I am grateful:
1. That I was with the 3 good friends yesterday for lunch. That most of it was nice.
2. In today’s For Today: “Today I have no answers.
3. “I know that solutions come as I need them from my Higher Power
4. “and that my life is possible only with the true miracle of abstinence and sobriety, a gift from God.”
5. “For today: What I know for sure is that I am a compulsive overeater, that I am powerless over food and that survival depends on turning my life and my will over to a Power greater than myself.”
6. In today’s In This Moment: “Before CoDA, I could not make myself heard. Nobody listened to me. Since I joined CoDA, that has changed. My family and friends listen.
7. “Before CoDA, I resented my parents. I wanted to replace my childhood with a happier one. In recovery, I discovered my powerlessness over others and my past.”
8. “Before CoDA it was hard to leave my house. Learning about and attending CoDA meetings expanded my world.”
9. “Before CoDA, I felt ‘less than’ just about everybody. Now my relationships are with equals.”
10. In today’s Language of Letting Go: “Many of us have gotten in to a rut with rigidity, martyrdom, and deprivation.” That was me.
11. “One of the ‘normal’ experiences many of us have been deprived of is having fun.” I’ve just begun to realize that.
12. “Another one is being spontaneous.” Yup.
13. “We may not have the foggiest notion what we would like to do for fun.” Yup.
14. “We can let ourselves go a little now and then.We can loosen up a bit. We don’t have to be so stiff and rigid, so frightened about being who we are.”
15. “Take some risks. Try some new activities. What would we like to do?”
16. Me – I would like to turn the sunroom into a fun room. A table for jigsaw puzzles, a space with a tarp for painting, a comfy chair and ottomon and little table for reading and other hobbies, some plants. I am going to do that! Must find way to get the money. And I wouldn’t mind looking good every day, having decent clothes. Money again. Will find a way. And make sure it’s for ME – NOT in case I run into him.
17. “What would we like to do? What might we enjoy doing? Then, take another risk. Pick out a movie we’d like to see; call a friend, and invite him or her to go alone. If that person says no, try someone else, or try again another time.” Me – what’s different here is picking the movie first, not just seeing whatever the other person wants to see.
18. Also, me, I *could * go alone IF no one else can go.
19. “Decide to try something, then go through with it. Go once. Go twice. Practice having fun until fun becomes fun.”
20. Me – I’d also like to sit at the park in shade with the dog, and embroider. (like I used to but not in such an isolated spot)
21. And swim. Go by self or with friend (but not kids). Just do it.
22. And piano is fun but don’t do things all isolated. “Today, I will do something just for fun. I will practice having fun until I actually enjoy it.”
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23. I’m grateful that I did go to the retreat yesterday.
24. I’m grateful that I cried after confession.
25. And that I was forgiven.
26. And that the talk about cleaning it out was so much the same as in OA.
27. The priest said such good tings to me.
28. And he said the important thing was that I was back now. I thought he was going to say the important thing was my big sin but no.
29. It was really reconciliation.
30. And I’m so grateful to Mar for coming to pick me up
31. And driving me home.
32. And walking my dog in the middle of the day! Wow.
33. And that song that said all God wants is for us to call Him Father, Father, Father, Father.
34. And that they had a translator all day.
35. And that the upcoming event is in English.
36. And that my headache is lighter right now than last night and when I first awakened.
37. I think I was dehydrated. Must not let that happen again.
38. That I ate some greens yesterday.
39. That I got to sleep with doggie.
40. That I dumped the flowers; I’m sure I’m allergic.
41. That it’s a meeting today. As icky as that is, I literally don’t have the energy to teach.
42. That I got a beautiful phone call from MA.
43. And a beautiful e-mail from her too.
44. And a beautiful e-mail from S.
45. And although I hated fighting with my mother last night, maybe it will be of help to her.
46. And for the hope for me and J.
47. That I received Communion.
48. That I signed up for the daily prayer thing.
49. That Mar explained it to me.
50. That there are things there on one eve.
51. And on another when I do so need things.
52. That Je whom I met yesterday shared with me about her marital separations and that they are married 30 years and it’s good but they separated at 5 and 10 and like 20 or something years. He needed time.
53. That Jesus can crush a rock, or something like that, someone said. And can do all things.
54. And I saw evidence of many relationships and families that were healed.
55. That after running out of time in the group and me not getting to share, Mar made sure to sit with me and brought Je over also, and had me share and we talked.
56. That when one person cried in the group, the leader, N., explained because another started to hug and comfort her, that we don’t do that there. Because we have to feel the feelings and go to God for our comfort. Otherwise what happens when no one is around. She was longer-winded and far more eloquent and had a better explanation but I got that as the gist. And she shared it of her own experience too. Again, a lot like OA.
57. That I *did * just manage my kneeling prayer
58. And my prostrate prayer. Because I really felt sick and didn’t feel I’d be able to.
59. That I even read in a (my) horoscope this morning that it is important to not miss a meeting or it might change boss’ impression of your dedication to the job. And I’m glad I’m planning to go in for mine. Although I feel like crap and in another way probably shouldn’t.
60. That I started the day today, before coffee, with water.
61. And then juice.
62. And now coffee.
63. And found my Bible.
64. That I did remember the Act of Contrition.
65. That there is solace in God.
66. That S shared that she has gone months without seeing T and the kind of an agony it felt like. But they’re doing much better now…
67. My favorite song:
My son has gone away
Left me, gone astray
But I have seen the way he went
And I will bring him back.
Jerusalem, Jerusalem, how could you
Run away
Jerusalem, how long my son
I’ll wait for you
I’ll stay.
Perhaps my son is weary and cold
Perhaps he’s tired and sad
Tonight I’ll go and watch for him
And wait for his return.
Jerusalem, Jerusalem, how could you
Turn away
Jerusalem, how long my son
I’ll wait for you
I’ll stay.
68. I’m grateful that the word Esperanza means hope. And that I learned that yesterday.
69. I’m grateful for all those people, who call themselves disciples, and are, who gave/give freely of their time for others like me.
70. And that OA sponsor, CoDA sponsor, and Mar all talk about passing it along.
71. Mar even said, imagine that you found the cure for cancers. If you held that in, you would be costing so many people their lives. Here we have found the cure for everything we have to pass it along.
72. ***And that she said BUT FIRST you have to heal inside YOU. I’m so grateful for that.
73. That there is no judgment in my feelings in my morning CoDA work. Not even from myself. It’s not about judging them. It’s about acknowledging them.
74. And that K explained that to me.
75. And that my dr. so approves. I think this is a repeat so I’ll do extra.
76. And that the priest said the same thing my dr. said about not telling my mother.
77. *****That as of yesterday (!) I understand something BIG now. Last like March, the optometrist at the eyeglass place expressed concern for something he saw in my eye(s) and my risk of diabetes and said I must stay away from white bread and such. PS I *did * bring his report to my glaucoma opthamologist, of course. But meanwhile, when J. was here, I was serving stuff I thought he needed as comfort food. Including a good deal of white flour. And eating it. It was like I was putting J’s comfort *so that he would want to stay with me * SO FAR UP on my scale of importance, that I forgot all about my own health and eyesight! I see that now.
78. And I will *not * do that again. I will pray for abstinence and commit to eating what is good for my health and life and body-temple of the Holy Spirit and happiness. And anyone who lives or eats with me will eat what I serve or fend for themselves. I hope it’s not too late, and am grateful so grateful for that realization.
79. I’m grateful for bilingual people.
80. And open-hearted people.
81. And the testimonials people gave from their hearts yesterday.
82. And the Latino community I was part of yesterday.
83. And that I brought my lunch since there was nothing vegan except iceburg lettuce : )
84. A million feelings today, wow. But I did the work. Yay.
85. In today’s For Today: “To give the gift of silence in certain circumstances is to encourage a friend to feel those feelings.”
86. And “For today: May I have the wisdom to know when to give words of cheer and comfort and when to give silent support.”
87. Our superintendent of schools, out there fighting the good fight for quality education, and often it must feel to him like he is doing so alone.
88. That I got 2 Amazon gift certificates for my belated birthday celebration and 1 Barnes and Nobles one. MUST SEND THANK YOUS!
89. What they said yesterday about, Imagine if Mary had not said yes to living her life for God whatever that meant. And she had a lot of terrible pain in her life. But she said yes.
90. Today’s In This Moment saying, “In This Moment, I am at peace.”
91. And “What a joy to be living God’s will and not mine.”
92. And “When I forget how important it is to spend some quiet time each day with myself and my Higher Power, I find my life becoming unmanageable and my addictions call out to me. “
93. And “I love Third Step work because of the peace I experience. I remember everything is in God’s hands.”
94. And “I trust the outcome”
95. And “…and I don’t have to fight the things over which I am powerless.”
96. And this: “My codependency is a difficult thing to outgrow, but with God’s help, I am making a lot of progress. I use the Steps to get my thinking sorted out and stay on track.”
97. What R said to me that time: “I was told pick the problem that’s most likely to kill you and work that program first.” That’s making more and more sense to me now.
98. That she called the other day. I must call her back. I *hope * it really * was * just to see how I am, and not saying that as an excuse to ask for another ride. In any event, it’s nice to hear from someone.
99. In today’s Voices of Recovery, the first words on the page are, exactly like this: “SACRED AWE” (Nikos Kazantzakis as quoted in For Today p. 342)
100. And it goes on to say, “I am filled with Sacred Awe over the many riches and experiences this program has given me:
101. Including: “the many ‘just for today’ days of abstinence – this I will never be able to explain!’”
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