So. Now...

I have a new job in life.
As of my appointment with my doctor yesterday,
he does not know what would make my chances for my marriage better rather than worse.
But he feels clear that I should try this. And I wish I could remember his words, but I can't. But the gist is:

I am to not call J.
Not to get together. Not to give support. Not to ask for help. Not to say how you doing. Nothing.
I may e-mail about picking up the dog or if an important message comes here for him.
Or, of course, if someone dies or something.

Dr. thinks - gulp - 3 months would be good.
For the hope of the relationship.

Because J. already has *this. *
So maybe we'd see if he feels anything different if he starts to think: maybe she *is * growing and changing. Maybe I *could * lose her.
******Now this is not about a game. Because I *have to * continue growing and changing FOR ME.
******And, I trust my dr. who said no he is NOT saying this just as a way to *get * me to grow and change for me under the guise of it being a potential help with J. He seemed genuinely surprised when I even brought that up. Plus I don't think he would do that to me now; I'm too vulnerable.

So,
I said I can do one week until I see dr. again.

It is all I can do.

If anyone reads this, please pray for me to be able to grow as a woman. FOR ME.
And for my marriage to heal one day.

Thank you.