My Hundred Gratitudes Today

I am grateful:

1. That I finally did my Affirmations and Gratitudes on my blog for today, this evening.
2. For this prayer: "St. Jude, during your life you encouraged early Christian followers to remain loyal and true to their faith, even during the harshest circumstances. Like these followers, my spouse and I now find ourselves in need of renewed faith. Time and the pressures of the world have weakened our relationship. Please intercede for us and show us the way to heal our marriage. Open our hearts and minds to rededicate a new relationship guided by the love and commitment we once knew. Help us put aside any negative remnants of past deeds done and embark on a new union, in accordance with our Lord's principles."
3. Oh, this one’s a thrill. June 17 Voices of Recovery: “At one time or another since we joined OA, most of us have experienced a period of complete freedom from the obsession with food and the compulsion to overeat.” OA 12 & 12 p. 20
4. and “…I am a compulsive overeater, and that entails both the obsession and compulsion. I overcame both by working the Steps.”
5. And then it says, “The compulsion to overeat left first because I gave up my binge foods. After some time the obsession with food itself, and all the games I played with food, also left. This way of life has given me such a gift!” And I know this to work for me from what I did 10 years ago.
6. And it says, and I see this as kind of a promise: “I feel free now to live the life my Higher Power always had ready for me.”
7. And “For a long time I chose food to cover up many things: fear, shame, guilt, anger – but also joy, happiness, serenity, and contentment. Now I live by these Twelve Steps. Without this daily contact, I would be back into the food, and I would surely die.”
8. And in June 17’s Language of Letting Go, “Surrender master the lessons of your present circumstances. We do not move forward by resisting what is undesirable in our life today.” This is huge to me!
9. And “We move forward, we grow, we change by acceptance.”
10. And “Avoidance is not the key; surrener opens the door.”
11. And “Listen to this truth: We are each in our present circumstances for a reason.”
12. “There is a lesson, a valuable lesson, that must be learned before we can move forward.”
13. And “Something important is being worked out in us, and in those around us. We may not be able to identify it today, but we can know that it is important. We can know it is good.”
14. “Overcome not by force, overcome by surrender. The battle is fought, and won, inside ourselves. We must go through it until we learn, until we accept, until we become grateful, until we are set free.”
15. And “Today, I will be open to the lessons of my present circumstances. I do not have to label, know, or understand what I’m learning; I will see clearly in time. For today, trust and gratitude are sufficient.”
16. And I’m grateful that the more sort of extroverted (but not against my Myers-Briggs nature) stuff I do, the more easily I have gratitudes!
17. I am grateful that although so many bad feelings when awakening overnight, I was able to wake with alarm at 6 and say thank you to God and mean it.
18. I have great skin on my face. I’m grateful for it. People comment on it even.
19. That although Sp had to “cut me off” and I don’t know why (ouch) but it also is better for my chest today, that at least I did get to speak with Sp for a few minutes this am
20. I am loved by my maker.
21. That MA and I *might * go out to dinner tonight. (If I’m up to it physically).
22. For this thought from today’s For Today, which validates the tings I’ve started to do regularly lately. It says: “Man is made of ordinary things, and habit is his nurse.” Johann Schiller
23. That I practiced my Chopin a nice amount this morning.
24. And my Bach too.
25. And that by doing more hands separately, I found some changes that needed to be made!
26. For Today goes on to say: Yes, even the cunning, baffling and powerful disease of compulsive overeating began as habit.”
27. And! “Neither habit nor compulsion, however, is immune to the twelve-step program.”
28. “It has relieved millions of their obsession with alcohol, food, drugs and other addictive substances and activities.”
29. And “For today I am not obliged to keep habits just because I’ve had them so long. If compulsive overeating can be removed, so can habits.” Wow. That’s hope.
30. That that parent gave me a vegan cookbook. That’s *so * meaningful to me! I won’t keep it, I don’t think – too much fake stuff and flour and complicated recipes, but the though is so beautiful.
31. And that her son, my student, was excited. “Did you open your gift yet?” “You’re gonna LOVE it!” Smile smile. Nice.
32. And that he’s a love.
33. And that he’s done so well.
34. In today’s Voices of Recovery: “We can confidently face any situation life brings, because we no longer have to face it alone.
35. “We have what we need any time we are willing to let go of self-will and humbly ask for help.” OA 12 & 12 p. 27
36. And “We entered OA knowing we had a problem with food, but we may not have realized the extent to which we had problems handling life.”
37. And “Using the tools and listening to our sponsor and others at meetings can help us know what changes we need to make.”
38. And “Working the Steps also helps us to see how fear, control, self-pity, and self-centeredness enter into our daily lives.”
39. And “Steps Three and Eleven teach us to turn over the events of the day, ever reminding us that we do not have to face any day alone.”
40. And “This program works when we aren’t navigating by ourselves.”
41. “Our Higher Power and others will be here today to help us if we let them.”
42. And this: “The future may seem frightening; the past may have held pain, but today can offer us wonderful gifts we have yet to imagine.”
43. And this which is big: “I can let go and let my Higher Power help me through this day.”
44. Today’s In This Moment is strong. It says, “In This Moment, grant me strength. Grant me strength to trust in this day.” Trust.
45. “To believe that being me – and all that means – is OK.” Wow.
46. “Give me strength to breathe through the difficult moments I face.”
47. And “Give me hope that they will pass.”
48. “Help me smile and even laugh.
49. “Help me trust that my body, my words, and my energy are all that is needed.” Oh yes, please.
50. And “Give me the confidence to believe that my decisions are the best I can make.” Well, and I hope that they’re enough and good enough.
51. And this: “Today, I choose to see beauty. I’m grateful for whatever God sends my way.”
52. Then in Language of Letting Go it says that “Part of recovery…We learn to admit our mistakes and expose our imperfections [to certain other people] – not so that others can fix us, rescue us, or feel sorry for us, but so we can love and accept ourselves.”
53. And that “This sharing is a catalyst in healing and changing.”
54. “We can learn to choose safe people with whom to share ourselves. We can learn to share appropriately, so we don’t scare or push people away.”
55. And “Today, God, help me learn to be appropriately vulnerable. I will not let others exploit or shame me for being vulnerable, and I will not exploit myself.”
56. That I got 3 other presents too. So far.
57. Mar just called. She is willing to go tonight, even wants to, and to pick me up (which I did *not * ask for!). So if I’m up to it physically I will do that.
58. Then maybe tomorrow I’ll have a meal with MA. ? I am grateful about both.
59. I’m grateful that I *did * take my mother to the bank.
60. And shopping.
61. And that I had this thought on the way home: I really *don’t * want someone to be with me if they don’t like/love who I really am. I am who I am. I am kind of serious, although also very funny. And I do feel things deeply. And I am sentimental and emotional. And I am spiritual. And I “like to have my two feet on the ground,” (not a physical risk-taker). I do so hope for J. to have the opportunity to know the more grown-up me I’m becoming, in a few months. But then, I would want him, or anyone else to like/love the *real * me.
62. And I’m grateful that I did my shopping too.
63. And that I was able to fill my car.
64. And do it self-serve.
65. And afford the gas.
66. And that I now have fresh raspberries in my house.
67. And pears.
68. And frozen dark sweet cherries, on sale.
69. And canned pears too.
70. And lots of spinach.
71. And even some okra.
72. And I’m grateful that O called me.
73. And I might even get to see her tomorrow – or soon.
74. And that although I am very lonely, I am getting through this.
75. And that my mother kept insisting on giving me 30 dollars.
76. And that I finally let her (I think I’m grateful I let her).
77. And that on the way back, in the car, I was able to say to myself, that in that moment, it was not about J. That I was okay. In that moment.
78. And that my nerves were getting the best of me but I just did, a few minutes ago, what my doctor said to do when it gets that bad. I took a 5 mg valium. And that’s better than the toll the nerves were taking at that time.
79. And that I splurged (again) on magazines. But I can relax and look at them now.
80. And my VT which came yesterday too.
81. And crappy tv. But I don’t care – I’m just relaxing.
82. And not overeating!
83. And I had a very healthy lunch that had veggies, protein, brown rice, and o.j.
84. And it was more filling than I’d expected.
85. And I’ll probably finish the smaller portion, without the added protein, later.
86. And tomorrow morning I *will * do enough laundry for the week.
87. And I *will * make my veggie/protein bake.
88. And that the mail just came. There is a certain normalcy in that. And it may sound silly, but yes, I *am * grateful for it.
89. And grateful that I’m grateful for it. Not kidding.
90. And that I’m practicing (piano) more like I used to when I played pretty well (before the big injury). Like I just did another 10 or 15 minutes. Here and there (as well as bigger chunks)
91. And that I like Scott tissue now. Because it’s cheaper *and * lasts me longer. Good.
92. And I’m so grateful for my eye drops.
93. And multi-vitamin.
94. And vitamin C.
95. And lutein.
96. And Claritan.
97. And that although I miss her terribly, I know Ph is okay. (I’m not so grateful that love hurts, but I’m grateful that I love her. And she loves me).
98. And for parents who love their children.
99. And for parents who don’t, on purpose, or by accident or sickness, damage their children.
100. And that my eyes are finally being opened.
101. And that right now my chest doesn’t hurt as much or feel *as * coughy, and I’m breathing better.
102. And I’m so very grateful for everyone who is praying for me.