I am grateful:
1. That I woke up and able enough, after a paxil and 2 valiums last night, to make coffee.
2. In today’s Voices of Recovery, it says, “I have come to realize over years in program that if I don’t do these activities that support and maintain my abstinence, I may lose my abstinence.” I need this reminder of how important my abstinence is.
3. And, “If that happens, I will become the pitiful, unattractive, unhappy person I was before coming to OA.” And I am grateful to be reminded that this is why.
4. I did my meditation. And I wasn’t as resistant as usual, yay. And it was nice.
5. That I just did my 20 minutes step four work (putting in things I needed to add), even though it’s *so * hard.
6. And that I felt relief after doing.
7. I have made the times with Sp to do the fifth step. And Sp says it will take as many sessions as it takes. I ‘ve done the work, and now we have to get rid of it. That’s good.
8. And said, “I hope your mama gets really well.”
9. And now I’ll get dressed and get on the road to work and that’s good.
10. Sp also said about regrets and that we can’t live in them because, “Hold on. You’re talking to me about yesterday…” Must live in today. Cannot undo. There is no yesterday (or tomorrow, except for planning)
11. That when I walked into the classroom just now, it had that nice smell, I don’t know that elementary classroom smell. Almost crayons…
12. That walking to and from the car/DD on the way here, and into school too, I walking like a person, an adult, a woman. Mindfully, like I am where I am *in that moment. * This is good.
13. That m did call back this morning, and can do the meeting later.
14. Now I just have to figure out the whens and how, regarding little Ph, *which I *can * do *
15. That I bought a cup of tea, and am enjoying it right now. Nice warm tea. Plain. Umm.
16. I meant to bring the pasta fagioli to work for lunch, but went to heat it and it was the “that soup.” Good : )
17. It was good to be ere so far today.
18. M and I will go tonight.
19. “Just do the next right thing.” That’s all I have to do, is just do the next right thing.
20. I have been abstinent so far today.
21. And I did get to do all my morning spiritual/growth stuff this morning.
22. And I made the bed and took care of this morning’s dishes and left everything neat.
23. I have been hugged and hand-held by innocent kids : )
24. I am sitting here with a soft breeze
25. And lovely greenery outside the windows and trees,
26. And a bright cheerful rugh that I picked out myself
27. And a new enough globe
28. And great maps
29. And a SmartBoard
30. And 3 desktops
31. And 1 laptop
32. All here right where I work
33. And my lunch meeting was very quick
34. And then I got to go to the faculty room for lunch
35. And we laughed
36. My after-school meeting should be quick
37. It should be reasy to get to where I need to meet M later
38. And then to get to oa with M later
39. And when I get home, Ph will be there
40. Yay for M’s and my idea for really useful Prof. Dev. day(s) this summer
41. And for me just calling my mother to tell her I’ll be bringing her a piece of spanikopita, which she called “that pie”
42. And she was so happy about it
43. And I just spoke with J
44. And I was able to full-heartedly wish him a wonderful, happy, free, enjoyable, fun time.
45. And he did give me his info that he knew, hotel and flight stuff, which I now have in my purse
46. I will eat a little something extra green and a piece of spanikopita tonight
47. And if I “need” something when get back from meeting, I can have 2 – 4 pieces of the little who wh bread with pb and/or garlic hummus and/or Smart Balance
48. I feel almost a little excited right now. Don’t know why. Not sure if it’s a little empathing of J, or a cover-up for my sadness, or something else unhealthy. Or real because I’m picturing us working it out and going away and having fun ourselves someday (pretty soon?) and
49. I’m not so scared of the travel and flights and stuff like that anymore.
50. P. will be saying today that she is the one who made the mistake
51. I am grateful for my health.
52. And my sanity.
53. And that I am not in a psych ward, never have been, and probably never will be
54. And that Jo said (as J suspected) that I will not lose info form the digital recorder by changing the batteries.
55. IF I am terribly lonely and feel like I don’t know what to do with myself, I can read the book for the book course, and/or start my paper OR
56. More Importantly: I can start those notes for J.
57. And can show them to dr on Wed.
58. I am grateful for fresh water and that I don’t have to worry about whether/how will have sustenance this day.
59. I am grateful that I brought my mother the spinach pie and she was so happy.
60. And that I had some too and it was a good dinner.
61. And that I’ve put the broccoli casserole into the oven, and will turn off the oven just before I leave.
62. And that there is still some hope, thank God.
63. That, I expect, Sp will be there for me tomorrow morning.
64. And this week will pass.
65. And I said some good things into the digital recorder (today) (and before?.)
66. And P did say she’d made the mistake, and the meeting went fine.
67. That I was able to thank her, and even say, “God bless you.”
68. That she appreciated my thanks so much. She felt good.
69. That You must have helped her do the right thing.
70. That I did get to the library to meet M, just fine, even with the near-mishap on the highway on the way.
71. That she was on time
72. She drove fine.
73. Had a route she could take (she can’t do highways).
74. We got there safely.
75. And on time.
76. And on the way to the library, I (noticed * the beautiful greenery along the sides.
77. That the meeting was fabulous.
78. And she loved it too.
79. And the person I was hoping she might like, not that it should be any of my business, she did, and that person approached her and offered to sponsor, and they talked…
80. That both shares helped me.
81. And I got to see Sh.
82. And to but “Just for Today” little card for myself.
83. And for her.
84. And
Think First card for myself.
85. And for her.
86. And to make sure she got a Newcomer Packet.
87. And although a bit lost, we did make it back to the library fine.
88. And I made it home well.
89. And when I got here, Ph was here.
90. And so so happy to see me!
91. And we both slept last night.
92. And I didn’t overeat.
93. And the pit in my stomach wasn’t as bad this morning, though it was there.
94. But then (sitting on the toilet of all things!) I had a moment’s relief from it, and I thank God for that.
95. I can come straight home today and just chill with the pup.
96. I think F’s mom trusts me more again. This is good for my reputation, and good for F getting whatever help/services he needs.
97. That my time in the room when principal came in went well.
98. And I managed to do what I needed to do for them in terms of math, writing, etc.
99. That I notice more things to be grateful for throughout the day.
100. That my gratitudes are more other-oriented at times than they used to be.
101. That I did start my day on my knees.
102. That maybe J is just going through a mid-life crisis
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