My Hundred Gratitudes Today

I am grateful:

1. That I did get to talk to Sp this morning, even though I woke up late.
2. And had the full 15 minutes.
3. And it was much more positive than yesterday (when I felt so bad)
4. And that I do not have to agree with everything he believes, or fight him on all of it. Like about how we’re hurting the planet *for ourselves. *
5. That so many people *are * doing so much to take care of our planet, even as I “speak.”
6. That I have done today’s meditation.
7. And step work.
8. And got out to a meeting.
9. And let dog out twice.
10. And enjoyed the smelling of the petunias.
11. And remembered to pray to God when I was – nervous? Starting to panic?
12. And that I took my mother to the bank.
13. And shopping.
14. And I shopped.
15. And maybe I won’t need anything (or almost nothing) or two weeks. Maybe just soy or almond milk, fruit, veggies? If that.
16. And that I have plenty of food.
17. And that M. called. I was meditated, and asked to call back and did but she didn’t answer, but she called. I felt less alone.
18. And that I’ve decided to finish that note (letter) and give it to J. I tried to ask God, and to sleep on it a lot, and to ask dr and M, and to find and use my intuition.
19. In today’s For Today: “Either the human begin must suffer and struggle as the price of a more searching vision, or his gaze must be shallow and without intellectual revelation.” Thomas de Quincey
20. And: “From the pain of compulsive overeating came abstinence; from turmoil, serenity.”
21. And: “As Bill W. writes, ‘Our better understanding I often rooted in the pains of our former follies…In God’s economy, nothing is wasted.”
22. And this: “Pain persists until I give up trying to do things my way. I am grateful for the suffering and struggling that brought me to this understanding. ‘Let go and let God’ is an idea I could never have accepted had I not paid the price exacted by my illness.” I still need some help really understanding the “Let go and let God,” but I’m happy for this whole sentiment.
23. And this beautiful thing: “For today: I am thankful that the pain of compulsive overeating gave me the vision not to try to change the world or other people or situations or even myself, but to do the footwork and leave change up to my Higher Power.”
24. Today’s In This Moment: “In this moment, I am lovable, loving and loved.”
25. “Sometimes my heart feels closed. I can’t feel the love that others, including my Higher Power, have for me.”
26. “In recovery, I learn to trust.”
27. “When I open myself up in safety, my heart opens as well. I realize I am lovable.”
28. “This love expands over time, and through my Higher Power, I feel a passion for my friends and family that I never felt before.”
29. “I am loving. When I feel the love others have for me, I realize I am loved.”
30. In today’s Voices of Recovery: “The amazing thing is that as I grow in this program, I find less and less to e angry about.” For Today p. 90
31. “Before OA I was angry all the time. Everything, including traffic, job challenges, fussy kids, or my uncooperative spouse would fill me with rage.”
32. “My family never knew when I would explode I consciously knew that the only way I thought I could calm down was to eat something…”’
33. “Then I found OA. Through my years of recovery I have learned to acknowledge and accept my anger, to work to figure out what caused it (either by talking or writing aobut it), and to get on with my life.”
34. “Now this process often only takes seconds.”
35. “I no longer even need to know why I am angry. I just am and I accept it. I don’t want my body to be in that state, so I change my thoughts.”
36. “The most marvelous thing is that I find I am angry less and less. I accept that everything in my life is exactly as it is supposed to be. My Higher Power knows what is right. So what is there to get angry about.” Wow.
37. I made my bed
38. I did a nice load of laundry
39. I made a huge tray of that veggie casserole
40. And posted the recipe on my blog
41. I made it through the day, even though J didn’t call
42. I learned about traditions, and especially 4, at the meeting
43. I took a valium when I needed to tonight
44. I haven’t really panicked all day
45. I did a load of dishes
46. I did speak to M for a few minutes
47. I can call other friends if I want to. Or just go to sleep
48. J’s phone seems to be off, and I didn’t go crazy.
49. I did leave a message, but whatever.
50. Tomorrow morning I will call again.
51. I loved loved loved the trees in early leaf on the parkway this morning.
52. I’m watching 2 ½ men and enjoying it
53. And will go to bed early
54. And get up early
55. Will put gas in my car tomorrow
56. Was able to ask about using debit cared at supermarket and getting back cash
57. Am exciting about the colorforms that are coming
58. Feel a little bad about down to 2 followers from 3 on my blog, but it’s okay
59. Tomorrow will take walk and post it on the Fitness thread.
60. Will do something every day in April. Yay.
61. I feel that I’m cute.
62. I’m glad I was able to share at the meeting the other night
63. And at today’s too.
64. Maybe will go to craft fair tomorrow?
65. Or park with Ph?
66. Or meeting and lunch with Ma?
67. Or meeting and lunch with others?
68. I am so very grateful that I have a sponsor who has a happy life!
69. Who doesn’t obsess about food, and has lost and kept off weight, but also has a happy life!
70. Who has had some horrible things in upbringing, and tragedy(s) in adulthood, but has found happiness.
71. And really lives the program every day.
72. And is generous enough to share it with me.
73. In a way, I feel like *I’m * the one who’s been going through a “Razor’s Edge” sort of thing these 3 months.
74. Kate Middleton said she wasn’t happy about it when William broke up with her for months, but that she grew, and you learn things about yourself.
75. That can happen for me too.
76. And now they are so happy together.
77. And we can be too.
78. Who knows what good is in store for me?
79. God is with me.
80. I am not alone.
81. I am contented sitting here in the neat surrounding, in the den looking at the l.r., and seeing the amazing oak tree and the leaves outside.
82. The birds were *so active * in song today! It was beautiful to hear
83. I saw more progress on the lilac bush.
84. Next will check side ones too : )
85. I like *some * of the same shows and movies that J. does
86. I am glad to be treasurer of a group. And I do see how service can be slimming.
87. I am about to eat my greens right now.
88. I am not hungry at all. But will eat them anyway.
89. And then go to bed.
90. And expect good dreams.
91. Might read a little in bed first.
92. Glad with be able to sleep with Ph tonight.
93. I am enjoying word mine
94. I was fine in the recycling place elevator, even coming back down without the guy
95. It was nice to see B Hat there. And to hug him.
96. I am happy that I like to dance.
97. And that I have rhthym.
98. And that these floors do look nice after all.
99. And I love to see people asleep, and waking up on tv.
100. And cute little dogs. Too. I enjoy it.
101. Hope.
102. Hope hope hope.
103. God and Mary back into my life.
104. My become more open-hearted.