Journal. Loneliness.

I am so lonely.
I'm home for the weekend.
And I miss J.
And even doggie isn't here.
And I feel like I have nothing to live for. ***That does NOT mean I would hurt myself.

I want to be with my beloved on this beautiful Friday night.
I want to have something to look forward to for the weekend.
I want my marriage.

I have been feeling like shit since Tuesday night. Worse Wednesday night and since.

I'm just scared and lonely and complaining.

I have things to do:
take mother shopping and to bank
do my own (lonely 'cause I eat alone) shopping
some laundry
possible piano lesson
possible oa meeting or 2 - one followed by lunch out with a couple of them
possible time with my CoDA sponsor
I can do some cooking for the week, like I did last week, and that was good for me
I also have a hobby cabinet full of arts stuff.
It's not that I have nothing to do.

It's that it's all empty to me.

I am depressed and dejected and miserable.
All of that just feels like filling, even killing, time.

:(