I am grateful:
1. F is doing better
2. I’ve been nice to him
3. Biggest Loser jumping off tower last night was good for me to see, about overcoming fears
4. That those nightmares last night *were * really only nightmares.
5. That Mel pointed out a few years ago, how sometimes my gratitudes had a negative connotation
6. That in an effort to switch initial so Sp for sponsor, I went through my blog last night. Didn’t read e very work but sort of skimmed it all. And saw progress in myself
7. And saw that so far I’ve lived through hard stuff
8. And saw that I used to have to really try for the 10 gratitudes and now I do 100
9. And saw 2 comments!
10. That my stomach is not as bad, already, as when I first woke up an overnight
11. That at 3 something, when I awoke so horribly and frightened and in stomach stuff, I called out to God
12. That I didn’t eat junk again yesterday. Even though lately I’ve been wanting some. It’s been over a month. Maybe more. I used to eat it all the time, and now I just don’t do that.
13. That I’m gearing more and more toward real food and less packaging and even less prepared at places (like Chinese takeout) stuff
14. That I found directions to the courthouse on googlemap this morning
15. That I was so terrified last night when the phone call said I *am * to report to jury duty today. I’m glad to remember that (even wish I’d journaled about it) because maybe I’ll wind up okay and it will show growth?
16. That I am remembering I have to grow. I want to be with J, and I realize I was no longer a person, and I have to be one. For myself and for him. So I’m tring to take the opportunities for growth.
17. That I’m putting positive energies out there regarding our pensions.
18. That I have meditated this morning. That I did it a little earlier. And that I didn’t think to glance at the timer until there were only seconds to go. Good.
19. That I just did some affirmations
20. And made a category for them on my blog
21. And will do them every day now.
22. That I was raised in Catholic church and school so that I can now pray to the Trinity and for Mary to intercede and it comes readily to me.
23. That I pray for other people now, not just me. Daily.
24. That I just called and got directions to where I am to park
25. That G gave me quarters, and one or two other people too (for the dollars)
26. That I believe I *am * going to get through this day
27. “Yes I want more to be reveled to me, so I may uncover the nameless terrors and put them in the healing light of my Higher Power.” In today’s For Today. And I need it so much, as I sit hear struggling for breath in these particular questions toward end of Resentment section of Step 4.
28. And it says, “The fears that clamp my being into compulsion fall by the wayside as I open my heart to God.”
29. And, “I can find instructions for dealing with my fears in the twelve steps.” Thank God.
30. No superiority. No inferiority. No equality. Buddhist. And like today’s Voices of Recovery.
31. Sp said this morning, “And the thing is that God will be with you wherever you are. So that you are truly never alone.”
32. And, “Take it easy. Relax.” That felt good (Sp said it before the other above line.)
33. And now that I’m here, I’m so glad Sp encouraged me and dr encouraged me, and that I’m kind of hoping to get picked for jury duty. But ether way…
34. I’m glad I made it here safely
35. And parking was only 3.75
36. And I found the building
37. With that kind man’s help
38. And that the Emergency must evacuate message was only a test
39. And that I have a receipt for that digital recorder
40. And that the computer can (and did) go through the x-ray machine with no problems
41. That I’m not afraid *about this * sitting her right now
42. That someone was on the med thread so I could go back in from here and say hi: )
43. That I am keeping that a sacred space
44. That we do get bathroom breaks
45. And it does seem very civil to us here
46. And there is a snack shop and a jury lounge
47. That I am sitting here hoping I get selected. For the growth, the interest, and the do-my-duty. Mainly for the lack of fear/growth
48. That Rh still sends me those leader’s talks things in my e-mail
49. Okay, later now. I’m grateful that I didn’t get picked *today. * (Maybe not tomorrow, I hope?)
50. That today was interesting.
51. I can go to a really nearby meeting tonight (if I choose to)
52. I have never been the victim of a violent crime (not really)
53. I started Affirmations on my blog today
54. I just ate broccoli
55. I don’t get gas
56. Or hiccups
57. Or belching (almost never)
58. I have all ten nails (some people don’t)
59. I have feeling in my breasts
60. And fingertips
61. My ear piercings are nice
62. I own diamonds
63. And gold
64. My 18 carat gold is so pretty
65. Hope. There really is still hope. Thank you, God.
66. That I not only *do * all my morning growth-work, but *like * and *look forward * to my morning time
67. Sp sp today
68. I’ve started replacing fear with faith. Started.
69. M offering to help with plans today, for tomorrow (I said no but am grateful that she offered)
70. Our doggie’s name
71. All the times at BGs with J
72. Daffodils
73. Forsythia
74. Tea roses
75. Zippers
76. Buttons
77. Snaps
78. Fuzz sock-slippers
79. Toe socks. Fun.
80. That I’m okay right now. In this moment.
81. That I have that cup from the new movie Jane Eyre, from my mother. (I must tell her that – she’ll get a kick out of it).
82. When J and I took tai chi together. I am so grateful for that time/those times
83. And all the times we were at the sangha
84. The movie Rocky
85. That I am kinder now. Yes. That I am kinder now.
86. My bras
87. S’s, the lingerie shop where I used to shop when I was younger
88. That I had a seamstress too
89. My college prom dress
90. My makeup I got for big birthday
91. And J taking me downtown to get it
92. And we had truffles
93. And he took pictures
94. Being downtown together during the Christmas season and listening to the singers
95. When we saw Phantom of the Opera, and how touched with his love for me he was by that one song.
96. I did get through this day
97. And whatever comes of next week (jury duty or not), I will get through too
98. I am becoming more of a person; an adult; a woman. And I will manage to do chores and keep up with house while working.
99. And I will save money.
100. That I had Indian food twice last weekend.
101. That my mother wants to take us asap
102. That we were able to have her stay here those two times – months – to heal medically
103. That J fed her and everything!
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