I am grateful:
1. Those two adorable kittens in the window above my mother’s apartment when I dropped her off and helped with her groceries.
2. That cats have such pretty faces.
3. I’m grateful that I’ve finished my CodA pm work today (it is still 6/18 but I have extra gratitudes)
4. This quote: “It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.” Abraham Lincoln
5. I’m grateful for my CoQ10
6. And my orange juice
7. And my grape juice light
8. That this morning I meant this so wholeheartedly when I said it (from Big Book p. 215): “God, here I am. And here are all my troubles. I’ve made a mess of things and can’t do anything about it. You take me, and all my troubles, and do whatever you want with me.”
9. That it says in today’s For Today: “The thought of doing steps four, five and nine have made many a brave soul quake, and I am no different.” Because I *am * having trouble facing step 8 (which of course leads to 9, so…) So I know I’m not alone and others have done it. (And I can too-?)
10. And “But my longing to change my life is stronger than my fear.”
11. And “Like other oppressed people, I must gather the courage to face the forces that oppress me – childhood pain, old ways of thinking and responding learned long ago.”
12. And this promise: “For today: All the promises of recovery can be mine if I want them. This program shows me what to do.”
13. I got one more line of the Bach
14. In today’s Voices of Recovery: “Detaching myself from what I believe happened, accepting what is true, and staying in the present moment serve to remind me that only this moment matters.”
15. And “Experience is what happens to me, but what matters most is what I do with that experience.”
16. That it says in today’s In This Moment, “My Higher Power calms and renews my spirit.
17. That I just saw a beautiful comment from dearest JJ on my tears post. God bless her and her sweet heart.
18. In today’s Language of Letting Go: “I spent months trying to prove to a man I was dating how responsible and healthy I was. Then I realized what I as doing .he didn’t need to realize how responsible and healthy I was. I did.” Anonymous
19. And this: “Trying to prove how ood we are, trying to prove we’re good enough, trying to show someone how much he or she has hurt us, trying to show someone we’re understanding, are warning signs that we may be into our self-defeating behaviors.” This is HUGE for me.
20. “They can be an indication that we are trying to control someone (J.) They can be an indication that we are not believing how good we are, that we’re good enough, that someone is hurting us.”
21. And “They can be a warning that we’ve allowed ourselves to get hooked into a dysfunctional system.”
22. And “they may indicate that we’re stuck in that cloudy fog of denial or doing something that is not good forus.”
23. And this Is brilliant too: “Trying excessively to make a point with another may mean that we have not yet made that point with ourselves.”
24. And: “Once we make that point with ourselves, once we understand, we will know what to do.”
25. And this one too: “ The issue is not about others understanding and taking us seriously. The issue is not about others believing we’re good and good enough. The issue is not about others seeing and believing how responsible or loving or competent we are. The issue is not about whether others realize how deeply we are feeling a particular feeling. We are the ones that need to see the light.”
26. And “Today, God, help me let go of my need to control outcomes by influencing the beliefs of others. I will concentrate on accepting myself, neither than trying to prove something about myself. If I catch myself in the codependent trap of trying to emphasize something about myself to another, I will ask myself if I need to convince myself of that point.”
27. Hope (repeat so I’ll add an extra)
28. That I *am * enjoying S’s gift of Sex and the City dvd to me. I wasn’t sure I could.
29. That the St. Jude prayer does help me to feel hopeful.
30. That I am *so * enjoying that Bach piece.
31. That I have my whole house airing out.
32. I am grateful that I have real wood floors.
33. And that it is Mad’s birthday.
34. And that M’s housecleaner may be able to come ONCE for me to pay her to clean while my allergies are so bad.
35. And that since I’m allergic, I don’t have to think about paying for flowers anymore. Hey, there’s a silver lining in everything lol.
36. That my mother is alive.
37. That we got along beautifully yesterday.
38. That I have orgasms. Some women don’t.
39. That my lungs are probably still healthy.
40. That I have fun in the water even though I don’t really swim.
41. And maybe I’ll go this summer.
42. That there are 5 more days of school. In a way I’m scared because I need it there to feel ok, but in another way, I can put myself first all summer.
43. That my mother’s best friend’s brother and wife have adopted those 4 kids. Yay all of them.
44. That people don’t tend to think I’m ugly.
45. Women who talk honestly with each other.
46. Blogs. I’m being introduced to more of them. And that’s some honest sharing.
47. That probably I can see either O or MA later today.
48. That (probably because of that) I’m not feeling so lonely right now, as I was before.
49. That I have 2 gift certificates, 1 for pedi and 1 for mani. I will add a few dollars and use them both for pedis, one tomorrow and one the following week: )
50. The beautiful gift I just opened. A fragrance collection from a student’s mom, and I shall use it. Soaps and a candle.
51. And the adorable ceramic frog tape dispenser that I just got from another student’s mom.
52. And the meaningful thank you card she wrote me.
53. The beautiful stationary in the gorgeous box that I just opened from another student.
54. And the candle *it * comes with too.
55. And the adorable(!) note from the sweet child!
56. That MA came over.
57. And we ordered Chinese food.
58. And it was delivered.
59. And we ate together.
60. And I didn’t interfere with her ordering something non-vegan. I believe it was the right thing to do.
61. And we visited and talked and shared. Okay we didn’t read as we’d planned, but it was so good to be together with my much-loved friend. And especially today.
62. And that O. called back. I couldn’t see her because 1)MA was still here and 2) it was after 7 – no way could I go out then! I get up at like 4:30 and I’m still sick and have virtually no voice at this point! But I’m so glad she called.
63. And that M. called too.
64. And that M. and her family had a great day.
65. That I ate a healthy breakfast.
66. And a healthy lunch.
67. AND a healthy dinner.
68. I’ve had lots of veggies, and a good amount of vegan healthy (not fake stuff) protein, and brown rice and o.j. and grape juice and a little touch of soy milk and coffee and tea and water. Good day eating-wise. Thank you, God.
69. That I heard back (e-mail) from M.
70. And that I heard back from St.
71. And that I heard back from C.
72. And that I heard back from L.
73. And that I heard back from other M.
74. And that I heard back from A.
75. And that I heard back from Jo.
76. And that Jo gave words of hope about God for me.
77. And that each of them seems okay. I do care. One doesn’t seem *as * okay, but still fine.
78. And that O. offered to help me in my classroom! I won’t let her, but she offered!
79. And that MA will come by Tuesday and we will go over and exchange her earrings.
80. That MA will be coming Tues and we will walk over to exchange her earrings.
81. That I practiced even MORE Bach today. I’m starting to get somewhere with that piece!
82. That MA has some FUN things on the agenda for us this summer: )
83. That Jo told me to: Try to be kind to yourself, prepare favorite, but of course abstinent meals, do what brings you joy, reading, playing the piano, whatever, even taking a nap. You need to be kind to yourself right now.
84. And she said:
God is watching over you and knows what you are going through. Place your trust in Him, and He will guide you.
85. And she said: I am confident God will guide you on the right path for you at this time. Just place you trust in Him.
86. And she said this: "Lord Jesus who said heaven and earth shall pass away but my word shall not pass away, I come to you confident that my prayers will be answered. (another one of my mother's favorite prayers).
87. And that JJ said that after her divorce, she was “alone, divorced and broken.”
88. But her life is so good now. Struggles and things – I know some from her blog – but that she is happy. I’m happy she is happy.
89. And – I’m happy she shared that with me – gives me hope.
90. And she said: “Your isolation is temporary. It will get better.”
91. And “You CAN get out there, make new friends and find a wonderful life.”
92. And this: “Please, please, please hold on and find your strength.” Thank you, God, for her.
93. That I did my 9 St. Jude Novena prayers today.
94. That I prayed for the people on my prayer list, as I do every day. I hope it helps them.
95. That my skin is healthy.
96. And my nails are healthy. (I’m talking about health in both here, not looks – health).
97. That Birdie has a beautiful new niece.
98. That I did not spend this whole weekend alone.
99. That I never know what the future will hold. And I will try to do what they say in program when they say, “Don’t quit before the miracle happens.”
100. That as long as I stay in the present moment, I am actually okay.
101. This very moment is okay.
102. And now I get a snack and get to go sleep in a bed. And yes, that’s lucky.
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