I am grateful:
1. That St. wrote back. Even though she’s away, she wrote.
2. And she did say she’ll have lots and lots of time when gets back.
3. And that I’m about to leave for the meeting after all.
4. That I did go to the meeting.
5. That my mother is feeling better – the leg pain she had this morning is gone.
6. That someone I liked at the meeting said a couple of times that she just loves me.
7. That I do *not * have the pit in my stomach thing so far today! I *think * it is because I truly and literally really turned it all over to God first thing. Turned myself over to God.
8. That that woman at the meeting (after checking that I was open to hearing what she had to say, and would I be insulted…) said to me that she believes: Whoever you put in the place of God, will be removed.
That was HUGE to me. Huge!
9. That we talked about mindfulness, the present, and meditation.
10. That a few people liked my shares.
11. That 5 of us went out for lunch.
12. And I ate so healthily.
13. And I am going to have protein, wh wh toast with a little vegan buttery stuff, and a pear for dinner.
14. That I have practice piano today.
15. And will some more.
16. That I made that Sample Daily Plan for summer for every day of the week.
17. That I have an idea to check the basement for possibly FREE furniture for the sunroom!
18. That I did meditate just now for today: )
19. Today’s For Today: “It’s only when I’m tired of stumbling around in the dark that I stop muttering about ‘the way tings are’ and turn on the light that will lead me to new freedom.” I needed to hear that (we read it at the meeting as well as me reading it here just now).
20. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “If we open our minds and hearts, we can begin the healing process that will bring us the peace and serenity we all deserve.”
21. Today’s In This Moment says “In This Moment, I am taking a test. …My goal now is to draw a line between being too compliant and making unnecessary trouble.”
22. Today’s Language of Letting Go: “Don’t you see? We do not have to be so victimized by life, by people, by situations, by work, by our friends, by our love relationships, by our family, by ourselves, our feelings, our thoughts, our circumstances. We are not victims. We do not have to be victims. That is the whole point!”
23. And it says: “Yes, admitting and accepting powerlessness is important. But that is a first step, an introduction to this business of recovery. Later, comes owning our power. Changing what we can. This is as important as admitting and accepting powerlessness.”
24. “And there is so much we can change.”
25. And “We can own our power, wherever we are, wherever we go, whoever we are with.”
And “We do not have to stand there with our hands tied, groveling helplessly, submitting to whatever comes along. There are things we an do. We can speak up. Solve the problem.”
26. “Use the problem to motivate ourselves to do something good for ourselves.”
27. And “We can make ourselves feel good. “
28. And “We can do what we need to do to take care of ourselves. That is the beauty, the reward, the crown of victory we are given in this process called recovery. It is what it is all about!”
29. And “If we can’t do anything about the circumstance, we can change our attitude. We can do the work within: courageously face our issues so we are not victimized. We have been given a miraculous key to life.”
30. And this: “Freedom and joy are ours for the taking, for the feeling, for the hard work we have done.”
31. And finally: “Today, I will remind myself as often as necessary that I am not a victim, and I do not need to be victimized by whatever comes my way. I will work hard to remove myself as a victim, whether that means setting and enforcing a boundary, walking away, dealing with my fellings, or giving myself what I need. God, help me let go of my need to feel victimized.”
32. That I did my CoDA PM work today too.
33. That M. called. Bless her.
34. That I’ll watch the first episode of Dr. Drew this season tonight. I don’t know why I’m grateful for that but I am. Something about dealing with issues, and knowing I’m not the only person with them.
35. That I’m watching The Unsellables and it’s about “unbrowning” a house. Good ideas!
36. That I do believe tomorrow I’ll move the table and 2 chairs outside
37. And clean the floor and put down the rug in the sunroom
38. And at least one chair and table or footrest thing
39. That reading yesterday at MA’s has made me less afraid of the book. I think I’ll go read some of it now.
40. I am grateful for this which I found online “Robert Burney, whoever that is): “We are transcendent Spiritual Beings who are part of the ONENESS that is the God-force. We always have been and always will be. We are perfect in our Spiritual Essence. We are perfectly where we are supposed to be on our Spiritual Path. And from a human perspective we will never be able to do ‘human’ perfectly – which is perfect.”
41. And this: “"In that last line from this quote - "A dysfunctional civilization which teaches us to look outside for our self worth, also teaches us to look outside for a villain." - lies the crux of the problem in so many romantic relationships. When we look to a romantic relationship to give us worth, we give another person the power to make us feel good about ourselves, to feel worthy and lovable. The person who we have given that power to, usually becomes the person to blame when we do not feel good.”
And this: “As long as we did not know we had a choice we did not have one.”
42. And this: “We were powerless to do anything any different than we did it. We were doing the best we knew how with the tools that we had. None of us had the power to write a different script for our lives.”
43. And I’m grateful that I do daily gratitudes. Because Melody Beattie says: “"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow."
44. And I like that she says: "...the plan will happen in spite of us, not because of us."
And "We decided that sooner or later you had to learn to live without almost everybody, at least for a while. Even people you didn't think you could live without."
45. And this: “love always found itself again."
46. And this one: "Furthermore, worrying about people and problems doesn't help. It doesn't solve problems, it doesn't help other people, and it doesn't help us. It is wasted energy."
47. And this – whoa! "Like it or not, i was already learning that in the worst and darkest time, I would find specks of light, moments of joy. What I didn't want to learn was the other, harsher lesson - that in life's brightest moments there would also be unbearable pain.”
48. And I think this is cool too: "A man went to Istanbul, his first visit there. On his way to a business meeting, this man lost his way. He began raging at himself for getting lost, until a realization allowed him to transcend his ire. "How can I be lost? I've never been here before?"
49. And this one seems important: "I trust so much in the power of the heart and the soul; I know that the answer to what we need to do next is in our own hearts. All we have to do is listen, then take that one step further and trust what we hear. We will be taught what we need to learn."
50. And this: "He talks about God, and loving God. he says that when we open to loving a person, whether that person is a spouse, friend, or child, we open our hearts to loving God. He says when we let someone love us, we're opening our hearts to god's love. he says the acts are the same. p 19
I decide loving isn't for the fain. Its for the courageous.
51. And "other people may be there to help us, teach us, guide us along our path, But the lesson to be learned is always ours"
52. And learning about the superfoods.
53. So I’m especially grateful for kiwi
54. And cherries (my favorites)
55. And guavas
56. And beans
57. And watercress
58. And spinach
59. And onions
60. And carrots
61. And cabbage
62. And broccoli
63. And that I now love broccoli – I didn’t like it for so long
64. And kale, which I do love
65. And dandelion, which I need to taste! Don’t know if I ever have
66. And that Lo. appreciated knowing it so I am so glad I shared it. Because I just love her.
67. That I just tried an OA online meeting. I didn’t make it in, but at least I tried.
68. That I’ve made it through this day.
69. And chances are I will make it through tomorrow.
70. Next day – that I did get up and turn myself over to God right away. Gave myself to Him. (I hope it was good enough).
71. I guess I’m grateful that I woke up. Not really, because I don’t want to be here. But in the sense that where there’s life there’s hope.
72. That Wed. my dr. comes.
73. That I love the way the flowers and the new pillow arrangement look in the l.r.
74. That I’m listening to the birds.
75. And although it feels like it’s going to be really hot out, with cross air right now, it is summer-lovely.
76. That all I have to do today is take care of myself. (And take my mother to the bank and shopping).
77. That if I stop putting it off already, this thumb thing is only going to cost me like two days. And I can read and even have visitors during those days and even watch a little tv or a movie.
78. God is there.
79. God is here.
80. God is helping me.
81. And all of us, if we just let Him in.
82. I am not alone in cyberspace.
83. I meditated yesterday.
84. And will today.
85. I have plenty of access to fresh, clean water.
86. Maybe Ph will come tonight.
87. I will call the thumb dr. today.
88. J. hasn’t totally given up yet. I ask you, God, let me know which way to go.
89. I can start *doing * Step Eight today. Ouch. But I need to.
90. I am not all alone.
91. My lungs work.
92. My heart works.
93. That OAer at lunch yesterday, Ja, said she saw the same Dr. Oz that I saw with the 12 pounds of fat. And while I was so surprised that *all * that fat was only 12 pounds, and thought, Oh my God how many of those do I have on me, *she * thought, ooh, as soon as I lose 12 pounds, I’ll have lost all of that.
94. That I will take R this Thursday to the CoDA meeting. Out of service. Even though the meeting is only 60 minutes, and I will spend 80 taking her back and forth.
95. As I think of it, it will help me get there too.
96. And get me out of the house earlier. Which is easier for me
97. Plus then maybe she’ll get herself there some time. And I’ll have another person there.
98. And besides, I just found out yesterday how old she is – almost 75!
99. I want to do this just to be nice. But I’m beginning to see why they say in OA, service is slimming.
100. I don’t feel as desolate as when I woke up.
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