I am grateful:
1. Did I skip yesterday’s For Today reading? Uh oh. Oh well, I did find time for a good Ph walk, putting out the paper recycling, and a shower. Anyway, it says: “I do not have to act on every thought; feelings need not paralyze me.”
2. And, “Each time I do what I have to do, I become stronger.”
3. And, “When I face indecision, I ask God for an intuitive thought, a direction.” Good.
4. And, “It is inspiring to realize that, apart from nature, all that is good and beautiful in this world has come from human inventions and discoveries. What solutions are within me?” Okay, that helps.
5. “For Today: To find my own strengths, I put aside the rigid ideas and prejudices that limit my thinking.” I think, no I’m sure, I’ve started to do that.
6. In today’s For Today it says, “Great individuals are in a state of complete freedom from themselves; their character defects do not control them.”
7. “They seem to live entirely in the now, giving full attention and energy to the present moment.”
8. “Humility is trying to do God’s will as I see it,to the best of my ability, at all times, in all places.”
9. Maybe someone reading my blog will be helped by some of these quotes too.
10. I know I have inspired some of the parents with whom I’ve worked, and for that I’m grateful. (Some have even told me so).
11. In today’s Voices of Recovery it says, “True comfort is to be found in the balance and sanity of abstinence. So deep and pure is this comfort that it is well whatever trouble or pain I might have to pass through to attain it.” (from For Today p. 253).
12. And: “Abstinence brings such peace and freedom to my life. It brings the simplicity of being able to wear anything in my closet, of not wanting to lie when I have to list my weight on my driver’s license. The years of insomnia and nightmares are over because abstinence gives me the courage to be a person I respect and like, the integrity to align my actions with my values.”
13. And it goes on to say: “So when the seas of my life get stormy, I remember the phrase, ‘Abstinence is a lifeboat. Stay in the lifeboat.’ My disease used to tempt me into thinking being abstinent ‘made me’ feel the pain. Today, I understand that the more uncomfortable my feelings, the greater the freedom I’ll experience by walking through the situation abstinently. Now the time and energy I spent running is available for experiencing joy. For today, I treasure my abstinence.”
14. Igot to work safely.
15. I was nice to the kids though I felt awful
16. I think in looking at my food I will find out why
17. I was not an nice as *I’d * like to be
18. I got the deadline F. stuff done. (The rest I’ll do by Monday)
19. Though shy, I did tell the parents where I’d be
20. They answered so nicely.
21. I made it on the bus trip without much nausea
22. The trip went fall. All were safe. Learned. Enjoyed.
23. Got to do my sub plans, and well. And thoroughly, I think.
24. I did the elevator.
25. It went fine.
26. I was fine.
27. The buds are further along on the oak tree. In one day!
28. The lilacs are coming out in the back! Yay!
29. The tulips are still there (though the storm yesterday did bend them over).
30. I escaped the pouring rain. Didn’t get drenched at all.
31. Did go back to M in computer room, and say would do whatever it was she needed, and would do the rest of my work at home in evening.
32. And it was to watch J. And she *did * stay.
33. I was able to have her enjoy a puzzle, and I read two books to her..
34. And she read the word Moo by herself.
35. I feel good that I did the little mitzvah.
36. And although I hate to babysit, I loved being with her.
37. And she seems happy.
38. And Ji came and is so adorable and seems to be talking more! Yay.
39. I’ve been up since 4, and will watch the royal wedding,
40. Then o for my appointment (hand)
41. I am off today
42. Afternoon can take mother to bank and shopping.
43. We have an F. pre-meeting scheduled. (May the real meeting go well).
44. I have decided my body wants/needs simpler food.
45. I hae truly asked God for help this morning.
46. I did start this day on my knees.
47. I did say the God our Father prayer.
48. And I did say the prayer to the Blessed Mother.
49. I did read the For Today.
50. And it says: “I captained myself right into an obsession with food that wrecked most of my hopes and plans.”
51. And ,“Having surrendered that obsession to God, I became free to live as I had hoped and dreamed.”
52. And, “God’s will frees me from my self-destructive willfulness; it takes nothing good away from me.
53. And this: “I gladly seek God’s will for me, in place of that blind self-will which can so easily lead me to the brink of disaster.”
54. It says in In This Moment: “Today I view conflict and controversy as opportunity for growth.” That’s something I kind of took care of with D the other day regarding recess. Next time want to feel ess anger though. Or at least breathe it, right awy.
55. In Voices of Recovery: “We will no longer simply do what we feel like doing or what we think we can get away with. Instead, we will earnestly ask to learn God’s will for us, then we will act accordingly.” OA 12 & 12 p. 24
56. And: “Step Three is about commitment.”
57. And, “most compulsive overeaters find it difficult to keep their word. The first three Steps relate to building a foundation with God and to rebuilding our houses.”
58. “Commitment is crucial for the work that lies ahead in putting the house in order with Steps Four through Nine. What I once was able to eat or do before I took Step Three is no longer possible once I sign he contract with my Higher Power.” Yes. But for one slip, true for me so far!
59. “Something happens when I have crossed the threshold and can no longer deny the truth about myself.”
60. “I become real, honest, and true.”
61. “In keeping that commitment, I have left the old self behind and must be willing to heed the voice of the new, recovering me.” Wow to each of these.
62. April 29: “Upset over the quality of my relationships, I was asked to examine defensive thoughts and actions that separated me from others.”
63. “As long as I concentrated on the defects of other people, I was told, I would feel reluctant to ask for –and unworthy to receive – the help I needed.”
64. “Sometime early in life, knowing that I lacked any effective defense against the urge to continually satisfy my selfish desires drove me shamefully inward.”
65. “I fiercely protected that ssecret and learned to recognize that dark side in others like me.. I sensed their awkwardness, and rather than identify myself as a kindred spirit, I exploited that knowledge in an attemp to feel superior.”
66. “By alienating myself from fellow sufferers, my isolation guaranteed that the root causes of my addiction would go undetected, and they eventually overwhelmed me.”
67. “Today I know that I share a common problem. Through listening to others like me and giving of myself, I find my Higher Power and my recovery.”
68. In This Moment April 28: “For one day, I ‘ll ignore my shame, fear, and doubts – and just do it.” I think I know what I have to do. Like that day walking at Tibbetts all those years ago.
69. I will find the courage. I will ask God for help. And listen to follow it. And do it.
70. I did read In This Moment today.
71. I did read Voices of Recovery today.
72. I did pray for the people on my list (as always) today.
73. I did my Affirmations today.
74. I did not put the royal wedding first, but my morning work. Good.
75. Ph, although cried when heard the alarm and I rolled, at 3:50, did get up at like 4:10 to get her treat: )
76. I gave it to her.
77. She liked it.
78. She then went back to bed.
79. And is happy there now, I think.
80. I am smiling right now. Yay.
81. There was enough coffee for this morning.
82. I woke up. Am alive.
83. There is hope.
84. I will get to my 10 minutes of step work.
85. And my meditation.
86. And the things I have to do today.
87. I have been keeping up with the dishes.
88. And the putting stuff away.
89. And except for yesterday, when I wanted the dog to have it, making the bed.
90. And putting gas in my car.
91. I will do laundry today. Enough.
92. And I have been better about showering.
93. And my hair.
94. I did give F a dra yesterday.
95. The news at the BU meeting wasn’t all bad. Good.
96. I didn’t overtalk so much (or at all?)
97. The meditation community online is better than last time. More sharing (on topic).
98. I was okay through this vacation. Some sad times, but made it.
99. And it didn’t fly by.
100. And I did what I had to do, mostly.
101. I have truly asked with open heart for help with abstinence today.
102. And more deeply taken the first 3 steps.
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