I am grateful:
1. That Sp was available this morning.
2. And available for me to call back 15 minutes later
3. That was better for Sp as well as for me
4. That I slept
5. That I pooped
6. That I made the coffee
7. That I am not dizzy like when I woke up
8. That I made it all around yesterday
9. That even though gas prices are so high, and they do have an impact (!), I am still able to put gas in my car and get to work, meetings, shopping, doctors, friends, etc. like the health fair yesterday
10. Sp telling me when panic like did yesterday in the car after like one sentence from J that scared me, say the Third Step Prayer, the Serenity Prayer, the Seventh Step Prayer, the Eleventh Step Prayer. Over and over. And talk to God. Like Sp would do, “Oh God don’t let me shoot this person. I’m so angry. Take away my anger,” or something like that. Told me how to find 7th and 11th step prayers in book (said 11th is long. But I know I will do it: )
11. Wow! That I am feeling kind of happy right now! Skim/reading through big book looking for 7th Step Prayer, and getting much hope about me and J and the kind of life we could/might/will have someday! And how much this work is making everything feel *bright * right now! And so looking forward to the time with my friends this afternoon. And thinking about who to ask today if I may call tomorrow. Will e-mail Jo right now! Wow. Thank you God! It’s like something’s been lifted. My breathing just got clean. My insides – lungs(?) feel good! I think I may to read some big book every day now too! Even 2 pages or something. One paragraph. One sentence. …Wow! It’s like an epiphany! I feel like calling Sp right now! (But won’t because getting ready to go somewhere and I won’t disturb, which is nice too).
12. Oh thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you, God! I am so grateful for this lightness! This hope. This okayness feeling! Oh thank you that I have had/am having this right now! Thank you!
13. That Sp said that I did a mitzvah for MA last night : )
14. I have found the 7th Step Prayer. It is on p.76: “My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.”
15. Also, another good one I’m reminded of in my searching is, “Thy will be done.”
16. Wooooow. Having looked carefully in the big book, and researching on line, I’m finding that the 11th Step Prayer is simply: Thy will be done. Wow.
17. But – Sp said it si long ad hard to remember – so I’ll keep looking for a form…
18. Ok. I think this is the one. Have found it in two place, and in both it is directly followed by the St. Francis of Assissi prayer: Lord, make me a channel of they peace –that where there is hatred, I may bring love – that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness—that where there is discord, I may bring harmony—tat where there is error, I may bring truth—that where there is doubt, I may bring faith—that where there is despair, I may bring hope—that where there are shadows, I may bring light—that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comort than to be comforted—to understand, than to be understood—to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.” Okay.
19. And I also found this: “Eleventh Step Prayer:
Higher Power, As I understand You, I pray to keep my connection with You open and clear from the confusion of daily life. Through my prayers and meditation I ask especially for freedom from self-will, rationalization, and wishful thinking. I pray for the guidance of correct hought and positive action. Your will Higher Power, not mine, be done.”
20. From today’s For Today: “…It is easy to say the words - but words are not enough. Love is shown in action: by caring, doing, remembering.” I am grateful for this lesson and reminder (may I get to use it with J).
21. “Love is strong enough to put one’s own problems aside to be of use to another.” Same as above.
22. And, “Love cannot flourish in the presence of obsession; there is no room. Romantic songs notwithstanding, it take emotional maturity to be capable of showing consistent, enduring love.” As above plus: I am sorry I did not mature “properly; fully; at the right time…” But J and I can both be doing it now. I am grateful that I am doing it now. And *am * progressing.
23. While I am very disappointed that MA just cancelled because S is sick, and MA has so much to do, that does mean that I can go to the meeting. And either go out with someone later, or do some cleaning, or hopefully both. Amen.
24. That I am going to stand up right now and put on clothes and go outside to car and go to meeting. I can do this. I can continue to heal and grow.
25. That I decided to get to the meeting this morning.
26. That I made it there safely.
27. And it was beautiful out.
28. And Jo was there.
29. And it was a very good meeting.
30. And I made the announcement about the Newcomer Packets, and the money, and put the packets in the cabinet.
31. And people said thank you.
32. And I went to lunch with R
33. And Sh joined us after a bit.
34. And I ate veggies and brown rice and tofu.
35. And it wasn’t too expensive.
36. And we had a nice time. It was a nice way to pass the time.
37. And I’ve started to realize that within the norm, the majority of people, there is stuff. Who overeats, who hoards, who is messy, who is angry in feelings and behaviours,…
38. I’m okay inside right now.
39. I shared again about the 100 gratitudes a day, and someone referred to it and that they definitely want to start doing gratitudes now.
40. That I’m going to contact O.
41. And maybe see her tonight?.
42. And start practicing, I think.
43. And I think I’ll clean the kitchen today. Or at least declutter it as much as possible.
44. And maybe go to BG next Sat with J? I’ll ask him.
45. Or maybe Wed with R?...
46. And dr comes Wed.
47. And I drank a whole can of seltzer
48. And a little green tea.
49. And green tea at MA’s last night
50. And two cups tea at diner yesterday. Plus more than one glass of water.
51. And I’m wearing red and white today, which I like.
52. And bright pink socks.
53. That my sore throat is not getting worse
54. That I didn’t hurt or kill myself today
55. That M called as I was suffering
56. That maybe my going through this will enable me to be of service to her
57. That MA had a break today
58. That I have such a great sponsor
59. Poetry
60. Mysteries
61. Fantasy
62. Memoirs
63. Biographies
64. Auto-biographies
65. State park week this coming week
66. DVDs
67. TV
68. Mirrors
69. Cameras
70. That I can go to bed soon
71. Rock music
72. Country music
73. That I saw Judy Garland
74. And Andy Williams
75. And Michael LeGrande
76. And Judy Collins
77. And Nana Mouskouri
78. And Peter, Paul and Mary
79. And Johnny Cash
80. And Steve Martin
81. And Teresa Brewer
82. And David Brenner
83. And the Judds
84. And Randy Travis
85. And George Strait
86. And Alabama
87. That I bought those binoculars for J
88. Optimum
89. Verizon
90. Microsoft Word
91. Ask.com
92. Google
93. Visionaries
94. Diplomats. Real ones.
95. Yellow and blue together
96. That I have clean clothes for one more day tomorrow
97. Dishwashing powder
98. Flashlight
99. Batteries
100. Japanese art
101. The new ginormous dinosaur skeletons at the Museum of Natural History in New York
102. School orchestras
103. School choruses
104. School choirs
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