I am grateful:
1. Getting through the very hot day.
2. An encouraging meeting today at lunch, particularly in light of all the state and national garbage and so many people believing it. The meeting helped a bit and I’m grateful.
3. That my kids still seem happy, despite the ridiculous heat.
4. That I can assume that tomorrow the outdoors will be done (?)
5. That we’ll see buddies tomorrow.
6. That tonight I have a CoDA meeting.
7. And I will go home and do my CoDA work (in the a/c!) right now.
8. That I stopped at hfs and got dinner for today and leftovers = lunch for tomorrow.
9. That my braised cabbage dish, in which I substituted barley for the Arborio rice, tastes so much better cold that it’s good (cause I didn’t like it hot).
10. That I don’t feel like total shit right now. I’m not sure why. But I don’t.
11. Dr. Oz show
12. And his books.
13. That I have a/c AND heat AND dishwasher AND washer AND dryer. That’s a lot. Maybe repeat so will add extras.
14. That I did go in today. I really thought about not.
15. That I did manage to practice piano a little bit.
16. And my aide didn’t run screaming from the room: )
17. That I did meditate this morning. Didn’t want to.
18. That I did speak with Sp for the full 15 minutes. Didn’t want to. (Hmmm. A pattern here lol)
19. My second cousin St graduating in 3 ½ years
20. And cum laude
21. And landing a job
22. In her field
23. In this economy
24. Especially after her beloved dad, my cousin’s darling husband, was killed in the 9/11 attacks. Yes 2nd cous!
25. People who have made big mistakes, even publically or somewhat publically, and hold their heads up high. They’rea good example for me.
26. That I think I’m in the habit now and will complete the St. Jude Novena.
27. That practicing the piano is feeling so good to me now.
28. That there are “hits” on my blog every day. Thank you, God.
29. That I’m relaxing right now.
30. And will go to my meeting tonight.
31. And may get doggie tomorrow night.
32. I’m grateful that this morning, when I saw that dog running down the sidewalk on the road near my house, I stopped. Even though I’d be late for work. But I would have called. I did not want that dog hit by a car! Or lost!
33. Although he turned and went the other way when I tried to make nice to him, I’m glad I pulled way ahead and stopped again.
34. And gently started getting out of the car, down low.
35. And that I heard a guy call him!
36. And the dog went to him!
37. And I said, “Oh – is he yours? I was going to take him so he didn’t get hit by a car, and find out who he belonged to.” And he said, “Thank you. I saw you stop. God bless you.”
38. And I said, “God bless you too.”
39. So my frightening the dog by accident, actually got him to turn and head back toward home, and he is safe and sound. Yay.
40. I did sleep (next day now)
41. I did wake up
42. Toe is killing but should heal I think
43. I have no more boxes of bad carbs in the house
44. I am doing more or my feelings work
45. K is a new friend
46. I am up so early (3:20 ish) that I guess I will sleep tonight
47. I did do the dishes this morning
48. And make the new fresh coffee
49. I’m looking for joys in my life
50. Maybe Ph will come
51. And/or K
52. And/or Mar
53. Today’s For Today: “Trust the instinct to the end, though you can render no reason.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
54. And “For today: I pray to recognize the limitations of logic and reason; to entrust to God the problems for which I cannot figure out solutions.” I really need that now.
55. Today’s Language of Letting Go:”It doesn’t help for us to stay stuck just because someone we love is stuck. The potential for helping others is far greater when we detach, work on ourselves, and stop trying to force others to change with us.”
56. And “Changing ourselves, allowing ourselves to grow while others seek their own path, is how we have the most beneficial impact on people we love. We’re accountable for ourselves. They’re accountable for themselves. We let them go, and let ourselves grow.” I guess this goes with what the dr. is saying now too.
57. In As Bill Sees It: “…we find that bit by bit we can discard the old life – the one that did not work – for a new life that can and does work under any conditions whatever.”
58. And “Regardless of worldly success or failure, regardless of pain or joy, regardless of sickness or health or even of death itself, a new life of endless possibilities can be lived if we are willing to continue our awakening, through the practice of A.A.’s Twelve Steps.”
59. And this: “Meditation is our step out into the sun.”
60. And: “Above all, take it one day at a time.”
61. And this: “I may attain ‘humility for today’ only to the extent that I am able to avoid the bog of guit and rebellion on one hand and, on the other hand, that fair but deceiving land which is strewn with the fool’s-gold coins of pride. This is how I can find and stay on the highroad to humility , which lies between these extremes. Therefore, a constant inventory which can reveal when I am off the road is always in order.”
62. And I’m not sure how to share it with others, because I certainly don’t feel ready to sponsor, but it says this: “A.A. is more than a set of principles; it is a society of alcoholics in action. WE must carry the message, else we ourselves can wither and those who haven’t been given the truth may die.”
63. And then it does talk about (pages later) practicing these principals in all our affairs. Not *just * helping keep someone else sober. Using conscience – life etc. p. 21
64. And “The chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear – primarily fear that we would lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded. Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, we were in a state of continual disturbance and frustration. Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find a means of reducing these demands.”
65. And that “…the lessons of its [fear’s] consequences can lead us to positive values.”
66. I admit that the chips are finally down. And I am grateful that I admit that the chips are finally down.
67. On p. 25 it says, “How many of us would presume to declare, ‘Well, I’m sober and I’m happy. What more can I want, or do? I’m fine the way I am.’ We know that the price of such self-satisfaction is an inevitable backslide, punctuated at some point by a very rude awakening. We have to grow or else deteriorate. For us, the status quo can only be for today., never for tomorrow. Change we must; we cannot stand still.”
68. 4:56 am. And I am now hearing the birds. And I am so glad to. Bless them.
69. I’m excited that I’ll be caring for M’s dog for four days in July.
70. And I’ll arrange to take Ph tonight : ) Yes. If I can’t wear shoes because of broken toe, then I shall walk her as much as I can in my thongs.
71. This is a biggy: P. 26: Talks about electricity etc. “Though we readily accept this principle of healthy dependence in many of our temporal affairs, we often fiercely resist the identical principle when asked to apply it as a means of growth in the life of the spirit. Clearly, we shall never know freedom under God until we try to seek His will for us. The choice is ours.”
72. Remembering that these are true of compulsive overeating too, as I am not an alcoholic but a compulsive overeater: p. 27: We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.”
73. And “We of A.A. obey spiritual principles, at first because we must, then because we ought to, and ultimately because we love the kind of life such obedience brings. Great suffering and great love are A.A.’s disciplinarians; we need no others.”
74. I am so glad my Sp gave me this book. And that it has Sp’s highlights and notes dating so far (p. 27) back to 1987! This means so much to me.
75. It says “We have begun to regard the troublesome ones not as menaces, but rather as our teachers. They oblige us to cultivae patience, tolerance, and humility.”
76. P. 30: About trigger-events but the underlying causes of the depressions going much deeper. “To these problems, there are certainly o pat answers. But part of the answer surely lies in the constant effort to practice all fo A.A.’s Twelve Steps.”
77. And my Sp wrote: “If I do not go within, I go without.” And I think wrote under it Unknown.
78. Talking about the alcoholic, and I think it’s the same for me as a compulsive overeater: p. 32: “In the early days of his drinking, the alcoholic is often uilty of irresponsibility. But once the time of compulsive drinking has arrived, he can’t very well be held fully accountable for his conduct. He then has an obsession that condemns him to drink, and a bodily sensitivity to alcohol that guarantees his final madness and death.” Yup.
79. And “But when he is made aware of this condition, he is under pressure to accept A.A.’s program of moral regeneration.”
80. Uh oh. “Foundation for Life We discover that we receive guidance for our lives to just about the extent that we stop making demands upon God to give it to us on order and on our terms.”
81. So “In praying, we ask simply that throughout the day God place in us the best understanding of His will that we can have for that day, and that we be given the grace by which we may carry it out.”
82. Okay. And I’m glad to read this one and may it be true: “There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit. But when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life.”
83. P,. 35: “A.A. is no success story in the ordinary sense of the word. It is a story of suffering transmuted, under grace, into spiritual progress.”
84. And this one gives me hope to someday get over over the compulsive overeating one day at a time: “Suffering Transmuted For Dr. Bob, the insatiable craving for alcohol was evidently a physical phenomenon which bedeviled several of his first years in A.A., a time when only days and nights of carrying the message to other alcoholics could cause him to forget about drinking. Although his craving was hard to withstand, it doubtless did account for some part of the intense incentive that went into forming Akron’s Group Number One. Bob’s spiritual release did not come easily; it was to be painfully slow. It always entailed the hardest kind of work and the sharpest vigilance.” Okay then.
85. “Humility First We found many in A.A. who once thought, as we did, that humility was another name for weakness,. They helped us to get down to our right size. By their example they showed us that humility and intellect could be compatible, provided we placed humility first. When we began to do that, we received the gift of faith, a faith which works. This faith is for you, too. Where humility formerly stood for a forced feeding on humble pie, it now begins to mean the nourishing ingredient that can give us serenity.”
86. “When brimming with gratitude, one’s heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know.”
87. “Pipeline to God I am a firm believer in both guidance and prayer. But I am fully aware, and humble enough, I hope, to see there may be nothing infallible about my guidance. The minute I figure I have got a perfectly clear pipeline to God, I have become egotistical enough o get into real trouble. Nobody can cause more needless grief than a power-driver who thinks he has got it straight from God.” I’m a bit confused by this one. But I’m grateful to have read it. Might ask Sp.
88. P. 39 “The most heated bit of letter-writing can be a wonderful safety valve – providing the wastebasket is somewhere nearby.” And my Sp wrote” I am never blameless MY actions always.”
89. Big one: P. 42: “It is when we try to make our will conform with God’s that we begin to use it rightly. To all of us, this was a most wonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the misuse of will power. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God’s intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of A.A.’s Twelve Steps.”
90. P. 46: “True ambition is not what we thought it was. True ambition is the profound desire to live usefully and wal humbly under the grace of God.”
91. I’m glad that in order to get to a hundred gratitudes on some very sad days, I go to the literature. Because the literature helps me.
92. “Such is the paradox of A.A. regeneration: strength arising out of complete defeat and weakness, the loss of one’s old life as a condition for finding a new one.”
93. P. 51 “The Coming of Faith In my own case, the foundation stone of freedom from fear is that of faith: a faith that, despite all worldly appearances to the contrary, causes me to believe that I lie in a universe that makes sense.”
94. And this one, which is a bit hard for me right now: “To me, this means a belief in a Creator who is all power, justice, and love; a God who intends for e a purpose, a meaning, and a destiny to grow, however little and haltingly, toward His own likeness and image. Before the coming of faith I had lived as an alien in a cosmos that too often seemed both hostile and cruel. In it there could be no inner security for me.” Oh. Okay.
95. “When I was driven to my knees by alcohol, I was made ready to ask for the gift of faith. And all was changed. Never again, my pains and problems notwithstanding, would I experience my former desolation. I saw the universe to be lighted by God’s love; I was alone no more.” Good. And may this happen and remain for me.
96. I need this. P. 55: “Seeking Guidance Man is supposed to think, and act. He wasn’t made in God’s image to be an automaton. My own formula long this line runs as follows: First, think through every situation pro and con, praying meanwhile that I be not influenced by ego considerations. Affirm that I would like to do God’s will. Then, having turned the problem over in this fashion and getting no conclusive or compelling answer, I wait for further guidance, which may come into the mind direct or through other people or through circumstances. If I feel I can’t wait, and still get no definite indication, I repeat the first measure several times, try to pick out the bet course, and then proceed to act. I know if I am wrong, the heavens won’t fall. A lesson will be learned, in any case.”
97. P. 56: “...the grace to exert restraint.”
98. “Better than Gold …he has barely scratched a limitless lode which will pay dividends only if he mines it for the rest of his life and insists on giving away the entire product.”
99. P. 58: “When we harbored grudges and planned revenge for defeats, we were really beating ourselves with the club of anger we had intended to use on others. We learned that if we were seriously disturbed, our very first nee was to quiet that disturbance, regardless of who or what we thought caused it.”
100. P. 60 “Brain Power Alone? …we were far too smart for our own good…We used our education to blow ourselves up into prideful balloons, …But John Barleycorn had other ideas. We who had won so handsomely in a walk turned into all-time losers. We saw that we had to reconsider or die.”
101. Okay. Huge. P. 61: “Resolving Fear Fear somehow touched about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread: the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn’t deserve. But did not we often set the ball rolling ourselves? The problem of resolving fear has two aspects. We shall have to try for all the freedom from fear that is possible for us to attain. Then we shall need to find both the courage and the grace to deal constructively with whatever fears remain.”
102. Hope.
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