I am grateful:
1. I am so grateful that J. brought Ph here last night. And she is groomed and looks and feels good and was so happy to see me and still is.
2. And we slept together happily.
3. And she woke up happy.
4. And I rubbed her belly and massaged her
5. And she loved that.
6. And that in my morning feelings work, I had more positives than negatives today. Using the little magnet things K. leant me, I had: misunderstood, ignored, wounded, left out, resentful, vulnerable, uncomfortable, uneasy, and regretful. But I also had: seen, open, whole, willing, grateful, supported, fulfilled, gifted, sacred, recharged, calm, trusting, loved, full, joyous, blessed, lucky, worthy, ready, excited, better, alive, and bright. I am so grateful for this.
7. I am grateful that I found the other St. Jude prayer and used it 9x yesterday as the Novena procedure says to.
8. And that I will take my mother to the bank and shopping early today.
9. And to the jewelry store to buy S’s present.
10. And drop her off and go to lunch with MA, ML, and S!
11. And give presents to S and MA!
12. And practice piano happily today.
13. That I feel kind of happy today. I’m so happy about that! I don’t know how much of it has to do with J. last night, but I’m working on myself, so…
14. I feel like God is really here for me. And when I do the legwork and turn it over, things happen.
15. J. kissed me on the lips 3 x last night.
16. And I did *nothing * to try to get him to stay even a minute longer.
17. And he had a slightly perplexed look like why was I ok.
18. And I’m so glad I haven’t called, because as HARD as it’s been, maybe the dr. is right
19. Since I’ve had my dates wrong for 2 days, this is actually from June 9 For Today but is the one I’m reading today, as I’ve gone ahead by accident: “We never do anything well till we cease to think about the manner of doing it.” William Hazlitt
20. And it says, “Whether I want to improve my skill at tennis or jogging or the art of living, the experts all tell me the same thing: I must get out of my own way, stop thinking about how I’m doing.”
21. And “The allegory of the centipede makes the point nicely: asked how it knew which of its hundred feet to use when, the creature found itself unable to move.”
22. And it reminds me that I made 2 sweaters (one for me and one for a guy so totally different sizes) with no trouble at all. And then someone at work said how hard it is to make sweaters because the sizing never works out. And I had a LOT of trouble after that. It took YEARS for me to make ONE successfully after that. More evidence of the truth of what this For Today is saying.
23. And it goes on to say, “To perform any action self-consciously is to function under a handicap.”
24. And “Being natural, throwing myself into an activity without worrying about the outcome relieves me of distracting and counterproductive pressures. And isn’t that letting go and letting God?”
25. And this, which is very important: “For today: I free myself to fulfill my potential by having my higher Power take me off my hands.”
26. Maybe it was even meant to be that I mixed up the dates, because I am *ready * to hear this one *today. * : )
27. That my blog is a place I like to be.
28. Wow. Interesting. June 9 (‘cause of the dates mix-up) In This Moment: “In This Moment, I follow the rules. … Golden Rule,…’Do unto others as you would have them do unto you;’ the Silver Rule…’Do unto yourself what you would do for others,’ and the Iron Rule, which is ‘Don’t do for others what they can do for themselves.’”
29. And I should add the diamond rule: Don’t let others do for me what I can do for myself.
30. It goes on to say, “As a codependent, I tend to either attempt to dominate others or find myself overly dependent on them. I need to make a conscious effort to follow these rules in my recovery, until they become second nature.”
31. Thank you, Lord, for the power of the Seventh Step prayer.
32. And that I am now saying it, with full heart, daily.
33. June 11 Voices of Recovery: “When the anger or the fear is gone, what’s left? At one time I speculated that nothing would be left of me once I shouted or cried it all out and released it. Now I realize that what happened was a massive blackboard erasure with a whole new background – life – to fill as I want.”
34. I just listen my friends, and not counting all OA people etc., I have 11. That’s wealth and I am grateful.
35. I am glad to have a day off today.
36. And glad that I’m glad. Because last weekend I dreaded it!
37. Again, due to the dates mix-up, here is today’s something from Language of Letting Go, and it actually caused me to chuckle and I’m grateful even for that.
38. “Panic Few situations – no matter how greatly they appear to demand it – can be bettered by us going beserk.” Codependent No More
39. And it goes on to say (was should be were but grammar aside…) “If a swimmer was crossing a great lake, then suddenly focused too heavily on the distance remaining, he might start to flounder and go under – not because he couldn’t seim, but because he became overwhelmed by panic.”
40. “Panic, not the task, is the enemy.”
41. I just realized!!!!!! I’m starting to have the “problem” I USED TO HAVE! Yay! That I have many things I want to do and there are not enough hours in the day. That is SO MUCH BETTER than depression and dreading time!!!!!!!
42. “Feel the fear then let it go.”
43. “Take our eyes off the future and the enormity of the task. If we have envisioned the goal, it will be ours.” (All that highlighting is mine).
44. “If we have envisioned the goal, it will be ours. We do not have to do everything today, or at once.”
45. Caps here mine: “FOCUS ON TODAY. FOCUS ON THE BELIEF THAT ALL IS WELL.”
46. “All we need to do to reach our goal is to focus on what presents itself naturally, and in an orderly way, to us today.”
47. And that’s like what happens when I practice piano.
48. And that means I know it’s true anyway.
49. “We shall be empowered to accomplish, peacefully, what we need to get where we want to be tomorrow.”
50. “Panic will stop this process.”
51. “Trust and guided action will further it.”
52. “Breathe deeply.”
53. And there goes my decision to “not meditate until later today.” I shall do in momentarily: )
54. “Breathe deeply. Get peaceful. Trust. Act as guided, today.”
55. “We can get back on track by treading water [which is a lot of what I’ve been doing lately] until we regain our composure.”
56. “Once we feel peaceful, we can begin swimming again, with confidence.”
57. “Kep the focus simple, on one stroke, one movement at a time.”
58. “If we can make one movement, we have progressed.”
59. “If we get tired, we can float – but only if we are relaxed.” (And that’s why I can’t float, for real in the water. Hmm.)
60. “Before we know it, we shall reach the shore.”
61. And this: “Today, I will believe that all is well. I am being led, but I shall only be led one day at a time. I will focus my energy on living this day to the best of my ability. If panic arises, I will stop all activity and deal with panic as a separate issue.”
62. I am grateful that I have 62 gratitudes and I haven’t even stepped outside yet and it is only 7:45 am.
63. And I’m grateful that I didn’t fill them up with repeats the last two days, when I felt like I couldn’t possibly get to a hundred. Because I did get there. I am very fortunate and grateful to be seeing that.
64. That M called me back
65. That Mar called me back
66. That I did meet the 3 friends for lunch
67. That we laughed.
68. That we all exchanged nice gifts.
69. That I got myself those earrings, to kind of replace the ones M had gotten me.
70. That I *am * going to the Catholic thing tomorrow.
71. That they have a translator who is apparently perfect at both Spanish and English.
72. That Mar will come and pick me up.
73. And walk the dog.
74. And they’ll have salad and fruit and I can bring a sandwich.
75. That it is *for * the newcomers mostly, and I will be a newcomer.
76. That I haven’t seen these Hot in Cleveland episodes (or most) so I can chill out during them.
77. That S’s gift to me was *so * thoughtful. I don’t even know if I’ll like it, but I love the consideration of where I am and what I need, that went into it.
78. And I think she does like her earrings.
79. The happiness(!) it is bringing me having Ph here!
80. That I heard from someone from ea online in an e-mail.
81. Betty White. Even at her old age she makes me laugh.
82. That my mother likes her too (and has seen her on a talk show).
83. That my mother and I shared a good joke today.
84. That ML was very glad I’m taking piano lessons again.
85. That I will get to sleep with Ph tonight again : )
86. Maybe I can keep her ‘til next Sun. night. I can go to some meetings but be home a lot too. That might work out just fine for her: )
87. That I read some of The Spiritual Path while waiting for the friends at the restaurant.
88. And liked it.
89. And I now do something fun like practice piano.
90. That having Ph. Here is a real happiness and joy for me.
91. And that I can have her a lot for the summer.
92. That I’m making progress with the report cards.
93. People who have good attitudes about life.
94. That I just did my CoDA evening work.
95. And wrote another happiness on my blog.
96. And am invited to something Mon. night, although I most likely won’t even go.
97. That I am practicing music from 3 different periods. Bach = 1685 – 1750. Scarlatti = 1685 – 1757. Mozart 1756 – 1791. And Chopin = 1810 – 1849.
98. That I looked those up.
99. Bach = Baroque and high baroque time too, but really known as classical. (Scarlatti – baroque but did influence classical) Mozart = classical. Chopin = romantic (but influenced by classical) Beethoven = transition between classical and romantic.
100. Susan Lucci.
101. Exercise equipment.
102. That my nephew’s doing well, I think.
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