Gratitudes - My Hundred Today

I am grateful:

1. I was abstinent yesterday. I asked God to help me with it, and I prepared food, and recorded what I ate. And I was abstinent. I’m grateful for this.
2. My lessons about pride. Seeing that topic in the Step Four Inventory guide and thinking I’d have nothing or virtually nothing for it. Then having like 3 typewritten pages for the first question. And today’s For Today speaks of pride.
3. I just reached someone on the phone – well I called and she called back to see who was calling and if anything was wrong, and it was very good. Only 10 minutes, but I’m grateful for her friendly voice and that I reached someone.
4. And she’s working on Step Four also. Sounds like with questions similar to mine.
5. I literally knelt on the kitchen floor to thank God because I’d awakened with that awful stomach pit for a long time over and over this morning, but when I petted dear Ph, and got up to pour coffee and gave her a treat first, I realized that I felt okay. In that moment I actually felt okay. Since I’d knelt by bedside and asked for this, I was so grateful that God had given it to me, that I knelt right there on the kitchen floor and thanked Him.
6. Beginning to realize really am powerless over my addiction. Because I cannot do it on my own. And when I asked for help yesterday, in the “Trust in God but buy broccoli” way, I was truly abstinent for the whole day.
7. Very much liking the 12 Step Prayers that I found online. Am about to finish saying 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th right now.
8. And I did it. They are wonderful prayers. I am about to send them to Jo now.
9. And I’m grateful that I sent them to her now.
10. Todays’ In This Moment says, “In This Moment, I am enough. I am the sum of all my yesterdays. I am this moment’s thoughts, actions, and feelings. I relish being in the moment. I thank my Higher Power for leading me to the CoDA program and showing me a path out of insanity. The love I feel for myself and others fills my heart and my soul. I am enough.” Ch – and oa.
11. Today’s Voices of Recovery: As difficult as it is to shed old habits, I keep remembering the relief and freedom and joy that came the first time I tried abstaining one day at a time and not worrying about what would happen tomorrow.” Like yesterday. (At least in terms of food). Grateful.
12. Then the person writes, “God, thank you for the gift of today. I am grateful for the freedom, relief and joy I now feel.” That means it’s available. I am grateful for that.
13. I am grateful that although I didn’t want to start, and it was a very distracted practice, I did do 9 minutes of meditation and will go and report on it now.
14. And that at one point near the very end, I felt it.
15. I’m grateful that I started thread and reported. And that I’d posted last night, because I’m coffeeing and tired and stomach pit issues and didn’t feel had it in me to chat with everyone right now.
16. Jo and Ju, both of whom I “met” in phone meeting yesterday, both answered my e-mails!
17. And Jo was very generous with her sharing
18. And both said it is fine to ask God for help with my marriage. And both have years (like 10 and 33) in program. One said, she asks. Other said, she asks but with If it be Your will.
19. And Jo said she will quite sincerely pray for me.
20. And I have added her to my prayer list.
21. Tomorrow, I am supposed to get to go with J to see his mother. And I think by something he said, he finds it easier for me to be there with him. And my dr. comes. And Ma invited me to have her pick me up and we go have tea and then to meeting. I don’t think we can, because might overlap with dr’s visit, but it’s nice to have 3 things.
22. Even ML had said how with 3 days off, she’d feel, “Oh no, what am I gonna do?” And then be so grateful when someone would call with plans. And she’s not unhealthy in the co-dependent way like I am! So that gives me some comfort.
23. That I only have to get up once a night to piddle.
24. I just finally got through the last question of my Step Four inventory. Now I will (starting tomorrow probably), follow the instructions on the last page of the booklet. But I am very grateful and breathing deeply and sort of sigh-out-ing that I have answered every one of the questions. Worked hard. Over many days. And have 75 typewritten pages on it.
25. And have learned about doing a little at a time being the way (in this case it was broken down question by question and I did 20 minutes a day).
That I just saw this quote, “Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.
” ~Brian Tracy
26. That I have my memory
27. That I’m having flower tea
28. That 1 5-mg valium helped me yesterday.
29. That M has decided and told I that she will try for 3 months, and wholeheartedly.
30. And that I can be genuinely happy for her/them
31. And truly wish the best. I am grateful for this.
32. And that it also might give me some pointers/hope for how to see if I can get J to.
I MUST CLEAN UP AROUND HERE – AT LEAST STRAIGHTEN, FIRST!!!???

33. That I have had a 5 mg valium and am not in quite the panic, though not sleepy either.
34. And a pot of the flower tea. The vanilla and flowers one. It’s lovely.
35. That I will straighten some in the afternoon, and go back and read more of my CoDA book now
36. That I have this time with dearest Ph today.
37. That there is now a CoDA meeting in my town!
38. And one tonight I might even be able to get to!
39. That J was just able to share with me that he is hurting about *a lot * of things: like yes, his impatience having to lie to my mother, but also him not feeling well today, and his mother, and the work stuff feeling impossible = stress.
40. I’m glad he shared those things with me. And maybe, just maybe, he’ll start to realize that his misery is not really all about me. I added to it because of my character defects, but I’m identifying those, and facing them, and working on removing them and asking God to remove them.
41. St called me back
42. Okay so by the skin of my teeth almost, but I stayed abstinent today. And had proteins, beans, whole grains, veggies including greens, oil, a fruit, and some calcium and liquids.
43. Jo just e-mailed and is having an ok day. Walked, tutored, will have dinner with hubby and friends. Good. I’m happy for Jo.
44. The guy I e-mailed about the meeting just called. I’m glad.
45. Autumn
46. Spring
47. Summer
48. Winter
49. That each snowflake is unique – that’s a miracke
50. The miracle of the water into wine
51. And the miracle of the loaves and fishes
52. And raising lazarus from the dead
53. And the Resurrection
54. And the blind man who could see
55. And the female who touched the cloak of Jesus
56. And the words, “My child your faith has cured you
57. And Elizabeth having the baby – or was it Ann
58. And Matthew’s gospel aimed at the non-believers
59. And the Bible J bought me
60. And the Corinthians lines about love
61. And the Schubert Ava Maria
62. And my Broadway sheet music book
63. And people who take things in stride
64. The ability to adjust that I *do * have
65. Sara Rue looking so beautiful and apparently feeling so good about herself
66. Maria Osmond and she makes me feel good
67. And that sitcom she used to be in with Betty White
68. That Betty White is still alive, and seems well and happy
69. That I’m cozy here in my jammies and they look kind of cute too
70. That I finally like gray and some silvers
71. And green
72. That for now, I’m enjoying Seinfeld these days
73. That Biggest Loser is on tonight
74. And then I shall sleep early
75. And get up early
76. And clean!
77. That D was coming to see my mother tonight : )
78. That that made her happy.
79. That I’m thinking of what else I can do for her
80. Her friend Mari
81. That nice woman who mailed the letters for her yesterday
82. That I got to take her to the bank yesterday
83. That that may become an available C. meeting for me on Tuesdays now too. And POSSIBLY two to choose from on Thursdays! That a big different from only one at all! : )
84. That I read a good deal of that CoDA book today
85. That someone on sp sp said something compassionate to me this evening
86. That although I’m upset, I’m also kind of mellow, thanks to the valium
87. And that they’ve never been addictive for me.
88. And neither have painkillers. Thank God.
89. That I even lowered my own right away that time.
90. And threw the beta-blockers in the garbage
91. AND NO LONGER FEEL LKE A MEDICAL VICTIM! Yay!
92. That I can either call tomorrow, or get Chines food (and not have to tip)
93. That I will walk Ph someplace nice tomorrow am or pm or middle or more than one…
94. That my hair is thick.
95. Jason Alexander makes me laugh
96. That I now have those money-ready envelopes.
97. And I still have stamps
98. Hope, but I know that’s a repeat so I’ll do extra
99. That K was on vb today, and just regular : )
100. That family on Oprah who donated their baby’s heart and the other now 2 ½ year old who is alive because of it
101. Using non-wrapping paper to wrap presents, more and more often these years