I am grateful:
1. I just found that I have 3 comments on my blog site! Between beginning of March, and 7 days ago! Yay!
2. I did get up this morning and kneel at foot of bed and pray
3. Then made coffee, came in here (l.r.) and prayed 1st “3rd step prayer.” Then the “real one.
4. Then finished yesterday’s hundred. And started today’s.
5. Gave doggie treat, and cuddled with her a little
6. Am honoring Good Friday, but trying to do so without getting morose.
7. And planning to do my work, but not overwhelmingly so maybe. Maybe will go to BG with J? Will ask.
8. Should visit my mother today at hospital, where she’s been since last night. Will offer that up too.
9. Feel sacred inside, and am glad for that.
10. I am grateful that I did my 2 3rd step prayers this morning.
11. And that I meditated and in the middle, M. called.
12. And that I spoke with her.
13. And then went back and did 10 more minutes of meditation.
14. And that I did my prayer to God and my prayer to the Blessed Virgin Mary.
15. And that I prayed for the people on my prayer list.
16. And that at 8:24 am I already have 16 gratitudes.
17. I am grateful that I have a voice, a physical voice. Because I remember when I didn’t, for the better part of 8 months, including 2 weeks without making a sound. And for the fear before the ent said it wasn’t cancer or anything. Thank you, God.
18. And I’m grateful that Sp said I *can * work the other program too.
19. And that M wants us to go together to the meeting next week. oa.
20. Today’s For Today is so good, and so important, that I am grateful for it and am going to type the whole thing here:
“Every situation – nay, every moment – is of infinite worth; for it is the representative of a whole eternity.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“NOW never counted for much in my life of compulsive overeating. I rejected the idea that the present moment represented eternity, or that the way I live – anesthetizing myself with food – would never change unless I understood that Now was all I had or ever would have.
The twelve-step program of recovery is the most now-oriented set of ideas I have ever encountered. What I did yesterday – how good or how bad I was, how successful or unsuccessful, how fat o how thin – has no reality today except in my mind. Following the directions of the steps, I clear my mind of the debris of the past, leaving myself free to give all my attention, energy and love to the present moment – which represents eternity.
For Today: The ‘time of my life’ is NOW.”
21. And now I have done my three readings, and everything on my morning list, and especially as I didn’t do all yesterday, I am grateful for that.
22. I got to meet J downstairs at the hospital, and go in together
23. My mother was alive and aware and alert and actually, her face looked good!
24. I spent the day with her.
25. She shared some thoughts with me. (Money, saving…)
26. And she thought it was a “beautiful” sentence that I said about quality of life, not more and more years, but quality of life.
27. I was able to be grown up enough to let J go about his business and I stayed
28. Eventually we (she and I) found out that indeed her heart was involved : ( but it was not a heart *attack * : )
29. I got her to a room
30. I made sure they knew about *all * her meds – because they’d forgotten some –
31. J called me a couple or few times
32. I was very very worried when I couldn’t reach him, but eventually we connected again. Thank God he was all right.
33. So someone needed to get to her apartment (it was a touch after 6pm) and get her pills and bring them back to the hospital. I said I would. I *felt * a bit nervous but I did say it.
34. Then he said, “If I have to come down and bring them there (he was like in Wh Pl or something), I will.” That was nice of him.
35. And I was able to answer, and I quote exactly. “I wouldn’t do that to you. – But thank you.”
36. And I did it.
37. I also used the elevator over and over.
38. At my mother’s apartment, I made sure I had all the necessary pills, and double checked by matching the S. one with the bottle so they looked the same too.
39. Once outside her apartment, with the correct pills, he happened to call and said she had now had them (he’d checked by phone) so I went and returned them to her table.
40. And both times in, I loved being in her apartment.
41. And I loved getting her keys out of her pocket book. So uncomplicated. Neat. Orderly. Organized. Sweet.
42. I love my mommy. And am very grateful for her in my life and as my mommy.
43. And I got home safely.
44. And I’d stopped at drugstore on way to her house to drop off my two prescriptions.
45. And they *were * the right date to be able to be filled today, thank God (by one day! : )
46. And on the way back, I was able to pick them both up, and my eye drops.
47. And not get a ticket.
48. And Ph was fine when I got here. Yay.
49. And I had a healthy dinner of broccoli with garlic sauce and brown rice (about a third of the container of broccoli and about a sixth of the quart of rice), and a vegan burger too. So whole grains, oil, protein, veggies.
50. And I’d had chow mein (3rd) with brown rice (6th) and 2 coffees with chocolate soy milk for breakfast.
51. I had a nice long talk with M this morning.
52. J was able to go back out there after having to lie down for a half hour or an hour.
53. And I don’t think the neck pain is about me!
54. Or the sleep difficulties he’s having again, which he’s had really all his life.
55. I was able to offer up the discomfort, inconvenience, fear, and pain of the day, to God for EJ’s daughter.
56. And partly for my marriage with J to be healed as well.
57. And in the morning, Sp said how calm I sounded even with everything going on. Not hysterical, not crying…He said that is recovery. And I am grateful to hear that.
58. And I’m sitting here safe and sound and J is alive and my mother is alive and I’m in my jammies with tv and little Ph is fine.
59. And I called and spoke with my mother for a minute too. Especially to see if I should go by there tonight or if she was just going to rest. And to tell her I love her. And to relax.
60. I am so grateful that I tell my mother I love her.
61. And I am so grateful that she tells me she loves me.
62. And she said the _____amount CD is in my name and it is up to me to split it. And I’m grateful that although nobody else knows that, of course I will.
63. And I’m grateful that more step 4 kind of things are coming to me.
64. I love my mother very much. And am so grateful for the day we had together, the times we had together, the years we've had together. There were years when I was sure I could never feel that way. And it is such a gift that I've had now for more years. God bless her.
65. I heard from EJ.
66. And from Co.
67. And I wrote back to each.
68. I am so glad that I pray every day. For myself and for others and for the world.
69. Tonight, I felt in the car like I’m really not alone. Like God is really with me.
70. And standing in the kitchen, I felt okay for a minute.
71. I am grateful that I’ve never had a stroke.
72. Or diabetes.
73. Or chrohn’s
74. Or lupus
75. Or aids
76. Or herpes
77. Or dvt
78. Or broken arms or legs
79. Or lung cancer
80. Or enlarged heart
81. And that the nurses and doctors were nice to me today.
82. And I got some questions answered about my mother.
83. And she finally got her meds.
84. And soon I can go to sleep and maybe have okay dreams again.
85. And I’m about to enjoy a cup of decaf coffee, I think.
86. Maybe my e-mail to Jo was able to support and help her a bit, I hope.
87. I have all the medication I need (that I can take).
88. Tomorrow I can shop and cook for Sunday, make sure I have something to wear, and straighten a bit here too.
89. Sunday I will get to go with J. Maybe my mother will be able to come?.
90. I will probably find the Rosary I am missing from my pocket book right now.
91. I am becoming neater.
92. I have had all my *real needs * met today.
93. I am on a program on recovery.
94. My Sp said it is ok to work the other (CoDA) program too. That it won’t hurt. And that maybe she (one who offered to sponsor me there) had a reason for saying to start with step 4.
95. I know I am still working on step 1, and that’s ok too. I’m grateful for it all.
96. There is still hope for me and J. There is and I am so so so so grateful for that.
97. I have put Ma’s phone number into my phone.
98. I’m grateful that Mau showed me how last summer, and now I know.
99. And that I kissed my mother.
100. And rubbed her arm.
101. And she is still here with us.
102. And for all those amazing things J has done for her.
103. And that I’ve begun to really see the error of my ways, my character defects, my faults… and to work on changing them and growing.
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