I am grateful:
1. I don’t want to be around people with troubles who are desperately trying to improve their lives, be it in Buddhism or in OA. I want to be around upbeat people. And that is a change for me and I’m glad for it.
2. Now the way I’m changing, IS through these things.
3. So that sounds like a dilemma. But it’s not. I just do the work and then the rest of the day go on and be happy. Yeah, that’s it.
4. I am grateful to feel the need/want/desire/beginnings to stop taking everything so seriously.
5. “For today: I stop in the middle of an old answer, an old habit, an old way of thinking and ask myself, ‘Is this really the best way, or is there a better one?’”
6. I really didn’t like this and even closed this and put it down. Thinking it was stupid. But I was compelled to open it and write it because it *is * important and may well be very much where I am. In today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I’m new at this. CoDA? What is that? What do you mean I’m codependent? I don’t like the sound o it! Who’s controlling whom? Work the program? What does that mean? For life? God, is this your plan to change my life for the better Hi, my name is _____and I’m codependent.”
7. In today’s Voices of Recovery: “Just staying abstinent – if it’s all I can do today – is reaching for recovery.” For Today p. 167
8. And “Whenever I have a craving or feel an impulse that could lea me away from my abstinent lifestyle, I gently say no to myself, like a mother leading her toddler away from danger. This mother did not raise me. OA planted the seed of this mother in my heart. Only I can take that first step away from the food and toward my Higher Power and the tools of recovery, slogging through those moments, hours, or even days of craving and negativity. I point myself away from them, toward the tools and God’s love.”
9. I have come to love garbage take-out days! Because just walking out and down and up those stairs changes my outlook/mood!
10. I have just finished step six, this morning. And felt an awash of relief too. Wow.
11. You can always make up your mind to find fun things to do. No matter how much you’re crying inside. Sp.
12. Sp’s birthday today. After all those bad health issues too: )
13. Sp said celebrate Sp’s birthday by being happy today.
14. I am breathing and am about to get ready and go to school.
15. Cl just walked in so happy.
16. I called mo. about our lunch today. She sounded good. Every good day is a good day.
17. I did write the thing to J. about the possible walk
18. Health lesson today – during which I can input some DRAs
19. And consider about the Word Analysis business
20. H’s very cheerful picture that she colored and then painted over it in art and which was given to me yesterday to give to her.
21. Will almost certainly see K this weekend
22. I am kind of comfy in my home now.
23. I can even enjoy watching some tv. With no one judging me about it.
24. That I found my key without having to/without calling, J.
25. I took my mother to lunch!
26. We went to the bank and to lunch and I am so glad.
27. We had a really nice time.
28. And I had abstinent food.
29. And she really enjoyed hers too.
30. And she even had yummy dessert for herself. Yay.
31. And I insisted and paid bill plus tip.
32. And she really really wants to pay next time.
33. And I shall let her.
34. And it will be no later than next Friday (lunch or dinner or tea – something).
35. I’m drinking more tea lately (is this a repeat?)
36. I am glad that despite the pain this situation has caused me, it has also helped me to be with my mother more. Give more to her.
37. And – that I enjoy it so much! Thank you, God.
38. Our caterpillars, the children’s excitement, and the fact that there may actually be 4, and that growth is already noticeable in one day!
39. That my mother called the police(!) on that neglective/abusive “caretaker” of C!
40. And met them outside and went up with them and confronted that woman.
41. And that she told me about it today.
42. And that that woman finally did get fired.
43. That Ma has invited me to that open aa anniversary meeting tonight
44. And that I’ve said yes
45. And that we might to eat afterward.
46. And I will stay abstinent.
47. Or, we’ll come home and I’ll eat and stay abstinent.
48. That M. called me this afternoon.
49. That I called MA
50. And she called back
51. And she’ll see if we can go at the time that’s best for me, for the meal.
52. And that otherwise I’ll mange and go earlier
53. And maybe J, Ph and I will get to walk Mon.
54. Or, if not, at least I can have Ph here.
55. mom and kitten sleep in blissful cuteness video I just saw through msn.com
56. And that I copied it to send to J and MA and D and others ???
57. That the Friends of Bill W thread talked about how to spend the me time during this weekend
58. That I shared too
59. And said I’d welcome input
60. One more hour til I get to go.
61. I just ate raw kale salad
62. And peanut butter. So now I’ve had the veggies and the protein (and fat)
63. From today’s Daily OM: In order to protect ourselves from taking on any negative energy from other people or situations; we can learn to shield.
64. And: There are a number of ways to avoid being affected by people’s energy. Shielding is one preventative technique you can use. Center yourself and envision being enveloped in a cocoon of loving and protective light. This protective layer should allow you to consciously regulate the energy around you. The intent to shield oneself is all you need for this technique to work.
65. And: You can even create a trigger word to assist you in quickly creating a shield. Say this word each time you create a new shield, until the word and the shield become automatically associated in your mind.
66. And: If you run into a person whose energy you find draining, you may want to cleanse your own energy field after your encounter. Sage, cold showers, singing, mineral water baths, spending time in nature, and a simple break to recharge are all ways to accomplish this.
67. And from another Daily OM: Being present lets us experience each moment in our lives in a way that cannot be fully lived through memory or fantasy.
68. And this: It can be easy for us to walk through the world and our lives without really being present. While dwelling on the past and living for the future are common pastimes, it is physically impossible to live anywhere but the present moment.
69. And: We cannot step out our front door and take a left turn to May of last year, any more than we can take a right turn to December 2013.
70. And: Nevertheless, we can easily miss the future we are waiting for as it becomes the now we are too busy to pay attention to. We then spend the rest of our time playing “catch up” to the moment that we just let pass by. During moments like these,
71. And this!: it is important to remember that there is only Now.
72. And this: In order to feel more at home in the present moment, it is important to try to stay aware, open, and receptive. Being in the present moment requires our full attention so that we are fully awake to experience it. When we are fully present, our minds do not wander. We are focused on what is going on right now, rather than thinking about what just happened or worrying about what is going to happen next. Being present lets us experience each moment in our lives in a way that cannot be fully lived through memory or fantasy.
73. And this: When we begin to corral our attention into the present moment, it can be almost overwhelming to be here. There is a state of stillness that has to happen that can take some getting used to, and the mind chatter that so often gets us into our heads and out of the present moment doesn’t have as much to do. We may feel a lack of control because we aren’t busy planning our next move, assessing our current situation, or anticipating the future. Instead, being present requires that we be flexible, creative, attentive, and spontaneous.
74. And this, which is beautiful: Each present moment is completely new, and nothing like it has happened or will ever happen again. As you move through your day, remember to stay present in each moment. In doing so, you will live your life without having to wait for the future or yearn for the past. Life happens to us when we happen to life in the Now.
75. I think I’m grateful that I did go to that meeting. It was *so * hard because of all the memories. But it was better than sitting here alone and afraid and lonely and depressed – and wondering that I should have gone. That even brings back some major memories from youth. I can’t quite place them but something about not going and then wishing I had. With my parents, maybe. Definitely more than once.
76. There was a lot of recovery in that room.
77. And hope for me.
78. And laughter.
79. And I’m really glad about how I ate yesterday. Scooped multi-grain bagel for breakfast. Coffee, 1. A medium DD tea. Lunch was lettuce and tomato on rye with mustard and 6 grape leaves. And then because dinner was going to be like 9:30, I had raw kale salad and a huge forkful of peanut butter. And for dinner, at the diner, I had the “vegetarian wrap” only without the flour tortilla. Instead I had two little breadsticks and one (scooped) little wh wh I think roll. And the veg platter was 2 like slabs of grilled eggplant and a large roasted pepper (the red thing) and avocado and tomatoes and lettuce (I didn’t eat the lettuce) and hummus – a little bit – maybe 2 T or less, but the best humus I ever had. And beautiful wonderful fruit. Pineapple and honeydew etc. and all sweet. I couldn’t even eat everything.I should have had more water yesterday but I’m glad I didn’t overeat. That’s two days of new abstinence now.
80. And I’m glad for Ja that she has 9 years sobriety in aa
81. And a good amount of time (I don’t remember exactly) in oa.
82. I did sleep. I don’t like the dreams but I did sleep.
83. And there were no terrorist attacks that I know of yesterday.
84. And I awoke to the birds today.
85. And maybe I *will * get to go with J and Ph for a walk on Mon
86. And MA said she was more interested in rounding me up than ML. I don’t mean this against ML, but glad she wanted me. (Although it might just be because she felt I would carry more of the conversation).
87. Those thoughts of the day Fr gives.
88. That a couple more people were on the med. thing yesterday.
89. That I *do * get to call my sp. today (unlike tomorrow because Sp doesn’t do Sundays).
90. That that guy from the Sun meeting doesn’t seem to be stalking me after all.
91. That Ja didn’t say a word to the really rude guy last night. Just got up and removed herself for a few minutes to cool off. That was good for her and I’m glad.
92. And that was a good example for me and I’m glad.
93. I’m grateful for every time I’m *not * trying to show someone up.
94. And that I’m working Step Seven. Step Seven for what it is (and every step before it). And Step Seven wow I’m there : )
95. My toenails. I don’t know why. I just love them. It’s like, their growth and strength tells me I’m alive and wick and strong. And growing even. They are like a symbol of my life to me.
96. A new day means hope.
97. They say, ‘Where there’s life there’s hope.”
98. I can look at that dignity of choice pamphlet today if I want.
99. I can even make fresh hummus today if I want. And I might. Or soon.
100. And I will call H. about the gym within days.
101. And I will start exercising regularly.
102. My blog is back up! The login is working now! They’ve fixed it! Yay!
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