathing…!

4.      Thank you, digestive system!

5.      Thank you, brain!

6.      Thank you, ability to stop thinking about things at a certain point in the evening.

7.      Thank you, heart for working so well!

8.      Thank you, lungs, for working so well!

9.      Thank you, skin, for being healthy!

10.   Thank you, hair and eyelashes for protection!

So much to be thankful for.

Thank you thank you thank you!