My 100 Gratitudes Today

I am grateful:

1. That Dr. Phil was great yesterday. (Wish J. had seen it but at least it was great).
2. That M. called last night (even though I was so tired and it sort of woke me).
3. That I *feel like * eating well today.
4. That my back isn’t hurting this morning like yesterday.
5. In today’s For Today: “Do not consider painful what is good for you.” Euripides
6. And “Today I know that pain puts me in touch with what I need – something from which I have cut myself off in blind obedience to habit.”
7. And “What pain tells me today is that I have to change.”
8. This is huge. In today’s In This Moment it says: “In This Moment, I am a recovering codependent. I clearly see how I learned to be codependent in my childhood. I was shamed, neglected, invalidated, and forced to take on responsibilities too heavy for my age. Sometimes, people praised and complimented me for my codependent behavior! They couldn’t see that my ‘unselfish’ behavior was damaging.”
9. And “Now, I am learning healthy new behaviors, communication skills, and ways to respond.”
10. And it says that, “I practice my skills by interacting with other recovering codependents. I get support and encouragement from the Fellowship.”
11. In today’s Voices of Recovery: “My diseased mind tries to tell me that by compulsively eating certain foods, I can make a situation better.”
12. And “I now know this is not true.”
13. And that “My mind will never operate the way a normal eater’s does. I accept the fact that I will always have this disease.”
14. And “…now I no longer have to feel isolated, different, or ashamed.”
15. “Today I can rest easy in the fact that I am not alone.”
16. I do not feel the time pressure coming for the next two months that I have felt lately. Yay. Scared of the empties but relieved about the time pressure. And can look at the gratitude list before this one for reminders of great ideas of how to fill time with good things this summer.
17.In today’s Language of Letting Go: “One night, I saw tings clearyly. I realized that my attempts to control him would never solve the problem. I also saw that my life was unmanageable. I couldn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to do. His alcoholism was controlling me, even though I wasn’t drinking.”
18.“I set him free, to do as he chose. The truth is, he did as he pleased anyway. Things changed the night I detached. He could feel it, and so could I.”
19.“When I set him free, I set myself free to live my own life.”
20.And it says this, which is scary for me, but that’s all the more reason I need it: “I’ve had to practice the principle of detachment many times since then. I’ve had to detach from uneahlthy people and healthy people. It’s never failed. Detachment works.”
21.And: “Detachment is a gift. I t will be given to us when we’re ready for it. When we set the other person free, we are set free.”
22.And “Today, wherever possible, I will detach in love.” Wow. Thank you, God, for all *those * thoughts. And for getting me ready, these months. I thank you, I honor you, I love you.”
23. I can have *half * a cup of coffee starting tomorrow, or less strong, if I want, I think. And it won’t make me so jittery as I drink it (like today’s is).
24. I just lost all my peace, from one little e-mail from J. It wasn’t nasty. It was just cold. Like “I’d like to bring [dog] by at 2 today. Does that work for you. J.” That hurts my stomach. Literally. I was feeling so much better before reading that. And I shouldn’t have answered right away. I’d rather not have mentioned about being wiped and allergic from the classroom dust. But it was my immediate reaction. Damn. Damn damn damn. But then I opened Recovery Meditations from yesterday and it said: “Recovery Meditations One Day at a Time
Miracles are instantaneous, they cannot be summoned but come of themselves, usually at unlikely moments and to those who least expect them” Katherine Ann Porter (I hope so! : )
25. And it goes on to say…”Being able to maintain my weight, rather than losing and gaining weight every few months, is a miracle. Most importantly, my transformed relationships with my children and other loved ones are miracles.”
26. And this, which I love: “ONE DAY AT A TIME . . . I will open my mind to the possibility of miracles occurring in my life…and they will come.”
27. Today’s Daily OM: “We can alleviate physical manifestations of anxiety by doing what brings us comfort. We store tension in our bodies unconsciously. When we become aware of when we are oing this, we can then take conscious action to release that tension. Every small action we take with an eye toward relieving accumulated pressure gently wicks tension away from our bodies. We feel results and relief instantly, becoming more relaxed and comfortable with each action we take.”
28. And they give *some * suggestions like: “Go for some restorative bodywork; soak in a hot bath sprinkled with calming essential oils; do some deep, slow stretches, focusing attention on the uncomfortable areas of your body; ask a friend or a loved one to give you a long hug; discuss what is on your mind with someone close to you.”
29. Sp: “Abe Lincoln says You can be as happy today as you make up your mind to be.”
30. That I finished everything for the school year.
31. And felt good about myself.
32. And did it all without J’s help.
33. And M. said I didn’t have to take her doggie and that does relieve me.
34. That I left early enough.
35. And cried and cried and cried in car and at home –but took pill and eventually stopped.
36. And M. called, which was nice.
37. And I’m grateful that I will try to be positive.
38. And Ma just called too.
39. And maybe we’ll go together Mon night
40. And R’s mom went on and on about what a great year I gave R.
41. AND that the big deal is I gave Ja a great year too, and gave them both a totally different second grade experience. Because I don’t teach “the class” I teach the individual. I was very grateful to be acknowledged that way.
42. And Tr confirmed it too.
43. And I know it is a big strength of mine.
44. And I’ll watch Two and a Half men tonight.
45. And I’ll practice tomorrow.
46. And I’m grateful that I am breathing and can sleep tonight.
47. And decided not to take Ph for a couple of days
48. And realized that J. may not be mad at me – may just be trying to grow.
49. Or – ma be mad at me but it’s not mine.
50. Or, even the part that is mine, God forbid, I ould only do the best I could do with what I knew at that time. Now I can do better. And that’s all I can do.
51. And that I just, instead of crying for 4 – 4 ½ hours, did research for my summer work with M., and got us that much ahead!
52. And that’s a gift to her too.
53. And that the kids had a good last hour, I think.
54. And I got *really * nice gifts.
55. And cards.
56. And a beautiful loving letter from a child. An amazing one. About how I’ve touched her heart…
57. And others too.
58. And a poster from my sweetie, little R.
59. And that I went to the principal about that child saying his mother hits him.
60. And that even though she kept telling me to hurry and then said, “You’re dumping this on me. With 20 minutes to go.” I didn’t give up. Because hey, there’s nothing we can do about it that he just told me. And I felt intimidated but he was infinitely more important than my feelings with her.
61. And I believe we did the right thing. The moral thing. The ethical thing. And the legal thing.
62. And I’m glad I was one of the people who helped convince that person who knows the heroin addict single mother, that she had to call the child protective people and get that child removed from that dangerous situation.
63. And she did call! Yay.
64. And I’m thankful for Peter Falk, who died today. But oh how I loved Columbo. I had many nice hours with it. Alone, with my father, with my mother, with both I think, and with J on vacations. Thank you for your work, Mr. Falk.
65. And for prayers.
66. And for C’s prayers for me.
67. This, in an msn.com article today: "The social withdrawal that comes with depression can help you change something in your life that's broken—and once you've gone through it, you can be stronger and more resilient because of the experience."
68. And “When several psychologists recently asked nearly 2,400 people about their history of adverse experiences—everything from whether they'd been through a divorce or natural disaster to if they'd ever lost a loved one—they found that those who had faced some misfortune were actually more well adjusted than those who'd had no bumps in the road at all.”
69. And this: Lara Honos-Webb, PhD, a clinical psychologist in San Francisco, actually encourages her patients to dwell on their problems. "Depression is meant to stop you in your tracks because, like physical pain, it's a signal that there's something wrong and you need to fix it," says Dr. Honos-Webb, who wrote Listening to Depression: How Understanding Your Pain Can Heal Your Life.
70. And "The social withdrawal that comes with depression can help you change something in your life that's broken—and once you've gone through it, you can be stronger and more resilient because of the experience."
71. And bumper stickers listed in another article on msn.com today. Like: "Just when you think life's a bitch, it has puppies"
72. And the article’s author, saying: “Happiness may be all around you. You simply have to slow down and notice it.”
73. And How to tell if you're in need of some guidance? You might want to consult a friend (preferably a nonjudgmental one) who appreciates your way of thinking but who can also remind you that, although your new ambition to be a trapeze artist might make you happy, it could delay your long-held plan of getting pregnant.
74. And "It also helps to jot down answers to questions like 'When did I enjoy myself today?' and 'What did I learn?'" Bolles says. What's crucial is tuning in to your feelings, then paying attention to them as you find your way to your passion.
75. And "People who have religious beliefs and partake in spiritual activities regularly report greater feelings of happiness and feel a deeper sense of meaning and purpose in life, possibly because they're better equipped to deal with stress," says Harold G. Koenig, M.D., director of the Center for Spirituality, Theology and Health at Duke University.
76. And that I can read. It has helped me since KINDERGARTEN when I learned!
77. And: "Technically, nobody needs anybody—no adult is going to die without another human being," says Terry Real, author of The New Rules of Marriage.
78. And "But on a broader level, everybody needs everybody. Having the attitude that you don't need anyone isn't independent; it's antidependent. It isn't healthy, nor is it conducive to being in a loving relationship."
79. And "There's a big difference between saying 'I'd love a hug' and 'I will fall apart without a hug,'"
80. And "Sometimes, it seems to me as if the only women who aren't wrapped up in the whole self-improvement thing are those who've had a serious illness," she says. "After coping with something like cancer, you tend to think, Well, I'm alive and I'm happy. But you shouldn't have to get sick to learn to appreciate what you have."
81. And this is good: Hear, hear! Instead of focusing on an "imperfect" part, Domar suggests, ask yourself, What beauty do I see today? Maybe it's a great haircut or glowing skin. Don't stop looking until you find something kind to say about yourself. "If you keep at it," Domar says, "the exercise can really change your perspective."
82. And in yet another of the articles, it says for depression: Routines that promote exercise, nutrition, and a healthy amount of sleep are helpful.
83. And Document and praise small, daily achievements—even something as simple as getting out of bed.
84. That the Roseanne show’s been on today. And ones that are okay for me. I don’t care that J thinks it’s a waste of time. I needed it on this last day of school this year.
85. Okay, I can’t believe I’m saying this. But it wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t. I broke my veganism. Once. Today. After 4 years. And I’m grateful that I did. Because although I take it very seriously and always will, I need to know that I am free. And the truth is, those bites didn’t kill anyone. I think in the long-run of my life and the good I can do, this was the right decision.
86. That someone left a nice note about “piano and hope” which were all I said I felt I had for rewards right now, sounding pretty good.
87. That some people still read my blog.
88. And at least one gets something good for her out of it.
89. For that woman who almost 3 years ago gave me the idea about 100 gratitudes a day.
90. For my daddy. When he was alive, he was the best father ever.
91. My father worked two jobs and had a sick wife and 2 daughters. But each of us *always * felt we were the most important in the world to him.
92. And everyone outside the immediate family felt wonderful around him too.
93. What a gift.
94. And I’m grateful for the little bit of that I inherited from him. Not as much, but some.
95. And for his laugh.
96. And his jokes, the punchlines of which he told over and over.
97. And his laugh.
98. And his crinkly smile.
99. And his work ethic.
100. And his love for family.
101. Thank you God, my Father, for my Daddy.