My 100 Gratitudes Today

I am grateful:

1. Although I ate too much last night, I did have my nutrients yesterday. (Now I would like to stop having fake foods altogether soon. Maybe continue weaning first…)
2. I did sleep last night.
3. These extra years I’ve had/am having with my mother.
4. People in program with recovery, including my Sp, say God is looking out for me and will take care of me.
5. In today’s For Today: “It is better to begin in the evening than not at all.” English proverb
6. And it goes on to explain that a day can begin at any time. (WW used to say that too.)
7. And that, “If I promised myself I would straighten up “in the morning,” I cold go on eating in peace.” Yeah. I did that many many times.
8. Today’s In This Moment talks about reaping the promises of recovery. As does OA. And all the 12-step programs I’m sure.
9. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “One Day at a Time” Program slogan.
10. “Taking each day as it comes makes my life so much simpler than it was before OA.”
11. “It eliminates spending precious time looking back or looking ahead.”
12. “Today is all I realy have.” Ch – like Thich Nhat Hahn says too.
13. “Making each moment count is a big job. If, with my Higher Power’s help, I do it well, there will be no time for idle projextions or useless regrets.”
14. And “I try to tackle one task at a time, not sixteen like I used to. Taking this attitude gives me the freedom to tackle big or little problems, big or little jobs, big or little pleasures without getting all tangles up in ‘what-ifs’ or ‘maybes’ or ‘might-have-beens.’”
15. And it even says: “One day at a time my life – spiritual, emotional, and physical – goes smoothly, no matter what is taking place.”
16. At the end of the Blessed Mother prayer just now, I actually felt a split second of relief. At the Sweet Mother I place this cause in your hands (heal my marriage with J) part. A sweet split second of relief. Peace? Grace. Felt it. So between the moment the other night, the hour yesterday morning, and this split second, it’s like what they talk about in the big book I don’t know where but maybe more than once about something washing over the person and things changing. Thank you, God.
17. The big book (p. 75) talks of Step Five course, and says, “We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator.”
18. And it goes on to say, “We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience.”
19. And “The feeling that the drink (Ch – or food) problem has disappeared will often come strongly.”
20. And “We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.”
21. And then about Step Six. (p. 76). “We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can He now take them all – every one? If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.”
22. And then it says something which turns out to be the Seventh Step prayer. It says “When ready, we say something like this: ”My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.” And that is Step Seven.
23. So I must look at what it says on p. 75. That after doing our Step Five: “Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour, carefully reviewing what we have done. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know Him better. Taking this book down from our shelf we turn to the page which contains the twelve steps. Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. Is our work solid so far? Are the stones properly in place? Have we skimped on the cement put into the foundation? Have we tried to make mortar without sand? (Then at top of p. 76) If we can answer to our satisfaction, we then look at Step Six.” And all of Step Six is what it says in number 22 above (bolded here)! It’s pretty quick! In fact, I think I can keep doing it, but start saying the Seventh Step prayer today. Will check with Sp. Am grateful for all of this, and that I have done my 10 minutes (plus a little) of step work this morning.
24. I think that even the way J. asks me about how the day went ex. yesterday and if I had fun is partly because he’s still open. Like he wants to know that I’m okay. (And I shouldn’t maybe even mention things like underpasses and accidents and how well I did, or that makes it sort of clearly still an issue). My dr. says I do have such good intuition, and I know that in many ways I do, and it *feels * like he’s not just saying, “How are you?” like to be polite or even out of pity, or guilt but he’s almost pressing the issue – often – because he’s judging whether *I’m * healthy enough for him to consider opening up to me in life again. And I am so so so very grateful for that.
25. Coming back to these gratitudes when I was so tired and almost didn’t.
26. Talking to J after work because he called, and I had the feeling he’s open to what might happen – like maybe getting together again – wants to judge how *I * am. That’s the feeling I had.
27. We are ready for the share tomorrow.
28. I confided (but no details) in Tr.
29. And she was *so * warm.
30. And Gl helped so much too
31. And Tr stayed late and I don’t even know how to pay her back.
32. I’m gonna go to bed early, and I feel like I need that and that’s good tonight.
33. I ate peanut butter with a pear. And it was awesome.
34. I don’t isolate at lunch anymore.
35. I am not in a panic, like about the share or anything.
36. I didn’t stop at 7-11 for junk.
37. Kitchen: cabinets
38. Counters
39. Rough walls
40. Beams
41. Windows
42. Teacups
43. Stove
44. Microwave
45. Oven
46. Fridge
47. Food processor
48. Blender
49. Knives
50. Forks
51. Spoons
52. Plates
53. Bowls
54. Lunch plates
55. Littler plates
56. Littler Bowls
57. Littler lunch plates
58. Cups
59. Saucer
60. Mugs
61. Spatulas
62. Big spoons
63. Slotted spoon
64. Wooden spoons
65. Rubber scrapers
66. Pasta tongs
67. Big knives
68. Serated knives
69. Pastry brush (for spanikopita)
70. Potholders
71. Hand-goes-in potholders
72. Dishtowels
73. Salad bowls
74. Cutting boards
75. Pots
76. Pans
77. Saucepans
78. Lids
79. Teflon
80. See-through
81. Cookie sheet
82. Pizza cooker sheet
83. Baking pan
84. Oven racks
85. Drawers
86. Freezer
87. Cookbooks, many vegan cookbooks!
88. Coffee bar
89. Coffee maker
90. Coffee scooper
91. Plastic knives
92. Plastic spoons
93. plastic forks
94. 30 gallon kitchen garbage bags
95. Ziploc baggies gallon size
96. Ziploc baggies quart size
97. Plastic sandwich bags
98. Plastic bags from the supermarket
99. Outdoor garbage bags
100. Saran wrap (different brand)
101. Wax paper
102. When I was 5 and my mother used to let me put the wax paper on the tv and draw – “Fun at One was the show that did that coloring. I loved it.