My Today's One Hundred Gratitudes

I am grateful:

1. For every good feeling I ever have.
2. That doing my morning-work relieves me a bit.
3. That it is Saturday.
4. That that dream – which I can’t even remember now but it was so awful – was just a dream.
5. That I woke up today and God has given me a day.
6. That I really don’t have to act like an old person.
7. That I have the money to (frugally) buy groceries and napkins and gas for the car this weekend.
8. In today’ For Today: “…do I have higher standards for myself and berate myself because I cannot live up to them?”
9. “I believe in treating people well, but do I give myself the same consideration or are my self-judgments harsh and deprecating?”
10. “I believe in being fair to others, but am I fair to myself or do I give myself little credit in the relentless need to be perfect?”
11. “What I believe must be for all people, including myself.” Wow.
12. “For today: I am not basically different from most people so, just as I would not demand perfection of others, I do not demand it of myself. I am as loving, tolerant and understanding of myself as I am of other compulsive overeaters.”
13. Today’s In This Moment is really good (finally) and may even add to my prayers in the morning.
14. It says: In This Moment, I’m starting a new day.”
15. “Over the years, I’ve developed a morning ritual. First ask god for a grateful heart. “[and I keep a gratitude list: )
16. “Then I ask that I be able to choose love over fear and anger.” [which I need very much]
17. “Since at times I am confused about what I am feeling, I ask for clarity.” [ which I’m also doing something about with my new CoDA feelings morning work]
18. “Next I call for help in recognizing God’s plan for my life. [ very hard one but will try to do!] “It’s easy for me to confuse my plan with my Higher Power’s plan. Experience has taught me that God’s plan is better.”
19. “Finally I ask my Higher Power to make me useful, that I do something for somebody other than myself.”
20. “Amazingly, since I’ve practiced this ritual, there is much less chaos in my life.”
21. “Serenity is mine when I turn my life, and my will, over to my Higher Power.”
22. Today’s Voices of Recovery goes with Step Seven, which I am on: “We are powerless over each of our defects of character, just as we are powerless over the food. It will be up to a power greater than ourselves to remove them from us; we can’t do it alone.” OA 12 &12 p.55
23. And this, which describes me: “For the longest time, I thought it was up to me to make my character defects go away, to try hard to be a better person, to battle knee-jerk reactions and force a new personality to emerge.”
24. “I came to see that the process was much more gentle. I’d already seen the benefits of letting my Higher Power work on my food problem The awkwardness I felt about my imperfections became a catalyst to move ever closer to my Higher Power.”
25. “By acknowledging my powerlessness and asking for help in my prayers, I received new insights, much needed self-restraint and the ability to negotiate stormy waters without leaving a wake of disturbance in my path. “
26. “My program became a living mechanism to guide me toward becoming a kinder, more approachable human being and allowed me to prepare for reckoning with the wreckage of my past.”
27. And in today’s Language of Letting Go it tells about the couple and the lake home, and then it says: “Sometimes, we experience times of frustration in our life. We believe we’re on track, trusting God and ourselves, yet things don’t work out. We have false starts and stops. The door refuses to swing wide open.”
28. “We may wonder if God has abandoned us, or doesn’t care. We may not understand where we’re going, or what our direction is. [***] Then one day we see: the reason we didn’t get what we wanted was because God had something much better planned for us.”
29. “Today, I will practice patience. I will ask, and trust, my Higher Power to send me His best.” Okay.
30. I know it’s a repeat but oh the sound of those birds as I was getting up. I love that!
31. That the meeting wound up fine yesterday, even after all the tension.
32. That I wrote to K to see about possibly getting together today.
33. That they *did * take my garbage yesterday. Yay. I wasn’t sure, since they hadn’t been here when I left, and most neighbors didn’t have theirs out, and there’d been a holiday Monday…I felt good when I drove up later and saw it gone.
34. That I have a sense of humor. And have always had it.
35. And that my father did too.
36. And that my mother does.
37. And that J and I did/do together.
38. Sp: “If He didn’t hit me on the head a couple of times, I wouldn’t make progress. I get like lazy. But every time I get a bolt in the tush, then I move forward a little bit more. I get a little bit better. …But I know that I only grow through pain. This is what is.”
39. OA 12 & 12 p. 62, I saw, as I’m working my 7th Step: “…and we are honestly grateful. Instead of approaching those who still suffer a similar problem with an attitude of superiority, we offer them hope. They may well say to themselves, ‘If she (or he) can change, surely I can too!’” [And I want to be able to be that for someone someday.]
40. The Seventh Step prayer, which I am up to saying for the first time: “My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of my, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.”
41. In an eaonline program e-mail today: "You can't count on a bad past to give you a good future."
42. And in another one it talks about the analogy of what do you do when you see a small child run into traffic? You grab them and guide them to safety. And how we teach ourselves how to think. It is a repeated behavior that can only be fixed if we allow it. Our thoughts are ours and come from within US. So we can keep our thoughts from running into traffic.
And this in another one: I am powerless over my emotions so I need to rely on my Higher Power for serenity, courage and wisdom.
43. And in a Daily Recovery thing that compares to the Titanic – realizing on Titanic and doomed = Step One
Finding lifeboat = Step Two
Getting into the lifeboat = Step Three
It says
“I have been blessed with so
much recovery. This ride I am on in this
lifeboat isn't a free ride; it requires
that I work this program on a daily
basis. But when I consider the
alternative, I love the ride I am on,
and I truly cherish the other passengers
I am sharing this boat with!”
44. Daily Work
45. “One Day at a Time: ‘I will cherish the lifeboat that this program has given me.’”
46. Daily OM: “We all have a genius within us and when one of us doesn’t develop or use our special gift, a cosmic void takes place.”
47. And: “All of us have a role that we’re uniquely suited for. Imagine our planet without trees, oceans, or clouds. In this same way, when one of us doesn’t develop or use our special gift, a cosmic void takes place.”
48. "Experience is not what happens to you.
It is what you do with what happens to you." Aldous Huxley
49. "Well begun is half done." Aristotle
50. Recovery e-mail thing: One Day at a Time
I will admit my powerlessness and my
inability to manage, then I will turn to
God Who will take me through my program
and my life - with His power and His
ability to manage.
51. I’m grateful that I did go to the meeting this morning.
52. And that when I was crying in the car, I called MA
53. And M though didn’t reach
54. And St thought didn’t reach
55. And that I took my mother to the bank and it took longer and we straightened some stuff out for her (mail mix-up)
56. And that before that I went to hfs
57. And that I bought nice sweet potato soup for her
58. And we then had a nice long shopping trip
59. ***And we both said we’d rather go with each other than not: )
60. And we both got everything we needed
61. And that after that I went to MA’s
62. And we sat on her beautiful stone terrace under the gorgeous trees with a breeze and landscaping and her flowers in the flowerboxes and had lunch together.
63. And then we went into town together
64. And she found her book
65. And it turned out she and the woman who owns (?) the store know each other and have at least 2 friends in common.
66. And I liked the store, for future reference.
67. And that we went back to her house and talked a few minutes in the kitchen.
68. And that then while she gardened, I sat nearby and read about 25 pages of the ACoA book.
69. And that when I got home there was a message for me! K wanted to have dinner with me! (but it was too late) Yay though
70. And that I remembered to call my mother back before she went to sleep.
71. And we both said we love each other. As always.
72. And that I was kind of happy to get home. Despite the *very * hard days and nights I’ve been having since Tuesday
73. And that I ate the veggie bake dish instead of pasta tonight.
74. And froze some of the lentil soup because there is too much!
75. And that after that meeting this morning, I felt almost the exact same as if I’d taken 5 mg of valium.
76. And tomorrow I might get to go to an ACoA meeting!
77. And I have choice of one or two or no OA meetings.
78. And O called! And I have a catch-up visit with her tomorrow
79. And a piano lesson! Yay: )
80. And by next weekend my yard will be cleaned up, front, side and back!
81. And although with all my heart I wish J were here, it does feel good to be living in a place I support by myself for myself.
82. Just read this on a thread: “Know why angels can fly? They take themselves lightly.”
83. 2 great threads on 12 step programs today: )
84. Watching 2 and a half men, which relaxes me lately: )
85. The synchronisity of different sources mentioning bodlerline personality disorder
86. And mindfulness meditation
87. And the connection
88. That I don’t feel as alone right now as I did this morning.
89. That that might mean also that there is hope for future days when the mornings are so desperately bad.
90. That M reminded me that I am to eat dinner there Mon.
91. And we’ll have Chinese food.
92. That both Sp and MA talked highly of the series The Dragons of Perm – Mary McCuchen
93. I believe I will sleep tonight.
94. That tomorrow I have so much. What I mentioned above plus laundry and I’ll make vegan pesto and/or a veggie bake and all my am work and reading my ACoA book and practicing.
95. That I do not need a breathing tube
96. Or a thing like Mattie Stepenak’s mother has
97. Or dialysis
98. Or any kind of surgery right now
99. That my house is *surrounded * by trees ! : ) !
100. And I just did my CoDA PM work.