I am grateful:
1. That that night of nightmares is over and I’ve awakened. And to the sound of birds.
2. That I continue to eat more nutrients and no junk.
3. That MA is able to garden, and so enjoys it.
4. And how beautiful and pleasurable to look at her flowers are.
5. That she gets to have a fragrant linden tree and a tulip tree too.
6. That I have all the trees I have.
7. That I am praying to St. Jude now.
8. That I have an interest in some religion now.
9. This is so beautiful. It is in today’s For Today: “It is indeed from the experience of beauty and happiness, from the occasional harmony between our nature and our environment that we draw our conception of the divine life.” George Santayana
10. And “For today: How grateful I am for the concept of God as I understand God. Only with faith in a Power greater than myself am I not afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to be happy.”
11. And in between it says “nowhere in my life has my Higher Power been more evident than in relieving me of compulsive overeating, in giving me the OA program of recovery.”
12. And in fact, I have had, with the exception of one night when I took my will back, over 2 months of abstinence. Wow.
13. Today’s In This Moment says, “In This Moment, feelings don’t require action.” This is huge because it so goes with what I was discussing with my dr about my diagnosis the other day.
14. Reading about 25 pages of the ACoA book yesterday. And MA for letting me read it there.
15. That there may be a meeting of it today and I might be able to go.
16. I will see O today.
17. And I will offer to drive Ma to the OA meeting (especially since I can’t drive her tomorrow night).
18. I am thinking about whether CoDA is not the right program for me and ACoA is. And I am confident that I will figure it out.
19. That maybe I’ll read Dragons of Perm or at least try the first one.
20. And back to In This Moment: “I have learned in CoDA that my feelings are mostly based on early experiences, not on the present.” Yes. True. And that *is * something good that I learned there.
21. And this: “They are important to acknowledge and reflect on, but not to act on, until I identify the source. Too often, I have acted hastily after being triggered by an issue from my family of origins. Feelings have no brains! I use my intellect in ther present to choose an action. I breathe and wait. I find I have fewer regrets.”
22. And in today’s Voices of Recovery: “Each day that we live well, we are well. . . one day at a time.” OA 12 & 12 p. 106
23. And: “Today I can plan my recover and follow that plan to the best of my ability. I do the things that help me live well: being abstinent, exercising, meditating, writing, and maintaining social contact. I concentrate on what I can do, not on what I cannot do. With God’s help, I can live the message of the OA program, one day at a time.”
24. And in today’s Language of Letting Go it talks about shame in self and even others who ay be hoping to hook us and control us through shame. But it says, “Instead, we’ll take the good feelings – self-acceptance, love, and nurturing.”
25. And it says: “Be done with shame. Attack shame. Go to war with it. Learn to recognize it and avoid it like the plague.”
26. And this, which does seem hard to me (and therefore must be important): “Today, I will deliberately refuse to get caught up in the shame floating around in the world. If I cannot resist it, I will feel it, accept it, then be done with it as quickly as possible. God, help me know that it’s okay to love myself and help me to refuse to submit to shame. If I get off course, help me learn to change shame into guilt, correct the behavior, and move forward with my life in immediate self-love.”
27. Immediate self-love. I like that idea. (May we *all * have it).
28. I am grateful that I bought grape juice yesterday.
29. And that it has the healthy stuff (resveratrol or something?) that red wine has, but without the alcohol.
30. I’m grateful that my blooming teas arrived yesterday. Now that’s a real luxury.
31. And that you in fact get *three * not one brews out of each bloom. So it’s not even really expensive.
32. That I have so much Serious Skin Care stuff here ready to use.
33. And that it works for my (sensitive) skin.
34. And that they do not use animal products.
35. And they do not test on animals.
36. That I went to the meeting. And got to see Ar and M, whom I may never see again as they are moving away. And M. was so nice to me and noticed weight loss and everything
37. And that last time she said she loved to hear me speak, progress…some recovery
38. And that I did decide to walk around the fair and see J at his booth
39. And for his sake, that his booth was beautiful.
40. And that after the first seeing, he was less “cold.
41. And that I had lunch with A.
42. And then came home and found some music books.
43. And went to O’s.
44. And she filled me in on evertyhing.
45. And I filled her in too.
46. And we supported each other.
47. And I had a piano lesson.
48. And I’m excited about the Bach I’ll be learning!
49. And about the beautiful Chopin omg!
50. And tomorrow I’ll start practicing exercises and my new pieces.
51. And she was said lets go to dinner!
52. And she was so nice as to write in the fingering for me while I left and went to my ACoA meeting!
53. And when I came back we went out to dinner.
54. We had healthy Indian food. Mine vegan of course.
55. And I had some to take home.
56. And that that meeting, which *we * were just starting today, *is * interested in format and in the book(s) and in recovery.
57. And as L said, I’m one of the founders.
58. And it was *so * easy to get to from O’s!
59. And I like that building.
60. And *might * be able to get to it on Wednesdays, this meeting. And see if it’s good for me.
61. And meanwhile am reading the book.
62. And I walked some today.
63. And next Fri, I shall get Ph, maybe for like till the following Sun, over a week later.
64. And I don’t have to have another piano lessons for a month, so I’ll have time to practice, and can afford it now.
65. And when I left, O said she loves me
66. And I said I love her.
67. And we kissed on the cheek.
68. And I did speak to my mother twice today.
69. That it was a step meeting at oa today.
70. And L. led it. That’s the first meeting I’ve ever been at that L. led
71. And L. made sure we stopped after every two paragraphs for anyone who wanted to comment about the reading.
72. And O. says we’ll do some fun things this summer.
73. And I am expanding my life.
74. And I have been free of terror attacks since *the * 9/11.
75. And I’ve never had e coli
76. Or ebola
77. Or malaria
78. And that I had a little red wine tonight.
79. And wore nice clothes and looked pretty good (for my weight).
80. And that I’ve had 10 days straight of abstinence now: )
81. M called while I was at O’s.
82. And wanted to be sure I’m coming for dinner tomorrow night
83. I believe I shall really sleep tonight. Not enough, but maybe well: )
84. Tuesday I shall stop at the drugstore for my eye drops
85. And that same day I shall buy myself flowers.
86. Daisy bird today: )
87. Fr’s idea about pieces from nature for my table when money not there for fresh cut flowers.
88. Duh – I should also cut some – there are some in my yard RIGHT NOW!
89. Will do in AM! Yay!
90. That I think, after our meeting Fri, I’ll be fine for curriculum next year: )
91. That I am always trying to do what’s right.
92. That when I told O. about that time in my life, which I’ll explain here another time, when I accomplished so much while going through so much, she was so impressed and spoke of my strength.
93. That I did my first day of a 9 day St. Jude Novena today.
94. That soon I think I’ll go to church with Mar.
95. That I spoke with Ma this am.
96. “To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.” Bill W
97. “In God's economy, nothing is wasted. Through failure, we learn a lesson in humility which is probably needed, painful though it is.” Bill W
98. "Is sobriety all that we are to expect of a spiritual awakening? No, sobriety is only a bare beginning; it is only the first gift of the first awakening. If more gifts are to be received, our awakening has to go on. As it does go on, we find that bit by bit we can discard the old life - the one that did not work - for a new life that can and does work under any conditions whatever." Bill W
99. "Honesty with ourselves & others gets us sober, but it is tolerance that keeps us that way. " Bill W
100. "Moments of perception can build into a lifetime of spiritual serenity, as I have excellent reason to know. Roots of reality, supplanting the neurotic underbrush, will hold fast despite the high winds of the forces which would destroy us, or which we would use to destroy ourselves." " Bill W
101. "The willingness to grow is the essence of all spiritual development. " Bill W
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