I am grateful (started the night before, because feeling grateful):
1. That Ph and I did take a nice little walk: )
2. It was little – 12 minutes – because she kept pulling back home. She likes to *lay * in the sun and heat, but she does not like to *walk * in the sun and heat: ) But next time I will let her off and go back and do 8 more, or do it when it’s cooler, or drive to the park (well as soon as I get the pass for parking) and walk *in there * with the trees and streams for her : )
3. And I got a great idea for summer, about it being like a really healing summer. I will post about it on my summer page (on blog or just Microsoft Word, haven’t decided yet).
4. And I showered and washed my hair.
5. And made the bed all fresh with the clean linens.
6. And I am sitting here with a nice Serious Skin Care mask on my face, while relaxing with tv (2 and ½ Men) and Ph in the dip in the bed with the a/c on, happily – both.
7. And I did *not * get hairs in the sink. If I *do * continue to brush, comb, dry my hair by sink, I will close the drain first!
8. And from now on, I think I shall buy Scott bathroom tissue. It is cheaper and thinner and not “luxurious.” Yet I get *more * days out of it!
9. And I will try to have my car at ½ tank next Sun. am so I can fill it at the $4.05 place.
10. And I’m drinking cool water today: )
11. And I might just start showering *every * night, which I’ve always preferred anyway, so as to go to bed clean and sleep well plus not get so many allergens in the bed.
12. And *if * I want, I can always bathe in the mornings, like I used to (after I scrub the tub!). But I don’t have to.
13. Now, morning. In today’s In This Moment, it says: “With my Higher Power’s guidance, unmanageability is something I can change.”
14. I love the concept of Higher Power.
15. So many birds singing out there right now!
16. It also says: “….and realize that I am a human being – perfectly human, not a perfect human.”
17. I am grateful that the toilet is flushing, and seems to be flushing even better.
18. And for these “jammies” and shell top and feeling cute in them and sexy. Despite my weight.
19. And that I didn’t make and eat the brownies last night! (In fact, I was in bed virtually asleep by the time they would have been coming out of the oven, and I felt bad enough this morning!) Thank you God, for me not making and eating brownies last night.
20. This realization: I think too much tv puts me in a sort of altered place – that’s why with a lot of it and/or falling asleep in front of it, I could even get such an idea as to think of making a whole thing of brownies and eating as many as I wished!
21. That I did get up with alarm, and not with the original hour later reset I’d done when it first rang.
22. That I am doing what K. said, this being day 3.
23. That I just don’t need the amount of coffee I used to need or thought I needed.
24. In today’s For Today: “God grants me the blessings I ask for according to my willingness to be completely honest with myself.” And I think I am willing to be completely honest with myself.
25. And then it says: “For today: What are the defects and burdens I want God to relieve me of? Digging them out is not nearly as painful as letting them fester.” I am working on Step Seven, and so first of all it’s nice to read that because it goes with it. And secondly I’m glad to hear it’s not nearly as painful as letting them fester, which I believe.
26. Today’s Voices of Recovery is pretty awesome. It starts with “Those who have studied them carefully have found that these Traditions can be applied effectively to all human relationships, both inside and outside OA.” Which I felt “eh” about. (OA 12 & 12 p. 108) But – it does go on to explain, and I’m glad I kept reading (as I always do)!
27. It says: “I am also grateful [beside what they do to keep OA as a whole functioning in a healthy way] that I can apply these principles to all my relationships, whether anone else knows about he Traditions or not. It’s amazing how these simple ideas can improve my interactions with others. For example, what relationship can’t be made better if I consider our common welfare and strive for unity?” Wow. (I wish I had known of that sooner in this way, but am glad to know it now rather than not know it).
28. And “I can place God as the ultimate authority over all my relationships and pray to be a trusted servant, instead of a controller.” Hard. But safer I think.
29. And even, “Remembering to place principles before personalities helps me in all my relationships and dealings with other people.”
30. And in today’s The Language of Letting Go is says: “’What if’s’ can make us crazy. They put control over our life in someone else’s hands. “ Like “’What if he doesn’t handle it very well?’ ‘Then, you’re going to have to handle it well.’” Discussion they mention.
31. “’What if’s ‘ are also a clue that we may be wondering whether we can trust ourselves and our Higher Power to do what’s best for us. These are shreds of codependent ways of thiking, eeeling, and behaving, and they signal fear.”
32. And “The reacions, feelings, likes or dislikes of others don’t have to control our behaviors, feelings, and direction. “
33. And “We don’t need to control how others react to our choice. We can trust ourselves, with help from a Higher Power, to handle any outcome – even the most uncomfortable. And, my friend, we can trust ourselves to handle it well.
34. And this: “Today, I will not worry about other people’s reactions, or events outside of my control. Instead, I will focus on my reactions. I will handle my life well today and trust that, tomorrow, I can do the same.” Okay. I was hoping it would say and hope that tomorrow will be better. But okay.
35. I am grateful that at the end of my 10 minutes of mediation this morning, after giving lotus bow to the flowers/bell, the cushion (sofa) and the rest of the world (through window), these words came out of my mouth: “That’s great.”
36. And I’m grateful for that cat or whomever came by so that Ph barked. Because that caused me to go look and I found that the table was down! She could have gotten out of the yard! Must get gate because apparently the rain/wind collected in the underside and pushed it over. I am soo sooo sooo grateful that she didn’t get out of the yard, and is safe!
37. And that I saw it as the emergency it was and fixed it right away (rather than relying on “remembering” later!!!) Thank you, God!
38. Today I get to go to a CoDA meeting! A new one to me! That means the potential for two a week in my life! And Sp is driving me! Yay.
39. Tomorrow my doctor comes. I will talk to him about DBT.
40. My flowers are still beautiful, and are bringing me pleasure.
41. Ph is staying til Thurs. morning : )
42. I will skip book course (not taking credit) and come straight home and go for a nice walk with her. Then eat an abstinent dinner and relax and then K gets here.
43. That I treated myself to that Serious Skin Care (no animal products/no testing on animals) face mask last night.
44. And my skin felt and still feels so smooth.
45. And looked and still looks sort of glowy: )
46. That pretty drindle sort of cat Ph and I just saw (and she stalked).
47. That my compassion for her caused *me * to take a walk this morning! : )
48. The smell of the petunias as I come up my walk to the door.
49. Some gorgeous deep pink roses that are littler but look almost like peonies have come up!
50. That I did have time to stop and get breakfast.
51. And that my multi-grain bagel, which I scoop out anyway, is crisp today!
52. I was just walking about watering the plants while the kids do their spelling and actually felt peaceful. I actually felt peaceful. For a few minutes maybe even. Not now, but am so grateful that I felt it for a bit. Peace. Inner. Serenity?
53. Sp said today that was lying there thinking about me and my talents and all that I can do/do. And proud of me sort of stuff. It feels good.
54. AND I’m registering it. Ex. not everyone in the world with the resources, plays piano, does 100 gratitudes a day, is a great teacher, is a loyal friend, works program(s) seriously, is funny, is loyal, is self-aware and self-honest…
55. That I’m THINKING ABOUT getting my hair changed – shorter – maybe even slightly different in color
56. That I am looking up and finding some hairstyles too.
57. That I made my second call to Ch. I hope he *does * call back. But *if * he doesn’t, I will get someone else, that’s all. I want a great price though!
58. That my Complete Meal Veggie Bake came out SO delicious! (the next day, cold – oh yum!)
59. And M. wanted recipe!
60. And I already sent it to her.
61. And posted it on my blog : )
62. That I came home early.
63. And didn’t even have to miss the book course to do it!
64. And saw Ph and we were happy to see each other.
65. And took her to the park. I’m glad we walked there.
66. And that while there, I walked and she ran, through the field.
67. And she was happy.
68. And so was I.
69. And I even quite naturally smiled.
70. I loved being behind the evergreens on the way down to the field. The scent. The feel underneath my feet. The shade.
71. And I felt so good walking in the deep grass stuff (need bug spray and sunscreen though!).
72. And she came when I called her (well, when I said Treat! Lol)
73. And she was happy to meet the nice lady. (And I was, to meet the nice couple).
74. And I’m glad I knew to let her sniff all around.
75. And we walked for 35 minutes. Good. (And before the way back, I gave her another half treat – 1st had been half too – and about half a bottle of water she drank!). I’m SO glad we did this!
76. Plus, I won’t feel guilty going to the meeting now: )
77. That that walk I took for Ph wound up so good for me AND I wound up not eating – walking instead of eating (I mean eating extra – I did have dinner: )
78. That right now I’m chillin’ with cool water and she’s chillin’ by the sunroom. Nice.
79. That from what M. said, the conversation with principal will probably go very well.
80. Oprah’s saying, which I just told M. : When you care what other people think of you, they own you.
81. That after I e-mailed J. about the library and Ch, he called and it was a pleasant few minutes the call.
82. And now, just as I was typing that, Ch called! And he’s coming Thursday at about 5!:)
83. This is a good day.
84. I even had more peace, on the way home. (And of course in the park.)
85. And I did reach my mother, which at first I couldn’t, but she was only in the laundry room, so no problem.
86. That I’m getting more hits on my blog! There are people reading my blog! I am really not alone out there in cyber-space.
87. Next morning from book:” In This Moment my life is manageable. When I’m in the past, it’s depression. When I’m in the future, it’s anxiety. When I’m in the moment, it’s MANAGEABLE!
88. I’m glad I went to the CoDA meeting last night.
89. And I’m glad K drove
90. And I’m glad so many people were there (but I didn’t like the meeting).
91. I’m glad I woke up today.
92. And had some cuddle time in bed with Ph
93. But didn’t take the whole extra hour.
94. And that while I wish I ate a little less yesterday, I ate so many *nutrients *.
95. I am glad we got those caterpillars transferred.
96. And that the kids are excited about that.
97. And that my dr. comes today
98. And Ch comes tomorrow.
99. I am grateful that the first thing I heard this morning was the birds, and I’m still hearing them so strongly.
100. And that I *have * this morning program.
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