My 100 Gratitudes Today

I am grateful:

1. The third day of promising I am going to get a load of dishes in, I have finally got it in. I have gotten a load of dishes in. I’m grateful.
2. I awoke with that awful pit-stomach feeling. Lay there and asked God to heal my marriage. Got up and went to bathroom it was lifted. It was a miracle. Something was lifted.
3. Then I got on my knees for my every-morning-on-my-knees prayer, and gave glory to God and thanked Him also. And right now, maybe 15 minutes later, although I am nervous, I do not have the hole in my stomach. And it started right after that prayer. I asked God to be with me and here He is. Helping me.
4. I also asked on my knees for help with getting this work done today. “Cleaning up my act.” And He helped. Before a sip of coffee I had started the dishes, with no trouble. And after about one or two sips, I went in and finished that load and some of the garbage. I am so grateful to you, Dear God My Creator. Thank you.
5. I just breathed out a sigh of relief. I do have hope in this week after all. Thank you, God.
6. And Ph comes today! I want to take her to the park. After my work.
7. Some of the things R says, while I don’t want to hear them at the time, are actually very useful to me. Like that putting “any” In the contact book means someone can call at 4 am. And you might be their lifeline not to pick up. I’m still willing to do it. But she had to say something like it on two different occasions for me to be able to accept it.
8. And that you have to work on one program at a time, and you should start with the one that is apt to kill you.
9. And her sharing what someone else had said to her: Trust in God but buy broccoli.
10. And her talking about that “any” and middle-of-the-night phone calls, and saying someone *should * call “if you’re about to pick up!” Reminds me of the importance of abstinence.
11. And the evils of sugar.
12. Today’s For Today. Wow, years ago I didn’t see the big deal about this book. But look at how many days I’m mentioning it here. Today’s says, “Is it an unrealistic expectation to try to square things with my conscience? No. The twelve-step program promises to heal those who are ailing spiritually. Because I want that healing, I follow he simple instructions and work as diligently as I can at practicing ‘these principles in all my affairs.’ “ This gives me yet more hope in working Step Four.
13. There is something about this reading also, which makes me so grateful that it is a 12-step program. 12 steps. If someone said to you, will you willing to take 12 steps toward a future of happiness, jo, and freedom, would I say yes or no? Yes, of course. That’s all this is. 12 little steps and a changed life. I am willing.
14. Also, it says, “For today: I choose to speak and act in accordance with the twelve-step program to the best of my ability.” I do not have to wait until I’ve “finished” all 12 steps. I have already been meditating, for example, and made one little amends/apology the day after the thing…I can start to practice all these principles in all my affairs as much as I can right now (and already have) and for this I am grateful.
15. “My Higher Power has given me a place in this wondrous universe.” Today’s In This Moment. Nice thought. I’m grateful for it. And for hearing it and feeling it. And for being *able * to feel it.
16. Today’s Voices of Recovery talks about when we share how we’ve found the solution to our eating problems through practicing these principles, we discover that we carry the message to those who still suffer and to ourselves as well. That’s important and good for me to hear. I will be carrying the message to myself as well.
17. It goes on to say, “I often find that what I share in a meeting is just what I need to hear.” This also helps me to further understand the reason for/importance of meetings.
18. And, “Yes I do indeed carry the message to myself. As I do, I remind myself of the hope found in our common solution.” It talks about when I first came in, not having hope but others carried it to me. Well for me, they still do. And I can carry it to myself as well, with God’s help.
19. I am grateful that I now do affirmations every day.
20. And that it is 5:54 am and I’ve already done the breathless-making 20 minutes of step four work for today.
21. And that I *followed * it with the affirmations.
22. That the region6 site has downloads to listen to on the computer
23. And I just listened to one
24. And it was hopeful. It talked about inner peace. And weight loss.
25. And the list of things on the newcomers page is all me.
26. I’m grateful that A talked about going onto these sites (oaregion7.org and oahelps.org) to ramp up your program, yesterday
27. And that I did go on last night and this morning now
28. That someone on there said I’m a different person. I don’t have the baggage that I used to carry around with me (and the weight)
29. And someone else said I have a great big life instead of a great big body. It’s because I can focus on my life now instead of focus on food.
30. I am grateful that I emptied that load of dishes and put them away
31. And that I rinsed and dried the ones that needed it
32. And that I did the second load, which is in now
33. And it is much less than I’d expected
34. And that I did by hand the gone-bad potato soup pot etc.
35. And that I straightened the bathroom. Whew.
36. Now I will lightly do by the front door, take a shower, and take mother to bank
37. And I’m grateful that I practiced some Mozart for a little bit this morning (got tired easily but will build stamina)
38. And that I got up and awake as early as I did today. Obviously had enough sleep.
39. That I did the right thing in terms of abstinence so far today (it is now 8:45 am). I had one piece of Ezekial bread with some Greek olive hummus on it, a little more than a half (small) glass of orange juice, a claritan, multi, lutein, and 2 Cs.
40. That I’m really learning that no one wants to be with someone who is a nobody – a nothing – who only comes alive when they are around! People want to be with someone who is okay inside. Who can do the things that need to be done for their own life. Who can entertain themselves. Who have confidence! Really. Whose home feels real, not contrived but also not like a shell.
41. That I’m learning that I’ve needed to keep the place out of order because to get it in order would mean to have nothing hanging over my head, and to be left to face the emptiness
42. That I finished making the pasta fagioli
43. That I ate two cups of it and it was good for me and good
44. That I am about to finish my flower tea (some of which I shared with J)
45. That I wrote my foods so far for the day, trying to count them, and labeled it Abstinence and put it in the section called “Journal.”
46. I read from my coda book a little
47. I am now about to watch Dr. Phil, which is about advice to people in violent marriages.
48. Br called and the papers are there and the contributions should show up in my next paycheck
49. I also, when telling that to J on phone just now, asked if he was happy about Easter, or dreading it. He said something vague. So I said, I mean do you want to do it, or did you feel obligated to ask. And he said, “I’m happy to be invited. I don’t know how it will go.” So it seems the telling me about me and mother coming was *not * a negative issue for him, thank God. Thank God. Thank God.
50. I heard back from O and she said she will pray for my marriage with J to heal
51. I heard back from Ma and she said she will pray for my marriage with J to heal
52. After what Sp said yesterday, I prayed and prayed out loud in the car today while nervous and driving around the block while my mother in bank: the “God here I am, and here are all my troubles. I’ve made a mess of things and can’t do anything about it. You take me, and all my troubles, and do anything you want with me” prayers. And, “God, I offer myself to Thee. To build with me and to do with me as thous wilt. Relieve me of the burden of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I might help of They power, Thy love, and Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always. Amen.” And, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I an, and wisdom to know the difference. Amen.” Over and over again.
53. Phone meeting marathon today OA and I’m in one that started at 5pm right now AND got some contact information even. Freedom from Bondage is the topic. I am grateful for this
54. And for the moderator.
55. That I shared about my 3rd step prayer but also praying for our marriage
56. And listening to other people share
57. I did a nice load of laundry. Good.
58. And because timer rang during phone meeting, I put it to speaker to use both hands and laundry take-out
59. Can choose to stay home or to go to either of two meetings tonight
60. Petting and cooing at Ph today and her tail wagging and licking
61. Giving her a tr
62. And her squeaky toy
63. And time in yard
64. Will get to sleep with her tonight
65. And will get to finish straightening d.r., l.r., den tomorrow
66. And do one load laundry (and maybe cook something/buy something to cook like with one jar of salsa, I have everything else to make chili)
67. And bedroom and closet Wednesday
68. Plus one load laundry
69. Plus dr comes
70. Plus great meeting opportunity tomorrow night
71. And Wednesday night
72. And shop or laundry or whatever for clothes for Easter on Thurs
73. And Thursday I can shop for food for Easter cooking – or Friday
74. And Saturday can make sure it’s all ready to go
75. And I can honor Good Friday on Friday – maybe even J will do a little with me
76. And Sat am is that 3 hour Imprinting meditation thing
77. And pm I can go to BG – or Fri for Good Fri!
78. I stayed full from the 2 cups of homemade pasta fagioli until dinner (and wasn’t that hungry by then)
79. And ate kale salad and then 2 vegan burgers and 1 Ezekial with ketchup and some water – stayed abstinent so far today (abstinent, meaning, according to oa, absense from compulsive overeating and compulsive eating behaviors)
80. That some things are coming to me about what to possibly say to J
81. That my dr. did call me back today
82. And so did M.
83. The lessons I’ve been learning during this time.
84. One ex. is about not controlling or trying to control another
85. Another is about really listening
86. Another is about supporting the other person’s independence.
87. Another is that I cannot get my sense of self from someone else or based on someone else. No one can.
88. Another is that I can do a lot more things than I thought I could. Even in terms of little by little.
89. Or energy with work.
90. And not being a rageaholic.
91. And doing program work every single day.
92. And keeping my promises to God
93. All my pills and drops (1 pill, two drops) are done for the night
94. Clean jammies and jammy top
95. Will lie down and watch tv for ½ hours then sleep
96. Will wake up and get started with my God-promises and then house stuff
97. God will get me through the night.
98. God will get me through tomorrow
99. I prayed 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th step prayers tonight
100. Coda has helped me re-appreciate affirmations