I am grateful:
1. I didn’t get C. I’m sorry for M, though, who did.
2. I had veggies at lunch.
3. And will at dinner.
4. And did my creams Tues am and pm
5. And Wed am and pm
6. And this morning too.
7. That principal was so nice to me today.
8. And so was Sp.
9. And Ca made the tv thing work for me.
10. And I gave the kids their presents.
11. And they are happy with them.
12. And I still have enough for next year, yay.
13. And I did meet the report card dead;line after all.
14. And I only have to finish 1 DRA and 1 Word Analysis and then I’m done.
15. Some of them are not thrilled with the movie, but I think in retrospect they will love the “party.”
16. An *I * know it is a great movie that is very good for them (I think).
17. That dr said yesterday that *we * have a plan here and then this other person comes in and we’re gonna let it spoil the plan. And he was right. I am not going to let her spoil it *unintentionally)
18. And we agreed that while not her *fault *, I have lost enough of my lie to her illness.
19. Tr and Gl thought it was so extra special nice of me to have 46 presents for 21 kids, so the last ones called would still have more than 21 to choose from: ) And that they wouldn’t have thought of that.
20. D=computer projects and white folders and blue folders all have their deadlines almost met.
21. 6 more school days and then I get a new start.
22. That I did practice a little piano yesterday.
23. I’m grateful that once last week and once this week I had this thought: that if I live to be old, and know I’m dying, I would not be on my deathbed saying, Yay for all that time I spent obsessing over J. What a great way to spend my precious few days, obsessing over him, because he is certainly the most important thing in the universe.
24. And that Fri, I actually *wanted * him to leave after a few minutes, when he did. The not-good news is that I wanted to eat badly. But the good news is that I wanted to veg out with tv and magazines and bed more than I wanted to be with him. That’s a first.
25. That K came out of her way and out of the building yesterday to tell me that it was the second time she saw me go by in a couple of days and wanted to say, “Did you lose a lot of weight? Because you look great.”
26. That we still have plenty of good stuff to do, even these last days. (The kids).
27. And that Tr will help me.
28. And for my Beauty Book and my DVDs from S both of which seem will help me to remain on track becoming more of a woman.
29. In about 5 minutes I will get to pray and/or meditate and or do some work without the kids in the room
30. I just finished all my CoDa work for the day.
31. Next morning now: I am grateful that I felt a wash of relief while praying to the Blessed Mother this morning. Thank you, Blessed Mother, and thank you God.
32. I am grateful that I got Meredith and myself back to school safely last night, driving her car.
33. And that I didn’t drink more.
34. And that I walked Ph this morning even though it was pouring and we got drenched.
35. And that I came right back in and showered.
36. And that I have prayed this morning
37. And done my CoDA morning work.
38. And that MA called yesterday.
39. I’m grateful that I didn’t jump yesterday.
40. That I don’t want to suffer.
41. That because I don’t want to suffer, I am taking better care of myself.
42. That I just heard from K.
43. And from Ma.
44. That I did go to the work party yesterday.
45. And drove M because she’d had a little too much to drink.
46. And took her to the store as she asked.
47. And made sure she got a ride the rest of the way.
48. And stayed home with Ph after that.
49. And got J to take her today, because although I miss her so much, she is better off now there, with the rains and all.
50. Plus I can go to meetings and churchy things and my mother’s shopping and not worry about her being alone so much.
51. My dr. and I realizing, Wed, and in no way blaming her or against her, that I have lost enough of my life to my mother’s illness. (I wish I’d thought of that sooner. Damn. But am glad to know it now rather than never).
52. That M’s car was easy to drive and I did fine.
53. And even enjoyed it.
54. That they finally cleaned up the grounds! Yay!
55. And I can really see my perennials. And it looks neater.
56. And next is a few little annuals. Yay.
57. I am very sad remembering when J planted basil and tomatoes and parsley and said, quote, “For my little Italian.” But MAYBE I’ll get past that and plant some tomatoes. I don’t know though.
58. That we all got home safely last night.
59. That we laughed SO MUCH at the party.
60. That my class met both deadlines today.
61. That my performance review went great today.
62. That I can cozy in and maybe get rid of this cough and just feel better.
63. And have a healthy dinner.
64. And I had a healthy lunch.
65. That although I skipped last night, I did do my creams this morning.
66. That I have great things to read here.
67. That Dr. Oz is saying chickpeas are a superfood.
68. That I’ve started to get ready to stop planning to live and to live. And to do fun stuff now.
69. That Sp this morning was very proud of me for about 2 – 3 big things.
70. Maybe I’m not as ugly as I think.
71. That I did not stop at 7-11 on way home, though wanted to.
72. Or even supermarket for magazines, because afraid would have bought bad-for-my-eating stuff
73. Or even hfs, where would have done same thing.
74. All the years I have had with J.
75. That K. sound she thought I was doing good things, and recognized all the bad going on and then wrote, Now tell me what’s good.
76. And that I did. 10 things. So I’m grateful that she encouraged the thought AND that I went through with it.
77. That we laughed again at school today.
78. That we are not re-looking at the lists.
79. That I contacted O. today. And maybe I’ll hear back from her this weekend: )
80. That I am taking doggie M next weekend for 2 nights and 2 days.
81. And I’ll clean and change sheets and then can have Ph for a while.
82. God will help me.
83. God is helping me.
84. There are people whom I love.
85. I was in the top three of the video yesterday.
86. Today’s For Today: I was not aware of collecting injustices like beads on a strong. That, in fact, is why I became a compulsive overeater: to block off awareness of a world that seethed with injustice.
87. “But eating to make pain go away only makes more pain.”
88. And this promise is in there too! “The twelve-step program enables me to deal with the anger I once tried to eat away.”
89. And “The bare recollection of anger kindles anger.” Pubilius Syrus
90. And “For today: The best way I know to deal with anger and resentment is to take steps four through nine as often as necessary, and step ten daily.”
91. And in today’s In This Moment: In This Moment, I do what I need to do. I don’t have to have everything figured out because it’s not all up to me. All I have to do is take the next step of faith.”
92. And “It may be time to … to pay my bills. …It may be time to say no. It may be time to say yes…”
93. And “Faith in my Higher Power means I trust that all is well. I take the next step, even if I’m shaking.” I love that.
94. That I’m feeling better sitting her doing this early evening today.
95. The amazing phone call from M to just tell me how much she loves me and partially why.
96. That I just did my CoDA evening work.
97. That Ma finally said she is praying for me.
98. That I had another comment on my blog.
99. That I thought we’d have to have indoor recess, but we did get to go out.
100. That Tr got to share with me about her daughter today.
101. And that I *think * (and hope) I was a support to her.
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